Leave a Trail (19 page)

She’d stopped crying but was still sitting on the floor when Badger came in some time later. He’d stopped knocking within a few days of her taking the suite, and he had spent almost every night with her since their first night together.

She looked up when he came in. When he saw her sitting on the floor, her phone still in her hands, his expression shifted swiftly from tired but happy to deeply concerned.

“Babe?” He sat down next to her and tucked her under his arm, against his chest. Drawing comfort from his touch, she nestled into his embrace and felt tears rising.

He kissed her head, then laid his cheek where his lips had been. “Adrienne, what’s wrong?”

She sighed heavily, using the breath to relax her throat and calm her tears. “I got a job today.”

“What? Where?” He shifted and looked down at her.

“At Fosse’s Finds. Just weekday afternoons and every other Saturday. But it’ll help keep me away from the money my mom left me. There’s not that much left after Columbia, anyway. I should keep it for something big.”

Happiness and worry played tug-of-war with his face. “So you’re staying, then? But that makes you sad?”

“No, it makes me happy. I want to stay. I want to be here, with you. But…I talked to my dad. I told him about us. And that I was staying. He’s really mad. He…he…” She couldn’t say it out loud.

When she felt Badger’s hand sliding gently over her neck and jaw, his thumb lifting her chin, she closed her eyes and tried to let his touch calm her. “What did he say, babe? You can tell me.”

“That if I don’t go home right now, I won’t have a home at all.” Saying the words out loud made them real in a way they had not yet been, and she could no longer hold back her tears. She began to sob, and Badger held her tightly again and let her. Then, after she’d run out of tears, he helped her up and led her to bed.

They still didn’t have a bed they could share, but they both liked the little nest they’d made. A bed was going to have to happen at some point, but now, as Badger laid her down and took care of her, she was glad that all they had was this bundle of blankets and pillows on the floor. A safe place, from which she could not fall.

He pulled her boots off and her socks, and then slipped the bracelets off her wrists and rings off her hands. She watched him, feeling cared for. Her heart still hurt, but Badger made her feel safe nonetheless.

His hands moved to the waist of her little flowered skirt, and he paused. “I’m not trying to start something, babe. Just getting you comfortable.”

But she wanted more than comfort—or she wanted more comfort—and when she lifted her hips to let him pull her skirt off, she flexed and shimmied a little. Her skirt still at her knees, he looked up, into her eyes.

“Please,” she whispered.

He was still for a few seconds, simply looking at her. Then he nodded and stood, pulling her skirt with him. He stripped to his skin before joining her among their blankets. She liked that he’d gotten naked before she was, and she liked that he no longer hesitated before baring his chest, or flinched at all when she touched it—as she did now, putting her hand over his heart.

He put his hand over hers. “You have a home, Adrienne. Here. With me.” As her eyes filled again with tears, he leaned over her and laid his mouth on hers.

She deepened the kiss herself, right away, needing him to be heavy and hard in a way he hadn’t been since she’d asked for a break. Since that day, he’d only been gentle with her, and careful, and it was lovely. Always sexy and sweet and loving. But now she wanted more from him. She wanted him to make her feel as much as she could that was good, to make her heart forget for a minute what her father had said. Thinking that perhaps she understood a little of the need that sometimes rode him, she took his hand and pushed it into her panties.

When she pressed his fingers between her legs, on her clit, they both grunted, and he pulled away to look down at her. Feeling too shy to say what she wanted, she pushed harder on his fingers and flexed, her eyes not leaving his. His eyes flared, and then his hand moved on her, roughly, and she wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, letting him make her feel good.

~oOo~

After, Adrienne lay on her stomach, Badger resting half on her back, kissing her shoulder, brushing his beard lightly over her skin. Their legs were entwined, and she could feel him, now soft, lying along her butt and lower back. She felt better, relaxed and comfortably sleepy, like she could set her worries about her dad aside until daylight. She even made a little purring sound when Badger ran his hand up and down her arm.

“Your dad loves you, babe. He didn’t mean it. People say shit they don’t mean all the time when they’re mad.”

She scowled, feeling resentful of the intrusion of that thought into this cozy moment. “I don’t want to talk about it, Badge. Not now.”

“Okay. I’m just sayin’. I can’t believe anybody would ever turn away from you.”

Well, now she did want to talk about it. Because that was a pretty hypocritical thing for him to say. “You did.”

He stopped caressing her. “That was different.”

She rolled under him until she was on her back and they were chest to chest. “How?”

“I was trying to keep you away from my shit.”

“So’s he.”

He pushed away from her and sat up. “Are you trying to start a fight?”

She realized that was exactly what she was doing, and she wasn’t sure why. But she couldn’t stop. Pulling the covers up over her naked body and tucking them snugly under her arms, she said, “I hate getting set aside. It hurts. I don’t understand how you can just
do
something like that. Seems like I’m not that important in the first place if you can just decide you don’t want me around.”

Where was all that
coming
from? She had no idea, and she could tell that Badger was as shocked as she was to hear what she suddenly had to say. But shock turned to anger, and his face went dark.

“That’s not true, and it’s not fair.”

“Sure it is. My own father just told me I couldn’t go home at all if I didn’t go home right now.
You
threw me away. Literally. To the floor.”

He flinched hard. “Adrienne, don’t do that.”

“
I
didn’t do it. You did.”

He got up and grabbed his jeans, shoving his legs into them as he stalked across the room. “Fuck. I thought you forgave me. I don’t know how to be sorrier than I already am for that. It won’t happen again. I was fucked up. I’m clean now. I need you to forgive me.” He came back and dropped to his knees in front of her. “Please, babe.”

Why was she trying to rip apart what she had that was good? She didn’t want to fight. She wanted him close. She wanted him to hold her. Closing her eyes, she took a breath. “I do. I did. I’m sorry. I don’t know what…why I said any of that. I’m sorry.” She crawled to him, onto his lap, and sighed again, this time with relief, when his arms went around her. “I love you, Badge. I just want to be close to you.”

“I love you, too. I love you so much.” He kissed her temple. “Do we need to talk?”

“No. I don’t want to talk. I just want to be close.” Her head was a muddle, the restorative benefits of their sex evaporated. So she wrapped herself around him and let him lay her down again.

CHAPTER TEN

“Stalls are done.”

Standing in the middle of the corral, longe line in one hand and longeing whip in the other, Badger glanced over to see Nolan with his feet on the bottom rail of the fence, leaning over. Spirit was finally in a good rhythm, circling Badger at a slow trot, so he took a second to answer Nolan.

“Good. Got their feed buckets clean, too?”

“Yeah. My mom’s not gonna be here for almost an hour. Can I watch you do whatever you’re doing?”

“Working on getting Spirit under saddle is what I’m doing.” He made the clucking sound he used to cue his horses, and gave the longe a light tug. Spirit picked up his pace. He was a smart colt. Headstrong, but smart. He’d have been great on barrels. But that was women’s riding, the kind of riding Havoc’s sister had done—and had intended to do with Spirit. There wasn’t anybody to ride him like that now. So Badger figured he’d get him on the trail when he was old enough.

“How does him running around in circles help?”

Badger pulled differently on the longe and said, “Whoa, boy. Whoa.” Spirit took about half a turn before he slowed up, but he did, coming to a walk and then stopping as Badger pulled up on the line and walked to him. Then, coiling the longe over his shoulder, he led the colt to Nolan.

“You really want to learn, or are you just pesterin’ me cuz you’re bored?” He rubbed Spirit’s nose, and the colt gave him an affectionate push.

Though his ten-day school suspension was up, Nolan had asked to stay on at the B&B, doing the same grunt work, but now for pay. Badger had cleared it with Shannon, and she was paying him a good rate. Everybody was keeping watch, making sure Cory and her kids were solid. They were paying Havoc’s cut of the weed run to her and would continue to do so as long as that run was on, but she wouldn’t get cut in on any new business. She was back managing Valhalla Vin, and Havoc had saved his take better than anybody—who’d have thought he’d have been so careful with money, considering his profligate ways in most other respects—so she’d be okay.

The Horde took care of their own and would step in to shore her up if and when she needed it, but she wasn’t one who’d come asking. So they paid attention, and they helped where they could. Nolan needed work not for the money, but for a host of other reasons. To keep his mind and body busy. To stay connected with people who cared about him. To figure out a way to move forward in his life again.

He seemed to have cast off what Badger and Len had figured was a problem with booze. Though he’d told Badger that he’d been putting back about half a quart of vodka a day for months, once he’d been caught, he just stopped, and seemed to have experienced no effects of withdrawal. Maybe he’d been pacing himself sufficiently.

Badger was kind of jealous. He was still fighting every single day the need to get high. Some days, the only thing keeping him clean was geography. In Signal Bend, there was no dealer. Drug abuse did not happen in this town. Period. Except for Badger, who’d had to travel all the way to St. Louis to get his fix.

Some days, he almost went on ahead and did that. A couple of times, he’d made it to his bike with that intention. But Adrienne was right there for him when he needed her. He was gentler with her now than he’d been at first, and the need was on him less often, and less emphatically, than it had been at first. He knew he was trading one addiction for another, but he didn’t think being addicted to loving her was such a bad thing.

Nolan, once he started spending his afternoons and weekends at the B&B, didn’t seem to have a need for booze. If he was trading booze for work, that didn’t seem such a bad bargain, either. Still, Badger took a hit off everything Nolan drank unless he saw the kid unseal it. It had gotten to the point that Nolan just handed his bottle or can over when Badger came by. He minded, but he didn’t fight it.

“I really want to know.”

“Okay. The way I train a horse—the right way to train a horse—is about trust more than control. I want the horse to want to do what I ask, not be afraid not to do what I say. A horse that obeys out of fear is unpredictable. Also, people who make horses afraid are dicks. So the first thing I do is let the horse know I’m not a dick.”

“Why are you holding a giant whip, then?”

Feeling a little smart and superior, Badger smirked. “I’ve never whipped a horse in my life. I use it for a different kind of touch cue, and for a sound cue. Watch and learn, kid.”

“Don’t call me that.”

In the act of turning to the colt, Badger stopped and looked back at Nolan. Havoc had called him that; Badger had said it without thinking. “Sorry.”

Nolan shrugged halfheartedly. Now Badger turned; Spirit stuck his nose under his arm, snuffling at his kutte pocket—where he kept the sugar cubes. “Not yet, buddy. Gotta work for your pay.” He grabbed the longe line at the hook, right under Spirit’s chin, and gave it a little pull. Then he turned the whip down, the lash folded against the shaft in his grasp, and tapped Spirit’s foreleg. “Back, boy.” Spirit snorted a little protest and then stepped back, one step for every tap. “Whoa. Good boy.”

As Spirit lipped the sugar cube he’d held out on the palm of his hand, Badger looked over his shoulder at Nolan. “That’s the only way I’ll touch him with the whip. Here’s the other way I use it.”

He played out the longe line and clucked twice, “Gid’up, boy. Let’s go.” Loath to abandon the chance at another cube, Spirit resisted at first, and Badger released the lash and snapped the whip on the ground. The noise it made was thicker than it was sharp, the dusty ground of the corral absorbing most of the impact. But it had Spirit’s attention. With another snort, he took off in the direction of Badger’s leading arm, walking quickly until he had the lunge pulled out to near tautness.

“If I wanted him to step it up to the next gait, I’d cluck again, and he’d trot. But I want him to gallop right now, rather than go through the paces. So I do this.” He snapped the whip in the air, and it made a whistle-crack sound. Spirit nearly leapt into a gallop, shaking his head with abandon.

The colt’s enthusiasm was infectious, and Badger grinned, feeling good. He let him run for a bit, keeping alert, and called out to Nolan. “He loves this. I need to work on him restraining himself more before he can really take a rider. Easy to lose the saddle when a horse is happy dancing like this. But he’s just learned that the crack means all out, so we’ll work on restraint next. Then I’ll replace the crack with a voice cue.”

“He’s fast.”

“Yeah, he is. He’s gonna be great. Not a novice-level horse, but young ones rarely are. He’ll be wasted on the trail line, though.”  He pulled Spirit up, and when the horse slowed to a halt, he gave him more sugar cubes. “That’s enough for today.”