Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (15 page)

“Okay.”
Maybe
.

“See you soon.”

“Yeah, great.” He better have understood my sarcasm.

- - -

“Wow, Leigh, you have your own TV in here!” Nathan ran into my room with wide eyes. My guess was that Dr. Watts had called Mom, but it was also possible she’d just shown up.

“Pretty fancy huh?” I asked.

He nodded. “Can we watch SpongeBob?”

“That is a horrible show.” Mom looked over at me. I shrugged. It wasn’t the best, but some of those episodes were hysterical.

“Sorry, Mom.” I turned on the TV. I found SpongeBob in no time and Nathan pulled out his lunch. We spread it out on
the small table next to my bed.

“Ohh, fries.” My mouth watered at the thought of all that saltiness.

“Leigh.” Mom frowned in disapproval. “If you’re hungry, I’ll go find you something better to eat.”

“Relax
, Mom. P
lease?” I tried not to laugh.

She left my room in search of better food
, not understanding I didn’t want to eat, I just wanted salt.

“Nathan,” I whispered. “My mom is gone now, can I have some fries?” I held out my hand.

“Sure.” He smiled and gave me the biggest fistful he could pick up.

“Do I hear SpongeBob?” A girl about my age wheeled into my room in a chair.

“Yeah!” Nathan took another handful of fries and stuffed it in his mouth.

“Oh, and I smell contraband. Is that McDonald’s?” She smiled at him. She had lost her hair and her huge brown eyes took over her small face.
The wheelchair dwarfed her—she looked
waif or fairy like.

“Yep. My Grandma Lila got it for me. I got
extra fries for Leigh, but I didn’t tell Grandma,” he
added in a whisper.

She laughed. “I’m Andy.”

“I’m Nathan.” He smiled at her. “This is Leigh.” Then he looked up at me. “I thought Dad was here with you?”

“Nope, he’s in Seattle today, remember? He’ll be home tonight.”

“Oh, yeah.” Nathan grabbed another handful of food and looked back up at the TV.

“What are you in for?” She looked over at me.

“Ovarian.”

“Oh, that’s no big deal. You’ll be out of here in no time.”

“It’s round two.”

“Oh.” She moved her head back and forth as if i
t could go either way. R
efreshing.

“And you?” It seemed okay to ask.

“Inoperable. They’re hoping the chemo will shrink it away.” She looked as if she didn’t believe it. “On my spinal cord, which explains my ride.” She rested her hands on the tops of the wheels.

“How can you move around like that?” I touched my hands to my stomach. The thought of wheeling around brought on a whole new wave of queasiness.

“I don’t get nauseous.”
She shrugged. “I mean I don’t feel great, but I get bored and need to get out. See? They hook me up pretty well.” Her IV bag sat attached to the wheelchair.

I couldn’t imagine being able to go through this without the nausea.
             

“So, Nathan,
” Andy grinned. “Y
ou’re hanging out with your mom today?”

“Oh, she’s not my mom. My mom is in jail in Las Vegas. But Leigh’s way more fun to live with.” He giggled.

Andy laughed hard at that. “Way to tell it like it is.” She wiped the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry, that was great.”

Nathan’s eyes widened,
and he turned to face me,
worried he’d done something wrong.

“Hey Nathan?
I don’t think that’s something you should just tell anyone, okay?” I attempted to hold back a smile.

“Okay.” His gaze shifted back to his show.

“So, you’re the stepmom.” She looked at me.

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

“No, she’s not my stepmom.” Nathan scowled at Andy. “Stepmom’s are mean. Leigh is nice. She’s always kissing my daddy, and they get to share a room.”

I blushed at that. Poor kid, we’d have to be more careful around him.

Andy laughed again. “Wow, am I glad I stopped in here today.” She nodded her head and smiled appreciatively.

“Want some fries?” Nathan held the cup out for her.

“Sure.” She took a small fingerfull.

It felt good to have someone so honest and going through something similar to me.

“Can I get your number?” I asked. “Maybe if either of us finds herself bored over the next two weeks we could call.”

“Give me yours, I’m
good with numbers.” She
smiled, taking her
last bite of fries.

“There you are.” What must have been Andy’s husband walked into the room. His frame was slight, his face narrow
,
and his wispy hair fell in pieces over his face and around his glasses.

“Hey sweetie.” Andy rested on the hand he put on her shoulder. “Didn’t mean to worry you.” She shot me a wide-eyed look of exasperation. I knew how she felt - like your independence had been stripped away. “I was visiting my new friends, this is Nathan and this is his stepmom, Leigh.”

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Devin.” He had the same look as Brian was starting to wear. Kind and artificially calm.

“Nice to meet you, Devin.”

“Well, if I don’t see you before, I bet I’ll see you in two weeks? Is that your schedule?” Andy asked as Devin put his hands on her chair.

“That’s my schedule.”

“Thanks for the fries, Nathan.” She waved as her husband wheeled her out of the room. “I’ll see you in a couple weeks.” She looked over her shoulder at me. “And I may call you…” She rolled her eyes again.

My mom came back with a small tray of food that looked completely unappetizing. My short visit
had worn me out. I lay my head back on my pillow.

“Maybe we should go.” Mom’s lips pulled together.

I nodded. SpongeBob had just finished up, and Nathan was done with his lunch.

“I’m glad I got to see you today, Nathan. I probably won’t be home until after your bedtime tonight. Be nice to Grandma Lila.” I smiled at my mom.

Nathan gave me a wave as he followed Mom out the door.

Being alone brought a wave of relief. I closed my eyes and hoped the rest of the day would pass quickly. I laid still and wished for sleep.

- - -

Brian’s warm hand touched my arm, waking me. “Where’s someone?”

“I wanted to be alone. Mom and Nathan dropped by, and I met a girl named Andy. It was an okay day.” My voice came out in a whisper, my body felt queasy and tired.

“Really?” He didn’t believe me. I could see it on his face.

“No. Not really. I sat here with a needle in my arm to get poison pumped into my body. Nobody wants to hear about that.” I looked up at him immediately sorry I’d let it slip out. “Tell me about your trip. I’m tired and don’t want to talk, is that okay?” I smiled in hopes I’d encourage him.

Brian slid his arm around me and half-held me as we walked. I breathed him in. He smelled
like
airplanes and stale air, but anything was better than
hospital.

He told me how nice the guys were to him. Open, friendly, he felt really goo
d about working with them. They’d gone
sailing for a couple of hours on Lake Washington. They were
also
going to send a little work Brian’s way to see what he did with it and if all continued to go well, they’d go ahead and hire him long distance until we could make the move.

The
excitement in his voice at practically being able to pick and choose what he wanted to do
helped me forget about my day
. I leaned my head against his chest, happy that things were coming together for him, at least in that part of his life. His life with me was certainly a disaster.

- - -

Nathan sat to watch his after-school show and I sat in the bathtub, letting the hot water from the shower wash over me. I’d passed the days of feeling terrible. I carefully washed and conditioned my long hair. I scrubbed my face and my body. It felt like if I scrubbed hard enough or used hot enough water, I’d clean myself of anything that still made me feel sick or weak.

I turned the water off when I finished, disappointed that no amount of scrubbing made me feel any cleaner, healthier, or better. I climbed out of the tub and wrapped my towel tightly around me. My body still felt shaky, but I knew I could function. I checked the water level in the tub. The drain had filled with hair. A lot of hair. Dread hit my stomach with the weight of lead. I sat on my knees on the floor
and concentrated hard not to throw up. My hair might
last through another treatment, but I couldn’t stand to watch it thin out until it disappeared.

I needed to just get it over with. And not think about it. I dried off and got dressed. The wet hair clung to my fingers as I pulled it from the drain and flushed it down the toilet. I put my hair in a ponytail holder and scrambled through the drawers until I found scissors.

I grabbed the end of my ponytail and opened the scissors as wide as they’d go. They had to dig and dig to get through my thick hair. My arms shook, the shaking continued into my body. I felt sick again at the thought of Brian seeing me like this. Tears started to run. I couldn’t cry. I was alone with Nathan.

I lifted my head to the mirror. My hair was still in the ponytail. I couldn’t see the damage. My hands shook as I opened the bathroom door, needing to escape that room before my eyes caught the pile of hair on the floor. I slid on pajamas and took Brian’s clipper
s from their spot in his drawer
.

Nathan followed me to the porch
with wide eyes
.

“Wha’cha doin?” he asked.

“Taking off my hair.” It came out in a raspy whisper.

“Can I watch?” His little voice had an edge of excitement that I clung to.

His simple request of curiosity made it less horrible, not a
lot
less, but a little less. “Sure.” I turned the clippers on. I sat down in a chair and pulled the rubberband off the nape of my neck. My hair fell around my face in choppy uneven layers. I let out a breath and tried not to internalize what I saw.