Langdown Manor (18 page)

‘So Ivy won't be coming back?' Maddie said.

‘No,' I said. ‘She's got a job as an actress. Isn't it exciting?'

‘Typical!' Maddie said. Her mouth shut in a tight line. ‘Leaving us in the lurch!'

‘I thought you'd be pleased,' I said.

‘Pleased!' Maddie glared at me. ‘Now I'm back doing two jobs again?'

‘It's only for a few weeks,' I said weakly.

‘Humph!'

Her temper hadn't improved in our absence.

The new scullery maid had been found very quickly, but wasn't yet ready to start. Me, I was wondering what my fate would be. I didn't want to wait until I was summoned. Leaving Maddie muttering to herself, I went to see Mrs Smithson. ‘Ah, Jess, I was going to send for you,' she said. ‘I wanted to give you time to settle back in first. From all I've been told you did very well, fitting in with the other upper servants very nicely.'

Is that what they'd told her? It's not what I'd felt.

Mrs Smithson was looking expectantly at me.

‘Jess,' she said. She picked up a pen and fiddled with it. ‘I have a favour to ask you.'

Oh no, not again.

I took a deep breath. I had to tell her how I felt. They couldn't keep demanding favours of me. I had to tell her that I did not want to go on being Miss P's maid. I had nothing against Miss P personally; I just didn't like the job.

‘Begging your pardon, Mrs Smithson,' I said, ‘I'm pleased that I've given satisfaction… But…' I cleared my throat. This was harder to say than I'd expected. ‘I don't want to be a lady's maid any more.'

I could see that Mrs Smithson was disappointed. Had she hoped that a few weeks in London would help me change my mind? What about the other lady's maid? I wondered. The one I'd been standing in for. What had happened to her? Was she still sick? Couldn't they have advertised for someone else?

I was about to get my answer.

‘You see, the woman we'd hoped to appoint will definitely not be well enough to take up this position,' Mrs Smithson said, twiddling her pen. ‘And unfortunately there's not been time to advertise for a replacement. We've Ascot to look forward to and a houseful of guests.'

So yours truly has to pick up the pieces again. I see.

I looked up to meet Mrs Smithson's eye. At least she had the grace to look embarrassed.

She cleared her throat. ‘I feel awkward asking this of you, Jess – especially in view of what you've just told me – but would you mind staying on for now – just until we find someone to replace you?'

I nodded. I didn't like it, but I didn't see that I had much choice. One day maybe I'd be back where I belonged.

‘Very well, Mrs Smithson,' I said grudgingly. ‘I'll stay on for now.'

‘Thank you, Jess. Annie, who I appointed to take over your old duties, says she is happy to remain in post for now – and we'll need an extra pair of hands anyway.'

So yet again they'd talked to everyone except me. They'd even managed to appoint a new scullery maid. Ivy was right; I should stick up for myself more.

‘And Jess, let me reassure you that you won't be expected to do any housemaid's duties until we find a replacement for you.' She gave me a long look. ‘Are you really sure you want us to?'

I thought about the privileges I had as a lady's maid. I didn't wear uniform, I had my own bedroom, then there was the cup of tea brought to me in the morning, the luxury of bathing in a proper bathroom whenever I wanted – or when I had time.

‘Miss Penelope will be sorry,' Mrs Smithson added smiling at me.

Thank you, Mrs Smithson; you've made up my mind for me.
Thinking about the privileges I'd enjoyed I'd almost begun to waver, but Mrs Smithson had used the one argument to persuade me that never would. All that ever seemed to matter was them upstairs. What I wanted didn't come into it. I'd always known that, but it really rankled now. I found myself envying Ivy. She'd had the sense to get out of service. I still had my dream – of a home of my own one day. But until that unlikely dream became reality there was only one place I wanted to be. Back downstairs with my friends.

‘I am quite sure, Mrs Smithson,' I said as firmly as I could.

‘Then that seems to be all.' Mrs Smithson smiled. ‘Thank you, Jess.' I left her still twiddling her pen in her hands. I'd presented her with a problem, but I felt light-hearted for the first time since I'd taken on my new duties.

I went to collect my box. I'd hoped that I'd be relinquishing my duties as soon as I got back and had put it in the room I'd shared with Sarah and Ellen, but when I got there, I saw that it was sitting in the corridor outside. The bedroom door was closed. I tapped on it lightly. I could hear someone moving about inside. I hesitated. I didn't want to barge in. I hadn't seen Sarah since I'd got back, and I felt a bit nervous.

‘Sarah? Are you there?'

No reply.

‘Ellen?'

Still no reply.

I felt sure that Sarah was in that room.
Oh please don't say we can't make up, Sarah.

‘Sarah, it's me, Jess,' I tried again. ‘Can I come in?' When no one answered I pushed the door open slightly. Sarah was sitting on the bed. She turned round when she heard me. She looked as nervous as I felt.

‘So you're back, Jess.'

At least she was speaking to me.

I went over to sit beside her. I didn't ask why my box had been put outside in the landing. ‘And very glad to be, too,' I said with feeling. ‘Soon I'll be properly downstairs again, working with you and Ellen.' I smiled at her. Sarah looked awkward.
Oh no, Sarah, please say we can put the past behind us now.

‘So you aren't staying on as a lady's maid then? I thought you'd change your mind when you got to London.'

‘It's not for me, Sarah. I missed you all. I even missed the cleaning!'

We both avoided mentioning Miss P.

‘I've something to say to you, Jess.' Sarah plucked at the bedspread with her hand. ‘I'm not sure how to say it, but I am really sorry – I was unkind,' she said in a low voice. ‘I've been feeling so guilty. I was just so upset. I didn't know what I'd say to you when you got back.'

I took her hand and squeezed it. ‘Let's just forget it, shall we?'

‘You're my best friend, Jess,' Sarah said, squeezing my hand back. I just wished she looked happier.

‘And now…' I let the words hang in the air. Sarah knew what I meant. Or rather,
who
I meant.

She shrugged. ‘I never see him. I suppose I'm getting used to it.'

‘I'm so sorry,' I murmured. Sarah moved up closer to me.

‘Oh Jess, I wish he'd go actually. It would be easier, knowing I couldn't see him.' I could hear despair in her voice, but I didn't know what to say that wouldn't hurt. I gave her shoulders a squeeze. They felt thinner than I remembered. She'd lost weight, and she was paler, too. I hated Fred for hurting her so much. We stared out of the window. I tried to think of something to say, something that would banish the spectre of Fred I'd conjured up.

‘Did you hear about Ivy?' I said at last.

‘Going on stage, yes. Good for Ivy. Maybe we'll see her first night.'

‘Maybe.' I smiled.

‘Know what I heard?' said Sarah. She smiled – it was the first time I'd seen her smile like that at me for I didn't know how long.

‘Tell me.'

‘Lord and Lady Moorcroft are coming here – they're guests at the Ascot house party.'

Now it was my turn to toy with the bedspread. ‘Really?' I mumbled. ‘How do you know?'

‘Ah,' said Sarah. She was still smiling. ‘I heard Mrs S mention their names. She's in quite a flap. It'll be a full house soon.'

‘So I heard,' I said.

‘I expect a certain valet will be accompanying his lordship,' Sarah said. ‘Don't you?'

I felt my face go pink. ‘Oh.'

‘Is that all you can say!' Sarah demanded. ‘ “Oh”.'

‘It was a long time ago,' I said. ‘He was nice, but he's just a friend, Sarah.'

He's probably married by now, I thought. Someone as nice as that wouldn't be allowed to stay single for long. He'd be snapped up.

‘ “Just a friend”,' mocked Sarah. ‘Really? Trouble with you, Jess, is you're shy. You don't think anyone will like you. He did. I know he did.'

This conversation had gone far enough. I got up. ‘Must get my clothes unpacked.' I remembered that my box was outside. ‘I put my box in here, but someone moved it,' I said.

‘Ummm, yes,' said Sarah. ‘That was me. Sorry. I only moved it because I thought you'd have your own room. Annie the temporary housemaid is in here with us,' she said. ‘Just for now.' She smiled. ‘I'll be glad when you're back with us, Jess.'

‘I wasn't sure what I'd be doing. I was hoping I'd be back with you all now, but Mrs Smithson wants me to stay on until they've found a replacement.' Before I'd left for London I'd shared a room with the girls, but I hadn't been one thing or the other then.

‘I think she was hoping you'd change your mind,' Sarah said.

‘But I haven't,' I said.

I left Sarah and took my box to the small room that Mrs Smithson had told me would be mine until I returned to my old job. I put it down on the floor and hastily tipped the contents out on to the bed. I didn't have time to unpack properly now, I had to unpack for Miss Polly, press her gown for dinner and run her bath. Who'd want to be a lady's maid? Not me!

‘There,' he said. ‘The bay. Can you see him now?' I raised my binoculars to where Ferdy was pointing. The gleaming thoroughbreds thundered past. Around me I could hear cheers as the horses pounded up to the finishing line. I was still trying to get the binoculars in focus. It all happened so fast. People leaned over to talk to Ferdy. George came up to shake his hand. ‘Well done, old chap,' he said.

‘He's won?' I said.

‘Why yes,' said Flo, on my other side. ‘Didn't you hear the announcement?' She sounded surprised. I glanced at the crumpled programme on my lap. I couldn't even remember the horse's name.

‘Come.' She touched me lightly on the arm with her programme. ‘We're going down to the winner's enclosure.' I stood up. I was thankful to get up and stretch my legs. It was too chilly to sit still for long. Flo had told me it was typical Ascot weather. Around us people were rising and moving away to talk to their friends, to drink champagne and to chatter idly about a horse's form. All of society was here, in the Royal Enclosure.

George and Ferdy were talking excitedly, laying bets on who would win the Gold Plate. George was for Bomba, but Ferdy was betting on Bayardo. Bayardo had already won the Buckenham and the Dewhurst Plate, I heard him say. I suddenly realized that I hadn't heard Ferdy stammer once, and it had been quite a speech. It was nervousness that made Ferdy trip over his words, and all his nervousness vanished when he was talking about his beloved horses.

Behind me, Aunt and Countess Waterlow had risen too, their huge hats a mass of bobbing plumes, but though her head was turned to Countess Waterlow Aunt's attention rarely left Ferdy and me. I wondered what fibs Aunt was spinning about me. It hadn't taken Aunt long to realize that Arabella would never be the next Countess Waterlow. Now her hopes were pinned on me. She was going to be disappointed. Even if I never saw Fred again, I knew I could never marry Ferdy. I couldn't think of a more unsuitable husband for me or wife for him. Nor could I understand why Flo was so determined to have me as a sister-in-law.

‘My brother loves horses as much as you do, Polly,' she'd said to me earlier. Flo constantly pointed out anything Ferdy and I had in common. It was beginning to irritate me.

We began to make our way along the row, squashing past the eager spectators who hadn't moved from their seats.

The Waterlows owned a string of racehorses. I'd been down to the paddock once already to admire them. My eyes had searched in vain for Fred. He was here to tend Uncle's only entry, Donatella – the spirited young filly who had nearly trampled me soon after I'd arrived at Langdown. Uncle had high hopes for her. He'd taken me down to see her in the stables, a few days ago. While Uncle was talking to her trainer I'd managed a few words with Fred on his own. It was the first time I'd seen him since the day I'd returned from London. He had looked tired, I thought.

Ferdy caught up with us. He put out a protective arm to shield me from the crush of ladies and gentlemen who crowded the enclosure. I tried not to yawn. The excitement I'd felt earlier had begun to pall. I'd lost count how many times horses had galloped past me. They had all begun to look the same. We reached the railings that ran round the winner's enclosure. Inside I could see Ferdy's horse – The Troubadour. His red-brown coat shone with sweat. A man in a bowler held the halter. He doffed his hat when he saw Ferdy.

‘Isn't he a beauty?' Ferdy breathed in my ear.

‘Very,' I agreed, leaning away. I looked to Flo to rescue me, but she merely smiled.

I raised my binoculars and let them travel over the course. ‘That's the royal box you're pointing at,' said Flo. ‘Can you see the King?'

That
wasn't who I was searching for. I lowered the binoculars hastily. We'd seen the royal party arrive earlier – sweeping along the course in open carriages. The King had looked fatter than ever, and I'd giggled to myself, remembering what Marjorie had said to me. I'd written to Marjorie, when I'd got back to Langdown, but she hadn't answered the letter. I'd begun to read Uncle's paper, scanning it furtively for news of the suffragettes' exploits. I didn't dare ask Aunt and Uncle – I had asked once and they had looked shocked that I even knew who they were.

I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. ‘Come along, Penelope. It's time to stop gazing at young Waterlow's horse,' Uncle said jovially. ‘Our filly is racing next.' It was the only race I felt any interest in. Uncle's bulky form cleared a path for us through the spectators, like a steamer in full flow. We followed in his wake, reaching our seats just as the starting gun sounded.

I stood up and leaned forward eagerly, training my binoculars on the young fillies galloping around the track. Donatella was halfway back in the field but she was making good progress. If only that was me, flying around the course on her back.

‘Come on, Donatella!' I shouted, not caring what anyone thought. ‘Come
on
!' She was gaining ground, only just behind the little knot of horses leading the field. I clenched my hands into fists, and leaned forward as far as I could. She was drawing closer to the leaders. I could hear Uncle's hoarse voice behind me. We were all on our feet. She had caught up with them – she was fighting it out with a grey. They were running neck and neck. It was between the two of them now. But a third horse was coming up behind them. One more spurt. That was all it needed. ‘Come on!' They were galloping side by side. I heard a roar, and I sank down in my seat, feeling almost as exhausted as if I'd been running myself. The race was over. I swivelled round in my seat. It had been so close. Uncle was looking glum, but he forced a smile to his face when he caught my eye. ‘Second!' I heard George say. ‘Beaten by a hair's breath!' He sagged disconsolately.

Uncle shot a glance at him. ‘Lost again, eh!' he said. ‘How much have you squandered this time?' George was silent, sucking on his moustache. ‘Come on, Penelope,' Uncle said. ‘I'll take you down to the paddock. We'll leave the young cub to lick his wounds.' He snorted contemptuously. My heart leapt. I was bound to see Fred there.

‘Let's all go,' said Ferdy, jumping up like an eager puppy. ‘Miss P-P.' He offered me his arm. Uncle smiled, making way for him. If only he knew how reluctant I was to take the offered arm. Back we shuffled along the row of seats. I longed to shake Ferdy off. I was eager to see Fred, but not pinioned to the arm of this boy.

‘So this is where you have been hiding yourself.' David was leaning towards me across the railing that penned us in. Unlike most of the men in the enclosure he was in a light summer suit, a panama perched jauntily on his head.

‘I didn't know that I had,' I said.

‘How long have you been here?' he asked me.

‘All day,' I replied.

‘Sitting here?' His eyebrows went up. ‘I can show you a place where I promise you will get a much better view of the course. Look.' He pointed to where a line of carriages was drawn up. Several men and women had climbed up and were standing on top of them.

‘Don't be ridiculous!' I snapped. ‘I can hardly clamber about on a carriage. Anyway, I'm with a party.'

I threw a glance at Ferdy, who was regarding David warily.

‘Ferdy,' I said, letting go of his arm. ‘This is a – friend, David Moore. David, Lord Waterlow.' Ferdy bowed stiffly. David's eyes twinkled.

‘Shame,' he said. ‘It's the best view in town. But maybe you are right. Maybe it wouldn't be seemly for a
young lady
to clamber about on a carriage.' Was he mocking me? I felt myself flush. Ferdy took my arm again proprietorially.

‘I am going to the paddock to see my uncle's horse,' I told David firmly.

‘Very well.' The three of us wove our way through the crowds of ladies and gentlemen on to the course.

I saw people look speculatively at Ferdy and me. ‘What a handsome couple,' I heard someone say. I dropped Ferdy's arm. Behind me Aunt and Countess Waterlow drifted along talking, but I could feel Aunt's eyes bore into my back.
How dare I drop Ferdy's arm. What an insult to the house of Waterlow!

I saw Fred as soon as we reached the paddock. He had his back to me, one arm draped over the filly, the halter wound round his hand. Donatella was tossing her head, trying to shake him off. It was extraordinary how everything seemed to vanish until there was just Fred and me.

‘Penelope, I must talk to you,' said a low voice by my side. I came back from my happy dream to find that David was standing next to me. The intent look he gave me made my heart sink.

Oh, why won't they leave me alone? Can't they tell how little I care about any of them?

The look I gave him would have deflated anyone else. But nothing it seemed could dent David's self-confidence. ‘Surely you don't like that puppy?' he murmured. He threw a contemptuous glance at Ferdy, who was hurrying up to claim my other side. They eyed each other suspiciously.

‘We can talk here, can't we?' I said.

Does it not occur to you that I might not want to talk to either of you?

‘No we can't,' he said. ‘Come with me.'

What was he thinking? I could hardly walk off with him alone.

‘David,' I said. ‘I've come to see my uncle's filly. She's come second in her class. Please!' I left him and Ferdy and marched up to where Uncle stood, in the group around the filly. It took all my courage. Fred was standing only a few feet away from me now.

The jockey was talking to the horse's trainer. As I came up to them, Uncle smiled at me and put a hand on the jockey's shoulder. He could just as easily have tucked him under his arm. He was a small slight man who only came up to Uncle's shoulder.

‘This is my niece. She is a fine horsewoman herself. Jumps like a man.' His eyes twinkled at me. I could feel myself blush as the men turned to me. Fred was still grappling with Donatella's bridle. I walked up to her and put out my hand to pat her back. Her head came round fast. Fred tugged on the bridle to pull her away.

‘You be careful, miss, she's a nervous high-spirited creature. Remember?' I saw a smile glimmer on his lips. The jockey said something, but I didn't hear what it was. The men laughed. Fred's eyes were on mine. We were standing very close to each other now. If I'd put out my hand I could have touched his. I yearned to touch it, feel his fingers close round mine. We were so close, yet I might as well have been on the other side of the Channel. Fred looked glum as if the same thought was in his mind.
Please, Fred, don't look like that.
His hands were stroking the horse's nose. She had the same wild look in her eyes that I remembered.
You're like me. You want to be free. They're trying to tame you. But you don't want to be tamed. I know just how you feel.
I turned back to Uncle.

‘The first time I saw Donatella,' I said loudly so that everyone could hear. ‘I nearly walked under her hooves. Luckily for me Fred saw and pulled me away.' Everyone laughed.

‘She's a wild one,' said the jockey admiringly. ‘Gave me some trouble, but I showed her who was boss. We'll win this race next year, won't we, girl.' He slapped the horse's side affectionately.

‘She was a good purchase,' said Uncle proudly.

I could have stood there all afternoon, but Flo came up and took my arm. I let myself be led away. ‘I hope you'll visit us soon,' she smiled. ‘We have a fine stables and could find a lovely mount for you.'

‘If you promise to ride with me, Flo,' I said.

She laughed. ‘It would be a very dull ride. I can only manage a sedate trot. I don't enjoy it as much as Ferdy does. He will be so pleased to have a companion to ride with.' She looked fondly at her brother. Ferdy beamed. He was looking at Flo, but I knew that smile had nothing to do with Flo and everything to do with me, and I didn't like it. David had drifted away. But even if I managed to avoid a private conversation with him today he'd soon have another opportunity. He and the Waterlows would be amongst the guests at Langdown once the Royal Ascot meeting was over.

The crowd on the course had grown. The royal party was departing and spectators were hastening up to the railings to watch. I looked back to see that the seats that had been crammed with racegoers were nearly empty. People were slowly beginning to drift away. But we remained. Now that I couldn't see Fred, I was impatient to leave. The wind whipped my skirts around my legs. But Aunt, talking to Countess Waterlow, was standing her ground as if only a hurricane would uproot her.

She beckoned to me. ‘The Countess has invited you to the Waterlow shoot.' That usually impassive face broke into a beaming smile. I had never seen Aunt smile as often as she had today.

‘I'll look forward to it,' I lied. I looked round for a means of escape. Uncle was surrounded by a group of top-hatted racegoers. Ferdy was with him. ‘Ah, I see you are looking for Ferdy,' said Countess Waterlow, smiling at me.
Oh no, I wasn't. Why must everyone so wilfully misunderstand me? Were they blind?
Countess Waterlow's skirt whispered over the grass as she went over to the group. The gentlemen bowed and began to disperse. Ferdy came up to bid me farewell.