Layover (31 page)

When we got back to Kita’s house, John declined to come inside.

“I’ve got to go, Ny. Maybe we can talk later?”

I gave him my phone number and a hug.

“I’ll call you.”

“I’ll be waiting,” I assured him.

“Ny. I never stopped thinking about you,” he warned me.

“Why is that?” I asked curiously.

“Because I loved you. And because you are the one that got away.”

He closed the door and motioned for the driver to pull off. I stood there watching the limo drive away and wondered why I let him get away.

I went inside briefly to say goodnight to Kita and to congratulate her on her success.

“Ny, thank you for everything. This evening was magical!”

“Well, I’m going home now. I will call you tomorrow.”

I got in the car and drove away. I was still in shock over what had just happened. When I left my house earlier this evening, I had no idea things would end up like this. I left home today wishing Allen would call and missing him so much. Now as I drive home, I wonder if John will ever use the number I just gave him. Now I was really confused. I reached into my CD case and searched for the one with the most dust on it. It was one I had not listened to in years and it often made me think of John.

I often told myself that we could be more than just friends. I know you think that if we move too soon it would all end. I live in misery when you’re not around. And I won’t be satisfied until we’ve taken those vows...

It was the soundtrack from the movie
Set It Off
.
Don’t Let Go
was John and my theme song. I cried and sang at the same time. I played it repeatedly until I got to my house. When I walked in the door, I looked at the phone to see if anyone had called - anyone like John. Indeed he had called. I listened to the message.

“Ny, listen. I had a great time tonight. I would like to see you again. Kita told me everything, so you don’t have to pretend that everything is fine in your life. Just call me.”

I assumed it was his cell number on the caller ID, so I saved it. Even if I were to call him, it wouldn’t be tonight.

I started undressing and got into the shower. Soon, I could hear the phone ring but I wasn’t going to get out just to answer it. When I finished showering and dried off, I went to look at the Caller ID. It was Allen. Ain’t that a bitch! Of all the times he decides to call, it has to be
after
my date with John. Where was he when I needed him? I played the message.

“I was just calling to congratulate you on your award. I saw you on television. Also, congratulations to you and John. I wondered why you hadn’t called, and now I know why. I hope the two of you will be happy together.”

My heart felt heavy. How could I have not seen this coming? Now, I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I was glad Allen called. But on the other hand, the only reason he called was because he saw me with John. That must mean that he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did. Therefore, I don’t want to be with him until he realizes that he was wrong for questioning my love for him. But he is going to think I don’t want him because of John. I don’t want him to think that. And, if don’t call him tonight, he is going to think I’m with John. I had no choice. If there was any hope for Allen and me, I had to call now.

“Hello,” he answered.

“Allen, I’m glad you called. I had really missed you.”

“I can tell by the way you were smiling and posing with your famous ex-boyfriend.”

“That’s not fair, Allen. Kita set that up. I had no idea who my escort was going to be.”

“How convenient for you it was someone you were already comfortable with.”

“This is about us, not about John. It’s about how you don’t believe in my love for you. You are proving it right now by acting jealous of a man I haven’t seen in over 4 years.”

“Ny, I never meant for things to get this far out of hand.”

“Look Allen, it’s late. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

“Fine,” he answered.

“I love you,” I assured him.

“I love you too, Ny.”

I hung up the phone. I laid flat on my back and looked up at the ceiling. I knew I loved Allen, but for some reason, I felt a huge distance between us now. I couldn’t fall asleep and just when I felt the slightest bit of drowsiness come over me, the phone rings.

“Ny, I’m sorry to call so late. I just wanted to tell you again what a great time I had.”

“So did I, John.”

“Ny, I meant what I said. I loved you then and part of me still loves you now. It would very easy for us to pick up where we left off years ago.”

“There’s just one problem, John. We are right where we were back then. I’m still not going to sleep with you.”

“Not even if I was ready to take the big step?”

“What step?”

“You know, marriage.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me?”

“No, Ny. Seeing you tonight made me realize the one thing I had been missing in this life. I thought I had it all. When I saw, I realized, I have nothing. Without love, you have nothing. Then I realized you are the only woman I have ever loved. I mean, you loved me for me, not for who I was or what I had. Hell, you didn’t even know who I was. Not only that, you respected yourself and you didn’t give in to the pressure. That’s why I know you are the one, Ny. You are the one I need in my life to make it complete. So what do you say, Ny? I’m ready, are you?”

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was God playing a practical joke on me or what? This man that I walked out on over 4 years ago is asking me to marry him now. Right when I am most vulnerable.

“John, I can’t talk about this right now because it’s late and I’m not thinking rationally. I need time. I need time to think and I need time to process everything that has happened. Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Yeh, just call me on that cell phone number, I will be on the road tomorrow.”

“I will. Take care.”

I hung up the phone. If I thought I couldn’t sleep before, now I was really wide-eyed. This was too much for the girl to handle. I got out of bed and went downstairs to make some hot tea. I turned on the television and watched infomercials. I couldn’t believe was even considering what John said. Why would I even think about marrying him at this point in my life? I don’t even know him anymore. Yet, everything about him seemed so familiar and right. It did feel like old times when we were together at dinner. Still, I loved Allen and wanted a life with him. How could I choose?

I fell asleep on the couch. The next morning I was awakened by the telephone.

“Ny, it’s Kenny. Wake your ass up.”

“Good morning to you too, Kenny.”

“I just want you to know that I think it’s fucked up that you told Allen to have me subpoenaed for that DNA test.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Kenny. I’m sure Allen thinks it’s fucked up that you manipulated his high school sweet heart and got her pregnant.”

“Well, I’m sure you were happy when he told you that they confirmed it. Akina’s baby is mine.”

“What, when did that happen?”

“A few days ago. Your boyfriend didn’t tell you? They excluded him after additional testing with my DNA.”

“No, he didn’t tell me.”

“Oh, you and your man not speaking? What’s up with that? Have a little lover’s quarrel, did you?”

“Go to hell, Kenny. Go take care of your baby.”

“Touchy, touchy. I sure would like to know why you and Allen aren’t talking.”

“I never said that. Get off my phone!” 

I hung up on him. I was still sleepy from being up most of the night. Besides that, my stomach felt queasy. This whole pregnancy thing was really taking its toll on me. Pregnancy! That’s it! All I have to do is tell John I’m pregnant and he will hit the floor running. He wouldn’t even look back. That was it! If I tell him, I won’t even have to decide between him and Allen, he will decide for me! I was going to call him right away and tell him!

“Hello,” he answered cheerfully.

“John, it’s Nya. Are you busy?”

“No. What’s up?”

“John, there’s something I have to tell you. I’m pregnant.”

“I can say with the greatest amount of confidence that it’s not mine,” he joked.

“John, I’m being serious. So you see, we can’t get married. I’m carrying another man’s child.”

“Ny, I don’t care about that. I love you and everything about you. I will take you any way I can have you. Pregnant and all. We can raise the baby as our own and have lots more!”

That didn’t work. I was stunned. I couldn’t believe it. Here I am trying to let him down easy and he is not giving me the means to do it.

“So what are you saying? You still want to marry me?”

“Of course, Ny. Did you think that I wouldn’t?”

Hell yeah. Most niggas don’t want to take care of their own kids, let alone another man’s.

“It’s not that. It’s just that I thought you would need time to think.”

“Nya, I’ve had 4 years to think. I don’t want to think anymore. I want to know. And I know that I want you.”

“To be honest, John, I thought this would be a deal breaker. I haven’t thought about whether I wanted to accept your proposal or not. I just assumed I wouldn’t have to.”

“Well, you do. You owe it to me and to yourself to consider it. Like I said, I love you and I need you. I need to know how you feel.”

 “I’m going to need some time,” I told him.

“Time is all I have, baby.”

“I’ll call you later,” I told him.

“Do that.”

I hung up the phone. I sat there looking crazy. I didn’t know what to do now. I was so confused. I knew for sure that I really loved Allen, but I hated the fact that he was showing signs of being unsure of my love for him. As for John, I felt that I might still be in love with him, but I needed more time to be certain. In the meantime, I am pregnant and not sure if the baby was for my soon-to-be ex-husband or his brother. This all reminded me of a bad soap opera.

I got up and made some tea. I decided to get dressed and show my face in the office, so at least people will think I still care about real estate. I was feeling very sick, more so than usual. Still, I had to go into the office and make an appearance. I thought about Allen and John a lot. I tried to think of Allen more, but it was hard not to consider the offer John made. I’m not the type of person to recycle relationships, but this was a really good one. John and I were very much in love and spent lots of time together, even with his frequent traveling. The one thing that caused us to break up is not even relevant if we were to get married. Yet, there was so much to consider. I’ve been away from him for so long, I’m sure I would have to get to know him all over again. I imagine that he’s evolved a lot. I don’t even know if he finally finished his college degree, because he only attended classes during the summer when there was no basketball. Also, I didn’t really follow his career after we broke up because I never really cared for sports in the first place. The only updates I got were from his mother and sister, but never anything detailed. I must admit, I’m intrigued by the offer, but it just seems too abrupt. Surely, he can’t think that he’s head over heels in love with me again after spending one evening together. It just doesn’t seem right. I admit that I feel something very deep for him, too, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that it’s mad love.

I drove to the office and went inside. Dee Dee could tell right away that I wasn’t feeling that great. I asked her where was our new star agent.

“Out in the field,” she explained.

“That’s great news. An agent who spends too much time in the office can’t be doing a very good job.”

I went into my office and plopped down in my chair. I called John’s cell phone, but there was no answer. I didn’t leave a voicemail. I logged onto the computer to check my e-mail. There were several forwarded messages from Allen. He had me on some kind of mass mailing list and I often received junk mail that everyone else got. Still, I always enjoyed just seeing his name at the top of them. I deleted the messages and turned off my computer. I didn’t really want to be there but I didn’t want Dee Dee to feel that I just threw her in here and abandoned her. I sat at my desk for a while and went through the mail. But soon, I couldn’t take it anymore. My back began to hurt and my side was cramping. It wasn’t excruciating, but it was enough for me to bounce.

I got in my car and drove home. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to listen to Usher of En Vogue. I was torn between two really special men and it resonated all the way down to the theme songs for each respective relationship. I decided to just listen to the radio. When I made it back to the house, I decided to take some Motrin for my back. I laid down on the couch and fell asleep. I woke up some time later in the early evening but my back was still hurting. The cramping in my side was more intense and I could hardly stand up. I sat there for a while longer and watched television. I decided to try to call John again. Again there was no answer. After a while, the phone rang. I was sure it was John calling me back because he had seen my number on his call display.