Lessons of the Heart (6 page)

“You mean pretend that you didn’t plow me over and make me bruise my butt?” I laugh, causing him to laugh with me. The deep sound echoes through my body and I briefly forget that I’m not supposed to like him.

“I’m pretty sure you were the one who ran into me.”

My smile falters as he runs his hand through his hair again, a nervous tic I’m beginning to pick up on.

“Either way, it would have been nice to see where this could have gone.”

He nods and backs away. “Take care, Britta. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Goodbye, Mr. Dumont.”

I walk through the door and down the hall toward my locker, my heart beating a mile a minute inside my chest. In a matter of an hour, I experienced a loss without it ever beginning. One thing I know for certain is that sixth-period geography is now my favorite class, even if it slowly kills me.

“M
R. DUMONT IS SO HOT.
I mean, it’s been a week and he just keeps getting better and better looking. Don’t you think?” Penny says through a bite of her sandwich.

Around and around the pencil twirls between my fingers as I’m unable to concentrate on anything, except for the electrical pulse that travels through my system whenever I think about James.

Mr. Dumont.

Fuck my life.

“He’s hot all right. Definitely not the standard for a teacher. Maybe he’s a mutant or an alien sent from another planet to study our teenage ways.”

Penny laughs. “Doubtful. However, if he is an alien he can probe me anytime.”

Her comment stirs a sudden jealously within me. This is not a typical reaction for me. This is the response of a jealous girlfriend who sees every girl in a room ogling her boyfriend as a threat.
Retract the claws, Britta. He’s not yours.

“I’m sure you would enjoy something like that. And keep your voice down. Do you want to get me in trouble? Or worse, have one of the teachers overhear you and report us? I’d like to keep my assistant job thank you very much.”

“No one is going to hear us. And really, you wouldn’t enjoy having Mr. Dumont do something dirty to you? I find that hard to believe.”

A throat clears behind us and we turn in slow motion to find said teacher standing in the doorway.

“Ms. Morris, I believe lunch is to be eaten in the cafeteria. You should probably leave Ms. Fosse to do her work since she’s technically in class.”

James crosses his arms and gives her a look that begs to be challenged. Instead she gathers up her lunch, shoving it back in her bag.

“I’ll catch you later, Britt. Sorry, Mr. Dumont, it won’t happen again,” Penny says, scurrying out the door. I don’t miss the wicked smile on her face as she rounds the corner. I’m guessing she brushed up against him on her way out.

“Mr. Dumont, I’m sorry about that. It won’t happen again. Please don’t let Mrs. Davis know.”

James occupies Penny’s empty chair and folds his hands in his lap. The past week has been torture for me, seeing him in front of the classroom and not being able to talk to him. Not like I want to, not like we had before we knew of our situation. What I wouldn’t give to have spent more time with him that morning at the coffee shop.

James shrugs and smiles at me. “I won’t, don’t worry.”

He leans back and my eyes trace over his features again. As if I don’t do it enough when I’m staring at him in class. Everything about him is perfect to me. His eyes are the brightest shade of green I’ve ever seen in another person. Is it a coincidence that I have a thing for green-eyed guys?

I shift in my chair, wanting to tamp down my thoughts and focus on my papers instead. “So what are you up to? Don’t you have class right now?”

He shakes his head and leans forward. The scent of his cologne surrounds me. It’s still that subtle hint of manliness which makes my eyelids flutter and my blood run faster through my veins.

“Fourth period is my lunch hour. Today I decided to spend it in my office to catch up on some work. It’s been a little hard getting used to everything around here. I try to do as much as I can at home, but I’ve fallen behind.”

I laugh for some reason, finding it funny. “Really? You always seem so put together in class, like you know what you’re doing.”

“Far from it. I’m absolutely terrified up there, but I can’t let you guys see that because you’ll walk all over me.” He diverts his eyes and I swear I see a hint of pink tinge his cheeks. “Well not you, of course, but others in the class would.”

He looks so cute when he’s embarrassed like he just admitted something that would get him in trouble, only nothing about his sentence was inappropriate.

“No, not me. I wouldn’t do that to you. But you’re right. If other kids smelled blood in the water, they would circle you in a heartbeat.”

He leans toward me some more and I stop twirling the pencil in my hand, placing it on top of the stack of papers in front of me.

“That’s why I came to find you. Could you help me?”

I swallow thickly, my throat tight with nerves. “What do you need help with?”

He points to my computer screen. “That. What program is that? I’ve been looking for something to help me keep track of scores and create tests. That’s what you use for Stacy, right?”

It takes me a minute to figure out that Stacy is Mrs. Davis, only because I hardly ever hear her first name used.

I nod. “It’s really easy. I have the disc right here if you want to borrow it.”

James looks down at his watch and cringes. “Can’t right now. I need to get ready for next period.” He looks at me with pleading eyes. “Do you think, I mean, would you be able to download it onto my computer for me so I can start using it after school? You’d be saving my life.”

“Well if it’s a matter of life and death, how can I refuse?”

His arms lift up slightly, as if he wanted to hug me but thinks better of it and stands instead.

“Thank you. I’ll give you extra credit for helping me out.” He gives me a sideways smirk. “Not that you need it. I have a feeling you’re going to make my job incredibly easy this trimester.”

“It’s no problem, Mr. Dumont.” I look around and frown. “Which one is your office? I don’t want to assume you took Mr. Ward’s old one and then find myself in the wrong place.”

“Sure. Let me show you.”

James motions for me to follow him through the maze after I grab the disc out of the drawer of the desk. I stay a safe distance behind him even though I want nothing more than to walk directly by his side.

“You seem to be navigating it better back here now,” I say, trying to make light conversation.

His quiet laugh reaches me back here and I close my eyes briefly at the sound. “It took me a few days, but I think I’ve finally got it down.”

“Well, that’s good. Glad you stopped getting lost and knocking down poor innocent bystanders.”

He stops outside his door to unlock it. “You are never going to let me live that down, are you?” He opens the door and a rush of warm air hits me.

“Never.” We walk into the small space and I quickly glance around. There are no personal touches, no picture frames, or anything else that would give me an indication of who he is. Just a few books, his computer, a briefcase, and a coat hanging on a hook. “Wow, you’ve really spruced it up in here. Going for simplistic?”

He shakes his head with a smile. “Give me a break. It’s only been a week.”

“Nope. I’m holding you to a higher standard than everyone else,” I say, taking a seat in his computer chair. It’s soft and I sink right into it. The childish devil in me keeps thinking that my ass is touching the same space his ass has been. The angel in me is gone because she’s ogling him standing behind me.

I load the disc as James leans down to hover over my shoulder. I can feel the body heat emanating from him. If I turn my head slightly, my lips will connect with his cheek.

Fuck I need to get him out of here
.

“I’ll just load it onto your desktop for now. You can put it anywhere after that.”

He braces a hand against the desk and turns to face me. We’re inches apart; our eyes connecting with each other. I can feel my pulse quicken and my breathing speeds up slightly. My eyes dart to his mouth as it parts, dragging in a silent breath.

“You look really nice again today,” he whispers before straightening back up to his full height.

My lips part to say something, but he moves away, putting more distance between us. The breath I was holding releases, deflating my lungs in disappointment.

“Thank you.”

He walks toward the door and pauses. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of me. Forget I mentioned it.”

I swivel in the chair and face him. “It’s okay. You look nice today too. I like your sweater. It looks really good on you.”

We stare at each other in silence. Nothing is heard except our breaths and the hum of the computer next to me as it downloads the software. My eyes travel across his body, appreciating it for the specimen that it is before finally focusing on his eyes. Something about the way he looks at me has my body on alert. His hand leaves the handle to push the door shut, trapping us in his office.

I’ve dreamed of being alone with him like this for the past week. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s my teacher and there’s a certain code of conduct that must be held between us. A code that I feel like breaking each time I see him. And there’s something about that temptation which makes me crave him even more.

James walks toward me, his eyes flashing with muted desire. Like he’s trying to hold something back. He leans forward, resting his hands on the armrest of the chair. Our noses are inches apart, our breaths combining as one in front of our faces.

Can he see my heart beating? Can he see the racing pulse at the side of my neck? Each beat is for him and I don’t know why. I’ve never crushed on a guy this hard before. Never fallen off that cliff without knowing where I’ll land. All for someone who I can’t even have.

Everything about this is wrong. But my sweaty palms and panting breaths say this has never been more right.

His forehead touches mine, allowing me to feel the warmth of his skin.

“This is a bad idea,” he whispers.

“I know,” I reply on a breath.

“I need to leave.”

“I know.”

“You know we can’t do this.”

I break eye contact and look down. “I know.”

James leans back, moving away from me and my idiotic teenage lust. How could I think that something would happen? He’s my
teacher
. That’s not going to change anytime soon. Any and all thoughts of him in a non-platonic way should be removed immediately.

The loud ping of the computer indicates the software has finished downloading. I swivel back to the desk and eject the disc, placing it back in its case.

“There you go. All set for later.”

I stand up, wrapping my arms around my middle while hanging my head down to avoid his stare. He grabs my arm as I try to pass him.

“Wait,” he says, making me stop.

“I have to go.”

James shakes his head. “Not like this. What I did, what we almost…it shouldn’t have happened.” He turns my chin to face him, lifting my eyes to meet his conflicted ones. “It’s not that I don’t want to. Believe me, Britta, if circumstances were different…”

I nod and open the door. “I need to go.”

“Okay.” He releases my arm and shoves his hands into his pockets, muttering a quick curse before walking away.

The bell rings to indicate the start of the fifth period and I make my way back to Mrs. Davis’s office. Shutting the door, I place the disc back in her desk and fold my arms on top of it, crying into my sleeve at the mess I’ve just created.

A
FTER A BRIEF STOP IN
the bathroom to touch up my makeup and wash away any remnants of my breakdown, I walk into James’s classroom with my head held high. I won’t let that one minor slip affect him or me. It was silly. And nothing happened. I mean, yeah we got close to each other.
Really
close. But we never kissed, even though I wanted to. We never touched each other, outside of him grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving. It was innocent and I’m blowing this completely out of proportion.

Just keep telling yourself that. Maybe you’ll believe it.