Kristina Douglas - The Fallen 1 - Raziel (21 page)

I climbed out one of the windows and went out onto the parapet. The damp sea air caught my hair and tossed it back, and I breathed in deeply. Suddenly looking at the ocean wasn’t enough—I needed to be down there, walking barefoot in the grass, wading in the gentle surf. I was tired of being a pariah.

The apartment’s front door opened easily, to my relief. I passed people on the stairs this time, but the hostility I’d felt from them seemed to have disappeared. No one glared at me—they even managed a friendly smile here and there—but clearly I was the least of their worries. Something was going on, and my self-centered mopiness faded as a real sense of anxiety began to intrude.

I made it al the way down the endless flights of stairs, though I knew that was the easy part. I half-expected one of the angelic gatekeepers to stop me as I went toward the door, but no one seemed to have any time for me, an absolute blessing.

I stepped outside onto the thick green grass and quickly kicked off the sandals I’d found. The wind was blowing in from the sea, and I let the damp air sweep over me, closing my eyes in pleasure. My skin would taste of salt, I thought. His skin would taste of salt. And that familiar/unfamiliar heat surged between my legs. Where he had been.

I walked over the grass, then the layer of smal stones, then onto the sand, leaving wet footprints as I moved toward the retreating waves. It was odd that I’d never learned to swim, when I loved water so much. I think I’d always been slightly afraid of it, certain that I’d drowned once in a past life. How strange to think that in truth it had been in an afterlife, while trying to save a fal en angel.

I looked around me. The grounds spread off to the right, and for a moment I stared. It almost looked as if there were a shimmer at the distant edge, like a heat mirage, but the weather was temperate and there was no bright sun. I started toward it, walking in the sand, half-expecting it to move. Would I be able to touch it? Put my hand through it? Could I walk through it, to the other side and the real world that Raziel insisted no longer existed for me?

I would be a fool not to try.

I thought it might coalesce as I got closer, but it didn’t. I was close enough to feel it, and I stopped short, staring at it. It was some kind of
Star
Trefe-ian energy field. It pulsed, almost as if it were alive, and I reached out my hand to touch it—

“Move away from the wal , Al ie,” Sarah said, her tone sharp, and I jumped back, startled.

“Is that what it is?” I said disingenuously. What else could it possibly be? But for some reason I didn’t want Sarah to know I was thinking about running away.

“That’s what it is,” she said, her usual y warm blue eyes flat. “What were you doing?”

I shrugged. “I was curious.”

She surveyed me for a long moment. “You’re lying,” she said eventual y. “And I don’t know why. Raziel told us he lay with you, that he used the Grace of Knowing and even tasted your blood, and that there was no darkness within you, so it must be true.”

“He told you?” I said in a strangled voice. “Al of you?”

“Al of us. Otherwise you’d be back where he was told to leave you. Most of the Council wanted you gone anyway—only Raziel and I fought for you.”

“Raziel fought for me? Why?”

A smal smile curved Sarah’s mouth. “You’l have to ask him. I know you have a reason to be here in Sheol, but I see things others don’t. Maybe Raziel was simply being stubborn. Maybe it was something more. But you need to come away from the wal . The others won’t be as open-minded. They stil think Raziel might be blinded by . . .” She let the words trail off, and her smile widened.

“By what?”

She threaded her arm through mine. “Never mind. Let’s just get away from here. It wil be getting dark soon, and the Nephilim are near.”

I shivered, suddenly cold, remembering those howls during the long night when I’d watched over Raziel’s body. Time seemed suspended, moving oddly. It seemed so long ago that I’d curled up next to him, and it was only three days.

I’d heard those unearthy screams last night as wel . Before Raziel gave me something else to think about.

By the time we reached the grass, I’d almost managed to shake off my feelings of dread. Until I looked into Sarah’s eyes. “What’s wrong? Where is everyone?”

She looked at me for a long moment, considering. “They’re going to break through. Everyone knows it, we just don’t know when.

Someone has led them to the gate, and someone wil let them in.”

“Not me!” I said in horror.

“No, not you. Though the others suspected you. And stil would, if they saw you lingering down there. But someone inside
is
going to open the gates, and the Nephilim wil overrun us.”

“Why? Why now?”

She shrugged. “Who knows how Uriel’s mind works? He’s wanted to destroy us for mil ennia, and he is very patient. We believe he final y has found a way in.”

“Through the Nephilim?”

“And the traitor.”

I looked out to the churning sea, breathing in the fresh salt spray.

“So we’re al going to die,” I said in a flat voice.

“Not al of us. You have got something—”

“Raziel’s looking for me,” I broke in, startled.

She looked just as surprised. “Where?”

I looked around. There was no one in sight. The lawn and beach in front of the house were deserted in the waning light. “I’m sorry. I must have imagined it. What were you saying?”

Sarah shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. You’l find out soon enough.”

“Don’t do that—I’l die of curiosity!” I protested. And then I heard him. His voice, cal ing me. “He’s sounding real y pissed off,” I said regretful y. “I’d better go to him.”

“How do you know this?”

I hadn’t even considered it. I shrugged. “I have no idea. I just know.”

A slow smile curved Sarah’s mouth. “How lovely,” she said in a soft voice. “Then you’d better go back. The two of you wil have a lot to talk about.”

“I doubt it. I don’t think he’s going to want to talk to me at al .

Couldn’t you come with me?

Sarah shook her head. “We’l talk later. Just don’t let him bul y you.

Raziel can be very strong-minded.”

“I don’t real y want to be left alone with him,” I said, feeling desperate.

“Why?”

“He’s either going to want to talk about it, which wil be excruciatingly uncomfortable, or he’l pretend it never happened, which wil be even worse. If you’re with me, then it wil be a moot point.”

“Sheol isn’t that different from the world,” Sarah said. “Men never want to talk about things.”

“That’s what I figured. But stil —”

“You’l be perfectly safe ignoring the entire situation until you decide not to ignore it any longer,” Sarah said smoothly. “Go on now.”

I had started walking up the slope when her voice trailed after me:

“By the way, that’s a very pretty dress on you.”

I turned back, mortified. “And I never said thank you! It’s gorgeous, and so are al the others that I found in the closet. Thank you so much, Sarah!”

Her eyes twinkled. “I haven’t had time to get you new clothes, Al ie. Raziel must have seen to it.”

I stared down at my dress. “Impossible,” I said flatly.

“If you say so. You’d better hurry. You probably don’t want to keep him waiting.”

I didn’t give a damn if he was kept waiting, I told myself as I double-timed it up the stairs. I had no idea which way he was coming, only that he was near, and sprinted toward the apartment.

I didn’t bother wondering how I knew. Presumably just part of the magic juju of this place. I made it to the apartment ahead of him, gasping for breath as I slammed the door behind me. I grabbed a loose sweater to pul around the less-than-generous top. Why did dresses in Sheol have décol eté? I wondered. Wouldn’t a nun’s habit be more fitting?

Apparently not. This place, unlike the celibate, puritanical afterlife I’d always envisioned, was practical y seething with sex. I raced into the bathroom, shoved rough fingers through my hair, and headed back out to the living room, taking a flying leap and landing on the sofa seconds before the front door opened.

“Where were you?” he demanded.

“I went for a walk. With Sarah,” I added. “I didn’t realize I was supposed to be a prisoner in here.”

“You’re not. Not anymore. But it would stil be better if you went out with someone else. Someone told me you were at the gates, alone.

Why?”

I saw no point in lying, particularly since he was able to read my thoughts whenever he wanted to. “I was thinking of leaving.”

“That would have been a grave mistake. The Nephilim are out there. You wouldn’t have survived five seconds once the sun went down.”

“Maybe I could have gotten past them—”

“Don’t you realize there’s no going back?” he demanded. “That life is over. Gone.”

Frustration fil ed me. “And what do I replace it with?”

“If Uriel has his way, absolutely nothing.”

“You think the Nephilim are coming as wel ?” I shivered, pul ing the sweater more closely around me.

“Sarah told you that, did she? We al know it. We just don’t know when. But it seems as if your arrival was some sort of signal. One last piece of disobedience on the part of the Fal en.”

“You mean it’s
my
fault?” I said, horrified. “I’m the reason everyone is going to die?”

“If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine, for pul ing you back. But the truth is of little matter. Uriel would find a way sooner or later, and the presence of the Nephilim at our gates means it wil be sooner.”

I digested this. I’d died once in the last three days. If it happened again, at least I’d have some experience.

I was watching him as he sat on the coach opposite me, wary.

“Would you answer a question?”

“It depends on the question.”

“Why did we have sex last night? You said it was necessary.

Sarah said it had something to do with finding out whether I was evil or not. Why don’t you tel me the truth.”

“Sarah’s right,” he said. “But you don’t need to worry. It won’t—”

“Happen again,” I jumped in. “You needn’t bother to explain—I already knew what you were going to say.”

He looked disturbed at the idea. “You did?”

“Isn’t it obvious? You needed to find out if I was evil, and for some reason having sex with me was the only way to do it. That seems far-fetched, but I’l accept it. But we’ve done it, it’s over, I passed inspection, so there’s no need to repeat it, right?”

“Right.”

“So why did we do it twice?” I said it to make him uncomfortable, not because I expected a real answer.

He didn’t look the slightest bit uncomfortable. He leaned back on the sofa, watching me, his eyelids drooping lazily as if he weren’t paying much attention. But he was, I knew it instinctively. I was beginning to understand a lot about him on a purely instinctive level.

“Just to remove any doubts,” he said deliberately. “A quick fuck up against a wal might not have given me quite enough information.

Which is why I had to . . . taste you. Blood never lies. People do.

Bodies do. Blood, never.”

I squirmed. “What kind of angel uses words like
quick fuck
?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Fal en ones.” He tilted his head, observing me like I was a scientific specimen he was about to stick a pin through, and I remembered that feeling from the night before as he searched inside me. “In truth, it might be better if everyone thinks we’re in the midst of a torrid sexual affair. The Fal en don’t like anomalies, and if you can act as if your only interest is being in bed with me, it should make everyone less nervous.”

Not much of a stretch, I reflected, then tried to slam down the thought.

Too late. “That’s good,” he drawled. “It’s what everyone wil expect

—anything else would be a red flag.”

“You’re supposed to be that good?” I mocked him, trying for distance.

“It’s the nature of the beast,” he replied “Bondings are never casual. Intense, consuming, occasional y dangerous, but never casual. You can spend most of your time up here, if you prefer not to have me touching you. It would probably be safer.”

He was hoping I’d choose that option—it didn’t take a psychic or someone with angelic superpowers to figure that out. He wanted—

needed—distance from me even more than he had before. I just couldn’t figure out why.

“There’s no need to overthink things, Al ie,” he said. “We simply have to keep things quiet until Uriel forgets about you.”

“The archangel Uriel is forgetful?” I said doubtful y.

“No. But we can hope.”
And if he doesn’t forget, I’ll take Allie
away from this place, somewhere Uriel can’t get to her without
sending his avenging angels, and one small human female won’t
be worth the effort. He won’t forget, but there will be other things
demanding

his

attention—such

as

punishing

me

for

disobedience.

I stared at him. “No.”

“No what?” he said, rising and heading for the kitchen, secure in the belief that the conversation had ended.

“You’re not going to sacrifice yourself for me, you’re not going to stash me where Uriel can’t find me, and this conversation has not ended.” And with a mixture of dawning horror and delight, I knew I’d read his mind.