Laughing Fate (40 page)

"Hello? Sandy? I won’t be in tomorrow, I’m sorry."

"Sure thing, what’s the matter? Are you still depressed about Potter? ‘cuz I told you what you should do! DATE HIM! That’s what you want and what he wants! God, you’re stupid!"

"No...It isn’t anything to do with Potter. This is personal, I’ll talk to you later, okay?"

Puck put down the phone and sank onto the floor. Today was the anniversary of Molly’s death. Puck closed her eyes and tried to block out the memories. They had been driving in a car, everyone had been drinking, no one thought about safety. They were all dancing to the pounding music that filled Molly’s car. She was mad at Kyle, but determined to have a good time. She remembered that she turned around to look at Kyle, saw his screaming face, heard Molly screaming... then just silence.

She woke up in the hospital a Jane Doe. She had suffered just minor cuts and bruising, Kyle had broken his arm and bruised a rib, but Molly hadn’t been wearing a seat belt. Once upon a time Kyle and Molly had been her best friends. Once upon a time she had loved Kyle with all of her foolish heart. She had loved Kyle so much that she ignored all the warning signs. He started out smoking recreational drugs, he lost weight, got meaner. They started fighting more, mostly over sex. He called her a prude and once even lost his temper...

Puck squeezed her eyes shut as tight as she could, cradling her head in her arms. She had been so happy with Kyle, so in love, so foolish. Love didn’t exist, not really. It was an illusion; something to be attained briefly but the repercussions of such foolishness was not worth the thrill of a new romance. When she next saw Kyle he had screamed at her, calling her a murderer, a slut, a whore...

That’s why, no matter how sweet and wonderful Potter was, she was not going to get involved with him. She had lied to herself when she’d thought they could enjoy just the moment. In a way she was actually grateful that it had ended. If they had continued as they had been, Puck would have fallen completely in love with him. Puck wiped away a tear and sniffled. They would have been happy at first; it would have been pure heaven. Puck knew it wouldn’t last. Once upon a time, Puck had a boyfriend who loved and cared for her. Once upon a time Puck had believed in happily ever afters and fairy tales. Puck sat on the tile floor and sobbed into her arms.

Chapter 13: Dry your eyes, mate.

"Hi, Potter! This is Perri," Potter winced at the pep in her voice. Who was that perky at...one in the afternoon? Was it really that late? Potter wiped a hand across his eyes trying to wake up and concentrate on what Perri was saying. He had woken up to his phone ringing obnoxiously. It sounded like Perri was at a party. What kind of party started at one in the afternoon? Wait a sec... Potter looked out his window and peered up into a black starry night.

"Did you hear me?" Perri was definitely at a party. He could hear the loud music and yelling in the background.

"Does Puck know you’re at a party?", countered Potter.

Perri sighed loudly, yelled something at someone in the crowd and then resumed talking, "No, she doesn’t know. But she’d be cool with it if she did, I’m not doing anything half as wild as she does on a regular basis. Look, I just need a favor. I left Puck at the apartment. She’s drunk and something’s going on with her. She just called me and I think she needs company. Can you go check on her?"

"Why don’t you go? You’re her sister! And why didn’t you stay with her if you thought she needed to be around people?" No way was Potter going to Puck’s house. It would be easier on his heart if he just cut it out right here and stomped on it.

"Something came up; I’m with the father of my baby. He took me to this party and we’re actually getting along. But I’m worried about Puck. I think it’s about Molly, but I can’t be back into town for another few hours. You have to go to her, please."

Potter let out a stream of cuss words before settling on, "Bloody Hell!" He slammed the phone down and ran to get his keys. If Puck needed him there was no way he could just ignore her. He thought of her all alone at home, dealing with her problems by herself, just like she’d always done. Potter sped all the way to her house, kicking up gravel when he slammed to a stop in front of her townhouse.

He pounded on the door, but when there was no answer he marched right in, making a mental note to yell at Puck for not locking her door. He stopped when he saw her. She was sitting on the kitchen tile, slumped against the wall. Potter stepped closer and peered at her face. He lightly touched her shoulder and was surprised when she let out a loud snore. This was the big emergency?

Potter stifled a sigh and shook Puck awake. He’d hurried over here thinking it was an emergency, only to find Puck in a drunken slumber. Well since he was here, the least he could do is make sure she slept in a bed and not on the floor. He watched as her eyes slowly opened and focused on his. Potter frowned when he saw how puffy her eyes looked, as if she’d been crying. Maybe Perri had been right after all.

"What are you doing here?" she asked warily as she ducked her head, allowing her hair to cover her face. Potter crouched down next to her and tucked her hair behind her ear. She had definitely been crying. What if this did have to do with Molly and Kyle? Potter tamped down his burning curiosity and reminded himself to tread carefully. Puck did not like to cry or appear weak in front of others.

Potter wondered what he should say. Somehow blurting out, "Why are you crying?" didn’t seem like the wisest course. So he did what Puck would want him to do and ignored the question. He sat down on the floor and leaned his back against the wall and said, "Nice day we’re having, huh?"

Puck slanted him a look and slowly nodded her head. "Yeah, it’s been real nice. I’m a little bit drunk." She rested her head back against the wall, looking tired and sad. Potter grunted in reply and settled in for a long sit down. Puck would talk when she was ready. A long time passed, neither one of them talking, when suddenly Puck sighed and began her tale.

"Today’s the day. That’s why I’m drunk, I never drink anymore, not since that night. In just a few hours I will have driven down Scenic View, I’ll know I shouldn’t. I’ll think, "Puck don’t drive so fast, you had too much to drink, you don’t feel right." I’ll hear Molly laughing and howling at the moon, I’ll feel Kyle’s hand, I’ll slap him away. I swerve and a truck honks and we all laugh. We were young...young people can’t die. That’s what I thought, we all did. Kyle pops some pills, asks me to have one too. Molly yells at him to leave me alone..."

Puck spoke distantly, recalling a day in history that still gave her nightmares. Her voice came out disjointed as if she was living it all over again. This was something that Puck had never told anyone before. He put his arm around her gently, as she continued.

"Molly always looked out for me. I loved her; I loved her like none other. We were closer than sisters, we never fought, we always had fun, we spoke our own language, and we were always there for each other. She used to tell me we would grow old together and sip tea while our grand kids played in the back yard.

We would laugh and gossip about our families and talk about our wild days. She was my skinny dipping partner.  We went on road trips and camped at the beach for days. We went to parties and hiked in the woods...we did everything together. It made me so happy to have her as a friend because she was everything I wasn’t. She was popular, outgoing, very affectionate, and she really believed in love. Boys fell in love with her with in moments of meeting her. It wasn’t strictly her looks, it was her. She was special.

I was starting to plan her graduation present. She was going to have the month of Molly. We were going river rafting and camping and for that month anything she wanted, if it was in my power to give it, she could have it. I would have loved to have given her the month of Molly," Puck smiled wistfully at Potter. Her eyes cleared a little and she pushed back from his hold.

"Hey, you aren’t supposed to be here. We said goodbye," Puck said, accusation in her voice.

Potter sighed and said, "I know what I said, but you’re sister called and said I should come over and check on you. I couldn’t say no, I had to know you were ok."

"My sister? Perri? Called you." Puck stood up and ran upstairs, shouting for Perri. She jiggled the door knob, but it was locked. She turned on Potter and demanded to know where Perri had called from.

"Look, just calm down. She’s at a party. She was worried about you. She’ll be okay, trust me. She said you called her?"

Puck glared at him choked back more tears, "How do you know? How can you guarantee she’ll be ok? You know how Molly died?  I murdered her! That’s how she died! We were just having fun on the way back from a party. Don’t! Don’t freakin touch me!” Puck yelled, pushing Potter away. Potter dropped his hands and silently willed Puck to continue the tale. She was so close now; if she’d just talk about it she could begin to put it all behind her.

Puck gulped in breaths, trying desperately to regain control. “I was driving that day on this old road that was right on the ocean. There was a cliff on one side, traffic on the other, and lots of fog. Kyle kept touching me, trying to get me to agree to have sex with him. He called me a prude and started getting angry with me."

Puck broke off, staring at inanimate objects trying to get herself to calm down. A single tear found its way out of the watery pools in her eyes. Hugging herself, Puck closed her eyes and bit her lip. Her whole body was rigid, denying any feeling. Potter longed to go to her, but he stayed back. He knew Puck didn’t want any attention drawn to her loss of control. Damn, it was killing Potter to watch this.

Sniffling back a sob, Puck continued, “That had been happening a lot lately. Kyle didn’t understand why I wouldn’t sleep with him. Kyle was taunting me in the back seat, saying something, I don’t remember what. I know it was only the drugs talking, but it hurt. I turned around to yell at him and saw his face...he looked so scared and he was screaming. I felt a jolt and heard a crunching sound, heard Molly screaming and then I was in the hospital room.

Molly had died. I woke up to Kyle screaming at me, he blamed me for his sister’s death. The nurses had to drag him out of my hospital room, he hated me. I never said a word to him, because I knew the truth, I was a murderer. They let me go after a day, I had only minor injuries. I never saw Kyle again until just a while ago.

He’s different now. He wants me to go to counseling with him so that we can put that day behind us. It’s been three years and no one here even knows. When I got released from the hospital I came back and nothing had changed. No one knew that I was a murderer, no one knew that I ruined three lives in under ten minutes.

And as for the belly ring that you and Perri discovered so long ago, I keep it as a reminder of Molly. We got it done the same day and since we both were afraid of needles...we got drunk first. Well long story short, with a bottle of tequila down us, we decided that a tattoo would be rad. Potter stop staring at me. I think I’m going to go check what liquor I left in the cabinets..."

What did one say to that? There was just too much information, too much emotion to deal with. Potter longed to go to her and cradle her, tell her everything would be okay. He winced when he thought that he had given up that right. Was this why she thought they couldn’t have a future? All good things end, wasn’t that what Kyle had said. Is that what they truly believed?

Puck wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, smiled feebly and said, "On second thought I’ll probably just go for a walk. Don’t want to end up with another tattoo. See you later." She walked out side, still hugging herself.  

My god. She was just going to pretend like nothing was wrong. She had just confessed to the death of one of her closest friends, admitted that she had been forced to mourn for it on her own, and now she was acting like she had been talking about the weather. Shaking his head he thought back to her posture. She was holding herself so rigid. She was trying so desperately to stay in control that with in seconds of the door closing she was probably going to fall apart. She was a violent storm being confined in a flimsy container...it was going to break free.

Potter couldn’t let her leave the house on her own. When he’d said he couldn’t deal with her anymore, it was frustration at the lack of real depth and meaning to their relationship. Now things were different, he knew why she didn’t want a relationship. Who could blame her? She had trusted that rat bastard with her heart and Kyle had taken advantage of it. He had to catch up with her and make everything right.

Puck was sitting underneath a tree hugging her knees and crying. It killed Potter to see her like that. She was holding the picture in her fist and sobbing so hard that her body shook with each one. She raised her head when Potter walked besides her and slowly sat down. He did not say anything; he just opened his arms and she flung herself into them crying her little soul out.

He rubbed her back softly as she cried into his shoulder. She started out with giant sobs, but gradually she slowed down to silent sobs, then to slow tears. When she had cried all that she could she began to softly talk about her time with Molly and Kyle. She laughed at some of the stories, cried tears that she thought she did not have, and smiled wistfully at memories.

Potter felt like someone had hit him with a two by four. He had in his arms one of the strongest women that he could remember. She had held all that pain and hurt inside for all those years. And no one had noticed. Looking back, maybe that explained some of her extreme behavior. With that kind of stress and pain...one would be expected to act out.