Last Summer (15 page)

“I’m not.”

“—I have a few colleges lined up in the
fall. Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth. You get the idea. I bet your
precious Chloe won’t ever get into any place that nice, will she?”
She smiles, and it sends a chill down my spine.

“Oh, please. The
only
reason you’re
getting into any of those places is because your dad is rich and
made a large donation to one of the three. My guess is Harvard,
since that’s where he graduated from.” She opens her mouth to
interrupt, but I cut her off. “And if you tell me I’m wrong, that
means you’ve probably slept around with some of the head honchos
just so you could get on a list, which doesn’t guarantee you’ll get
in. So, if the former is true, that means you’ll still be depending
on your dad’s money for years to come. If the latter is true, that
means you’re more of a slut than I thought you were.”

Leaving Audrey standing in the driveway with
a dropped jaw, I stomp inside, slamming the front door behind me
and locking it.

“And you!” I shout, pointing at my mom. “Why
the hell did you call Audrey to come over?”

Mom gasps and quickly covers Lucas’s ears.
“Logan, please control your language around Lucas.” She removes her
hands. “Lucas, honey, why don’t you go play in your room for a bit?
I need to talk to your brother.”

Lucas’s eyes dart between Mom and me, but he
never says anything, dutifully walking upstairs to his bedroom.

Mom turns to me. “Logan, I didn’t know. I
honestly thought you two were still together. Audrey asked me
several times if I had heard anything from you. She even came over
after you . . . after you were . . . gone.”

I exhale loudly, rubbing my face and combing
my fingers through my hair. “I have to go to her, Mom. Even if she
never wants to see me again, I have to tell her the truth.”

Mom nods a few times, then says, “Take my
keys and drive carefully.” She motions toward the small table by
the front door, where a bowl filled with car keys, loose change,
and peppermints rests. “I’ll notify your father. Don’t leave us
waiting this time, Logan. We’re all ecstatic to see you again.”

“I won’t.”

She quickly hugs me before I dart out the
front door. Thank God Audrey took the hint and left. I hope I never
have to see her again. What she did to Chloe is unacceptable, and I
hope I can alter Chloe’s opinion of me before it’s too late.

It’s amazing how, when you’re with someone,
the world seems right. The stars align, or whatever. But if you
make one small mistake, they never forget. They lug your problems
around, rubbing them in your face when necessary—whenever they want
to hurt you and cause major damage. That’s not love. Love is more
than just a pretty face with a nice personality. Love is knowing
your significant other’s heart for what it is, both good and bad,
and seeing what they’re worth. When they have problems, you don’t
drag them through the mud and muck; you help them to their feet and
walk beside them every step of the way.

That’s what Chloe did for me. So, is that
love? I don’t know, but I intend to find out. My heart beats
rapidly every time I think about her. Is that love? I still adore
the way she scrunches her nose without thinking; it makes her look
years younger. Cuter, even. Is that love? She’s polite and selfless
and the most beautiful person I know inside and out. I can’t stop
thinking about her. I want to be with her every second of every
day, and my heart literally aches when we’re not together. Is that
love? Probably.

“Ugh, Chloe. What have you done to me?” I
say aloud in the car. It’ll be another thirty minutes or so before
I reach Chloe’s house, and even then, I don’t know that she’ll be
there.

But I have an idea where she might be.

~~~

I park along the curb of Chloe’s street
exactly thirty-three minutes later. No way did she run inside,
crying for her mom to see. My theory? She’s at the cottage, or
somewhere by the lake near the cottage.

It takes me some time to find her, and it
definitely wasn’t an easy search. She was
in
the water,
swimming. I stand at the shore and shout, “Come talk to me!” She
pretends like she didn’t hear as she floats atop the water, arms
outstretched. “Don’t make me come out there,” I warn. Reluctantly,
she stops floating and swims toward shore.

As soon as her foot touches land, I reach
out, but she sidesteps me and wiggles away from my grasp.

“Just . . . listen to me, Chloe,” I say.
“Audrey lied to you. She and I aren’t together.”

Chloe doesn’t respond as she tugs on her dry
clothes.

“Okay, so, you’re pissed,” I continue. “I
get it. I’d be pissed, too. But you have to believe me. I wouldn’t
do this to you.”

She finishes buttoning her shirt, slips her
feet into her flip-flops, and walks back toward her house.

“Chloe, please talk to me. Say something.
Anything. Tell me I’m a lazy, good-for-nothing bastard who has
shitty priorities.” I catch up to her, but she won’t look me in the
eyes. I’ve never felt so invisible in my life. “I’m sorry, okay?
But I’m hurt, too.”

She stops, frowns, and then asks, “Why?”

“Because you believe Audrey over me, which
means you don’t trust me.”

She sighs and rolls her eyes dramatically.
“It doesn’t mean that I don’t trust you, but it’s a little too
obvious that you two still have feelings for each other. I
should’ve paid attention to the signs, anyway.” She resumes
walking.

“What
signs
? I swear to God there’s
nothing between her and me.”

“Oh, please.” She huffs. “The sexual tension
I felt between you two in the span of five minutes is more than
anything I’ve felt between us.”

I grab her shoulder, forcing her to stop
walking. “Is that what this is about? Because I have a sexual past
with Audrey and haven’t done anything with you?”

“No, it’s not like—”

I back away, running my fingers through my
hair, laughing at the sky. “Oh, my God.”

“Logan, I swear that’s not what I—”

“Then, enlighten me, because that’s exactly
what it sounds like.”

She inhales and exhales slowly. “Okay. So .
. . I just meant that there was something stronger between you two,
stronger than what you and I have, so when she said you guys were
still together, I panicked because I could
feel
she wasn’t
lying. She truly believed you two were a couple. And since you two
already had a past, it might be easier to revert to your old
ways.”

“Let me get this straight,” I say. “You
think just because she and I dated, I’ll go running back when she
calls?”

Chloe hesitates, shifting weight to her
right leg, then answers, “Maybe.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever
heard. I’m not her little bitch—I’m not anybody’s little bitch—and
I sure as hell won’t be going back to her. She treated me like
shit, and I was tired of it.”

“I don’t know, Logan . . . You can stand
here and say these nice things and make up stories, but the truth
is you went running when heroin called. So, how is that any
different than Audrey?”

Without a response, I just stand there like
an idiot. Like she just slapped my brain out of my skull and I
can’t think. I watch her turn and stroll off, and yet I don’t do
anything.
Go after her, Logan! Go!
My legs aren’t listening
to my head, though.
Make her believe you!

Finally, my mind connects with my legs.
“Chloe, wait.” She doesn’t listen, so I yell, “WAIT!”

Now she stops. Turning around, she looks
annoyed. “Make it quick.”

I amble over to where she stands. “Just tell
me what you want,” I whisper. “I’ve stopped using. I’ve tried
working things out with my parents. I’m not dating Audrey, or
anyone else. I don’t know what else I can do to make you happy.”
Reaching out, I grasp her by the shoulders, forcing her to look me
in the eyes.
Say something—say
anything
—damn it.
I
can’t stand to see her like this.

She shrugs out of my grip. “All I want is
for you to get your life back on track. I want you to be
happy.”

“Done. See? Not so bad.”

Shaking her head, she articulates, “That’s
not what I meant, Logan, and you know it.”

I snort. “Whatever. I’m fine.”

“Are you?” Her delicate features crease in
so many different places. “I think, if you had the chance, you’d
pick up the habit again.”

WHAT?
“Wow. Way to have some fucking
faith in me.” She moves to touch my arms, but I step backward a few
feet, out of reach.

She licks her lips nervously. “Just . . .
hear me out, okay? The truth is that I care a lot about you, but I
don’t completely trust those feelings, or you—not yet, anyway, but
I’m trying.”

“Want to know what I think?” Her baby blues
stare up at me; anticipation and worry perform the tango in their
depths. “I think you started this by throwing a pity party. ‘Oh,
God, the poor, homeless boy with a horrible life. I must help him.’
But that quickly turned into some fucked-up feelings, and then you
realized that if you help me, if they help me”—I gesture wildly to
the millions of random people surrounding us in the world—“if
anyone
helps me, it would be a good thing . . . for me. But
for you? That’s a totally different story. Because the truth is you
have a fucked-up life like me, you
see
yourself in me, and
you can’t fix your own problems, so you’re trying to fix mine.”

She opens her mouth to speak, but closes it
just as fast.

“But who’s going to be the one to help you,
Chloe?” I reach out to cup her face in my hands, my thumb gently
sweeping over her bottom lip. “Nobody, then?” She shakes her head.
“So I guess that leaves me.”

She nods and sniffs. “I guess.”

“I’ll take care of you, baby. It might be a
while, but I will.”

“You can’t,” she murmurs, on the verge of
tears.

“Why not?” I lift her chin, forcing her to
look me in the eyes. “Tell me.”

She just shakes her head, unable to
reply.

“Well, since we’re getting things off our
chests,” I say, “now might be a good time to tell you that I’m
fucking crazy about you. There was never a point in my life where I
cared so much about anything—not football, not my home life, none
of it. I’ve never met anyone who has a heart like yours; you’re so
willing to give it all away to those who need it most, even if it
means losing some of the pieces forever. You’re the most
infuriating, selfless, beautiful person I’ve ever known, and I
thank the universe every day that I met you.”

Damn.
For real, I think I’m gonna
vomit.

“You’re absolutely terrified that when I get
better, I’ll move back in with my family and we’ll never see each
other again,” I say, my chest expanding and contracting to
compensate for intense breathing.

She tears up. “Yes, I’m terrified I’ll never
see you again.”

I can’t help the grin sliding across my
face. “Oh, Chloe, what am I going to do with you?” I lean down and
kiss her lips. She doesn’t hesitate to smash her body against mine,
squeezing me tighter and tighter. I lock my hands in place at her
lower back. With my mouth pressed against hers, I hoarsely whisper,
“It’s not going to happen, you know. You and I will pull through
our issues, separately and together, understand?”

She clings to my gaze. “I don’t know if we
will, though. That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“What do you mean?”

Biting her lip, she falters.

“
What
do you mean?” I repeat, my
voice rising.

One tear escapes and slides down her face.
“Mom and Dad are getting a divorce, and Mom is moving out of state.
She wants me to go with her. When I got back from your parents’
house, I told her my decision.”

What the fu— No. Just no. I shake my head.
Calm down, Logan, just calm the fuck down.
I grapple for
some sense of the situation. Maybe it’s just one state away, or
maybe it’s one of the other states along the East Coast. That won’t
be so bad, right?

“Where?” She just stares at me, so I ask her
again. “
Where
are you moving to, Chloe?”

Her bottom lip quivers as her eyes drop to
her feet. “Logan, I think it’s best—”

“DAMN IT, TELL ME!”

“California, Logan,” she says, raising her
eyes to meet mine. “We’re moving to California, the state where
dreams are either made or destroyed. I don’t know which it’ll be
for us.”

I jerk away from her as if she slapped me.
Cali? The opposite side of the United States? I pace a few yards
away, grasping sections of my hair and pulling. Maybe the pain will
wake me up, because I
have
to be hallucinating. But Chloe
still stands in the same position, her cheeks now displaying a
fresh coat of tears.
“How the hell are we supposed to see each
other if you move out there?”
I can’t quite force the words to
roll off my tongue, but I know she’s thinking the same.

“Logan, please . . . don’t make this
h-harder than it already is,” she chokes out.

I stop pacing to ask,
“How long have you known?”

“She told me before we left earlier. I knew
she’d move out, but I didn’t know where to. And I can’t stay with
my Dad.”
You know, for obvious reasons,
is what she’s
basically telling me.

I can’t be pissed at her; it’s not her
fault. But shit, this is Cali we’re talking about here. I don’t
have the money, or a job to produce the money, so I can move out
there with her.

“We’ll figure this out,” I say, gathering
her in my arms again. Resting my head atop hers, I plant several
kisses on her wet hair. “We’ll get through this. Do you trust
me?”

She sniffles. “Yes.”

“Okay, then. I have to get back to my
parents and Lucas. I have to talk to them about borrowing the money
so I won’t have Big P on my trail forever. Do you want to come with
me?”