“No big deal? Then why didn’t you tell me about it?”
Chase’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding, right? After all the stuff you kept from me? Christ, you aren’t the only one who struggled through shit as a teenager. I was pissed off, too. And I figured I’d poured all my money into rent and groceries since my very first job, so I decided I deserved a little joyride. Get over it and stop being self-righteous.”
“I’m not being self-righteous, I’m saying I want to be with a man who’s never seen the inside of a jail cell! Is that too much to ask?”
Chase shook his head and sighed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it. I didn’t
want
to tell you about it.”
“So you kept it from me on purpose.”
“Yes. Do I look like a fucking idiot? I knew you’d use it as an excuse, and that’s exactly what you’re doing now. It’s an excuse, Jane. We’re good together, and you said yourself that I was a good guy.”
“It doesn’t—”
“And you were right about one thing. Nothing’s changed. The way you feel about me hasn’t changed, and I still love you. But that doesn’t mean I have to take this kind of shit. I’m going to go, and you can call me when you’re ready to talk like a grown-up, all right?”
“No!”
“Put some ice on that hand, Sugar Ray.”
“Chase…”
He gave her a perfunctory wave and walked out. After a moment of stunned silence, Jane locked the door and checked all the windows. The police had already found the key in Greg’s pocket, thank God. Jane wasn’t planning on calling a locksmith.
Still, she felt nervous as she walked around. Her eyes drifted toward the sofa where Chase had offered to sleep.
She’d made the right decision. They needed a clean break. There was nothing she could do about the past, but she could damn well do her best not to get it mixed up with her future.
Jane poured two glasses of lemonade and went to sit next to her mom on the couch.
“So Jessie looks good?”
Her mom nodded. “He does. Really good, actually. And if he keeps up the good behavior, his lawyer says he’ll probably be out in six months. That’s not so bad.”
“No, it’s not.”
“Are you gonna go see him? He can receive visitors until eight on Thursdays. You’ve still got an hour.”
She looked into her mom’s hazel eyes, noticing how deep the lines were getting beyond the mascara. “I don’t think so, Mom. I sent him a letter a few days ago, though.”
“He told me he got it. And thanks for paying for the attorney. She was real good. I’ll try to pay you back someday.”
“Please don’t. I wanted to do it.”
“Thank you. But I’ll still try.” Her mom sipped her drink and looked nervously around. “It’s real pretty in here, Jane. Like something on TV.”
“Thank you.”
Her mom’s neon-pink nails plucked at her skirt and Jane felt her gut lurch. Her own mother was nervous in her house. She had no idea what to say to Jane, and Jane didn’t know what to say, either. This was ridiculous. And shameful.
“Oh!” her mom said. “I knew there was something I wanted to tell you. Do you remember Mrs. Jackson? She used to live next door? She stopped by to see me.”
Jane nodded, hiding her anxiety about what was coming next.
“She said she’d heard how well you were doing for yourself now and she was just tickled pink.”
Jane ducked her head. The stories were starting already.
Though Greg had been charged with breaking and entering, it hadn’t made it to the papers. Probably the D.A.’s office was trying to keep everything quiet. They’d fired Greg immediately, and Jane had been relieved to hear he’d left town to go stay with his parents.
Still, his departure didn’t really change things. He’d made sure to spread the word about her before he’d left. Mitch the dentist had already called to ask if everything was okay. Lori had come by the office just today, having heard some of the story from Quinn. Lori had brushed off Jane’s concerns and taken her out for lunch without batting an eye.
But it hadn’t been enjoyable. Jane had spent the lunch wondering whether she knew the other diners and what they might think of her.
There was no hiding anymore.
Her mom smiled and patted her hand, seemingly oblivious to Jane’s worries. “You remember Patricia, her daughter? She was younger than you. Only twenty-one years old and she married an Egyptian man and moved all the way over there. Can you imagine that? Married to a man from such a different culture? And so far away.” She gave a disapproving hum.
Amazing that marrying an Egyptian man at twenty-one would shock Jane’s mom. She’d married her first convict at nineteen, after all. That was only three years older than Jane had been when she’d gone off to party with three strangers.
Though her mom kept talking about Mrs. Jackson’s recent visit to her daughter in Egypt, Jane’s thoughts were on the past.
Her mom had made some really bad choices, but she’d had no one around to pull her out of them.
It should’ve been easy to forgive her, considering some of the bad choices Jane had made in her own life. But somehow it wasn’t. Maybe because if Jane was going to forgive her mother for making bad choices, she’d have to forgive herself, too. That made her feel nauseated.
Maybe she could take baby steps.
“Mom, I was thinking I could bring some pizza by this weekend. Maybe we could all watch a movie or something?”
For a moment her mother looked as if Jane had proposed they paint their faces blue and rob a bank. But then she smiled, a grin so wide it showed off her back teeth. “That would be great, baby. Maybe we could invite Grandma Olive.”
Jane’s smile twitched into a sick grimace for just a moment before she managed to straighten it out. “Oh, sure. Whatever you want.”
“She’s a little lonely now that Jessie’s gone.”
“Of course.” Lonely like a beta fish after it had eaten all its young. “Whatever you want, Mom.”
“Oh, this is going to be so much fun! That new
Fast & Furious
movie is out on DVD. Have you seen it yet?”
“Um…no.”
“Okay, I’ll order the pizza, and you pick up the movie, all right? I’m so excited!”
Everything she said just made Jane feel worse, but thankfully her mom was gathering up her purse and phone.
“I’ve got to get home and make dinner for your dad. You think about going to visit Jessie, all right? We’ll see you this weekend. Oh, Jane, I can’t wait.”
Jane stood, waiting awkwardly. When her mom passed her, Jane reached out and gave her a quick hug. “I love you, Mom.”
“Oh, honey. That’s so sweet! I love you, too!”
“I’ll see you this weekend. Is Saturday okay?”
“You know us. We’re just an old married couple. We only ride on Sundays now.”
As soon as the door closed, Jane’s eyes flew to the phone. She was shaking with nervous energy. She needed to talk to someone. Was Chase home?
It didn’t matter. She’d broken things off. He meant nothing to her.
But she wanted to tell somebody that she’d reached out to her mom. She could call Lori, but Lori wouldn’t understand what a big step it was.
Heaving a sigh, Jane walked over to her coffee table and stared down at the phone. It seemed so innocuous, the screen staring blankly at nothing.
It was over. He wasn’t the kind of man she wanted to date. It had been a clean break.
Eyes narrowed, she glared at the phone.
He’d said he didn’t want to be used anymore, but that had been days ago. Surely he was horny by now. Maybe she could lure him over for sex and a quick conversation. Only because she was stressed out.
Comfort food. Chase was comfort food, and she was dying for a little comfort right now.
Jane snatched up the phone and flipped it open. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t call him, but there was a way around that.
Pulling up his number, she typed out a text message.
She had no other outlet now. Nothing but boxing. And nowadays even boxing made her think of Chase. But at least she could imagine punching his face while thoughts of him tortured her.
The thought made her feel guilty. The guilt made her think of her mom. Then of Jessie. She was drowning in guilt and a helpless need to do
something
.
She’d taken a first step with her mom. Things were over with Chase. But what about Jessie? She glanced at the clock.
Her reputation was in a shambles, so she’d vowed not to set foot in the jail again. If anyone saw her, another juicy tidbit would be added to the delicious story of her true identity. Mitch would remember that he’d seen her at the jail, too. Everyone would wonder what she’d done. Perhaps they’d wonder if she was following in her mother’s footsteps.
She couldn’t do it.
But she’d vowed to be a better sister, a better person. Her relationship with Chase was effectively over, but she couldn’t cut off her brother. Not if she wanted to help him.
Jane grabbed her keys and hurried out before her cowardice could gather itself up and stop her.
Half an hour later, when she saw Jessie’s face, the strange tension that had been tightening inside her eased a bit. He did look good.
“Hey, sis,” he said into the cracked and dented phone, “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I wanted to see how it was going.”
He shrugged. “Not too bad. You know…it’s jail.”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for the letter.”
“Of course,” she said, no longer sure what she wanted to talk about. “Do you need anything?”
“Mom brought me cigarettes. Maybe some books would be nice. I used to read that sci-fi stuff, remember?”
Yes, she did remember all of a sudden. When he’d been thirteen and he’d asked to spend the night at her place, and she’d said no as she always did. Jessie had thrown one of those books at the wall before slamming the door to his room.
Jane nodded. “I’ll ask around and see what’s popular now.”
“Great.”
Silence fell between them. A stupid silence, considering they had only a few minutes. But Jane didn’t know what to say.
I’m sorry I never let you spend the night at my place?
“Hey!” Jessie said suddenly, a smile blooming over his face. “I heard they arrested someone for those murders!”
“Finally,” Jane said.
“Dude, that’s great. What a relief.”
“I suppose.”
“What’s not great about it?”
Jane watched him, looking into his eyes. The same big blue eyes he’d had as a sweet little boy. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to treat him like a kid, either. Not if she expected him to start acting like a man.
She straightened her shoulders. “He changed the locks on the homes of all three women after their purses were stolen.”
Jessie nodded.
“He kept copies of the new keys.”
“That’s devious, man.”
He didn’t get it, so Jane took a deep breath and said it as clearly as she could. “Jessie, if you hadn’t stolen Michelle Brown’s purse, she might still be alive.”
His face fell, crumpling into shock. “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“I know, and the truth is, with or without you, there was a killer out there looking for his next victim. But your actions had real consequences. First of all, a person’s life can be ruined if they lose their rent money or the payment for their child’s day care. And even worse things, things you couldn’t imagine, like what happened to Michelle. I know you didn’t mean it, but…You didn’t mean it, but it still happened, Jessie.”
His gaze fell to the counter and he rubbed a hand over his eyes. She felt as if she’d just stuck a knife into his back, but it wasn’t about her. He needed to spend his time in jail thinking, and she wanted him to start at the right place. She wanted him to regret his old life, so he’d start a new one. Sometimes regret was a powerful force.
“I love you,” Jane said just as the warning chime sounded.
Jessie looked up, his eyes bright with tears. “I’m sorry about Michelle. And I’m sorry I let you and dad down. Mom, too. I really am.”
A tear slipped down her cheek when she nodded. “I’ll come see you again next week, okay?”
Her love life was one thing. She could give that up if she had to. But her family…she didn’t want to lose them again.