Lady Amelia's Mess and a Half (13 page)

“Sweetheart, if you wish for our relations to be confined to the bedchamber, I will comply. Though I must be honest and admit I have never heard it said a husband and wife must confine themselves to the bed. Are you certain this is a rule?”

Her long lashes fluttered. “I beg your pardon?”

“Are you certain we are not allowed to…
experiment
? Just a bit? Nothing debauched, I assure you. Various locales on occasion. Perhaps a change in position…” He trailed off when faced with her wide-eyed gape and shallow, ragged breaths.

Blast
and
damn
! He’d shocked her into the vapors. He searched for a fan on a nearby surface. Finding nothing useful, he sandwiched her hand between his and prepared to beg her not to faint. “Please, pretend I never spoke. The bedchamber is acceptable.”

“D-did you say you wish to
marry
me?”

Jake drew back. “Of course I wish to marry you. I offered for you, did I not?”

She wrestled her hand from his grasp. “When is it you think you made an offer of marriage?”

“In my posts. Didn’t you read them?”

“The letters from Sussex,” she mumbled, speaking more to herself than him. “I never received them.”

Jake crossed his arms over his chest, adopting the same expression he saved for witnesses in court when they perpetrated a falsehood. “And yet you have knowledge of the letters. How can that be unless you received them?”

She rubbed her furrowed brow as if this entire affair was giving her a headache. “Captain Hillary mentioned them last night. I thought he was mad.”

“But you received my message, did you not? You knew a family matter called me away.”

“No, there was nothing.”

Jake blew out a long, noisy breath. Now
he
was getting a headache. “Are you certain there was nothing? Because I clearly recall penning the note.”

“Jake,” she said, an edge of irritation returning to her voice. “I promise I received no word at all.”

Good Lord, she was telling the truth. No shadow of deceit clouded her earnest gaze. How could this be? “Amelia, I don’t know what to say. I wrote to you every day in the beginning. When you didn’t respond, I thought…”

She reached for his hand, entwining their fingers. “I would never dismiss you in that manner. I hope you do not have it in you to believe otherwise.”

He lifted her hand to his lips and closed his eyes as he breathed in the floral scent gracing her wrist. What a fool he had been to think her capable of deception. “I sent a note before we departed. Mother needed me to accompany her to the country and stay until she recuperated.”

“You were gone such a long time.” Amelia splayed her fingers upon his cheek. “What terrible illness required your mother to take refuge in the country?”

Everything that was gentle resided in Amelia’s touch, reaffirming his belief that entrusting her with his family’s secret was safe.

“Mother has been afflicted for many years, before I was born. She has spells. Some might unfairly call it madness if they saw her.”

A soft gasp slipped past her lips, but she didn’t pull away. “I am so sorry, Jake. I can only imagine how challenging this must be for all involved. Your poor mother.”

“Thank you, Mia.” He leaned close to place a feather-like kiss on her cheek. “Your compassion touches me.”

“I find it difficult to believe your mother suffers any abnormality. She has always been gracious in our encounters.”

“We never allow others to witness her troubled state. If anyone knew…” He shrugged, his arms heavy and limp. A hundred lifetimes weighed on his shoulders though only five and twenty of those years could he claim as his own. “Please trust that I would never have left had I known you remained ignorant to my whereabouts or the reason I had to go.”

She bit down on her bottom lip and stilled the slight quiver there. “I thought you left, that our kiss…” Her voice broke on the last word.

Jake captured both of her hands, caressing his thumb over her ivory skin. “Our kiss meant everything to me. I love you, Mia. My feelings haven’t altered since that night.”

Tears welled in her eyes and slipped down her cheeks. “How can you forgive me for what I did?”

“Shh, don’t cry.” He kissed each cheek, her salty tears damp on his lips. Amelia had suffered as much as he had, and he wouldn’t allow her to carry the burden of believing she had betrayed him. His family, however, wouldn’t be spared his anger. “I fault you for nothing. I am the one who should apologize. For my family. I’m certain they played a role in intercepting my correspondence.”

“But why? Do they find me unfit?”

“No, sweetheart. Mother’s illness…” How could he explain the lengths his father would go to in order to protect their shameful secret when he would never understand? What drove his father to commit a heinous act that led to the suffering of two innocent people?

She grasped Jake’s hand. “I swear I will never speak a word to anyone. I would not see your mother hurt for all the world.”

“I have no doubts in your sincerity, my love.” Lowering to one knee, he held her gaze. “Amelia, would you pay me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She nodded, a fresh set of tears pooling in her blue eyes, which reminded him more than ever of the Mediterranean Sea. “I will.”

He gathered her to him for another kiss, but nothing too passionate. They hadn’t cleared up the bedchamber-only nonsense yet. When their embrace ended, he resumed his spot beside her on the settee. “If you will indulge me for one more moment, there is another matter we should clear up at once.”

Jake alighted from the carriage as soon as it clattered to a stop in front of Hillary House. Without breaking stride, he stalked through the antechamber, tugging off his gloves and removing his hat.

Hogan approached and accepted his belongings. “How was your afternoon at the park, sir?”

“Very agreeable, thank you.”

“Your sister inquired after you when she called on Mrs. Hillary.”

Jake chuckled as he crossed the marbled entry floor with Hogan trailing behind him. “My apologies, my good man. I hope Lana did not make a nuisance of herself asking after my affairs.”

“No, sir. Her ladyship is always a welcome sight.”

“Indeed.” Jake hadn’t spent time with his sister since Daniel’s dinner. Curiosity must be driving her mad. Lana would want to interrogate him on his waltz with Amelia. How pleased she would be to learn of the recent developments. Even though she thought herself subtle, her desire to play matchmaker on his behalf was transparent. Perhaps he would call on his sister later this evening, but presently a more important matter required his attention.

“Is Father home?”

“He returned from the club an hour ago, sir,” Hogan said. “I believe he is in his study with Mr. Berg.”

Jake wouldn’t allow his father’s man of business to deter him. He rapped on the oak door before letting himself in to the study.

Father looked up from his monstrous desk before nodding toward Mr. Berg. “I would like a moment with my son.”

Rising from the burgundy leather chair, the man gathered his papers and mumbled a greeting as he passed Jake.

His father broke into a huge smile as he rounded the desk. “Allow me to be the first to offer my congratulations.”

Congratulations?
No one could know of his engagement already. Why, Amelia had accepted his offer only two hours earlier.

Grasping Jake’s hand, he pumped it up and down several times. “Daniel needed someone to put him in his place, and it sounds as if you beat him regular like at the club. He still has the bruises to prove it.”

“Oh, that is your meaning.” Jake extracted his hand from his father’s grip. “I am surprised Daniel is admitting to it.”

“He admits to nothing. You know your brother. The gents at Brook’s were discussing it. What did you think I meant?”

“My engagement to Lady Audley, though only the two of us are aware of our agreement. I thought perhaps you employed spies.” His father had certainly engaged in subterfuge over the past few months. Jake sat in the chair Mr. Berg had vacated and crossed his ankle over his knee, drumming his fingers against his calf in agitation. “And now you know.”

“I see.” Father nodded. “Allow me to be the first to extend my best wishes. Lady Audley is a lovely young woman.”

The storm brewing inside Jake grew in intensity, but he fought to harness his fury. Duty required him to defer to his sire as head of the family even when he wished to rail over the injustices done to him. “Will you pretend to know nothing about my message to Lady Audley last April never reaching its destination?”

“I deny nothing nor do I offer apologies.”

“No apologies?” Jake’s shouted words echoed in the spacious room.

Leaning against the desk with his legs stretched out in front of him, his father reminded Jake of Daniel. They possessed the same arrogance and insolence.

“You may despise me,” his father said, “curse me for being a deplorable father, but I did what I deemed the best course of action.”

Jake leapt to his feet. “How can you say that? Amelia thought I had abandoned her. We were kept apart for a year.”

His father shrugged. “Yet you are reunited.”

Jake’s fingers curled into fists of their own accord. His casual dismissal of Jake’s suffering was almost too much to bear. “Much to your chagrin, I take it.”

With a sigh, his father pushed from the desk, returned to his chair, and lowered into it. “Someday you will find yourself faced with difficult decisions. You will do your best to make the right choices, but you’ll realize sometimes there are no
correct
decisions. You must choose the best path and hope to minimize the damage your decision might cause.”

Rage coursed through Jake’s blood, making him tremble. “What are you saying? Have you grown addled in your advanced age?”

His father’s eyes hardened. “Take. Your. Seat.”

Jake met his stare, his jaw twitching. Neither of them looked away. Jake wouldn’t surrender, not when his father’s interference had caused undue heartache not only for him but also for Amelia. He and his father both knew Jake had sacrificed much to care for his mother. He had remained at Hillary House upon his father’s request when his contemporaries enjoyed freedoms he didn’t. He too could squander his inheritance, live a rogue’s life, travel the world, but his allegiance had always been to his family. How disheartening to learn his devotion was one-sided.

His father blinked first and looked down at the papers on his desk. “Please. If you will sit, I will explain myself.”

“I bloody well deserve some answers.” He sank to the chair. A surge of blood flowed to his fingers as he released his fists.

“I never realized the depth of your feelings for Lady Audley,” his father said. “I thought you would be much like your brothers and need to sow your oats as well. Look at Benjamin and Daniel. Neither has taken a wife, and Benjamin is one and thirty.”

“Indeed? Well, now you are aware of my abiding affection.”

His father leaned his elbows on the desk and scrubbed his hands down his face, stretching the skin under his eyes and making him appear gaunt. “Had I known of your constancy, I’m uncertain if I would have altered my decision, but I would have spoken to you about it. I couldn’t risk the
ton
discovering your mother’s troubles. There have been rumors, but no evidence of her madness.”

Jake’s spine stiffened. He was unappreciative of his father’s callous manner when discussing his mother. “She suffers bouts of illness,” he said through clenched teeth. “She is not mad.”

“Yes, yes.” With a wave of his hand, Jake’s father dismissed him. “It matters little if she suffers bouts of illness or is simply batty. No one cares for the truth. If Lady Audley had received your forthright message, and she in turn spread the news to others—”

“Amelia is not one to spread rumors.” Jake sprang to his feet. “Wait one blasted moment! You read my message?”

His father folded his arms on top of the desk and frowned. “Given the timing, I suspected you spoke of your mother, and I was correct.”

“Damn you!” Jake hammered his fist against the desk, startling his father. “Your invasion of my privacy is unforgiveable, not to mention your deceit and interference in my personal matters. How could you?”

“I don’t expect your forgiveness, son, but be reasonable. Lana was entering her second season. The Paddock disaster had shaken her confidence. I couldn’t allow another scandal to hurt her chances of securing a fortuitous match.”

Jake scoffed. “As if Forest would have cared…” His sister’s husband adored her. And it wasn’t as if Forest had been in possession of a spotless past either.

His father reclined in his chair with a rueful smile. “Yes, well, I never factored in Forest.”

Jake supposed he hadn’t either. “And my letters from Sussex?”

“Nicholas intercepted any further correspondence, but please do not hold your brother at fault.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Jake sighed. All this cloak-and-dagger nonsense created a dull pain behind his eyes. Had the King enlisted his family’s assistance in spying on France, the war would have been ended before it had barely begun. “If you would have trusted me…” he said. “I could have given Amelia another story. Our separation was unnecessary.”

They sat in silence until Jake was ready to give up on his father speaking again, to forget about ever having any type of relationship with his sire. Disquiet rumbled through him.

“I
am
sorry you suffered, Jake. I didn’t realize the impact of my decision. Perhaps you will allow me to make amends.”

Jake doubted that was possible. His father reached into his waistcoat pocket to pull something from it and enclosed the item in his fist. Indecision flitted across his countenance before his jaw firmed. “This belongs with someone as cherished as its original owner.” In his hand was a silver ring. His father placed it on the desk and slid it across to Jake. “I want you to give this to Lady Audley.”

Jake picked up the ring and held it between his thumb and forefinger. The violet gem caught the light, fracturing it into multiple points of shimmering color.

“It’s beautiful. Who did the ring belong to? Grandmother?”

His father gave an incisive shake of his head. “It no longer matters. Isabel has been dead for a long time. I am certain she would like Amelia to have it.” He adjusted the papers on his desk and picked up his quill. “If there is nothing more, I have tasks that require my attention.”

Jake suppressed a frustrated sigh as he cradled the ring in his palm. This was all he would get from his father. To pursue the matter further would only result in more aggravation and unnecessary heartache. He had Amelia now, and he would spend every minute of his time celebrating his good fortune, not lamenting the past.

He opened his hand to look at the ring once more.

Long ago, Jake had heard rumors of a first marriage for his father. He had dismissed the story as nonsense as there had never been mention of a first wife in his household, no portraits or evidence to suggest another Mrs. James Hillary had ever resided in Hillary House. Until now. His father had kept her ring on his person, a testament to his abiding love.

Jake held the ring out to his father. “I cannot accept this.”

His father looked up from his papers.

When he didn’t take it back, Jake placed it on the corner of the desk.

“I am sorry for everything, Jake.”

“I know.” He did see his father was sorry, and because of his sincerity, Jake would forgive him eventually. He would not, however, accept a gift that could cause more strife between his parents.

***

Amelia urged Bibi to have a seat in the drawing room. They hadn’t seen each other for two days because of a recurrence of Bibi’s headaches.

“Would you like refreshment, dearest?”

Her friend sat on the tufted Grecian couch and rearranged her plum-colored skirts. “Madeira would be nice.”

Wandering to the sideboard, Amelia held the crystal glass up to the candelabra then rubbed her gloved finger over an almost undetectable water spot. She reached for the decanter but sat it back down to recheck the glass.

“Do hurry, Amelia. I wish to arrive before the fireworks display.”

“We have plenty of time.” She checked the mantle clock and experienced a jolt. Actually, she had little time to prepare Bibi for Jake’s arrival or share her news. She doubted Bibi would consider her marriage to Jake to be good tidings as Amelia did. Bibi likened marriage to imprisonment after her experience with Lord Kennell.

She glanced over her shoulder to find Bibi patting her curls. “I wonder if we will cross paths with Lord Norwick at the gardens.”

Amelia repressed a sigh as she poured Madeira almost to the rim before carrying the drink to her. Bibi seemed in high spirits this evening. It would be a shame to spoil her good mood. Perhaps she should postpone this conversation until another day.

Taking a seat on the settee, Amelia rested her hands on her lap, one on top of the other.

“Are you not having a glass as well?” Bibi asked.

“Not this evening.” Although a drink might help to decrease the progressive tremors running the lengths of her arms and legs. She cleared her throat and tried to affect a cheerful voice. “Do you recall our discussion the other day? When I said I had no intentions of falling in love unless Cupid shot his arrows your direction, too?”

“Yes, vividly.” Bibi sipped her drink, her narrowed, dark gaze assessing. “Although I realized at the time you were not swearing an oath, nor would I ask that of you.”

Amelia melted against the cushions. Thank goodness. Perhaps this was going to be much easier than she had expected.

“However, if you claim to love Mr. Hillary after one passionate night, I may very well be inclined to clout you with my reticule.”

“Bibi!” It had been three nights of passion, to be exact.

Her friend set the glass on the diminutive side table. “Need I remind you of the gentleman’s habit of disappearing after he samples your wares? Don’t be a fool, Amelia.”

“I am not a fool. There were legitimate circumstances surrounding his retreat to the country.”

“Such as?”

“I cannot reveal them.”

Bibi rolled her eyes. “Lies, I am sure. Why else would he ask you to keep his confidence?”

“How can you say such a thing? You are barely acquainted with Jake.”

“He is a man. That’s all I need to know.” She lifted the hem of her skirts and pushed up from the couch. “Now, let’s go before we miss all the excitement. By tomorrow, you will have forgotten all about Mr. Hillary.”