KNOT: A Wake Family Novel (16 page)

I swallowed.

Disadvantage gripped me, I wasn’t used to this. I didn’t know how to react. My love life might be strange, but I liked the predictability. The stability.

This was unstable, unexpected, and unpredictable.

But undeniably, I was attracted.

“I am attracted to you,” I admitted. I wasn’t going to let him feel like he’d won though. “
Happy
?”

He ran his nose along my jaw and groaned. I trembled.

“We’re in my place now, and if you want to leave, then go. But I won’t be anything other than myself here. I know you’ve said you’re not interested, but you are. So I’ll try to keep my hands to myself, but I don’t fucking like it.”

That statement made me curious, but at the same time, I needed some space. His eyes on me like that was too intense. His body pressed against mine was about to wreck my resolve. We wanted two very different things.

“Okay,” I agreed. “Please, put me down.”

Then he did, no argument.

He’s not going to kiss me?

I was a sexual creature. No wilting flower. I felt the chemistry and yearning when he held his body next to mine. Hell, I felt more than guessed what he had in his pants as he pressed into me against the wall. Now I knew what I’d
thought
I saw had actually been tastefully hidden.

But he stopped and put me down. The second I told him to.

As much as he tried to come off as someone who was in charge, he never took more than I was willing to give, and when I said to, he’d take a step back.

Still, I warred with myself. I’d felt it. The edge of a tipping point where things were either going to escalate, or not.

If he didn’t want to kiss me then why make me admit that I was even attracted?

This man was a puzzle.

Again on my good foot, and dragging the lame one behind, I followed as he walked away. He rounded the island, and I decided space might not be so bad, and chose a stool at his bar on the opposite side.

I needed to say something. Anything. If I wasn’t going to argue with him about what had happened, I needed to break the ice.

“I like your apartment. Simple. Clean. I like this style.” I was impressed. Everything was tasteful. Everything looked well thought out and decorated to perfection.

No clutter. No mess.

He leaned against the counter top, having retrieved two glasses and a corkscrew.

Glasses to the left of the range.

Corkscrew the drawer right below.

Then I noticed his jacket was still draped over his arm. How had it remained there through all of that? I guessed most things obeyed him.

He wouldn’t like me, but something told me he already knew I wasn’t what he wanted. We both knew the facts. There was no mistaking we were both stubborn and firm in what we wanted or didn’t want for that matter.

He passed a glass over to me.

It was time to ask him some questions. I found my nerve, sat up straight and went all in.

“So what’s your deal? Why are you such a control freak?”

Reggie—Friday, June 27, 2008

A
t the moment, my deal was that she wasn’t cracking. Not even a little. She was as stubborn as a mule, but so was I, so I couldn’t fault her for it. After she spoke, she took a long drink that emptied her first glass.

“You’re going to be busy if you only fill it half-full,” she said as she slid it back my way.

I topped it off and took my time trying to decide what a fair and honest answer to her question was.

I asked her a lot of things. No one ever said she couldn’t do the same.

I was happy to give her the truth because that’s what I’d expect from her.

Trust
.

It was all about trust. So even though she adamantly said she didn’t want me, I’d continue showing her she could trust me.

“I like to control things because I like things in order. It gives me peace. So, most of the time, I try to take the lead on things when I want them to go my way. That’s how I am in business, and that’s how I am with people. If I want to know something, I ask. If I want to see them more, I work on that. I don’t ask permission for the things I want. I earn them.”

She reached up and drew her glass back to her side of the bar, and propped her foot on the stool next to her. I noticed she made sure her feet were clean first.

I was weird. I noticed that stuff.

I went to the freezer and pulled out an ice pack. I’d been going to the gym more, and it had turned out to be very handy to keep a few around.

I smashed it around to soften it up for her and opened the drawer to wrap it in something that would be kinder to her skin than the cold blue plastic.

“And…” she prompted me to continue when I handed her the ice pack.

There wasn’t much more to it than what I’d said. “And I
like
having control. I like having a handle on things.”

She bit at her cheek, then asked. “And you think you could get a handle on me?” She was mocking, but her tone was polite. So again I answered scrupulously.

“I don’t know.
Yet
.”

She approved of my answer, and it made her grin. “
You don’t know
? That’s interesting.” She leaned back more and relaxed against the cushion on the back of the stool. “So you’re attracted to me,” she said, looking skeptical. However, there was nothing skeptical about my dick when it was pressed into her hip. We both knew that. Her point was moot. “But you’re not sure yet if you like me because I don’t fall in line. Because I’m not falling at your feet.”

I hated and enjoyed the way she pushed me. When I finished my drink, I answered, “You’re not falling at my feet because I carried you here, and I never said I was attracted to you.”

I leaned over the counter onto my forearms.

It had been quite a workout moving all of those boxes, and it was Friday. I was worn out, too.

I could see it in her eye, she was about to argue. So I added, “Although I am.”

She smiled ever so slightly, and then it was gone before she asked, “Then why didn’t you kiss me?” She was being so candid, and, for the first time, she was asking
me
questions. Opening up the lines of communication. It was an improvement.

I took another drink because I still wasn’t sure about what had happened.

Did she want me to?

“That’s one of the things that’s bothering me, actually,” I admitted.

This had her attention and she sat quietly waiting. When she wasn’t being defensive or on point, she was so much prettier. I watched her over the rim of my glass and took my time.

Finally, she asked, “What? You probably only kiss women who are monogamous.”

“That and…” I stopped. I still didn’t fully understand all of it yet myself. “And I wanted you to kiss me.”

For the first time in my life, I wanted Nora to come to me in a way I’d never wanted from a woman before. It was a very different kind of want with her. Typically, I craved the anticipation in a woman’s eyes as she waited for me. For my mouth. My hands. Or otherwise.

We sat there in the silence of my apartment. No music. No television. No sound. Only the clink of the crystal against the counter after we took turns drinking.

“Well, I don’t want to lead you on, and I’m certain we want different things.”

That was a loaded statement, but it sounded more like an excuse.

She didn’t want to lead me on?

Did that mean she wanted to kiss me, too?

Or did it mean that she really wasn’t interested in me, and she was only saying she was attracted to me because I’d surprised her and she wasn’t sure what to say?

I hated confusion.

I resorted back to what I knew.
Collect information.

I stood and leaned my hip into the island. “Did I frighten you when I picked you up?”

She held my gaze. “No. I liked it.”

Fuck. She’s sexy when she’s sweet.

There was one thing I couldn’t get past. I couldn’t tolerate not knowing if I would be enough for her. “Will you ever be satisfied with one man?”

Her face fell, and she replied, “I don’t think so. Will you ever be satisfied with sharing your lover?”

God, no.

My stomach constricted from the thought. I didn’t want anyone else to fucking touch her.

Ten
.

We were at a mutual end pass.

I’d never be able to handle the thought of her with anyone but me, if we were together.

And pursuing her in that way, it seemed, I was only setting myself up for failure—something I
never
did—if I ever even got the chance to be with her.

I ran my hands over my face.

She’d said she wouldn’t be satisfied with only one person. I wouldn’t want someone I couldn’t please completely.

My jaw ticked, but I answered, “No.”

I probably saw what I wanted, but she looked just as crestfallen as I felt. “So what then?” she asked. Even though I knew I wasn’t going to get what I wanted, I surprisingly felt like the best move was to settle.

Settle for what? I didn’t know.

There was more to her though. More layers to investigate.

I wasn’t ready for it to end.

I wasn’t ready to write her off.

Nora was interesting and quite refreshing. She grated on my damn nerves, but despite the panic, I liked the feeling that came with being outside of my tidy box. She was sure about herself, and I respected that. She’d never actually teased me like she’d mentioned and was honest as far as I knew. I wasn’t ready to be finished getting to know her.

“Friends?” I offered.

She smiled, it wasn’t that perfect small one I liked the most, but it was half there.

“Do you think you can handle that?” She still challenged me, even though I’d all but agreed to step back.

She never quit, but neither did I.

“What? Being friends? I think so,” I said confidently, maybe a little more than I actually felt.

As she looked up to the ceiling of my condo, I fought down the urge to climb across the granite and change her mind. Fix it. Get what I wanted. Show her what she was turning down. It was a cocky thing to think, but my instincts were rarely wrong.

I
could
please her.

There was something about her that made me want to touch her all of the time. I wanted to take care of her. Probably because she didn’t need it, and that was the bigger challenge.

I wanted to help her. To serve her.

If she wanted to be friends, I’d succeed. That I was sure of.

“So no more asking me out then?” I couldn’t tell how she felt about that question, one way or the other. Her voice was level and measured.

I stalled and filled her not-quite-empty glass to the top.

I wanted to see her, but I wanted it to be on her terms. I wouldn’t chase her; it would be much more fucking rewarding if she came to me.

“Not unless anything changes.”

That was totally fair. If she changed her mind, I could change mine, too. A loophole. I was proficient in loopholes.

“Like what?” She tilted her head, and her hair fell off her shoulder, her face looked a little wicked, and I wished in that moment I could read her thoughts.

What do you want me to change? I’ll change it.

I’d change anything. Well… almost.

“If you decided you’d want to try something closer to monogamous, I’d be interested in knowing first.” I crooked an eyebrow at her.

She mirrored my expression, then I saw the smile I liked best. I fucking wanted to lick that tiny space between her lips. In a friendly way. I’m a man of my word—but my thoughts were no holds barred, as it were.

“That
would
be a change. A big one,” she said animatedly.

“Well, anything can happen.”

“Sure. And if you decide you’d be interested in an open type of arrangement, you’ll let me know.”

She’d thrown down her terms. Even if it didn’t seem like it, it was major progress. Now I knew, without uncertainty, what it would take. She’d said it herself. Then, her overcast grey eyes flared like she’d misspoken, but I saw it.

“You’ll be the very first to know, Nora.”

“So friends?”

“
Best
friends,” I countered, half teasing. On the level though, I don’t do anything by halves. I was all the way serious.