Last Days of Summer (25 page)

WAR BULLETIN:

U.S. Planes Bomb Five Japanese Cities

S
UNDAY
. In a dispatch that has electrified Allied nations around the globe, the White House today announced that sixteen American B-25 bombers, under the command of Lt. Col. James H. Doolittle, successfully attacked the allegedly “unassailable” Japanese homeland by air, scoring direct hits on Tokyo, Yokohama, Osaka, Kobe and Nagoya. With no U.S. airfields in the far Pacific, and a carrier-based assault impossible given the range limitations of the Mitchell B-25, the question remains, “Where the heck did our planes come from?” FDR was willing to offer but a single clue: “Shangri-La”—a tongue-in-cheek reference to the mythical Himalayan paradise popularized by James Hilton's novel
Lost Horizon
. The extent of the damage is not yet known, but it is believed that the losses to

Man About Town

by Winchell

THE BOYS GET TOKYO; MERMAN GETS “THE BOYS”

With Jimmy Doolittle wrapping up production in the skies above Japan, Uncle Sam's about to get another shot in the arm. According to the beat on the Street, Ethel Merman's joined the war effort by signing with skipper Mike Todd to star in Cole Porter's new song-and-dancer
Something for the Boys
, coming in for a landing at the Alvin in early January. This time the Queen of Musical Comedy finds herself playing Blossom Hart, a Texas war worker who begins receiving radio signals through the Carborundum fillings in her choppers. (And we thought radar was the latest word!)

“It's Cole's best score since
Anything Goes
,” gushed Eth at the Stork. “Wait 'til you hear a number he wrote for me called ‘By The Miss-iss-iss-iss-iss-iss-iss-iss-inewah'. The minute he played it, I knew I had to say yes.” And nobody crosses the Merm!

Dear Goodlookin',

I need to borrow your rifle for five minutes, but I promise I'll wipe off the prints before I send it back. And if you should happen to hear that they've misplaced the Queen of Musical Comedy, pretend you don't know anything about it. (Incidentally, I'm glad you think this is funny, you sadist. Wait until you find out that they've hired her to play third base for the Giants, too. Come to think of it, she's built more like you anyway.) Joey and I ran into her tonight at the Stage Door Canteen—she was boring the pants off of Gypsy Rose Lee (who wasn't wearing any). Talk about an unlikely pair. When was the last time anybody thought of Merman and Gypsy in the same breath?

Cole Porter dropped by the club on Monday to see if I'm still speaking to him (I'm not), but that didn't stop him from butting in while the kid and I rehearsed our Canteen number—a cute routine I swiped from
Pal Joey
. (Your little bat boy tried to convince me that he should have the bigger part because, after all, “they didn't call the show
Pal Hazel
.” He has a bright future as an agent if he wants one.) Cole felt it was all wrong for us and recommended “They're Either Too Young or Too Old”, which probably means he wrote it. I would have told him to go to Hell if it hadn't stopped the show, so maybe I'll let him off the hook—but not before 1950.

I just heard on the radio that the Japanese captured two of the Doolittle crews when they crashlanded in China. According to Tokyo Rose, they'll be given a fair trial and then executed. (That one's
going to take a little explaining.) Promise me something, you big bruiser. When you boys are sitting around bragging about who has the biggest you-know-what, don't let anybody talk you into joining the Air Corps. I like you best when all ten of your toes are on the ground. Besides, you're manly enough already.

Roosevelt says that the war could last two years or more. Remind me never to complain about a long road trip again.

Boy, do I miss you.

All my love,
-Mrs. H-

P.S. Joey told Rachel that her hair was as brown as My Friend Flicka. Was that your idea? I tried to explain to him that girls rarely appreciate being compared to livestock, but he won't listen to me—he still believes you're the last word on romance. (Come to think of it, so do I. Maybe I'd better shut up and quit while I'm ahead.)

P.S.2. By the way, Rachel's fallen for him hook, line and sinker—but he hasn't figured that out yet, and I'm certainly not about to tell him. That's the kind of thing you guys need to learn for yourselves after we've made you miserable for a few years.

P.S.3. And stop saying you want them to ship you out. Don't you read
Stars and Stripes
? It's dangerous over there. Personally I'm tempted to tell Gen
eral Vandegrift that you're a Communist—I'd rather have you here in a prison stockade than in some mucky swamp with sore shoulders and nobody to rub them for you. So be careful what you ask for—you may get it.

WAR BULLETIN:

Corregidor Falls to Japan;
“Sukiyaki” Comes Off
Brooklyn Menus

W
EDNESDAY
. Outnumbered after prevailing over nearly insurmountable odds for six weeks, and following more than 300 air attacks, Gen. Jonathan Wainwright issued a terse statement of surrender from embattled Corregidor this morning: “The resistance of our troops has been overcome.” With these words, 42,000 American and Filipino troops became the property of the Japanese, representing one of the worst defeats in U.S. history. Reports of atrocities against American prisoners, presumably in retaliation for last month's bombing of Tokyo and other Nipponese cities, are as yet unconfirmed.

Brooklyn, however, took the news in full stride. Overnight, sukiyaki disappeared from its menus, to be replaced by “noodle stew”. Take
that
, Tojo.

U
NITED
S
TATES
M
ARINE
C
ORPS

Semper Fidelis

C
AMP
P
ENDLETON
O
CEANSIDE
, C
ALIFORNIA

To:
ALL SECOND DIVISION MARINES

From:
GEN. A. VANDEGRIFT

Re:
EMBARKATION

BUSES LEAVE FOR P.O.E. SAN DIEGO AT 0600 TUESDAY THE 16TH. SHIP ASSIGNMENTS WILL BE HANDED OUT AT THAT TIME. WE CAN'T TELL YOU WHERE YOU'RE GOING, BUT YOU'LL BE HEADING IN THE DIRECTION OF THE RISING SUN.

GOOD LUCK.

Dear Charles,

I heard from Estelle Goldman that her boy in the service lost five pounds from what the Navy calls a decent meal, and the portions they serve on those ships wouldn't keep a snake alive. So look for a few packages from us before you leave, but don't expect a miracle. Ration points yet. Three for sugar, two for flour and who knows what's going to come out of the oven?

God forbid you should find yourself in the jungle, you'll boil the water before you drink it. They have diseases over there that should only happen to Hitler. And remember that your brains aren't in your
tuchus
, so use them and stay away from bullets.

Love,
Aunt Carrie

Dear Sprout,

Got your orders at mail call & I think we have the bases covered. But just in case I forgot anything:

I won't let him shoot off his mouth.

I won't let him stand up in any foxholes

I'll keep him away from land mines.

I'll keep him away from mosquitoes, malaria, jungle rot, dengue fever, snakes, spiders, lizards, flies, crocodiles & tall grass with head-hunters in it.

I'll make sure he writes.

OK, Boss? Remember, tho—he's 2 inches taller than me & most of that is muscle. If I can pull this off without losing any of my teeth, maybe I'll attack Japan while I'm at it.

Don't worry about us, Sprout. We're Marines. And one of us scored the only unassisted triple play in 21 years.

Your buddy,
Stuke

P.S. Am enclosing this week's issue of
Yank
with Veronica's pinup on page 16. I'm trusting you to take care of her until we get back.

P.S.2. I hear you've got a pretty jake love life of your own. How about a few pointers for a pal?

Dear Rachel,

In case you haven't heard, I'm performing at the Stage Door Canteen on weekend nights with Hazel MacKay, the world famous singer. Technically I'm not allowed to invite anybody who isn't a member of the armed forces, but I think I could probably sneak you in through the kitchen. This isn't something you want to miss. Last night after our set we were spooling spumoni with Mary Martin and Gertrude Lawrence and Noel Coward and Gypsy Rose Lee (who had clothes on).

So how about it, Toots?

Love,
Joey

Dear Joey,

Boys who go to night clubs where drinking happens are usually no good, and boys who eat ice cream with strippers like Gypsy are
always
no good.

And don't call me Toots. You're not exactly Mickey Rooney, you know.

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Do you like
any
thing about me?

Joey