Last Kiss in Tiananmen Square (12 page)

Baiyun nodded while putting a squid into her mouth. Her cheeks expanded. She was struggling to chew and swallow. The juice contained in hollows of the squid oozed out from corners of her lips. She struggled to wipe it off before it dripped down to her dress.

“Baiyun, don’t eat so fast. Otherwise you will have a stomach ache.” Then her eyes gleamed and her face turned pale. “Baiyun, do you know how hard is has been for Mother to raise you? If not for you, I would have left this family a long time ago. Your father never loved me. He only loved his roses, you know. He is inhuman. Mother has sacrificed everything in order for you to become a useful and decent person….” Weeping, she took out a handkerchief from her pocket and blew her big but delicate nose.

Baiyun was wondering how much Meiling had really sacrificed herself. She had not seen a lot of evidence. But she just kept listening. She knew the storm would be over soon.

“It was too late for me to become somebody,” continued Meiling, “You are mother’s hope, don’t you know that?”

Baiyun moved her eyes to the dish where Meiling’s entrée, the Russian beef was before. The dish was completely empty. She knew where Meiling’s entrée had ended up, --- her own stomach. Her lips were virtually glued together by the heavy cream. Her body was so clotted with fat that even her neck was stiff.

In an hour and a half, Baiyun and Meiling finished working through all the dishes and Meiling had finished pouring out all her thoughts. They walked out of the restaurant after paying the bill at the counter. Like usual, Baiyun did not feel good after this heavy meal. Her belly was so inflated that she felt her pants were going to burst open. She ran to the bathroom to loosen her belt one more notch.

With her still moist eyes, Baiyun’s mother stared at the elegant Beijing University gate across the street. Baiyun’s return did not disturb her.

“Baiyun, do you remember how hard you have studied in order to get into the famous Beijing University? Both your father and I are proud of you very much. You should appreciate this opportunity.”

“Yes. I do, mother.” She understood Meiling’s wish. Every mother wanted her daughter to be a good student. But it bothered her that Meiling mentioned her father. She worried about him and wished she could go home and pay a visit soon. She didn’t think she was up to it since the last experience. She hoped Meiling would understand what being a good Beijing University student truly meant, which was to carry Beijing University’s traditions and fight for equality, freedom and democracy in China.

When they were just about to cross the street, a group of 40-50 bicyclers rushed out of the Beijing University gate. They immediately blocked the street. Baiyun and Meiling had to wait. Baiyun wondered where they were going. She was sure that they were not going for an outing, because some of them wore armbands bearing slogans like “Free Press” and “Equal Dialogue”. Then she recognized some of her friends. So she ran toward them.

“Where were you today, Baiyun?” Her friend Li Yan asked her first while holding onto her bicycle under her armpit, which was a little too tall for her short body.

“I’m with my mother.” Baiyun pointed her chin toward Meiling.

“Your mother, is she going to take you home?” Li Yan’s eyes widened.

“No. She just lectured me for three hours,” whispered Baiyun.

“Everybody, let’s go.” Someone in the bicycle group announced.

“I have to go.” Li Yan turned around and climbed back to her bicycle.

“Where are you going?” asked Baiyun.

“This is a bicycle rally to support Beijing’s journalists, who were meeting this morning with Hu Qili, a member of Communist Central Politburo standing committee in charge of the press.”

After the bicyclists had left, Baiyun’s mother came over and asked, “Who are those students?”

“They are friends at the News Center where I will volunteer to be a reporter soon,” said Baiyun proudly.

“A reporter? Baiyun, you always liked to lick on eight piles of shit at the same time and could not finish a single one. You should concentrate,” said Meiling.

“Mother, you don’t know how important the writing is to me.”

Baiyun and Meiling walked silently toward her dormitory where Meiling’s bicycle was parked. Still feeling full, Baiyun felt like jumping. She galloped a few feet, stopped and waited for Meiling to catch up. Meiling’s high heel shoes prevented her from walking too fast.

It felt breezy during this sunny spring day. The cherry blossoms and the yellow forsythia flowers were everywhere along the road. They were walking toward the campus lake, the “Nameless” lake. The road zigzagged along the small artificial hills. Hard-working students mostly occupied the green park benches. These were often the only quiet places they could find on campus to study. But even here was no safe heaven. Several student discussion groups had occupied a few benches.

“Wenjing, Wenjing.” Baiyun found one of her classmates sitting on a bench by a tree, hard at work. A pair of thick-white-framed glasses sat on top of her delicate and cream-white face, which resembled a steamed-bread just coming out of the steamer that one could not help to take a bite. Her short straight black hair covered most of her face. She was reading intensely.

“What?” She raised her head from the thick GRE book and stared at Baiyun.

“Hey, Ms. Book, are you hiding here?”

“Hi, Baiyun. I thought you were in Tiananmen Square.” Wenjing gazed at Baiyun and looked puzzled. She pondered whether this sudden appearance of Baiyun was reality or not.

“Almost all the time, but today I am with my mother.”

“Your mother, is she going to take you home?”

“No. She doesn’t have that much control over me,” Baiyun said quietly and then smiled at the gradually approaching mother.

Wenjing moved closer to Baiyun and whispered into her ears, “I have heard that you have fallen in love with a factory worker. Is that true?”

“Ha….” Baiyun laughed out loud, “almost true, except that he is a technician, not a worker.”

“Woo, I couldn’t believe it. Is that because your romantic juice finally leaks out?” They both laughed loudly.

“Wenjing, this is my mother.”

“Hi, auntie,” answered Wenjing shyly.

“Ok, we’d better go and leave you alone with your books.” Baiyun and Meiling left.

Before they reached Baiyun’s dormitory, Meiling said, “Baiyun, you’d better tell me something about your new boyfriend before the rumor runs too far.”

“He is a nice man. But it seemed that his charm got me right away.” Baiyun didn’t feel like hiding anything from Meiling. Although Meiling had never openly encouraged her to find a boyfriend, and always said study should be her first priority, she knew that Meiling understands men better than most people in her age.

“But he is a common worker, Baiyun.” Meiling’s face had reddened and voice rose. It seemed that her daughter’s new behavior had really given her a great deal of worry.

“A technician, Mother, I think he really loves me. What can I do?” Baiyun was using the opportunity to tease Meiling because Meiling’s boyfriend Lao Zheng did not have much education.

“Baiyun, listen to mother.” Meiling stared at Baiyun and said, “That kind of love will not last.”

“But I will enjoy it as long as it lasts,” said Baiyun and the sound of her voice carried a sense of mockery.

They were standing in front of Baiyun’s dormitory, staring at each other from across the bicycle.

“Baiyun, can you be more practical? Can you learn something from mother?” Under the sun, Meiling’s eyelids were glistening.

“Yes, mother.” She finally gave in. Baiyun understood Meiling very well. Meiling’s constant warning helped her stay away from boys during her teenage years.

“Ok, then you make mother feel better.” Meiling wiped the corners of her eyes and rode away.

At 12:30pm, the campus was busy. Lunchtime started half an hour ago. Students, riding on bikes, rushed toward the cafeteria on narrow cement streets crowded by people and street vendors. Bicycle bells were ringing loudly. These highly skilled bicyclists didn’t want to get off their bicycles no matter how slow the traffic was. They could stay stationary and balanced for a long time until they found the tiny space between two pedestrians to sneak through.

Baiyun went into the campus convenience store near the “Triangle” and bought a notebook. The “Triangle” was extremely crowded. Big-letter posters written in Chinese calligraphy covered the poster racks like snowflakes. Layers upon layers, student spectators filled up the rest of the “Triangle”. Baiyun always enjoyed walking by here every day after lunch to see what was going on. But today among so many people, she had a hard time focusing. She felt like an organizer, a planner and an insider, but as a reporter, she remained detached as an outsider to impartially observe the students’ reaction toward this new movement. At least, the crowd reflected the broad support from the students. It was impossible to read anything from such a crowd and even harder to get out. In a fraction of second as she was fighting her way out of the crowd, someone touched her breasts. Her reaction was mute. She was too ashamed to yell. She looked around and saw a few southerners nearby. She couldn’t tell which one was guilty. Then she spotted a dark head fleeing in the opposite direction.

“Pervert!” she mumbled, which was her usual reaction.

Her stomach was still inflated from the big meal. She had a lot to think about. She thought about her plan to go to America next fall. She had to study hard to pass the exam. She really had an incentive to leave because she could not imagine going to live back at home after the recent episode. She had grown up to become an adult and could no longer be her Meiling’s boyfriends’ cute little girl or her mother’s bait to get them to come to visit. Her world was disintegrating. She must leave Meiling’s world completely and build one for herself. Even Meiling wanted her to leave for America. But did she really want to go?

She was flowing in the crowd aimlessly like a leaf in the ocean.

The radio station was broadcasting. The reporter went on to say the students had waited patiently as the official memorial service for Hu Yaobang took place in the Great Hall of the People three days ago. They prepared a petition that listed seven demands to the communist officials. They sent three representatives to the Great hall but no one had come out to receive them. The representatives had knelt on the steps of the hall, imploring Premier Li Peng to come out and accept their demands.

“Kneeling on the steps!” She was shocked and moved by students’ sincerity. She thought of Longfe and Big Li. They might be there, standing in front of the Great Hall of the People. He might not have eaten several meals. He might have camped overnight at Tiananmen Square. She also thought of Dagong. He might be in the square today, organizing the workers and waiting for her.

Her head was spinning. The voice in the loud speaker became louder and louder.

“The Beida Student Federation declares a Class Boycott that goes in effect immediately.”

For some reason she couldn’t comprehend, Baiyun was happy to hear this announcement. No more classes so she could study TOFEL all day long. That was the old Baiyun. The new Baiyun had decided walking toward the radio broadcasting station. It located on the second floor of the Dorm #28 which was located next to the “Triangle”. She followed the voice to the radio station. She was eager to find out what was going on. Maybe she could be of some help. She knocked at the door and was surprised to see her classmate Li Yan open the door. Then two male students welcomed her with big grins.

“Hi, Baiyun. Welcome to Beida Radio Station FM 101,” said Li Yan. She shook Baiyun’s hand, pretending to be formal. Then she turned to other two students. “This is Wan Gang and Zhang Jun. They are both students in the Electrical Engineering department. We found two used speakers and an old army radio transmitter so we have a homemade radio broadcasting station.”

“That sounds great. Li Yan will be the leading activist in our class,” said Baiyun teasingly.

“Not really. I’m just doing some behind the scenes work. Electronics has always been my passion. I have never dreamed of operating a real radio broadcasting station. So my dream has come true,” said Li Yan proudly.

“Baiyun, do you want to help us? We have a lot to do. And you can do an awful lot without being too visible, if that’s what you want,” said Wan Gang.

“Actually Baiyun is also a writer. She can help with the reporting,” suggested Li Yan.

“Ok. I always think I can do better with journalism than chemistry.” Although she hadn’t made up her mind to get involved so much yet, Baiyun accepted the offer.

“See, our chemistry department is full of talent,” said Li Yan.

Baiyun was appointed as the first correspondent in the news center. Then they set up a reception area for visitors. Soon several students from the journalism department came to work too. They helped to write the radio scripts, gather and announce news.

Baiyun became immersed in the news broadcasts. She always liked writing. Writing was like bread and butter during her difficult childhood. She dreamed of becoming a writer someday. She was glad that she had an opportunity to realize her dream during her busy school year. She also enjoyed interviewing people. It was such a fun job to be able to talk with so many people to get the first-hand news.