Leather and Sand (Riding the Line Series) (2 page)

Of course, he had blatantly ignored Rhiannon’s request not to look for her. It was easy for Wince to find out whom her last text message had gone to. Dax recalled how pissed off he had been at Charisma, and how his rage had frightened the hell out of her. He grilled the ex-whore, even threatened to tank her online porn business, but Charisma didn’t crack. He was sure she had told them all she knew.

Apparently, the stowaway had freaked out and begged for help to disappear. Rhee just couldn’t take it anymore, Charisma had explained, staring pointedly at Dax until he had looked away, slightly ashamed. He wondered what Rhee had told Charisma about what had happened between them. Dax wanted to make things right. He thought he had given Rhee what she wanted—a home with the club. It wasn’t enough, obviously.

According to Charisma, she hooked Rhee up with a makeover and a connection to a guy who made fake licenses. Wince followed up but the cracked out moron the trail led to kept shitty records and an even shittier-smelling residence. Dax remembered how his jaw had clenched so hard at the thought of Rhee in that place that he thought he was going to crack a tooth. Rhiannon Blake was a diamond that sparkled in a plain setting, and he was only just now coming to terms with what he had lost.

Wince worked his magic, but without a name, or even a description, there wasn’t much to go on. The inside guys in the department seemed to turn a cheek against anything with the last name, “Blake.” Eventually, Dax became even more jaded. Anger and desolation filled him as he berated himself for getting close to the girl in the first place. He’d been with her once.

One fucking time.

He convinced himself that here was no logical reason that he should be this upset over her. When it came down to it, Rhiannon betrayed the club. Took her honorary member status, and basically said, “Fuck you all.” It was blasphemous. She had taken their help, their resources, and their connections, and then she had just taken off. Like it meant nothing. It was easy to blur out his feelings with anger.

After all, Rhee wasn’t the only one who had left him. Even though they too, shared a long and tangled history, Trish was done. She finally had enough of his behavior and of his refusal to explain himself. Part of Dax couldn’t believe she left.
Again.
Old hurt mingled with the new sting of pain and rejection to create a deeper sense of isolation than he had ever thought possible. Even though he deserved it.

Nobody wants you.

The voice he carried deep within his soul still had the power to cut him deeply, even though it was a voice he hadn’t heard in over two decades. Feeling slightly nauseated, Dax continued on his self-destructive reverie, unable to stop the ride.

Yeah, it was the same old story. He just wasn’t good enough for her. Well, actually, he had more than made up for his lack of pedigree where Trish was concerned. And to her credit, his background hadn’t seemed to matter to his high school sweetheart at first. It was her father who disliked Dax’s shady past and forced Trish’s hand, making her choose her career aspirations over Dax.

When Trish left for college, Dax was able to use his club connections to keep tabs on her. He told himself it was to keep her safe, but perversely, he was more interested in her relationship status than he was in her flawless academic record. When Trish returned with a monkey on her back a year after entering med school, and asked for his help, he already knew the problem was brewing.

Dax took care of the problem.

Daddy wasn’t there to protect her, but Dax was. Trish’s father passed the way you would expect of a man with the tendency to have apoplectic fits of rage. Thankfully, Trish hadn’t been there to witness the aneurism that felled her daddy like a rotted tree. For a few years after his death, Dax actually thought things might work out between himself and his high school sweetheart.

But then they just…didn’t.

To Dax’s chagrin, his worth didn’t seem to be dependent upon his past any longer. Now, it was about his present and future. To some, he was a high-status symbol of rank and authority. But not to Trish. Nope. Trish still wanted what she had always wanted: To help sick kids and to have a family of her own. Sure, her values were noble. But, although she had traded her high-end clothing for jeans and boots, Trish hadn’t really changed since high school. She struggled to meet him where he was, but in the end, he couldn’t be what she wanted him to be. And Dax knew that. It was painfully obvious.

Trish still had the same desires and hopes to change
him
, to make him into something he would never be. And, much like all of the other significant women in his life, including his mother, Trish was gone now. Even though Dax knew, deep in what was left of his heart, that it wouldn’t have worked with his former old lady, it still hurt when she left him.

He made it happen, of course. He knew she would catch him with the groupie he invited back to his bunk. It had gone down in the worst way. He didn’t get his dick wet though—there was no way he was dipping his wick in some used up groupie, but the girl was naked in his bed when Trish barged in. In some way, he wanted her to hate him. It was the only way she would leave him. And she had, reacting exactly the way he had expected.

He wasn’t aware of his haunted expression as he continued down bad memory lane. Trish had screamed, thrown things. Hit him, even. He let her. Through it all, he kept that aloof, cocky half-smile plastered on his face. The voice echoed in his depressed brain:
I’m not good enough for her.
I need to let her go.
For good.

So, he initiated their final separation by making her think he cheated. The ultimate betrayal. He hadn’t, not really, but despite her indifferent act, Trish was jealous and her natural inclination was to suspect him of wrongdoing. All he had done was keep silent, choosing to say nothing at all. He never lied to her…he just let her believe the worst.

Even though it had happened once before, their parting had been extra ugly this time. Trish threw down her ultimatum and he refused to go for it.

It’s them or me, Dax.
Or we’re done.

It was the easiest way out. He let her think that he wouldn’t leave the club or the whores for her and she couldn’t see raising a family while he was still part of an outlaw motorcycle crew. This time when she left, it was for good. And he knew it.

He told himself it was for the best. Dax cut her by making her cut him. It wasn’t as hard to let Trish go as he had expected. After she left, Trish didn’t call, didn’t text. She was just…gone. Word was, she had moved to the east coast. He heard she was with a square now, another doctor, and they were expecting a baby.

No thanks.
That still ain’t me, darlin’.
Never will be.

Dax couldn’t help but feel that he had dodged a bullet and so had his potential kid.
I’m not fit to be anyone’s father.
He and Trish had been through so much together that he had expected her absence to leave a deep chasm in his life. Oddly, it didn’t. It was more like taking a few extra shovelfuls of dirt out of an ever-widening hole.

Begrudgingly, Dax tried to feel happy for her. He couldn’t deny that this life just didn’t pair well with Trish’s talents and her aspirations. They weren’t the same kids they had been when they met in detention that fateful day just before Dax dropped out of school. Even though the fates had led her back to him, there was no way their stars were going to align. Yep, Dax knew that it was time to move on, but he was fundamentally changed and he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

His experiences played back in his mind, and he was powerless to stop them. Dax rolled up some skunky chronic tight, in his signature twist. He was suddenly desperate for a deep inhale—another effective method of dulling the memories. Instead of taking him to happier times though, this time, his mind wandered further down bad memory lane.

Wince had been so angry the day they discovered the stowaway had taken off. He blamed Dax and he made no secret of his resentment. Things came to blows. Wince sucker punched Dax, splitting his lip, before Dax knocked him out cold, breaking the kid’s nose in the process. Following the emotional explosion that occurred after Dax found Rhiannon gone, Dax and the grunt settled into a mutual kind of funk. Dax offered Wince some vintage whiskey and they drank in silence, the kid making an odd wheezing sound each time he swallowed, thanks to the packing in his nostrils. By the end of the night, things were all good.

They never discussed the incident. Perhaps both men were loath to admit the source of their mutual frustration. After some ass kissing on Wince’s part, he and Dax were closer than they had been before, in a brotherly sort of way. When he couldn’t help thinking about it, Dax supposed it was because they shared a common loss. Loss had a way of bringing people together. Dax knew that the kid had fancied himself in love with the stowaway. Although he tried to deny his feelings, Dax knew he had been falling for her too. When the stowaway left, it felt like a betrayal, and feeling abandoned was not something Dax dealt well with.

He never had.

A soft, rustling sound distracted Dax from his reverie. He looked up at the young girl, the groupie, whom he had invited back to his bunk for a quick suck and go.

Fuck, forgot she was even here.

The girl’s eyes held a look of determination as she unbuttoned her blouse and let it fall to the floor. She thrust her impressive chest out and smiled tentatively before reaching to unhook her bra. Tits were real. Nice. But…Dax put up one hand, signaling her to stop. He shook his head and sighed. He watched as her eyes reflected shock, dismay, and finally embarrassment.

“You should go, kid. There’s nothing for you here.”

Dax referred to more than just his bunk tonight, he meant for good and he hoped she understood the meaning he was trying to convey. He had no desire to watch another fresh-faced little sweetheart be stripped of her innocence and jaded by her experiences with the club.

***

As he turned away, Alanna felt rage encompassing her heart at his dismissive attitude.
How dare he?!
She was hot-she knew she was! Guys hit on her all the time, some of them practically begged! If Dax gave her a chance, she knew that she could prove herself to be worthy of the place of honor, at his side. Still, she knew better than to argue with the man. Humiliated, she retrieved her shirt from the floor and chanced a peek at the man. He stuck the joint he had rolled behind his ear and stood up, brushing by her as she jerked her top on and began hastily doing up the buttons. He didn’t even look at her, which enraged her all the more.

“Pull the door shut on your way out, darlin’,” he said, brushing by her as he exited the room.

The hairs on Alanna’s arm stood up at the briefest of contact, making her nipples harden. Shamed by her own arousal, she grabbed her bag and yanked the door closed.

This is not over, Dax Jamison,
she seethed.
Nobody throws me away!

Chapter Two

“Bottom line is that we need the port. The
Natives
are hurting for cash. Weed just doesn’t produce the same kind of green as it used to before it went legal. Once we secure the containers we’ll be able to move our product.” Hawk reported. “We need to send out some guys to help coordinate the first shipment of our guns through the port—-make sure the
Natives
are on board and that this new owner will sign on. We need the shipping company. Without that, the deal is dead in the water.”

Hey, it was a trip to Hawaii but it wasn’t going to be a vacation. The
Natives
were affiliates, but they were pretty inclusive and they certainly weren’t known for doing favors. They wouldn’t take kindly to interference without the right kind of introduction to the arrangement. A massive increase in cash flow would get their attention. From what Dax had learned, Hawk and Crow had pretty significant ties to two of the original
Natives
—
from their time in Nam. Dax had never learned how Hawk made connections with a group of international gun suppliers, but he was the only guy the Russians trusted to handle their business stateside. There was no way the club president could leave Darling, not with such a big deal hanging.

“You’re talking about a pretty dangerous deal,” Dax said, looking around the table. The newer faces looked excited, while the originals all displayed some variation of the same guarded expression.

It was. For as long as he had been involved in the club, the
Phantoms
had never gotten in bed with the drug runners before. Dax was a little surprised at Hawk’s decision, but the pressure for additional cash was probably starting to gain influence with him. Hawk was getting on in years. He was tired. Dax knew the man was ready for greener pastures. Hawk had more than put in his dues. They needed this connection. The new grunts were excited; no doubt they figured they would be relaxing on the beach with tropical drinks and bikini girls aplenty.

Little did they know…

A round of “ayes” preceded the heavy crack of the gavel. Hawk met Dax’s eyes and he shrugged. Hawaii it was. Maybe a change of scenery would do him some good—get him out of the rut he was in.

“Dax, you’re taking the lead on this one. Take Wince and a few of the other grunts. My guy will set you up with loaner bikes when you get there.”

Dax nodded at the eager faces, his lack of affect sobering them immediately. “Just remember, this ain’t no vacation.”

Chapter Three

All was quiet in the small cottage. It was dark, save for one lone candle that flickered in the warm and gentle breeze. There were hundreds of stars canvassed against the inky black sky and the air was heavy with the scent of plumeria. It was just the kind of night Rhee loved. Feeling dreamy and relaxed, she stared into the black expanse dotted with brilliant points of light and relished the quiet. It had been a long time, years really, since her nights had passed without some kind of interruption. Shooting a glance at the closed door down the hall, she pushed the unwarranted feeling of loneliness from her heart. She was not alone and she would never be alone again. At that thought, her heart felt a little lighter and she was able to doze.