Authors: Parnell Hall

Last Puzzle & Testament (44 page)

“Are we ready?” Rupert Winston yelled from out front. “And … begin!”

The pianist played a note.

Becky Baldwin, alone onstage, rolled her eyes toward the piano. Becky was, Sherry had to admit, quite good. The expression on her face in response to that lone note was priceless. This being the twelfth day of gifts, one could scarcely wonder what her lunatic lover had sent her now. In a voice tinged with resignation and dread, Becky sang, “
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
” then with hands upraised, shrank back from the onslaught.

Aaron and eight other men entered from stage left, pantomiming drums.

“
Twelve drummers drumming,
” sang Aaron.

The drummers marched on Becky Baldwin as if she were Richmond, then turned and sang in chorus, “
Eleven pipers piping.
”

The pipers, eight strong without pipes, marched on from stage right, singing along with the drummers.

Ten lords-a-leaping—actually eight, not leaping very high—emerged from all sides of the stage. Had it been the tenth day of Christmas, the solo would have been sung by Harvey Beerbaum. As it was, the lords sang in chorus along with the pipers and drummers.

Nine ladies dancing, led by Sherry Carter, waltzed on from stage left.

Eight maids-a-milking swooped in from stage right, sat on their stools, and had just begun to pantomime milking when the seven swans-a-swimming (six men who would be carrying cardboard cutout swans, which had not yet been made), followed directly by the six geese-a-laying (five in number, not laying, and without geese), sent the milkmaids diving for cover.

As always, everyone got a breather during the retarded line “
Five golden rings.
” The rings, presented on velvet pillows borne by liveried servants (pillows, rings, and livery yet to come), were paraded in a circle around Becky Baldwin. She broke free just in time to be confronted with four calling birds, three French hens, and two turtledoves (birds, hens, and doves to be made later).

The chorus reached a crescendo. All turned toward stage left.

“
A
ND A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE!”
everyone sang lushly.

Jimmy Potter, pleased as punch, marched onstage, carrying the pear tree. It was actually a small, artificial fir tree with papier-mâché pears, but Jimmy couldn’t have been prouder. He strode up to Becky Baldwin and presented her with it.

He certainly wasn’t prepared for what happened next.

“Jimmy!” Rupert Winston shrieked. “Where’s the partridge? Don’t tell me you’ve lost the partridge! It’s the only bird we’ve got!”

Jimmy, completely taken aback, gawked at the pear tree. “Gee, Mr. Winston. It was right here.”

Rupert Winston leaped onto the stage. “All right!” he cried. “Who’s been screwing around with our props?”

“I … I … I …” Jimmy Potter stuttered.

Rupert ignored him. “Jesse!” he bellowed. “Where the hell is my tech crew!”

Jesse Virdon, the paint-smeared tech director who had been working on the flats, put down his brush. “Whaddya want?” he said, sauntering up.

“What do I want?” Rupert stormed. “You’re my stage manager. Where the hell’s my prop?”

Jesse shrugged. “Dunno. Been out here painting. Never went backstage.”

“Well, who did?”

Alfred, a gawky tm">

Cora Felton pushed forward. “Wait a minute. What’s
that?
”

There was something red among the green pine needles.

Jimmy turned the tree.

Hidden among the branches was a red envelope. It was greeting-card size. The back was facing out, and the flap had been tucked in.

Jimmy Potter blinked at it in amazement.

“What the hell is that?” Rupert scoffed. “A ransom note for the partridge?”

Cora lifted the red envelope off the branch. She opened the flap, reached inside.

Frowned.

Sherry, at her elbow, said, “What’s the matter?”

Cora pulled the contents from the envelope.

It was not a card. Just a folded piece of paper.

Cora unfolded it.

Scowled.

“Well, what is it?” Rupert demanded.

Cora turned the paper around for them to see.

A. Christmas stealer	38 158 67 56 151 141

B. Pressing	159 82 94 133 3 74

C. Don’t cry for her, Argentina (2 wds.)	154 98 36 131 148 51 119 11 162 123

D. Bright	21 132 136 120 77

E. Fire a gun	161 135 5 87 30

F. Evi	85 8 107 115 142 167

G. “The Fall of the ____” (3 wds.)	62 111 6 84 45 78 26 48 103 69

	124 52

H. “____ a home” (3 wds.)	152 23 138 73 125 60 33 129

I. Broken	71 117 113 99 9 164 150

J. Carton of sorts (2 wds.)	97 80 34 1 93 29 75 126

K. Mad	43 109 128 127 46

L. Tails counterpart (2 wds.)	112 92 50 17 104 39

M. Warming	54 160 114 140 96 137 68

N. Applause	72 59 145 15 24 35 110

O. “The ____” (Grisham novel)	7 65 44 118

P. Bullets	49 66 163 10 105 20 27 31 47 37

Q. More shipshape	100 116 89 16 55 95

R. Rooney or Griffith	2 166 106 4

S. Fought	101 42 19 91 32 134 70 18 121

T. Dancing like Chubby Checker	130 144 81 168 155 58 149 157

U. “Shake, ___, and roll”	90 108 147 64 83 12

V. ~~Repeats exactly~~	53 22 86 156 165 139

W. Yelled	122 88 13 79 61 25 41

X. Naughty, naughty! (3 wds.)	57 28 63 153 102 76 146 143 40 14