Lean On Me (Take My Hand) (23 page)

“You
look like a science experiment,” Rachel teased, snapping me out of my reverie
and tugging gently on one of the wires sticking out of my head. “Maybe I just
start calling you Frankie.”

“And
maybe if I wasn’t wired up I would just have to throw you over and spank the
shit out of you for that comment.”

“Don’t
let the wires stop you,” she goaded with a wicked glint in her eyes. “But you
need to rest first. Get your energy up. You’re gonna need it for what I have
planned for you.”

Fuck.
My cock was having a seizure of its very own at the mere thought of what she
had planned. The hospital hadn’t actually stipulated whether I could or
couldn’t participate in anything ‘fun’, but I couldn’t help wondering if they would
know what I’d been up to. Does sex stimulate electrical brain activity? Well,
if it does… the guys reading my EEG report are in for an amusing discovery
because there is no way in hell I will be able to resist Rachel for four days.

“I’m
sorry about Ben,” Rachel added solemnly after a long silence. “I know it’s
probably hard to imagine right now, but it doesn’t change the good times you
guys have had together.”

“What?”
I unintentionally snapped.

“Maybe
he did latch on to you out of some fucked-up sense of guilt or whatever, but I
don’t think your whole friendship is based on that. No one can keep up a façade
for that long. People make mistakes,” she tried to convince me. “I just don’t
think you should write him off until you’ve spoken to him. You need to find out
his side of the story, otherwise you’ll just invent your own, probably worse
version.”

“You
think I’m overreacting?” I couldn’t help asking. I kind of understood her
point, but I didn’t particularly like it.

“No,
Jaz. I think you have every right to floor that motherfucker for what he let
you go through that night. I’m just saying, if Ben was a heartless bastard you
would’ve never been friends with him. You need to find out
why
before you cut him off. And if when you do, you can’t get past
it, then I will back you all the way.”

Hmm,
maybe.

Maybe
not.

“I
don’t want to talk about it right now,” I admitted, rubbing my temples. “My
head is killing me.”

Sighing
softly, Rachel smoothed her palm down my cheek.

“I’ll
fetch you some aspirin.” I nodded, smiling gratefully, and she winked at me
before turning to exit the room. “Get your arse in bed!” she called back from
the hallway. “Let me rephrase that,” she tacked on, raising her voice a touch
higher the further down the hall she got. “Get your
naked
arse in bed!”

Shaking
my head and laughing, I cautiously lifted myself from the sofa.

“Yes,
ma’am!”

Rachel

Truth
? I
hated
that Ben fucker. Just hearing his name made me want to rip off his balls
and shove them down his throat. But… what
if
there was a decent explanation? What
if
the motherfucker was
genuinely
sorry?
I didn’t think it likely – all I did know was that I’d spent so long
inventing my own reasons why Emily had given up on me, when in reality I know
jack shit because I’m too fucking stubborn to swallow my pride and keep calling
her.

Jared
and I were still lying in bed together. I had no idea what time it was, just
that hours must’ve passed because it was dark outside. We’d done nothing but
cuddle, Jared’s headache too intense for anything else – every time he
moved, pain shot to his eyes, blinding him. But it was perfect. I’d stripped
naked too, and after lifting myself onto the mattress and settling in beside
him, Jared pulled my leg up across his thighs and I tucked my arm over his
waist. We hadn’t moved since.

“What
the fuck…” I practically squealed, rolling onto my back and clutching my belly.

“What’s
wrong?” Jared asked in a panic, jumping upright and putting his hand on top of
mine.

“I…
I think they’re kicking,” I said with a shaky voice as overwhelmed tears
pricked the corners of my eyes. Bubbles. That’s what it felt like –
hundreds of tiny little bubbles popping in my stomach. Jared’s palm immediately
found a free patch of skin on my belly. “Ooo…ooo! You feel that?” Wearing the
widest smile I’ve ever seen another person possess, Jared nodded.

“Wow,”
he choked out, his green eyes glassing over with the threat of tears. “What
does it feel like to you?”

“Hmm,”
I pondered. “Kind of like when you don’t let a fart escape and it rolls back up
into your belly.”

“Rachel!”
he scolded, laughing. “Do
not
compare
our children to a fart!”

Our
children…

Yeah,
I totally had another ‘moment’.

“Fuck,
I love you so much,” Jared said, keeping his hand on my belly as he leaned
forward to brush his lips over mine. “You know, my headache has almost gone,”
he announced, grinning wickedly with a suggestive rise of his eyebrow.

“What
about the wires?” I asked playfully, gently tugging on one that fell by the
side of his face.

“I
say let’s give them one hell of a show,” he replied. Taking his hand that was
splayed across my belly, I pushed it lower, resting his fingers on the part of
me that was already throbbing for him.

“Deal.”

**********

“I’m
so sorry I’m late,” I rushed out, pulling up beside Jared in the hospital
waiting room. I told him I’d be with him today while they removed his EEG
wires, but I had two classes this morning and then got side-tracked trying to
talk Holly out of arranging a baby shower. Seriously, who actually has those
things? I can’t think of anything worse than sitting in a room full of Holly’s
friends, fake-smiling and feigning enthusiasm at the assortment of knitted
booties. Well, except maybe diarrhoea – that’s probably worse.

I
did however agree to go shopping this afternoon. I need a whole new wardrobe
filled with size jumbo clothes. My belly is growing by the day and I’ve had to
start leaving the buttons on my pants undone to accommodate it.

“I
told you it’s not a big deal,” Jared replied, squeezing my hand. “You didn’t
need to come at all.”

“I
wanted
to come. I need to make sure
they do a good job of giving me my good-looking boyfriend back. I’ve had enough
of Frankie,” I teased.

“You
think I’m good looking, huh?” he asked, amusement tickling his eyebrows.

“I’ve
seen worse.”

“Wow,
Rach. I’m so flattered.”

“Jared
Mattheson?” A lady wearing nurses’ scrubs called from down the corridor. When
Jared stood up, she approached us and raised a hand to stop me from following.
“Sorry, but it’s patients only,” she said, immediately making me dislike her
even though I knew she didn’t make the rules.

“Guess
I’ll wait here then,” I pouted.

Jared
bent down and kissed the top of my head.

“You’re
adorable when you’re grumpy,” he whispered in my ear before standing straight,
turning towards the nurse and following her down the corridor.

I
sat, twiddling my thumbs and scrolling through Facebook on my phone - checking
out the daily dramas, for forty minutes until Jared returned. The corners of my
lips turned up automatically when I saw him and when his eyes met mine, he
winked. He’s too bloody cute sometimes. I couldn’t see any trace of wires but
he still had the hood of his hoody pulled up over his head so I wondered if
they’d attached something else to him instead.

“Everything
go okay?” I asked as he stepped behind me, passing me a white paper bag and taking
hold of the handles on my chair.

“Sure,”
he began as he began to move us forward. “Before they took it off I had to lie
back in a chair while they did some tests. I had to wear these special glasses
and they flashed lights in my eyes and shit. Then asked me if I’d ever been
affected by strobe lights, lack of sleep, stress…all the triggers they asked
about last time. Apparently I’ll get a call in a week when my results are ready.”

“I’m
proud of you,” I said, but he ignored me. I knew it was because he didn’t feel
proud of himself. He felt embarrassed, and I hated that.

“Fancy
walking home?” he suggested.

“I’d
love to, but it might be more practical for you to push me.”

“You
know what I mean,” he replied and I could hear the smile in his voice. “I just
need the fresh air. I’m fucking
done
with
public transport.” He sounded edgy now. Actually, screw edgy – he was
pissed off.

“It
won’t be forever,” I tried to console. I knew it was worth shit though. He’s
never said it directly but I know he feels like he’s had his independence
stripped away from him. He’s not used to relying on others and even though I’ve
grown accepting of it over the years, I still understand how he feels.

Helpless.

“We’ll
see,” was all he said. He sounded so despondent – like he’d resigned
himself to a future of fits and uncertainty a long time ago. But, what I can’t
seem to make him grasp no matter how hard I try, is
that
was before he agreed to seek help. Sensing he didn’t want to
discuss it further, I kept my mouth shut, closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel
of the cool breeze kissing my cheeks as Jared pushed me back to his apartment.

Once
we were inside and settled on the sofa, Jared finally pulled his hood down. I
bit my lip ring to stifle the giggle that wanted to escape.

“You
look homeless!” I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Jared’s golden hair was sticking
out in a thousand different directions, matted together with remnants of
whatever glue they used to attach the wires.

“Full
of compliments today aren’t you? Seriously, you need to calm it before my ego
explodes.” Reaching out to the coffee table, Jared handed me the small paper
bag I’d carried on my lap all the way home. “Acetone,” he stated as I plucked the
glass bottle from the bag. “Should get the rest of the glue off they said.”

“Can
I do it?” I asked, reaching back into the bag for the cotton wool balls they’d
supplied.

“Knock
yourself out.” Smiling, I patted my knee and Jared twisted to lay his head on
my thighs, draping his legs over the edge of the sofa. He adjusted himself a
few times, trying to get his head into a position that didn’t squash my ever-growing
belly.

After
unscrewing the child-proof cap, I soaked some cotton balls with acetone and started
working it into the stiff glue on Jared’s head.

“Jeez,
this is some stubborn shit,” I muttered, frustrated that the sticky crap didn’t
seem to be budging.

“Feels
nice though,” Jared muttered dreamily, enjoying the massage on his scalp.
Hearing that, I made an extra effort to work my fingers into his hair. He
sighed lazily every time, making me smile. “Speaking of hair… what’s going on
with yours?”

“Eh?”
What’s wrong with my hair?

“It’s
brown,” was all he said.

“
Actually
it’s Black Cherry,” I corrected.
I made the change last night. My hair is fucked – dry and brittle –
from all the years of bleaching and dying, so I decided it was about time I
gave it a rest and rocked my natural colour for a few months. “I thought the
‘mumsy’ look might be more appropriate now.”

“Don’t
ever change yourself to ‘fit in’, Rach,” he scolded, snapping his neck to look
at me with stern eyes. “So what if you’re the only mum in the playground with
pink hair? At least you-”

“I
was kidding, Jaz,” I interrupted, my heart swelling with pride. I love how much
he loves me.
Me.
The
real
me – and all my quirks and
differences. “I just didn’t want to keep caking my head in chemicals every two
weeks while I’m carrying our munchkins,” I told him.

“Munchkins?”

“It’s
better than
aliens
.”

“Oh
come on… they
so
looked like aliens.
Admit it.”

“No!
They are
babies,
Jared!
Our
babies!”

“Jess
finds out what she’s having tomorrow,” he announced.

“I
know. She told me. Exciting isn’t it?”

“Oh
yeah. I forgot you and my baby sister were BFF’s these days,” he said
playfully. He was right – I have grown close to Jess. We don’t see each
other much but we talk on the phone a lot – mainly about pregnancy and
lady bits.

“Sorry,
would you rather I discussed my discharge and leaking nipples with you?” I hadn’t
actually been having any discharge, so please don’t run away screaming at the
TMI. I just wanted to gross him out.

“You
know you can. Is it anything to worry about? Should we arrange to see the
midwife?” he asked – concern and seriousness tinting the sound of his
voice as he turned onto his side to kiss my belly.

“Jared,
I was just teasing,” I admitted, feeling a little guilty for panicking him. “Everything
is fine. I promise.”

Narrowing
his eyes in disapproval at my attempted humour, he kissed my belly again.

“So
your nipples aren’t really leaking?” he asked, sounding…
disappointed?

“Well,
yes… but it’s normal. Jess’ started leaking too at my stage.”

“Okay,
firstly I’m setting out a new rule for our relationship. Never
ever
discuss my sister’s tits in front
of me.
Ever.
”

“Sure,”
I agreed, giggling. “Sorry.”

“And
secondly, I’ve
got
to taste those bad
boys before the day’s out,” he said cupping my breast through the flimsy
material of my white shirt and kneading it gently.

Sweet
Jesus…

“How
about now,” I panted desperately. It was bordering on pathetic how much I
wanted him. Pregnancy has done crazy things to my hoohaa. It’s almost
permanently swollen and it literally aches whenever Jared is within a mile
radius. As for my nipples… they’re so sensitive I think I could come just by
him touching them alone. “Take me to the bedroom,” I pleaded breathlessly.

“No
time for that, saffy. I need you
now.
”

Wow.
I almost came from the mere sound of his voice.

Kneeling
up, he came at my mouth. Clutching the back of my head with both hands he
moulded his lips to mine. He wasn’t gentle – his tongue plunged into my
mouth before I could catch a breath. He licked and tasted every corner of my mouth
before sucking on my tongue and groaning against my lips.

Slowly
his hands slipped down the back of my neck before trailing down my front and to
the buttons on my shirt. He undid them quickly, biting his lip as my flesh was
revealed. As he pushed the fabric down my arms I leaned forwards and shrugged
myself out of it. Jared’s fingers took that opportunity to reach behind my back
and unclasp my bra at the same time.

My
breasts heaved from my rapid breathing and he buried his face between them
before licking a trail up the deep crevice and along my throat.

“I
swear these get bigger every day,” he murmured against my jaw, tweaking my
nipples between his fingertips. “Now,” he added throatily. “Time to taste.”

Oh.
God.

My
whole body shuddered as his mouth ventured lower. Part of me wondered if it
was… I don’t know…
normal…
to let him
taste my breast milk, but the noises he made as he began to suckle turned me on
so much I decided I didn’t care.

“So
sweet,” he whispered into my swollen breasts as I arched myself into him.
“Fucking perfect.”

Grinning
wickedly after having another taste, he released my nipple with a pop, tucked
his fingers into the waistband of my jeans.

“Bum
up,” he ordered. Without speaking and without hesitation, I raised myself up on
my arms and watched the intensity burning in his eyes as he pulled my pants and
knickers down in one swift go. Lowering myself back down, I sat naked and
exposed… desperate to get my hands on him.