Authors: Candy Harper
I’ve heard old people criticising the young and saying we’re pampered and don’t know what hardship is – let me tell you, you’ve got to be pretty tough to manage to get snoggy in the spot where your coffee-breathed troll-teacher tore strips off you because you didn’t know the difference between meiosis and mitosis.
Anyway, French kids are clearly as tough as English ones because there was a lot of snogging tonight.
I was looking forward to spending some more time with Philippe, but amazingly I actually felt quite relaxed about seeing him. I didn’t even stress about what to wear. It’s nice feeling so comfortable with someone, but a tiny little part of me did think about how dizzy I’d feel if I was going to a disco with Ethan.
I’d hardly had a chance to speak to Angharad since the folk singing so it was nice to catch up. She seems to be really popular with Louise and her friends.
‘How’s it going?’ I asked her.
‘Brilliant. I’ve learnt so much French, haven’t you?’
‘Tons. Mostly rude words from Josette and romantic words from Philippe, and that’s the useful kind of French, isn’t it?’
‘But I do miss Lily,’ Ang said. ‘I can’t wait to see her. And my mum.’
I actually really didn’t want to think about who I’m missing so I decided to try out what is widely known as the world’s best distraction: dancing with a fit boy.
Philippe is a good dancer. With snogging skills to match.
It was a nearly perfect night, but I couldn’t help sighing a bit when we got back to Josette’s house.
LATER
I woke up in the middle of the night with a pain in my chest. I thought it might be Josette sitting on me, but then I realised that there was a Megs shaped hole inside me. I tossed and turned for a long time thinking about everything I said. Then I remembered some things that Megs said, like how the trip was a rip-off, and how I haven’t seen her buy any new clothes this year, and how she said that they were saving up to send Grammy to Barbados in the summer.
The thing about stopping and thinking for a minute, is that it can make you realise that you are an idiot. I shouldn’t have gone on so much about Megs coming on the trip. And I shouldn’t have taken it personally when she said no. I’m glad I’m going home soon because I really need to say sorry to Megs.
SATURDAY 26TH MAY
We went to Paris today. The Eiffel tower is pretty tall. It’s a bit of a swizz though because you can’t actually climb right to the top and straddle the little pointy bit, and swing out an arm and pretend you are King Kong on top of the Empire State Building.
Not that I was planning on doing that or anything.
What you can do get is your hair blown into a right old mess and then you have to attempt to look completely unfazed when French boys point and laugh at you and call out ‘ourangutan!’. Which is actually the same word in French as it is in English. I can think of more useful words to keep the same like ‘mascara’ and ‘crisps’.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure that they were calling me a big ginger monkey because I was covered in my own auburn hair, but it might also have had something to do with me trying out just a little bit of the King Kong business, using Josette as the pointy thing to swing on.
We also went to Notre Dame and the Musée d’Orsay. While I was admiring a Pissarro painting Icky said in her delightfully penetrating voice, ‘This is rubbish. The people are all blobby. I could do better than that.’
‘Wow, Vicky,’ I said. ‘I, for one, am delighted that you’ve managed to shake off that crippling shyness so that you’re finally able to tell us what you really think.’
‘It is rubbish, isn’t it, Philippe?’ she whined.
And Philippe said, ‘The impressionists painters, they didn’t want to show things how it is, they wanted to make it how you see things when you look at the crowd or the forest. You cannot take all the details, not every leaf or face, but you get an impression of colour and light.’
Uh huh. I snogged a really smart boy. ‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘You can get an exact copy from a photo, this has got the feeling of the scene in it too.’
‘Yes, yes!’ Philippe said. ‘Energy in the stroke of the brush.’
Even though Philippe is tall and Icky is the size of a malnourished gerbil she managed to look down her nose at him. ‘I’ll leave you two alone to your geek speak.’
Philippe looked at Icky as she walked off and then back at me.
‘I’m thinking that also this Vicky is better when she is far away and she is looking only like a blob.’
I told you he was smart.
SUNDAY 27TH MAY
This morning I had to say goodbye to the Josette family, which was very sad. I also had to say goodbye to Philippe, which was actually quite cheerful. He’s lovely and we had a great time. He said that if I’m ever in France that I can come and stay with him. Since I’m going to combine being a prize-winning chemist with a few leading roles in blockbuster films, it seems obvious that I’ll hardly be able to avoid being flown to Paris in a private jet now and then, so I’ll definitely be seeing him again. When the bus drove away Josette chased after it waving for a couple of hundred metres. She is very silly (and surprisingly fast in those heavy boots) but I’m going to miss her a lot.
It seemed to take forever to get home. Even though I was sad to leave Josette and I had had a really good time I was sort of looking forward to seeing my idiot family again. Except Granny, maybe.
When we finally pulled into the school car park Mum, Dad and even Sam were there to meet me. I was so pleased I put Sam in a headlock.
‘Ow! What are you doing that for?’ he whined, as if he hadn’t been pining for me all week.
‘Because I’m happy to see you!’
‘It hurts!’
‘I can’t help it if you can’t tell the difference between my angry violence and my affectionate violence. Give it few more years and you’ll get the hang of it.’ And I twisted his ear in a loving fashion.
‘Great,’ he replied. ‘Can I have my head back now? I’d like to bang it against a wall.’ I released him and gave Dad a punch of joy.
Then Mum gave me a straight up cuddle. ‘It’s so nice to see you,’ she said. ‘Did you have a lovely time?’
I started telling them all about it. I still had plenty more to say by the time we pulled up at home, but as we were getting out of the car I remembered what was waiting for me. ‘Is Granny here?’ I asked.
‘She’s been here all week.’ Sam scowled. ‘And we’ve got two more to go.’
Mum tutted. ‘Come on, Sam, it hasn’t been that bad.’
Sam mouthed, ‘It has.’ And then he pulled a death-by-Granny face.
Inside, I found Granny in the kitchen. She greeted me with a cake, which is definitely my favourite way to be greeted. I looked down at the icing. In swirly letters it said WELCOME HOME FAI
‘There’s a bit missing!’ I said.
Granny snatched the cake away. ‘There’s gratitude. I see you haven’t picked up any of that French elegance.’
I gave her my best scowl. ‘Did you eat a slice?’
‘They said you’d be back by six, it’s half past now! I come over a bit funny if my blood sugar level drops.’
‘So you ate some of my welcome home cake?’
‘Yes and it’s very good even if I do say so myself. Would you like a slice?’
I gave in and nodded. I wasn’t going to quibble about a few missing letters when there was cake at stake.
It was quite tasty. If Granny could do a bit more baking and a little less meddling she’d be a passable house guest.
While I did the washing up after dinner and Granny pointed out what I was doing wrong, I asked her how her home improvements were coming along.
‘It’s lovely. I’m having magenta walls with pumpkin trim. My friend Keith is project managing – you remember Keith?’
It’s hard to keep up with Granny’s boyfriends. ‘Is he the one who made a fortune in plastic cutlery?’
‘No, he’s the one with his own building company, so he’s put his best men on it.’
‘Does that mean it will be finished early?’
‘Oh no, if anything it might take a bit longer. Keith’s very thorough.’
I sighed. ‘I don’t know why you’re bothering to redecorate at your age anyway. We’ll only do it again when you’re dead.’
Granny narrowed her eyes. ‘That’s the sort of attitude that has made me decide to leave my house to the cat.’
I flicked soap suds at her. ‘You haven’t got a cat.’
‘If necessary, I will drag one off the streets. Even if it’s the last thing I do.’
I dried my hands and helped myself to another slice of cake. ‘I think you’ll find that even cats object to a pink and orange kitchen.’
LATER
Since Granny has taken over my comfy bed, I have attempted to turn the lumpy old sofa into a cosy nest by covering it with all the cushions in the house. While I was settling down I remembered how furious Josette’s mum was with Josette, until Josette’s dad found out Icky had set us up. My mum would never have believed that the cigarettes were mine, even if I had said that they were. She would have known I was protecting someone.
It’s nice to be home.
MONDAY 28TH MAY
There was no school today because of the bank holiday. I woke up early anyway because Granny was crashing about in the kitchen. I wouldn’t have minded but when I called out a very polite request for her to make me a cappuccino with extra froth she called back something quite rude. Once I was awake, I started thinking about Megs. I want to see her but I know she’s spending the day with her Grammy today. I could text her, but for the first time in my life I don’t really know what to say.
I hate thinking she’s cross with me; it’s making me quite miserable. I barely even noticed the first two breakfasts I had.
I might have to try a third one.
LATER
While I was bravely working my way through another bowl of Coco Pops, my phone rang; when I saw it was Ethan my stomach did a double backflip. For one crazy moment I wondered if he had missed me while I was in France. Perhaps he was ringing to tell me that he prefers me to Dawn. When I finally managed to pick up and say, ‘Hello?’ in a rather wobbly voice he said, ‘Hey Faith, can you do me a favour?’
I was fairly sure by this point that the favour wasn’t to go on a date with him, so I was able to say, ‘What sort of favour?’ in a calmer tone.
‘So my dad’s friend is this multi-media type. I know it seems unlikely that my dad could have any cool friends, but I think that since he’s been living with me some of my coolness has rubbed off on him. Anyway, his friend is setting up this teen website and he wants some video clips for the “friends” section.’
‘Right.’
‘And since I’m clearly a very cool teen he asked me if I could film one of my friends talking about mates. Just for a minute or two. I know that you and Megan aren’t getting on well at the moment but I’m hoping you’ll still do it.’
I sighed. It seemed like I couldn’t escape thinking about Megs for five minutes. ‘Well—’
‘Go on, Faith, I need your help with this. And the whole project is due really soon, so do you think we could meet up? My house probably isn’t the best idea so maybe the park?’
I wasn’t entirely convinced by this video thing; since I played those tricks on Ethan last year I’m always a bit suspicious when he wants me to do something unusual. Is this all leading up to a practical joke? Maybe I should have said no, but the thing about Ethan is that he is pretty irresistible so I ended up agreeing. I’m going to be on my guard though.
LATER AGAIN
As soon as I walked in the park gates I could see Ethan by the swings. I walked towards him slowly scanning the trees and bushes just to make sure that there was no one waiting to pop out and ambush me, but when I reached him, the look on his face wasn’t the cheeky twinkle of someone who is about to do mischief. Obviously, I’d been wrong to expect a practical joke.
‘Thanks for coming,’ he said. ‘I appreciate it.’
I wanted to know why he hadn’t asked Spawn, but I didn’t want to bring her into the conversation so I said, ‘How come you asked me?’
‘Well . . . my dad’s friend has already got some footage of boys talking so he wanted a girl and he had a certain kind of girl in mind, you know? Energetic, pretty, relatable.’
I tried to hide my delight that Ethan thought that was a good description of me.
He got a tiny video camera out of his coat pocket and switched it on.
‘What do I have to do?’ I asked.
‘Okay, maybe sit on the swing?’ He touched my arm to guide me towards the swing. I was instantly covered in goose bumps.
‘Then just look at the camera and tell me what’s so great about your best friend.’
So he counted me in and I said, ‘The thing I really love about my best friend Megs is that she’s always there for me. She shares all my happy times with me and she looks after me when I’m miserable. She even tells me when I’m wrong, which takes a really brave person.’ Just thinking about Megsie was making me smile. ‘With Megs, I feel like I’ve always got someone on my side and that’s the best feeling.’
Ethan grinned at me. ‘That was perfect. Brilliant. I know you two have had a bit of a bust up but it’s obvious how well you get on really.’
I wanted to ask him if he’d seen Megs and if she’d said anything about me, but I was interrupted by his phone ringing.
‘Just a sec,’ he said and whipped out his phone. ‘Hey, Dawn.’
My heart sank. There we were having a nice chat, why did she have to interrupt? I withdrew to the roundabout but I still heard enough to understand that he was late for meeting her. And that he was about to leave me.
He slid his phone back in his pocket.
‘I’ve got to go, Faith,’ he said.
‘Sure.’ I leant back and tried to give the impression that spending the morning pushing myself on the roundabout was definitely what I wanted to do.
‘Westy’s having everyone round his house this evening, can you come?’
‘Um . . . Does Westy actually want me there?’
‘Of course he does. You two are still friends, aren’t you?’
I shrugged. ‘I hope so.’
‘Seriously, Westy told me to ask you. He does want you there. We all do.’
His sparkly eyes looked so hopeful that I couldn’t help saying, ‘Okay then.’