Last First Kiss (41 page)

Jackson was too stunned to move; too miserable to function. He stood there, both fists clenched, for a full, torturous, five minutes after she left him. He stared at the door, hoping if he stared at it long enough, she’d walk back through to tell him she made a mistake. He finally accepted that she wouldn’t. He realized that his one chance at happiness had walked out, maybe forever. What kind of cruel God could let him see and experience that kind of happiness, only to pull it out of his grasp again?
The same kind of God who had ripped Giselle’s world in two when he’d taken Toby from her.

Memories of Giselle and her girls washed over him...the games, the movies, the yard work, the pizzas. He thought of the time he had spent alone with Giselle...the dancing, the swimming, the motorcycle riding, and holding her beautiful body, kissing her beautiful mouth. Giselle laughing, in pain, angry, jealous, Giselle...Passionate...With her eyes closed, and her head thrown back in pleasure. How could he possibly go back to being alone...Totally alone...When he’d already experienced a part of that life that he’d craved for so long? He couldn’t.

“
Oh God, please...Don’t let her do this,” he prayed fervently, his hands clenched tightly in front of him. He looked around his empty house through eyes darkened with sorrow. He had to get out of here. He’d suffocate if he spent another moment in this house alone. He grabbed his bike keys from the rack on the wall and went into the garage, pushed the button to open the door and climbed onto his bike. He buckled his helmet and started it, drove out to the street then out toward the edge of the city. He turned onto the last route he and Giselle had ridden and accelerated until he felt the icy grip on his heart lessen with the wind blowing in his face.

Jackson saw the curve ahead of him and backed off the throttle. He was right in the middle of it when he saw the cow in the narrow roadway. He tried to avoid it but hit it with a force that sent him flipping through the air toward the grassy pasture. As he was airborne, the last thing he remembered thinking was that at least he wouldn’t have to live without Giselle and the girls...

CHAPTER 24

Giselle drove the entire way home in tears, full of mixed emotions. She was ecstatic that Toby hadn’t been unfaithful to her, but that brought on an entire surge of guilt over what she’d been so ready to believe. How could she lose faith in her husband and marriage of thirteen years so quickly? Then there was the utterly hopeless situation with Jackson.

She let herself inside and walked straight to her bathroom to rinse her face and soothe her swollen eyes. She looked into the mirror at the bright yellow shirt she was wearing, thinking it was too cheerful, totally opposite of how she felt. What a fool she had been to believe she could build a future with Jackson so soon after losing Toby. Nobody found happiness like that twice in one lifetime...It wasn’t allowed. Most people didn’t find it once. She had never done a thing to
deserve
being that happy. She was lucky as hell that Toby had walked into her life and had been her perfect fit.

What about poor Jackson? First he’d been saddled with Chloe, and then had the misfortune of falling in love with a woman who couldn’t be happy with anyone but her husband. But she had been happy for a short time, when she believed she could move on. But, she couldn’t yet, could she? He said he loved her, that he had for years.
Don’t ask me to live without you...I can’t do that again
. The sudden remembrance of his tortured plea caused a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Surely, he wouldn’t do anything crazy, would he?

She picked up her phone in the bedroom and dialed his home number...no answer. She left a message for him to call her and that she was worried about him. She dialed his cell phone, to no avail. Giselle tried to brush aside the feeling of dread and walked out into the garage.

She decided to keep busy by bringing the boxes from Toby’s office inside. She hauled them into the dining room and began to go through them more carefully, sorting the objects, placing books in one pile, pictures in one, knick-knacks in another, etc. She pulled out his daily planner and began to thumb through it curiously. Seeing nothing of importance, she put it into a large manila envelope that had been inside his bottom desk drawer. She caught sight of something in the bottom of the envelope and pulled out a snapshot of Toby and Jackson...both sweaty and holding a basketball between the two of them. Toby’s brown eyes crinkled with laughter as one hand gripped the brim of the old faded LSU cap, the one Jackson had been so glad to have.

Her hand flew to her mouth as she collapsed against the couch. She flipped the photo over to see Toby’s scrawl on the back.
Me and Jackson, after whipping his butt in hoops, again, thanks to my lucky cap.
They don’t make men any better than Jack! I’d trust him with my life...

“
Oh Toby,” she whispered, tracing the photo with one finger. She studied his features for a moment, the coal black hair and warm eyes she’d found comfort in for years. God, she’d loved that man. Her eyes traveled to Jackson’s image, not as buff as he was now, and paler. Despite the smile on his face, she detected the old familiar signs of strain...a by-product of life with Chloe, apparently.
He doesn’t look that way, anymore.
She pictured him laughing with her girls, holding their hands, and helping them with baseball, school work, yard work...helping Lex to ride her bike for the first time while she filmed them.

She picked up her phone and viewed a picture she’d taken of him, Mac, and Lexie last weekend. They’d fallen asleep on her couch watching a movie together. Mac was curled up in front of Jackson, while Lex lay sprawled out on his hip, using him as her personal recliner. He’d wrapped one arm protectively around her so she wouldn’t fall...and all three were sound asleep. She hadn’t had the chance to show anyone this picture, not even them. What if he never got to see it?

Giselle held the phone to her chest and sobbed openly. She cried for Toby, and for all the things he’d miss in his daughters’ lives. For Jackson, who was somewhere, miserable and alone, thinking there was no hope for them. She cried for herself, for being such a fool. She cried until there were no more tears to cry.

When she finished, she felt free...lighter than she had since Toby had left this world. She knew she’d love him forever, but also faced the fact that her love for Jackson was every bit as strong.

Jackson...Oh God…Where was he?

She could still see his tortured face, could hear his tormented words and felt sick inside from what she had done to him. She knew she had caused that pain in him and she had to take it back. She had to make it right.

She got up, washed her face with cool water again, and phoned Jackson again, with the same result. This time she left a message saying she loved him. His cell number rang without an answer. She picked up the photo, placed it carefully inside her purse, grabbed her keys, and drove back to Jackson’s.

When she pulled into the driveway, she could see his truck inside the garage but his bike was gone. That explained why he didn’t answer his cell. She tested the door to the utility room; it opened for her and she walked inside Jackson’s home. Everything was exactly as it had been less than two hours earlier. She checked her watch to see that it was eleven o’clock already.

Where would he have gone?
She tried to sit down to wait, but felt this desperate need to get up and search for him. She called Bill. It rang twice before he picked up.

“
Bill, this is Giselle. Is Jackson with you?”

“
No, he sure isn’t. Is something wrong?”

“
Yes...No...Oh, I don’t know for sure. Maybe it’s nothing. I’m here at his house; his bike is missing and his house was unlocked, the garage door left opened, his truck keys left on the cabinet...You know, all the things he’d never do. I left here about two hours ago, and, well-it’s a long story, but I told him I couldn’t see him anymore. I’ve realized how foolish that was, and I came back to tell him. He’s not answering his phone. I don’t know, but I’ve got a bad feeling. I think he needs help, Bill. Can you help me find him?”

“
Sure honey. I bet he’s just riding to clear his head. Why don’t you come meet me?”

“
I will. Start looking right away. I’ll check some roads we’ve ridden on going toward your place.”

She found a tablet to leave Jackson a note in case he came home. She wrote:

Jackson,

Everything I said was a mistake. I love you!

Giselle

She placed it on the table and left in her truck. She drove down several roads they had taken when riding together, with no luck. Within half an hour, she turned into Bill’s driveway. She’d just hit the redial button when she saw his truck turn up the long driveway. She slid out of her vehicle with her purse, keys, and phone in hand. As soon as Bill’s truck pulled around, she climbed inside with him. “No luck?” she asked frantically.

“
No, I haven’t seen him. You know, he may be just riding and can’t hear his phone.”

“
I know he needs help, Bill. I can feel it. What’s worse is that he doesn’t know yet,” she said, wiping her eyes.

“
Doesn’t know what, hon?”

“
That I love him! I love him so much, and I want to marry him. I want to have his babies, and I want us to be a family-one big, happy family.” She shook her head anxiously. “Wherever he is, he’s thinking there’s no hope for us.” She covered her eyes and pictured the tortured expression on Jackson’s face when she walked out on him earlier. “He was devastated...He begged me not to walk away from him, and I did. I hurt him so bad, Bill. I’m such a fool.” She began to cry silently as Bill placed a hand on her arm to comfort her.

“
Where could he be?” she said, digging in her purse for a tissue. She picked up the picture and held it to her heart, silently asking Toby to help her if he could. She closed her eyes and concentrated, picturing their last bike ride and one of the places they had stopped one morning.

“
He and I went riding the other day and there was this pond. There were cattle and a few head of horses grazing in a pasture, and ducks and geese that stay there year round. Do you know where that is? Have you checked there yet?”

“
I know what you’re talking about and I haven’t checked there, but it’s only about five miles from here. Do you have reason to believe he’s there?”

“
No, it’s just a feeling.” She put her head down. “Oh God, keep him safe,” she whispered, clutching the snapshot to her heart.

“
What is that you have, honey?” Bill asked curiously.

“
I cleaned out Toby’s office this morning and found this in an envelope. I’ll never forgive myself if...” her voice trailed off.

Bill reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. “He’ll be alright, Giselle. He’s strong.”

She lowered her head and hot tears fell from her eyes.“But he’s so alone. And he thinks he’ll stay that way.”

Bill studied the snapshot with one hand. “The time stamp says this was taken on February 28
^th
. That’s Jackson’s birthday.”

“
That’s right, it is,” Giselle said quietly.

“
We’ll find him, don’t worry. Okay, this is the road.”

“
I remember it, how far is it to the end?”

“
About six miles, but the pond is a couple of miles up ahead.”

“
Do you have a GPS unit in here?” she asked.

Bill nodded. “If he needs help, they’ll find us.”

They stopped talking so they could keep watch for any sign of Jackson’s bike. They’d both been scanning either side of the roadside ditches when Giselle turned to face the front just in time to see the dead cow on the road. “Bill, Look out!”

He had to slam on his brakes and skidded off toward one of the ditches to avoid hitting it. When the truck came to a stop, he looked over at Giselle’s wide eyes. “Are you okay?”

Without answering, she opened her door and jumped out. She ran to the heap of metal in the nearby ditch that used to be Jackson’s motorcycle. “He’s here somewhere, Bill!” She called his name every few seconds as she and Bill began to search through the tall grass of the pasture.

<><><>

Jackson knew his injuries were serious. He’d managed to raise his head the first time he came to, long enough to see the compound fracture of his right leg. His bone was protruding nastily through the skin. He couldn’t move his left arm, so he suspected it was broken, as well. He knew better than to try to move but his symptoms scared the hell out of him...Dizziness, the severe ache in his head, and blurred vision. He knew there was a good chance he had a concussion, maybe even some swelling of the brain. He’d worn his cap style helmet and could picture Giselle fussing at him, telling him it didn’t offer nearly enough protection. It had taken the brunt of the initial impact, but had flown off after that.