Leota's Garden (54 page)

Annie looked at her mother, drawing back slightly. “She’s your
mother
! Don’t you even care that you might lose her?”

Eleanor went white at Annie’s words. She sat frozen when Annie jumped up and paced again.

“Of course, I care about her,” Eleanor said belatedly, her eyes dark with some indefinable emotion.

Annie turned and stared at her. “Since when have you cared, Mother? Did you care about making Thanksgiving special for your mother? Not on your life. You only came to Thanksgiving dinner because you couldn’t convince Uncle George to stay away, and I wouldn’t come home!”

“Don’t you
dare
speak to me like that!” Eleanor rose from the sofa.

“Why, Mother? Because it’s the truth?” Tears ran down Annie’s cheeks, and Corban had to fight off the strong urge to go to her and hold her close. “You did everything you could to ruin the day for Grandma and make everyone else miserable. You even threw the turkey away!”

Eleanor’s face turned deep red. She glanced around again, clearly aware that everyone in the waiting room had stopped watching Annie and was now looking at her. “Stop this tantrum right now, Anne-Lynn.”

Corban’s eyes widened. Mrs. Gaines’s voice was actually trembling.

Annie’s voice, on the other hand, was firm. “Why? Because you’re embarrassed? You should be.”

“You’re making a fool of yourself.”

“So
what
? Do you think I care if I look foolish? I’m just taking after my mother!”

“Annie . . . ,” Fred said gently.

She turned on him. “Don’t defend her! Maybe if someone had bothered to tell her the truth a long time ago, she wouldn’t be so hard-hearted.”

“How can you accuse me of that?” Eleanor was crying now. “After all I’ve sacrificed for you.”

“You
sacrificed
, Mother. And you never let Michael and me forget it. You reminded us every step of the way. But what was it all about? All you ever cared about was making Michael and me into your little trophies. Look at what Eleanor accomplished! Not once did you ever make a sacrifice of
love
. Not the way Grandma Leota did for you and Uncle George.”

“You don’t know anything about the way it was!”

“
You’re
the one who doesn’t know, Mother! You never knew! You never
cared
to know!”

Face agonized, Eleanor grabbed her purse and tucked it beneath her arm. “I won’t stay and listen to this!” She sailed from the room like the
Titanic
, full steam ahead, straight for the iceberg.

“That’s right, Mother! Run away!” Annie called after her. “That’s what you always do when things don’t go your way, isn’t it? Go ahead. Leave!” With that, she sat again, weeping.

“There are things you don’t know, Annie.”

At Fred’s quiet comment, Annie’s eyes flashed at him. “Don’t you
dare
say a word against my grandmother, Fred. All you know about her is what my mother’s told you.” She clasped her hands tightly as though trying to hold in the violence of her emotions.

His face was filled with compassion. “I wasn’t going to speak against Leota.” He sat down beside Annie and put his hand over hers. “Your mother loves Leota more deeply than you can understand, honey. She’s just afraid of showing it.”

“Well, she better hurry up and learn how!”

Corban couldn’t listen any longer. He needed to get out of the room and walk. Somewhere. Anywhere. All the emotions pouring out of
Annie and Eleanor had his own in a riot. He’d had to grit his teeth not to leap up and join in the fray, so instead he went down the corridor and stopped at the emergency counter. “Any word?”

“We’ll let the family know as soon as we hear anything, Mr. Solsek.”

“Thanks. Thanks a lot.” He stalked away, banging the doors open and striding outside.

Eleanor Gaines was hunched against the wall, her coat drawn tightly around her, her face ravaged by tears. When she saw it was Corban, she turned her face away.

Mouth tight, he walked on.

Leota tried not to let fear reign, but that was difficult in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers. Lights and sounds . . . a tunnel. What on earth were they doing to her? She faded in and out, dreaming peacefully of her garden for a while. Then someone would move her and she’d wake up, confused and annoyed at so rude an interruption. Finally, she roused from sleep, found light coming in a window, and saw Annie sitting in a chair beside her bed.

“Hi, Grandma.” She leaned closer, smiling. “You’re going to be all right.”

“Where am I, dear? What’s happened?”

Annie frowned. “I don’t understand, Grandma.” She looked frightened.

Well, no more than Leota was frightened, hearing the garbled sounds coming from her own mouth. What was wrong with her tongue? Frustrated, she tried again, but only confused words came out.

Leota started to cry.

Annie’s blue eyes welled with tears too. She stroked Leota’s arm—at least Leota could see her doing it, but she couldn’t feel a thing.

“Am I dying?”

Annie glanced up at someone out of Leota’s range of vision. “Does she understand me?”

“There’s no way to know,” a woman said. “Just keep talking to her. She’s responding. That’s a good sign.”

“Can I tell her what’s going on?” Annie said in a quieter voice.

“It can’t hurt. It might make her less restless.”

Leota could hear the sound of wheels rattling softly.

“Corban found you, Grandma. He called the paramedics. You’re in the hospital. You’ve had a slight stroke. Your right side is affected; that’s why you can’t move very much. And it affected your speech, I guess. Do you understand, Grandma?” She wiped the tears from her cheeks. “They’ve given you medication that will help. And you’re on an IV drip. You were dehydrated, so they want to get your fluids up to normal again.”

Leota listened, taking it all in. Though her body wasn’t working, her mind grasped the situation. She didn’t know whether to thank God she was alive or ask Him why. Why hadn’t He let her go? What use was she now?

Lord, is this why You put it in my head to get everything sorted out when I did? This is a dirty trick. I am
not
pleased. Not—one—bit.

She must have dozed off, because when she opened her eyes again, Annie was gone. Time passed, though how much she didn’t know for sure. People came and went. Once she opened her eyes to see Eleanor standing above her, pale and drawn. She looked every year of her age, which made Leota sad.

“Eleanor . . .” It didn’t come out right, and her daughter looked even more distressed. “Eleanor . . .”

Mouth trembling, Eleanor looked away. “What do we do now, Mother? What do we do?”

Until that moment, Leota hadn’t thought much about what lay ahead for her. She closed her eyes, afraid of what she might see in Eleanor’s when she looked at her again. The words
convalescent hospital
loomed in her mind, bringing with them all the dire possibilities. Fear swept through her like wildfire.
This is not the way I want it to end, Lord. Don’t let them toss me in a care facility and forget I ever lived. What will happen to me now? Oh, God, I’m so afraid.
No one could understand her, not even Annie, who loved her so. Did they all think she’d lost her mind?

She could hear people talking around her, over her, about her. The doctor and nurses discussed her condition together. The only one who thought to talk to her about it was Annie. And it wasn’t good news.

The daily routine frustrated Leota. She was examined, turned, washed, exercised, fed, turned again and again and again. Once she cursed, mortified when that one word came out clear as a bell. She
looked into the nurse’s eyes in apology, wondering what the young woman thought of an old lady swearing.

The nurse smiled. “I know it’s frustrating, Mrs. Reinhardt. It’s slow going, but you’re improving. Swearing is a good sign in this case.”

Grand. In a week, I’ll be cursing like a sailor.

“The doctor is pleased with your progress.”

That makes one of us.

The nurse gently rolled Leota onto her side while she remade the bed beneath her. Finishing one side, she rolled Leota onto her other side to complete the task.
Clean sheets every day, just like Jackie O.
Though Leota doubted Jackie had soiled hers. The nurse changed the top sheet and replaced the blankets, snugging them down and tucking them beneath the mattress.

“There you go, Mrs. Reinhardt. Clean and neat as a whistle.” Leota heard a clang as the nurse brought up the bars on one side of the bed, and then on the other.

Lord, is this what life comes down to at the end? I’ve been washed, diapered, and tucked into my crib like a baby. I’m even toothless again, my dentures in that glass on the side table. It’s humiliating to be so helpless. And so useless.

The nurse pushed the curtain back so Leota could be seen from the hallway by any passerby.
So much for privacy.
Leota tried not to let it bother her. She supposed it was easier for the nurses to check on her that way, see if she was still breathing.

There was no use wasting time. Determined to get better, Leota tried to practice speaking. She worked at it until the woman in the bed next to hers buzzed the nurse. “Can you give that old lady something to make her sleep? She hasn’t shut up all afternoon. She gives me the heebie-jeebies.”

The nurse spoke softly, soothing the other patient, who had had a gallbladder surgery. The poor woman was in pain and asking for more medication. “I’m sorry,” the nurse told her, “I can’t give you anything for another hour.” The poor dear began to cry, and the nurse drew the curtain between the two beds. Leota felt as though a door had been slammed in her face.

Someone turned on the television. Probably hoping to distract the other patient and get her mind off her pain and troubles for a little while. Leota thought of Bernard, sitting in his chair, listening to radio
programs, ball games, news, and later watching television. Milton Berle.
I Love Lucy.
Dinah Shore.
“See the U.S.A., in your Chevrolet . . .”

After Bernard died, she turned off the television and left it unplugged for two years.

She thought of George on Thanksgiving Day.
“I’m just going to check the score.”
And Jeanne, eyes filled with hurt and frustration, saying,
“Where’s a blackout when you need one?”

Oh, Lord.
Tears ran down into Leota’s ears and hair.

Oh, Jesus, does nothing ever change in this world? Is it always like this? The sins of the father visited upon the sons? Where are the blessings You promised?
She could feel the despair settling into her bones, bearing down on her spirit, crushing her.

What use am I to anyone now, Lord?

God, what purpose have You in this suffering?

“Suzie, I know I’ll be letting you down, but I have to do this. I’ve thought about nothing else over the last few days, and I can’t bear the thought of my grandmother going into one of those convalescent hospitals. And that’s what the doctor is saying will have to happen. I want to take her home.”

“You don’t have to explain, Annie.” Susan’s eyes were compassionate as she listened, her hands clasped between her knees. “Don’t worry about the rent. I can make it okay. There’s a girl at the restaurant who’s been looking for another place to live. She was just talking to me about it yesterday. Her roommates are partying all the time and she’s not into drugs. She wants out. She’d move in tomorrow if she could.”

Annie sat down, relieved. “Oh, good. Then you’re not upset with me?”

“Sad, yes. Disappointed, sure. You’re my best friend, and I’ll miss you. But upset? No.” She leaned back on the couch and crossed her legs, lotus fashion. “Have you thought this over really well, Annie? This isn’t a small task you’re thinking about taking on.”

“I know. I’ll have to take things as they come. I don’t mind admitting I’m scared. I’m not sure I even know how to begin.”

“My mother could help, you know. She’s done a lot of practical nursing in homes.”