Knocking at Her Heart (Conover Circle #1) (22 page)

Maddie didn't pause. “I figured
as much. After all, I pretty much let you have free rein with the books. I'm
not concerned about myself. Something tells me I'll get my money back. Let's
concentrate on the rest of the fools you swindled.”

“Oh, Maddie. You're the best. I
hope that guy of yours knows that.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he does,” she
agreed patiently. “Now, let's get to work. Who have you stolen from and how
much?”

Maddie and Jeff worked late into
the night. Maddie, who had never proposed to understand the most basic of
accounting transactions, developed a keen understanding of debits and credits
by the time Jeff got through showing her his elaborate swindling scheme. All
told, it appeared that Jeff owed his clients about sixty thousand dollars.

When Jeff felt like giving up,
Maddie bullied him into continuing. They drew up a re-payment plan. First of
all, they figured out what Jeff could return or hock in order to get his money
back. By two in the morning, they were satisfied that they had a reasonable
plan, assuming that Jeff's boss would be somewhat understanding about the
situation. Maddie was exhausted and fell asleep on Jeff’s sofa. At six, she
shook off the early morning chill, left a note that she'd be happy to join him
when he talked to his boss, and returned to her house. Carol already sat at the
table, a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Good Lord, you look like hell.
Sam needs to bring you home earlier.”

“I wasn’t with Sam. I was helping
an old friend.” Jeff needed the opportunity to talk to his boss first before
anybody else knew.

“What’s Sam going to think about
that?”

Maddie sighed and ran her fingers
through her tangled hair. “If I’m lucky, he’ll never know. Look, I’m going to
grab a quick shower. I’ll be down in fifteen.”

When she came back to the
kitchen, Sam sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee with Carol. When Carol
saw Maddie, she got up. “I’ve got art projects to organize,” she said. When she
walked past Maddie, she whispered, “He’s wound tight. I think your luck just
ran out.”

Maddie stomach jumped. She forced
herself to walk over and pour a cup of coffee. “Need a refill?” she asked,
holding up the pot.

He shook his head. “You look
tired,” he said. “Late night?”

She didn’t miss the underlying
current of hostility behind his words.

“Kind of,” she said. 

Sam stood up and started to pace around
the kitchen. 

“Sam, are you all right? You
don’t look so good yourself.”

“What were you doing last night,
Maddie?”

His question lingered in the air
as Maddie debated whether she could tell him and not risk letting him know more
than Jeff would want.

“I was helping an old
friend." She chewed on the inside of her lip, hoping that he wouldn't ask
any more questions.

“Who’s your friend, Maddie?” His
voice was hard.

“Jeff.”

“Well, at least you're not a
liar, too.”

Maddie almost dropped her coffee
cup. The steamy liquid splashed on her hands, jolting her. “What did you just
say?”

“You heard me.”

“Sam, I don’t understand what’s
going on here.”

“Guess what I did last night?” he
asked.

“I have no idea.”

“I drove around.”

“Why?”

“Tom Holt had car trouble on the
edge of town and needed a ride. Imagine my surprise when I see your car. At
first, I thought I must be wrong. But I know your license plate.”

“It’s not what you think, Sam.”

“That’s what Tom tried to tell
me. He said there could be all kinds of reasons your car was there.”

“There was a reason, Sam. I…just
can’t tell you.”

He laughed bitterly. “Sweetheart,
you don’t need to. I must be some kind of sick idiot because I went back later.
At one and again at four. Your car hadn’t been moved. You spent the night
there.” Sam continued his pacing, not looking at her.

“I know it seems odd, Sam.” She
said his name sharply, needing to get his attention. 
           

“Odd? No, not that odd. I think
things like this happen all the time. Especially to me. I wish you would have
told me the truth. Instead of some line about helping an old friend, you could
have told me that you intended to spend the night with your old boyfriend.”

Maddie gasped. “I did not spend
the night. Not like you think.”

Sam still wouldn’t look at her.
He stared at the floor. “Once again,” he said, “I'm the fool.” His words came
out choppy as if it were an effort to say each one. “He didn’t get a ring on
your finger, but it sure looks like he got something else. Maybe I should go
over and congratulate him.” 

“You're not serious," she
returned quickly. “You're not going over to see him.” That would be a disaster.
There was no telling what Jeff would do if he so much as thought that Sam knew
about his troubles.

“Don't look so worried. I'm not going
to go punch him out. It's not worth it. You're not worth it.” Sam walked to the
door, shoving a chair hard enough that it skidded on two legs until it hit the
edge of the table and fell over. The noise echoed through the silent
kitchen. 

“I think you'd better go.” The
tears would come any minute and she didn’t intend to give him the pleasure of
seeing it.

Sam paused for a long moment
before he shrugged slightly, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. “I
guess you're right,” he said softly. He approached her and for one brief moment
Maddie thought that he might reach out and touch her. Instead he picked up the
chair, gently slid it into its place at the table, and left without another
word.

Maddie quickly checked to make
sure that Carol had everything under control and retreated to her room upstairs
before the dam burst. The tears flowed. She didn't even try to stop them.
Well,
at least you're not a liar, too.
His words jumped back at her as she caught
her reflection in the dresser mirror.

She sat on the bed, rocking
herself back and forth, shaking. She replayed the conversation in her head.
Bits and pieces jumbled against one another, making it difficult for her to
remember. He’d said something about being a fool. No that wasn’t quite right. He
said he was a fool, again. What had he meant?  He'd been so angry and
she'd been so surprised. And so tired. Perhaps if she'd had more sleep, she
could have reasoned with him. She could have convinced him that he was wrong.

Feeling absolutely drained, Maddie
pushed herself to get up and wash her face. Her arms felt as if they weighed
thirty pounds when she reapplied a light dusting of makeup. She rummaged
through her medicine cabinet and found some eye drops. 

She returned to the work area and
for the next nine hours, was the perfect example of an organized and dedicated
childcare provider. She read books and helped the younger children make dragons
out of construction paper. When the older kids returned from school, she
assisted with some math problems and then refereed their makeshift soccer game.
She avoided Carol, pausing only to share instructions or provide answers to
questions.

At times during the day she would
pause to congratulate herself. No one knows, she told herself, no one knows
your heart is breaking. And that's just the way you want it. It was like being
a small child again. Being scared and sad but no one else knowing it. Being
alone. 

*

When Sam got home from work,
Kelsie was watching television and eating a box of raisins. “Hi, Uncle Sam,”
she said. “Mommy’s in the shower and I’m not supposed to move from the couch.”

He rubbed her head on this way to
the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and looked around. The white
counter gleamed, the floor shined. He almost smiled when he saw the wallpaper
that Jean had put up on her day off. She’d always loved rainbows.

He was reaching for his second
beer when Jean came in, her wet hair hanging down her back. She glanced at the
empty bottle on the table and the fresh one in Sam’s hand. “Tough day?”

“Yeah.”

She took another step closer and
stopped. “Are you sick?” she asked.

“No.”

“Allergies?” 

He shook his head.

“Oh no, you’ve been crying.” She
grabbed the edge of the counter. “It’s Amy, isn’t it? She lost the baby. This
is horrible.”

Sam wrapped his arms around his
sister. “Amy’s fine as far as I know.”

He could feel her muscles relax.
“Then why do you look like you just lost your best friend?” She spoke into his
shirt, her head against his chest.

He pulled back a couple inches.
He didn’t know why he’d thought he could hide it from his sister. “Because I
did.”

She frowned at him. “Maddie?”

He nodded. He couldn’t bring
himself to say her name.

“Sit down.” She nudged him to a
chair. She shut the door between the kitchen and the family room. She took a
chair opposite of him. “What happened?” she asked.

“I did something stupid.”

She gave him a little smile.
“You’ve been doing stupid things since you were a baby. That’s what brothers
do.”

“I fell in love with Maddie
Sinclair.”

“That doesn’t seem so stupid,”
Jean said. “From the first time I met her, I knew I liked her. She’s funny and
smart and pretty. What’s not to like?”

“She cheated on me with her old
boyfriend.”

“Oh no, Sam.” His sister let out
a big breath. “She didn’t.”

“I saw her car at his house. It
was there all night.”

“Did you ask her about it?”

“Yeah.” He paused. “Well sort
of.”

“She’s not Gwen, Sam.” 

“I know what I saw.”

“Sam, you have got to go to her
house and talk to her. Give her a chance to explain.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“What’s ever easy? Was medical
school easy? Was working a full time job and going to school at the same time
easy? Was raising a child on my own easy for me? Was it easy for Amy to wait
and wait for a baby?”

Sam shook his head. “No.”

“Nothing worth having is easy.”
Jean got up, stood at the kitchen counter, and looked out the window. She
didn’t say anything for a long time. When she sat back down, she had a
determined look on her face.

“I’m not quite sure how to say
this,” she said, “so if I screw up and make you really mad, I’m sorry. I
probably should have said it years ago.”

“What?”

“When Gwen cheated on you, she
did a horrible thing. That’s not what marriage is about. But what Amy and I
both found odd, is how calm you were about it. You forgave her. Even though you
knew her affair had gone on for months. And then later, when it happened again,
you just walked away.”

“What the heck should I have
done? Torn her out of the damn bed? Out of her lover’s arms?” He pushed his
chair back from the table and stood up.

“Sit down, Sam. I’m not
finished.”

He didn’t want to sit. He wanted
to race in the wind, to shed the past, to let it go. But he knew his sister and
he knew she wasn’t done. He sat.

“I think you should have been
angry. But you accepted it, like you deserved to be treated that way.”

“That’s crazy.”

“What I think,” Jean continued,
“is that you’re a successful doctor on the outside and you’re a poor, little
kid on the inside. You know why people call it the chains of poverty. Because
being poor holds you back. In your case, you’ve got little invisible wires,
just as strong as any chain, keeping you from thinking that you’re as good as
everybody else. You wait for people to disappoint you because you think it’s
what you deserve.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not. I had those same
chains. Don’t forget that I grew up right alongside of you. I stayed in the
same small dirty apartments and wore clothes that had been picked up from the
Salvation Army. I know what I’m talking about. When Kelsie’s father left, I
accepted it. You know why? Because I’d been trash and I’d always be trash.”

“No. You are a great mom. You
take care of Kelsie. You have a good job. You live in a nice house.”

“Listen to yourself, Sam,” Jean
spoke quietly. “You’re busy telling me that I’m different. I’m not the poor
little girl anymore. I grew up. Well, you know what? So did you.”

Sam shook his head. “It’s too
late. If I was wrong, she’ll never forgive me for the things I said. If I was
right, I drove her right back into Jeff Hogan’s arms.”

“Jeff Hogan? He’s her old
boyfriend?”

“You know him?”

“No. But Brad does. Hogan does
the books for his dad’s construction company. His dad just found out that
Hogan’s been keeping two sets of books for several of his clients.”

“He’s stealing from his clients?”