Knowing Me Knowing You (41 page)

It was almost 11.00pm when Kate got back home. She entered the living room to see Joel asleep on the sofa.
She looked at him, so handsome, so genuine, so honest, such fun. He said he was falling in love with her. She was still looking at him when his eyes flicked open and he immediately sat up as if sensing her scrutiny.

‘
Hey,
’
he greeted, rubbing his eyes.

‘
You were asleep,
’
Kate remarked.

‘
Yeah, I do manage an hour or tw
o here and there.
Bethan’s
fine.
S
he woke just after you left but I tucked her in and found her dummy and she went straight back to sleep,
’
Joel replied.

‘
Good, thanks for doing that,
’
Kate answered.

‘
How’s Matthew?
’

‘
He’s OK, he hadn’t taken anything. He’s in the hospital though because he drank almost a whole bottle of scotch. Stomach’s been pumped as a precaution,
’
Kate responded.

‘
Well, at least he’s OK. I saved you some takeaway; it’s in the microwave, ready to go,
’
Joel spoke, standing up and putting on his jacket.

‘
You’re going?
’

‘
Yeah, I’ve got an early start in the morning
-
sixteen stone Geoffrey again.
’

‘
But you don’t sleep.
’

‘
I need to try though, otherwise my body would completely get out of the whole sleeping routine and I may never sleep again,
’
Joel replied.

‘
Oh OK.
W
ell, thanks for looking after
Bethan
and I’m sorry about dinner,
’
Kate apologised.

‘
That’s OK. Look, I’m quite busy for the rest of this week; shall we meet up next week for a practice before the final? Hermione said she was going to bake a three tier cake for us to decorate didn’t she?
’
Joel asked.

‘
Yes, but we’ll need more
fittings for the outfits and...
’
Kate began.

‘
I’ll give you a call,
’
Joel spoke as he headed down the hallway towards the door.

‘
Joel, wait,
’
Kate called.

He turned back around and looked at her, waiting for her to speak.

Kate swallowed a lump in her throat but couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

‘
Bye,
’
Joel said finally and he left, closing the door quietly behind him.

‘
Morning,
’
Hermione greeted as she let Kate and
Bethan
into the house the next day.

‘
Morning.
I can’t stop today; I have a tonne of paperwork to get through and two clients. Bye, bye
Bethan
, I’ll see you later,
’
Kate spoke, kissing her daughter on the cheek and ushering her into Hermione’s home.

‘
Ah, I see.
W
e have a disagreement on the phone and suddenly you can’t stop,
’
Hermione remarked.

‘
No, of course not, I’m just busy that’s all,
’
Kate answered with a blush not admitting to feeling awkward.

‘
Well I saw you parking up and I’ve made tea and I’ll be cross if you waste it,
’
Hermione spoke.

Kate let out a sigh and walked reluctantly into the house.

‘
Bethan
, why don’t you go and find Cyrus
.
H
e’s building a tent in the garden,
’
Hermione said, opening up the back door and letting the little girl go through.

Kate sat down at the kitchen table, her arms crossed defensively.

‘
I can’t believe you went to Matthew last night? What were you thinking of?
’
Hermione blasted, putting a mug of tea in front of Kate.

‘
I wasn’t thinking of anything
.
Helen phoned and asked me to go, she was going out of her mind with worry and he was asking for me. I had to go.
’

‘
No you didn’t, you wanted to. You needed to feel needed by him.
’

‘
That is so untrue
Mione
.
’

‘
Is it?
’

‘
Yes.
’

‘
I don’t believe you.
’

Kate didn’t respond but took a sip of the scalding hot tea and had to spit it back in.

‘
That man is a snake.
All those things he said to you.
A
ll the nasty, vindictive
things he did when you split up.
T
he way he left, the new girlfriend, the total neglect of his daughter
-
do you need me to carry on?
’

‘
I’m not stupid,
’
Kate answered.

‘
No, I know that
.
W
hich is why I can’t understand what you’re doing wasting another second on this man.
’

‘
He’s
Bethan’s
father.
’

‘
Which mean
s he should be there for
Bethan
.
I
t doesn’t mean you have to have a lifelong devotion to him no matter how badly he treats you.
’

‘
Everything is
compli
...
’

‘
I swear
,
if you say the word
“
complicated
”
to me once more I will slap you.
’

‘
Everything’s confusing.
I feel so much for Joel but I don’t know whether I love him and I’m scared of leading him on. I mean he’s so attractive and so kind and we have fun
,
but we’ve kind of been forced together through this show
.
I don’t know whether anything would have ever happened between us if we had met under normal circumstances.
’

‘
Of course nothing would have happened under normal circumstances because you wouldn’t have let it. You were never going to date again, because you couldn’t let Matthew go. I thought that finally, when you had let Joel in, it would be Matthew’s last, long overdue farewell,
’
Hermione spoke.

‘
I can’t make myself hate him, no matter how hard I try. And worse than that, when he tells me he wants to try again my heart flips over
.
I don’t believe what he says necessarily, but I want to,
’
Kate replied.

‘
Oh Kate, I don’t believe I’m hearing this.
’

‘
I can’t help the way I feel
.
I was so in love
with him, I married him forever.
H
e
left, not
me
-
my feelings didn’t stop the day he walked out of the door.
’

‘
So what if he means what he says? What if he does want to try again?
’

‘
I don’t know. I don’t know if I co
uld trust him again.
I don’t really know whether I want to.
’

‘
And what about Joel?
’

‘
He told me he’s busy for the rest of the week, wants to meet up again for cake decorating
.
S
o I guess I’ve burnt my bridges there too.
’

‘
Oh Kate,
’
Hermione spoke with a sigh.

‘
It’s no more than I deserve,
’
Kate responded.

‘
I think you need to be honest with yourself
.
W
hat do you really want? No matter what I think, or whatever anyone else thinks, what do you want?
’

‘
I have absolutely no idea,
’
Kate replied.

‘
Colin’s been in already; I told him you were at a client’s,
’
Lynn
spoke as Kate sat down at her desk.

‘
Thanks
Lynn
,
’
Kate replied, switching on her computer and putting down her handbag.

‘
So?
’
Lynn
questioned.

‘
So what?
’

‘
Dur
!
So have you decided yet?
’

‘
About what?
’
Kate asked.

‘
About the solicitor’s exam?
That’s what Colin wants to know
.
T
hat’s why he’s stalking round here looking for you,
’
Lynn spoke.

‘
I haven’t decided yet,
’
Kate answered, tapping at her keyboard and trying to bring her programs to life.

‘
But it’s a no-brainer isn’t it?
Company car, bigger pay packet, boozy tri
ps to Colin’s villa in La
Manga
.
Y
ou could take
me,
we could sip cocktails on the veranda underneath a perfect sunset, a flamenco guitar playi
ng softly in the background...
’

‘
Shut up
Lynn
! I said I hadn’t decided yet
-
it means I haven’t decided. I can’t think
,
I don’t get time to think any
more
.
Y
ou’re
getting on at me,
Hermione’s
getting on at me, Miranda’
s out to destroy me and Joel -
Joel’s going to give up on me,
’
Kate shrieked much to the
surprise of her colleagues who raised their heads briefly and then thought better of it.

‘
Whoa. OK, do you want to tell me what’s happened? Because now I’m thinking this isn’t just indecision over an exam,
’
Lynn
said, wheeling a spare chair over to Kate’s desk and sitting down.

Kate wiped at her tear-filled eyes and let out another sigh.

‘
I’m drowning
Lynn
; I’m drowning in every
sodding
area of my life.
’

‘
OK, so treat me as a life raft
.
L
et me try and help.
’

‘
You can’t help, no one can,
that’s
the problem. I need to make all these decisions and I can’t do it.
’

‘
Well, it would help if I knew the whole picture; I mean what’s the deal with Joel? Why would you think he’s giving up on you? Did you pick him a really dodgy wedding suit? Because if you did I can he
lp you rectify that.
Darren’s cousin Ray has a market stall, knows all the suppliers, he could get you some material dead cheap. As long as you don’t mind not asking any questions,
’
Lynn
said.

‘
It’s nothing Joel’s done, he’s amazing
.
I
t’s me, I can’t get my act together,
’
Kate told her.

‘
I’ll make a cup of tea and I’ll get a couple of cak
es, there’s some in the kitchen.
A
pparently Kay on the third floor has passed her driving theory test,
’
Lynn spoke, standing up and heading towards the kitchen.