Authors: Candy Harper
She ignored all that. ‘Faith, could I have a moment of your time?’
That’s the first time she’s ever actually asked if I want to spend time with her. Normally she just starts bellowing at me without so much as a ‘Did you see Eastenders last night?’. I was tempted to tell her that I didn’t have a moment to spare because all my moments at school are taken up with snacking, flicking things at Megs and making up songs about Mr Hampton’s moustache, but curiosity got the better of me, so I decided to see what she wanted.
‘As you are aware,’ she said looking down at me from her incredibly high-heeled heels. ‘I have been organising the Green Schools Alliance conference, which is happening today.’
‘Oh, yes. I noticed the date ringed on my calendar of exciting school events as I leapt out of bed to get in a bit of simultaneous equations practice this morning.’
She eyed me up and down like I imagine you do when the cow you are thinking about buying produces a cowpat on your foot. ‘Yes, well, unfortunately, Sushma, who was due to give the main speech on our school’s green initiative is unwell.’
I could see where this one was heading. ‘That won’t look good for you, will it?’
She bristled like a brand new toothbrush. ‘Obviously, it’s not really my fault, but I would like our visitors to hear about the good work the school is doing.’
I remembered how enthusiastic Ang has been about this whole Green thing. ‘You could ask Angharad to do the speech.’
She shook her head. ‘Angharad is already busy acting as a guide. And, although she has exceptional organisational skills and is a lovely girl, she is perhaps a little . . .’
‘Quiet?’
‘. . . Shy.’
‘So what you’re looking for is someone who is loud and full of personality?’
‘Yes, I suppose so.’
‘That’s funny because ordinarily I find myself getting told off for those qualities.’
‘There’s no need to be cheeky, Faith. I am asking you if you would be prepared to take on the speech.’
I pretended to consider it. Ramsbum clearly needed my help and I was determined to make the most of it. ‘If I learnt this speech at the last minute and demonstrated admirable levels of eloquence and charisma then I’d really be a credit to the school, wouldn’t I?’
I had the pleasure of watching a small part of her die inside while she nodded.
‘The sort of girl that would be a real asset to the prefect team?’
The penny dropped. Her eyes hardened. ‘Yes, Faith, if you deliver this speech with your usual aplomb I will definitely put in a good word about you to the prefect selection committee.’
I beamed. ‘Obviously, I was always going to say yes.’
‘Obviously.’
And she handed me the speech with what I thought was an unnecessarily frosty glare given that I had just volunteered to save her bony behind.
I sauntered off to registration.
‘Are you eating custard creams again, Mrs Webber?’ I asked, leafing through the speech. ‘Because I may have to requisition them. I’ve got important work to do for the good of the school; I’ve got to learn this whole speech before eleven o’clock and I find I memorise better on a full stomach.’
‘Nope,’ said Mrs Webber through a suspiciously full mouth. ‘No biscuits here. What’s this speech?’
‘Miss Ramsbottom has entrusted me with the extremely difficult task of making her look like a decent human being who doesn’t hate students and totally cares about the environment.’
Mrs W raised her eyebrows.
‘I know. It’s a big ask, even for a girl of my talents. Basically, I’ve got to do this speech thing for those green people at the green thing. I’m the only person that can save her backsi— er, her back bacon.’
Mrs W brushed biscuit crumbs off her front. ‘Is it that, or is it that she’s desperate?’
I waved the three page speech at her. ‘Can you think of anyone else who could learn all this at the last minute?’
‘I’m not sure that
you
can learn it at the last minute.’
I looked down at the speech, there was rather a lot of it. ‘Maybe not, but I will carry off having not learnt it with style. Come on, wouldn’t you turn to me in an emergency?’
Mrs W gave it some thought. ‘No.’
I was a bit disappointed by this. ‘But I’ve got a lot of transferable skills! I’m strong and smart . . .’
‘Violent and volatile,’ Mrs W added. ‘Listen, I tell you what, if I’m ever murdered under suspicious circumstances I give you my full permission to avenge my death.’
‘I’d be honoured. And should the zombie apocalypse happen before you get truly ancient – let’s say thirty-eight, shall we? Then you’re very welcome to join my army.’
‘Sounds delightful. Now, hadn’t you better sit down and get on with half-learning that speech?’ And she swivelled round on her spinning chair so she had her back to me and carried on eating custard creams.
By selflessly working on it all through double RE I knew that speech inside out by eleven o’clock. I’d even added a few touches of my own. I was a teeny bit nervous before I had to stand up in front of dozens of teachers from other schools, but I managed to get through the whole thing and they seemed to like it. Miss Ramsbottom was clearly ecstatic. I could tell this because when I finished she threw caution to the wind and forgot about her brittle bones and clapped her hands together. Twice. That’s how good I was.
LATER
I’ve got to say the knowledge that Miss Ramsbottom owes me a favour is making me quite dizzy with joy.
FRIDAY 29TH JUN
I was planning my speech to Ethan all the way to the park but as soon as I got there and saw Megs’s face I knew something was up.
‘What?’ I asked.
Her face clouded. ‘He’s not coming. Cam says he’s split up with Dawn.’
‘No!’
‘Yep, and you’ll never guess why.’
My head was spinning. ‘Why?’
‘Apparently someone told him that they saw Dawn kissing someone else.’
I let out a breath. ‘So it
was
her. Is he upset?’
‘I don’t know. He didn’t say much to Cam, just that he’d broken it off with Dawn and he didn’t fancy coming out.’ She was watching me.
‘What?’ I asked.
‘Well, he’s single now, isn’t he?’
I bashed her over the head.
But I won’t say that it hadn’t occurred to me.
In fact, all the time we were sat on the swings, (watching Westy attempt to make Elliot fly off the roundabout, by spinning it at the speed of light and then stopping it dead) Ethan and his singleness kept pinging into my head. But there’s no reason to think that just because he’s split with up with Spawn that he’ll be interested in me.
SATURDAY 30TH JUNE
Since everyone has been going on and on about the mock exams, and since I really quite like not failing stuff, I decided to spend today revising. It started out quite dull but then I got inventive and started making up songs to help me remember stuff and acting out history with Sam’s teddies. I think I’ve covered a lot of ground.
They should put me on kids’ TV.
By the evening I was more than ready for a bit of relaxation.
I said to Dad, ‘I’m going to meet the others by the river.’
Dad nodded in a way that clearly suggested that he didn’t think that I’d done enough revision.
‘I’ve been revising all day.’
He nodded again.
‘There’s only so much you can do in one session. You don’t want me to become so loaded with knowledge that my little brain explodes, do you?’
‘That would certainly be bad news for the curtains. I’ve only just got out that mustard stain your grandmother left. I wish she’d just use a napkin like everybody else.’
‘So . . . I’m going.’
‘Make sure you’re back before dark. Have a nice time.’
I sighed heavily. ‘I’ll try. At least it will be a break from your constant nagging.’
I picked up Megs and a jumbo tube of Smarties and we went to meet the others.
‘Warm isn’t it?’ Megs said. ‘Perfect night for getting romantic. Do you think Ethan will be there?’
I gave her a look. ‘If he is, he’s not going to be in the mood for romance, is he? He’s just split up with his girlfriend.’
‘So? Out with the old and in with the new.’
Oh my. I had to put a stop to this before she really got started. ‘Promise you won’t say anything stupid to Ethan?’
‘Of course not.’ And she mimed locking up her lips, which was a waste of time because she had to unlock them to carry on shovelling in Smarties at a rate that meant I barely managed to eat more than a few dozen myself.
As soon as we caught sight of the others sat under a tree, Megs shouted, ‘Ethan! Faith’s here!’
If I’d thought I could have spat a mouthful of Smarties at her while still looking attractive I would have done it.
LATER
It was a while before Ethan and I ended up sat next to each other.
‘Sooooo,’ I said in an attempt to fill up the silence.
‘So, I split up with Dawn?’
‘I wasn’t going to say anything about that. Honestly.’
‘That would have been weird.’ He pushed his hair out of eyes. ‘Look, it’s all right, Faith. I’m fine. I mean, quite hacked off and feeling a bit depressed-annoyed-hungry, but generally fine.’
I handed him the tube of Smarties.
‘Thanks.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Breaking up sucks.’
‘It’s all right. I think it was for the best. I mean, I am a little put out that someone would rate a big-jawed athletic type over me and my skinny-but-interesting look, but the point is, I think Dawn and I have got very different ideas about going out with someone. If I like someone then I’m
with
them, but Dawn was more into . . .’
‘Getting friendly with someone else over a Big Mac?’
His expression changed.
‘Big Mac?’
Uh oh.
‘I thought . . . didn’t she snog the big-jawed athlete in McDonalds?’
‘Where did you hear that?’ The intensity of his voice made me really wish I’d kept my mouth shut.
‘Because it wasn’t from me,’ he snapped. ‘I never heard anything about McDonalds. Ryan told me that he’d seen her at the skate park with some idiot.’
‘Oh.’ Why did I open my big mouth? And why did he still care how many sporty types Spawn had kissed?
‘So what’s this about the McDonalds?’
‘It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.’
‘Where did you hear it?’ He was staring at me hard; clearly he wasn’t going to let this drop.
‘If you really want to know, since you seem to care so much, even though you said you were fine about breaking up; I saw her kissing a boy,’ I said. ‘At least, I think I did.’
His face clouded. ‘And you didn’t say anything?’
‘I wasn’t sure! And I didn’t think it was any of my business and then I
was
going t—’
‘You should have told me!’ He said it so loudly that everyone else stopped talking and turned around to look at us.
A minute ago we were having a nice chat and now he was angry with me because Dawn had messed him about.
‘I can’t believe you, Faith!’
‘Hey! It’s not my fault that your ex-girlfriend is a serial snogger.’
I expected him to keep right on shouting, in fact, I wish he had. Instead he said in this bitter voice, ‘You know what, Faith? I’ve had enough of fighting and I’ve had enough of people being idiots.’
And he walked off.
Which put a bit of a dampener on the happy atmosphere.
I felt horrible. The others all agreed that it wasn’t my fault that Spawn had upset him, but I know that that’s not really the point. He was disappointed in me; I could see it in his eyes.
I should have told him.
JULY
SUNDAY 1ST JULY
I’m so miserable about Ethan that it’s actually been a relief to throw myself into revision and rehearsing what I’m going to say to the prefect selection committee.
LATER
All the little molecules in my Chemistry book kept rearranging themselves into Ethan’s face, so in the end I called him. He didn’t answer. On the fifth attempt I left a rambling message about how sorry I am for not telling him about Dawn. I hope he listens to it.
MONDAY 2ND JULY
All the teachers are talking about at school is how the mocks are next week. They keep telling us how hard we all need to study. I wish they’d stop lecturing and maybe give us some hints on what exactly we need to revise. Every time I asked Mrs McCready if something was going to be on the exam paper she said, ‘It could be, Faith.’
‘This is ridiculous. You’re basically saying that anything we’ve learnt in the last year could be in the exam.’
‘That’s right.’
‘So you’re expecting us to remember everything that we’ve been taught?’
She nodded.
Seriously, that would be difficult enough if I had been listening the first time she taught it to us, but as it is I’ve got to learn the entire syllabus in a week.
Teachers have very unrealistic expectations of what teenagers can fit in around the bare minimum of eating, sleeping, texting and TV watching.
And moping about stupid boys.
LATER
I asked the girls if they were ready for the prefect interviews this week. Angharad has rehearsed her response to fifty-seven possible questions. Megs says she’s thought about it and Lily seems to think that whatever comes out of her mouth at the time will be fine.
Given that, on various occasions, I’ve seen pebbles, elastic bands and a life size model of a gerbil come of Lily’s mouth, I’m not so sure.
TUESDAY 3RD JULY
I’m having a bad day. I haven’t heard from Ethan and there’s no way I can revise everything that I need to know before next week.
I’d been working solidly all evening, but then I started thinking about the prefect interviews on Thursday. I’d just started making notes about what someone who was definitely a prefect type might say when Mum came in and said, ‘Is that revision?’
‘No, it’s not revision! It’s for the prefect interview. I keep telling you, I can’t revise every single minute!’
Mum sat down on my bed and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘Is everything all right, sweetheart?’
‘No it’s not! My main problem is that I am trying to write something really intelligent and you’re clouding the water by saying stupid stuff.’ Then I felt bad because she was obviously trying to be nice. ‘I’ve just got so much to do.’