Lady Windermere's Fan (3 page)

LORD WINDERMERE.
(Crossing to her.)
Don't say that, Margaret. I
never loved any one in the whole world but you.

LADY WINDERMERE.
(Rises.)
Who is this woman, then? Why do you
take a house for her?

LORD WINDERMERE. I did not take a house for her.

LADY WINDERMERE. You gave her the money to do it, which is the
same thing.

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, as far as I have known Mrs. Erlynne -

LADY WINDERMERE. Is there a Mr. Erlynne—or is he a myth?

LORD WINDERMERE. Her husband died many years ago. She is alone in
the world.

LADY WINDERMERE. No relations?
(A pause.)

LORD WINDERMERE. None.

LADY WINDERMERE. Rather curious, isn't it?
(L.)

LORD WINDERMERE.
(L.C.)
Margaret, I was saying to you—and I beg
you to listen to me—that as far as I have known Mrs. Erlynne, she
has conducted herself well. If years ago -

LADY WINDERMERE. Oh!
(Crossing R.C.)
I don't want details about
her life!

LORD WINDERMERE.
(C.)
I am not going to give you any details
about her life. I tell you simply this—Mrs. Erlynne was once
honoured, loved, respected. She was well born, she had position—
she lost everything—threw it away, if you like. That makes it all
the more bitter. Misfortunes one can endure—they come from
outside, they are accidents. But to suffer for one's own faults—
ah!—there is the sting of life. It was twenty years ago, too.
She was little more than a girl then. She had been a wife for even
less time than you have.

LADY WINDERMERE. I am not interested in her—and—you should not
mention this woman and me in the same breath. It is an error of
taste.
(Sitting R. at desk.)

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, you could save this woman. She wants
to get back into society, and she wants you to help her.
(Crossing
to her.)

LADY WINDERMERE. Me!

LORD WINDERMERE. Yes, you.

LADY WINDERMERE. How impertinent of her!
(A pause.)

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, I came to ask you a great favour, and I
still ask it of you, though you have discovered what I had intended
you should never have known that I have given Mrs. Erlynne a large
sum of money. I want you to send her an invitation for our party
to-night.
(Standing L. of her.)

LADY WINDERMERE. You are mad!
(Rises.)

LORD WINDERMERE. I entreat you. People may chatter about her, do
chatter about her, of course, but they don't know anything definite
against her. She has been to several houses—not to houses where
you would go, I admit, but still to houses where women who are in
what is called Society nowadays do go. That does not content her.
She wants you to receive her once.

LADY WINDERMERE. As a triumph for her, I suppose?

LORD WINDERMERE. No; but because she knows that you are a good
woman—and that if she comes here once she will have a chance of a
happier, a surer life than she has had. She will make no further
effort to know you. Won't you help a woman who is trying to get
back?

LADY WINDERMERE. No! If a woman really repents, she never wishes
to return to the society that has made or seen her ruin.

LORD WINDERMERE. I beg of you.

LADY WINDERMERE.
(Crossing to door R.)
I am going to dress for
dinner, and don't mention the subject again this evening. Arthur
(going to him C.)
, you fancy because I have no father or mother
that I am alone in the world, and that you can treat me as you
choose. You are wrong, I have friends, many friends.

LORD WINDERMERE.
(L.C.)
Margaret, you are talking foolishly,
recklessly. I won't argue with you, but I insist upon your asking
Mrs. Erlynne to-night.

LADY WINDERMERE.
(R.C.)
I shall do nothing of the kind.
(Crossing L. C.)

LORD WINDERMERE. You refuse?
(C.)

LADY WINDERMERE. Absolutely!

LORD WINDERMERE. Ah, Margaret, do this for my sake; it is her last
chance.

LADY WINDERMERE. What has that to do with me?

LORD WINDERMERE. How hard good women are!

LADY WINDERMERE. How weak bad men are!

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, none of us men may be good enough for
the women we marry—that is quite true—but you don't imagine I
would ever—oh, the suggestion is monstrous!

LADY WINDERMERE. Why should YOU be different from other men? I am
told that there is hardly a husband in London who does not waste
his life over SOME shameful passion.

LORD WINDERMERE. I am not one of them.

LADY WINDERMERE. I am not sure of that!

LORD WINDERMERE. You are sure in your heart. But don't make chasm
after chasm between us. God knows the last few minutes have thrust
us wide enough apart. Sit down and write the card.

LADY WINDERMERE. Nothing in the whole world would induce me.

LORD WINDERMERE.
(Crossing to bureau.)
Then I will!
(Rings
electric bell, sits and writes card.)

LADY WINDERMERE. You are going to invite this woman?
(Crossing to
him.)

LORD WINDERMERE. Yes.
(Pause. Enter PARKER.)
Parker!

PARKER. Yes, my lord.
(Comes down L.C.)

LORD WINDERMERE. Have this note sent to Mrs. Erlynne at No. 84A
Curzon Street.
(Crossing to L.C. and giving note to PARKER.)
There is no answer!

(Exit PARKER C.)

LADY WINDERMERE. Arthur, if that woman comes here, I shall insult
her.

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, don't say that.

LADY WINDERMERE. I mean it.

LORD WINDERMERE. Child, if you did such a thing, there's not a
woman in London who wouldn't pity you.

LADY WINDERMERE. There is not a GOOD woman in London who would not
applaud me. We have been too lax. We must make an example. I
propose to begin to-night.
(Picking up fan.)
Yes, you gave me
this fan to-day; it was your birthday present. If that woman
crosses my threshold, I shall strike her across the face with it.

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, you couldn't do such a thing.

LADY WINDERMERE. You don't know me!
(Moves R.)

(Enter PARKER.)

Parker!

PARKER. Yes, my lady.

LADY WINDERMERE. I shall dine in my own room. I don't want
dinner, in fact. See that everything is ready by half-past ten.
And, Parker, be sure you pronounce the names of the guests very
distinctly to-night. Sometimes you speak so fast that I miss them.
I am particularly anxious to hear the names quite clearly, so as to
make no mistake. You understand, Parker?

PARKER. Yes, my lady.

LADY WINDERMERE. That will do!

(Exit PARKER C.)

(Speaking to LORD WINDERMERE)
Arthur, if that woman comes here—I
warn you -

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, you'll ruin us!

LADY WINDERMERE. Us! From this moment my life is separate from
yours. But if you wish to avoid a public scandal, write at once to
this woman, and tell her that I forbid her to come here!

LORD WINDERMERE. I will not—I cannot—she must come!

LADY WINDERMERE. Then I shall do exactly as I have said.
(Goes
R.)
You leave me no choice.
(Exit R.)

LORD WINDERMERE.
(Calling after her.)
Margaret! Margaret!
(A
pause.)
My God! What shall I do? I dare not tell her who this
woman really is. The shame would kill her.
(Sinks down into a
chair and buries his face in his hands.)

ACT DROP

SCENE

Drawing-room in Lord Windermere's house. Door R.U. opening into
ball-room, where band is playing. Door L. through which guests are
entering. Door L.U. opens on to illuminated terrace. Palms,
flowers, and brilliant lights. Room crowded with guests. Lady
Windermere is receiving them.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
(Up C.)
So strange Lord Windermere isn't
here. Mr. Hopper is very late, too. You have kept those five
dances for him, Agatha?
(Comes down.)

LADY AGATHA. Yes, mamma.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
(Sitting on sofa.)
Just let me see your card.
I'm so glad Lady Windermere has revived cards.—They're a mother's
only safeguard. You dear simple little thing!
(Scratches out two
names.)
No nice girl should ever waltz with such particularly
younger sons! It looks so fast! The last two dances you might
pass on the terrace with Mr. Hopper.

(Enter MR. DUMBY and LADY PLYMDALE from the ball-room.)

LADY AGATHA. Yes, mamma.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK.
(Fanning herself.)
The air is so pleasant
there.

PARKER. Mrs. Cowper-Cowper. Lady Stutfield. Sir James Royston.
Mr. Guy Berkeley.

(These people enter as announced.)

DUMBY. Good evening, Lady Stutfield. I suppose this will be the
last ball of the season?

LADY STUTFIELD. I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It's been a delightful
season, hasn't it?

DUMBY. Quite delightful! Good evening, Duchess. I suppose this
will be the last ball of the season?

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. I suppose so, Mr. Dumby. It has been a very
dull season, hasn't it?

DUMBY. Dreadfully dull! Dreadfully dull!

MR. COWPER-COWPER. Good evening, Mr. Dumby. I suppose this will
be the last ball of the season?

DUMBY. Oh, I think not. There'll probably be two more.
(Wanders
back to LADY PLYMDALE.)

PARKER. Mr. Rufford. Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham. Mr. Hopper.

(These people enter as announced.)

HOPPER. How do you do, Lady Windermere? How do you do, Duchess?
(Bows to LADY AGATHA.)

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Dear Mr. Hopper, how nice of you to come so
early. We all know how you are run after in London.

HOPPER. Capital place, London! They are not nearly so exclusive
in London as they are in Sydney.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Ah! we know your value, Mr. Hopper. We wish
there were more like you. It would make life so much easier. Do
you know, Mr. Hopper, dear Agatha and I are so much interested in
Australia. It must be so pretty with all the dear little kangaroos
flying about. Agatha has found it on the map. What a curious
shape it is! Just like a large packing case. However, it is a
very young country, isn't it?

HOPPER. Wasn't it made at the same time as the others, Duchess?

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. How clever you are, Mr. Hopper. You have a
cleverness quite of your own. Now I mustn't keep you.

HOPPER. But I should like to dance with Lady Agatha, Duchess.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Well, I hope she has a dance left. Have you a
dance left, Agatha?

LADY AGATHA. Yes, mamma.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. The next one?

LADY AGATHA. Yes, mamma.

HOPPER. May I have the pleasure?
(LADY AGATHA bows.)

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Mind you take great care of my little
chatterbox, Mr. Hopper.

(LADY AGATHA and MR. HOPPER pass into ball-room.)

(Enter LORD WINDERMERE.)

LORD WINDERMERE. Margaret, I want to speak to you.

LADY WINDERMERE. In a moment.
(The music drops.)

PARKER. Lord Augustus Lorton.

(Enter LORD AUGUSTUS.)

LORD AUGUSTUS. Good evening, Lady Windermere.

DUCHESS OF BERWICK. Sir James, will you take me into the ball-
room? Augustus has been dining with us to-night. I really have
had quite enough of dear Augustus for the moment.

(SIR JAMES ROYSTON gives the DUCHESS his aim and escorts her into
the ball-room.)

PARKER. Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bowden. Lord and Lady Paisley. Lord
Darlington.

(These people enter as announced.)

LORD AUGUSTUS.
(Coming up to LORD WINDERMERE.)
Want to speak to
you particularly, dear boy. I'm worn to a shadow. Know I don't
look it. None of us men do look what we really are. Demmed good
thing, too. What I want to know is this. Who is she? Where does
she come from? Why hasn't she got any demmed relations? Demmed
nuisance, relations! But they make one so demmed respectable.

LORD WINDERMERE. You are talking of Mrs. Erlynne, I suppose? I
only met her six months ago. Till then, I never knew of her
existence.

LORD AUGUSTUS. You have seen a good deal of her since then.

LORD WINDERMERE.
(Coldly.)
Yes, I have seen a good deal of her
since then. I have just seen her.

LORD AUGUSTUS. Egad! the women are very down on her. I have been
dining with Arabella this evening! By Jove! you should have heard
what she said about Mrs. Erlynne. She didn't leave a rag on her.
. .
(Aside.)
Berwick and I told her that didn't matter much, as
the lady in question must have an extremely fine figure. You
should have seen Arabella's expression! . . . But, look here, dear
boy. I don't know what to do about Mrs. Erlynne. Egad! I might
be married to her; she treats me with such demmed indifference.
She's deuced clever, too! She explains everything. Egad! she
explains you. She has got any amount of explanations for you—and
all of them different.

LORD WINDERMERE. No explanations are necessary about my friendship
with Mrs. Erlynne.

LORD AUGUSTUS. Hem! Well, look here, dear old fellow. Do you
think she will ever get into this demmed thing called Society?
Would you introduce her to your wife? No use beating about the
confounded bush. Would you do that?

LORD WINDERMERE. Mrs. Erlynne is coming here to-night.

LORD AUGUSTUS. Your wife has sent her a card?

LORD WINDERMERE. Mrs. Erlynne has received a card.

LORD AUGUSTUS. Then she's all right, dear boy. But why didn't you
tell me that before? It would have saved me a heap of worry and
demmed misunderstandings!