Learning to Heal (4 page)

But she always throws me for a loop with everything she says and does. With her confident walk and guarded eyes, she’s something else, and I have been building up my courage over the past few months just to touch her. I’ve been able to a few times and it still amazes me that I even can. Every time I feel her soft skin under my fingertips I get hot and have to pull away before I make a fool out of myself. I’m not like David or Jax when it comes to girls. Sure, I’m not virgin, but I’m no smooth talking playboy either.

My childhood wasn’t really a childhood at all. I would stay home most weekends while I was in high school. Mom needed to work a lot so I took care of Grace and still do when she needs to work. Needless to say my social life was nonexistent. I’m not saying I was a leper or some shit like that. I had friends and we’d play video games and go skate at the park, but that was rare. I usually did it if Grace was at therapy. Mom could rarely afford to get off of work to take her so I would study things on the school’s internet and print out different pages to take home and work with her. Speech is still not happening, but I believe if she wants to speak, she will.

I shake my head and rub Grace’s back as her breathing slows. She’s not used to screaming or violence. We try to keep all her surroundings calm because she picks up on every sensation and detail. Today’s situation is a lot for her to take in and I’m sure she’s feeling an overload of feelings.

“Shhh, baby girl, it’s okay.” I feel her grip tighten on me and hear her moan as a response to my voice.

Finally after another minute she gets up and walks over to the table like nothing traumatic just happened. I straighten our chairs and make her a plate of sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, and dressing. She still has issues with chewing, so we like to stick to soft foods to prevent her from choking. I kiss the top of her head and notice David watching me while he eats. He doesn’t look angry like he did earlier. Jazz has been like a sister to him since they met when she was fifteen. Instead, he’s displaying his famous
Mr. Know-it-all
smirk.

“What are you smiling at?”

He leans back in his chair and laughs. “You.” He takes a large gulp of his drink before he continues. “I honestly didn’t think you had it in you to even touch a girl, but you did. And not just any girl, but your best friend’s little sister.”

He stands up as I’m about to say something, but I bite my tongue. I led them to believe that I’m the father of Jazz’s baby and I won’t take it back. I’m desperate to have her in my life and since she obviously doesn’t want to acknowledge who the dick head is—no pun intended—I’ll try to be good enough for her.

He throws his arm around my shoulder and leads me to the stairs. I’m dreading what waits for me up there, but I need to do this. Also, Jazz is up there alone and I want to be there for her.

Before I can dislodge David’s hold, he stops and looks up at the twelve-foot ceiling. “If this has to happen, then I’m glad it happened with you and not some asshole.” He releases me and backs away. “Jax will come to realize it too. Just give him time.” He walks away whistling while I break out in a sweat.

I take a deep breath with every step. By the time I make it to the top, I’m light-headed.
Way to go, Mason, prove that you’re able to make yourself pass out. That’ll definitely win her over.
 

By the time I reach the office door I start to feel better. My pep talk to myself seemed to help some, but picturing Jazz calms me down even more. Unless I picture her naked … then I really start to get worked up. Shit, the last thing I need is a boner while talking to her parents about getting her pregnant. I imagine the wiring inside my laptop; the low frequency synthesizer and how it sends signals to the phase-frequency detector to help.

I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. Mrs. Coleman immediately opens it and directs me to take a seat. I look around and zero in on Jazz sitting on a worn, blue couch, crying. Taking a seat beside her, I pull her in my arms. I hate it when she’s upset because she’s not meant to be anything but crazy, confident Jazz. When she hugs me back instead of pushing me away a weight lifts from my shoulders. I know we’ve become closer over the past few months, but holding her like this is rare. I rub her back softly and feel her tears soak through my nicest shirt. I don’t care though, because any part of her is beautiful and welcome.

Too soon, an angry Mr. Coleman breaks the moment as he clears his throat. Looking up at him I realize they’ve been watching us the whole time. I hope they don’t mind me holding their daughter like this, but then again they do think we slept together. I regret my last thought because I don’t want Jazz to feel me harden below the waist. The last thing I need is for her to think I’m some kind of sick pervert who gets off on girls crying … or their mothers.

“Son, I can see you care for our daughter. It’s very apparent. However, do you realize the responsibility and time it takes to raise a child?”

Jazz lifts her head and turns to face them. “Daddy, I can do this.”

“We,” I correct her without pause. She turns her glassy blue eyes in my direction for confirmation. Praying she doesn’t tell them the truth, I give a subtle nod of my head. I exhale when she turns her attention back to them to continue.

“We can do this. Jax and Tru are getting an apartment and I’ll just look for one close by. The campus has a day care, so when I return next fall for classes I’ll be able to enroll the baby.” She lets go of me and stands up to straighten her spine. I know this means her mind is made up, and I love how stubborn she can be … sometimes. “I’ve been thinking about this since I found out and I know I … sorry …
we
can and will do this.” She scrunches her button nose and nods her head firmly to make her point.

I stand up and grab her hand to show her and them my support. When she smiles at me and squeezes my hand, my heartbeat picks up from the contentment I feel from that small touch.

“I had no idea you two were dating. Do you plan on getting married?” Clara asks this and I don’t know how to answer.

The air rushes from my lungs with surprise from the question. As much as I want to be dating Jazz, I don’t want her to feel obligated to date me because of the situation. But it would be awesome. Not going to lie.

“No and No. We’re just really good friends who let things get out of hand one night,” Jazz says in a rush. The kick in my stomach mixed with disappointment has me wanting to bend over. She looks up at me with a small smile. “However, you never know what the future holds.”

Mr. Coleman runs his hands through his hair and leaves it in disarray. “I guess we just deal with it and wait.” He looks at Jazz and then me with stern eyes. “I know how stubborn my daughter can be. If she’s determined to do this all on her own, she will. So if you want to be a part of her life then don’t mess up. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

Her parents hug her before they make their exit. When we’re finally left alone I feel at a total loss for my next move. I mean I’ve barely touched her and now everyone thinks we had sex. I can feel my panic rising with the situation. Wanting to feel calm again, I turn in her direction to gauge her reaction.

After a few seconds of staring at the door and tapping her foot, she finally puts those beautiful sky blue eyes on me. Knowing that I did it for her makes sense. I’d do anything for her. Then I see the anger emanating from their depths and notice her lips press into a thin line.

“What the hell, Mason?” She shoves me back so hard I lose my balance. Luckily, the ugly blue couch is there to save my boney ass.

She stomps her foot and her eyes start to glisten again. I hate that it’s me that’s causing her to cry. “Are you flippin’ crazy? What are you thinking? I thought you were a genius or something. Not a moron.”

Anger morphs into sadness and she sits beside me. Her body starts to shake while she cries, so I pull her toward me again. It just seems like she belongs there. That’s the only reason I can come up with when I ask myself why I just ruined a good friendship. It’s worth it, though, if I can be with her.

How do I explain my actions without sounding like an obsessed psycho? I should just try to come as close to the truth as I can. “Seeing how scared you looked downstairs while everyone just watched ... I just reacted. I don’t like seeing you like that. It’s not you.” That wasn’t so bad. Not false but not the whole truth.

Breathing in deep, she pulls away from my body, instantly taking the warmth that flows through me whenever we touch. Geez, I can be such a bitch sometimes. I’m glad the guys can’t hear my thoughts. I wonder if Jax has these contemplations of Tru or is it because I grew up in a house full of estrogen that causes me to be a pussy sometimes.

“I just don’t get you sometimes.” She leans back and sighs while resting her head on the back of the couch. When her head turns to face me, our eyes collide. “One minute you’re looking at me like I have two heads and you’re going to run. Then you grab my hand and tell everyone that you knocked me up. Who does that Mason?” Silence descends while our thoughts take over.
Did I want to run? No. Not from her, but from the situation.
 

“We need to go and straighten this mess out. I can do this on my own, Mason. I have a trust fund and the plan I have is solid.” She sits up again and looks at me with her exotic, sky blue eyes that always take me somewhere else. “What you did was amazing and I will always remember it, but I refuse to allow you to go through with it. It’s crazy.” I see the plea in them and feel her hands shake as she reaches out and grabs mine. “Please, Mason. I can handle Jax. He’s my brother and it’s a rule for him to love me regardless of my screw-ups in life, but I can’t handle him being mad at you.”

She straightens her shoulders and gets the determined look back that always makes me smile, like she’s about to pull out her pink cape and save the world. “Now get your ass down there and tell them the truth.”

I sit there watching the sway of her sculpted hips as she heads toward the door. She might be determined to do this on her own, but I’m determined not to let her. Raising a child alone isn’t easy. Just ask my mom. Plus, this is probably my one and only chance to prove to her that I can be good enough. Taking back what I said earlier is definitely not happening, no matter what she says.

She gives me a look that says “get your ass going.” I ignore it, though, and just stare at her, hoping she knows that I’m not backing down. When I finally stand and walk toward her, I’m feeling different … confident even. I smile at her and watch her red-rimmed eyes widen with confusion. She might be stubborn, but so am I when it comes to people I care about. And I more than care for Jazz. I’m totally in love with her.

Mason has lost his damn mind. That’s the only reason I can come up with for his actions yesterday. I tried talking to him about it while we were alone, but the idiot wouldn’t listen. For someone so smart, he’s acting so stupid.

I bang my head on my steering wheel while waiting for the light to turn green. His last word to me before he walked out that door is all I hear in my confused head.
No
. That’s it. He just bent down to my level and smiled while that two-letter word rolled off his tongue. Did I argue? Nope. Why? Because I was frozen in place. I didn’t recognize this person in my friend’s body. Yeah, I was surprised by the confidence I saw in him while he strutted toward me. Yes, people, I said
strutted
. Mason Reed turned into some sexy person I’ve never met in my life and strutted. His look was suggestive instead of just cute.
Whatever!
I blame his stupidity on the fact he has a penis and my heated libido on hormones. According to the pamphlet my OB gave me they are all over the place.