Authors: Dee Ellis
“Why? When did this happen? Three hours ago I was inside you and you promised you wouldn’t run. Three hours! You need to tell me!”
Cage turned harsh and even if it meant he was hurting, it was the exact wrong thing to do. It just made me defensive, made me want to run just far enough he could never catch me again.
“I....was going to tell you about the bakery. You heard me talking to Maisie weeks ago,” I sighed because I could give him partial truths, I hated lying to him, “I just didn’t want to talk about it yet. You didn’t ask. You knew but you didn’t ask. Now, after the Pub then.... Blake. I think I just woke up a little. I need to go home. I promised the...” Cage was on me, hand at my throat, fingers tracing my pulse, mouth against mine as he growled.
“You fucking
promised
me. What about
me
? Look whatever this shit with Blake and Ariel...” I twisted away because I had not mentioned her name; clearly I had been right to assume I was missing something.
“Ariel? W-why.... what has she got to do with anything, Cage?” Cold pain burned away the hot edges his touch had ignited.
“What? I thought...you mentioned the Pub. I know my past, girls like Ariel, it upsets you. I know Blake got into your fucking head,” Cage growled and ran his hands through his thick hair in frustration.
“Ariel already fucked with us that night, you been distant ever since. I didn’t want to go to that fucking pub because it’s her stomping ground. I never wanted you to see shit from my past. I hate that you had to see any part of who I was.” I laughed without humor and his head snapped up, his eyes searching my face.
“You know.... that sounds like guilt. If you were completely honest with me, if I knew all the dirty details, and I was still here, why did it matter? Because we both know we haven’t given each other all our truths, right?” Cage looked panicked and it was enough to make the coward in me latch onto that panic as truth.
“I have never lied to you,” Cage was close again, hand at my throat in that way that hours before both turned me on and soothed me.
“But you have never been honest with me. Not completely. You hold back because you need a reason to run. Whatever that fuck said to you, gave you enough reason based on the truths you don’t tell me. You want the truth, just ask me. I’ll never lie to you.” I took a deep breath because I knew what that meant; he hadn’t lied, but he had kept truths from me just the same.
“Ariel. You kept truths from me. Was she one of the girls you tag teamed in the middle of O’Malley’s?” Cage let out a choked breath as he winced.
“No. Blake’s girl was. I did not tag team her. I liked Ariel. We talked and flirted for weeks, a month maybe. I wasn’t that guy, I wasn’t like Finn or Blake and I didn’t want to be. Krista hurt me but she didn’t break my heart, not exactly. Even if I thought so then, I know better now. Ariel was all about the numbers, Charli. I was just another number. We fucked. More than once.
After
I thought she wanted more. Not until I thought she wanted more. I really thought.... two days later she fucked Finn,” Cage seemed disgusted and I didn’t know how to process that.
“Literally months later, after she realized word had spread and none of us would touch her, she went after Blake. Who had a fiancé. Right in the bathroom of the pub, where his fiancé walked in on him. I was piss drunk and Finn was fucking around with some of the cops’ girls. It was stupid and disgusting but I let Blake’s girl suck my cock where he could see it,” My breath caught as he pressed closer, my chest tight with disgust.
‘Not because of Ariel, not really. Because of Blake. Because of Finn convincing me I had to be some stud, fuck anything that would let me. Finn fucked that girl while everyone watched. We were drunk, it was dark but they still watched. The girls both initiated it and it we let them because we were drunken assholes, high on a huge fire that injured a few of us,” He laughed but there was no humor in it.
“It was reckless and stupid and I still get disgusted when I think about it. They were pissed at their boyfriends and a huge brawl broke out after and of course, they sided with their boyfriends. If it wasn’t for Pop, we might have gone to jail. I’m not that guy, Charli. I wasn’t even that guy when I was pretending to be.” Cage touched his nose to mine and I choked back a sob because he was still lying.
“Ariel. You still owe me truths. Or I run...I might run anyway but if you keep looking into my face and fucking lying to me, you won’t ever catch me. I promise you that.” Cage let out a strangled sound and kissed me, hard and demanding, shoving me back onto the bed.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” He pinned me to the bed but I wasn’t scared of what he might do, just what he might say, “I have always told you the truth, baby. This one just scares me. A few weeks before we met, Ariel started calling and texting. I didn’t even know who it was until the night before you moved in here. I never responded, that ship has sailed. I swear to god that bitch has some kind of sonar,” I watched him grow more panicked but could feel nothing I thought I should.
“I met you and....I couldn’t see anything else but you, couldn’t think about anything or anyone else but you. I was crazy about you from the moment I laid eyes on you. Finn told me Ariel was asking questions about me constantly. The night I paid for your dinner and kissed you, she even stopped at the fire station. It was like fate knew better and I wasn’t there, saved me from dealing with her.’ Cage pressed into me, caging me in with his thick arms, his fingers trailing over my tears gently.
‘Then it stopped. I thought she got the hint, saw us together or heard something. Then it started again. I realize now it was after she saw us at my place somehow. It triggered some fucked up, warped sense of jealousy I guess. Since then she’s stopped by a dozen times, Finn always intercepts her if we’re there. She constantly texts and calls but I never respond. Not even to tell her to fuck off. The night at the bar, she saw us and it’s fucked up, but I wanted her to know without a doubt I was with you. I never should have done that to you, baby. Not there, not like that. It’s fucked up and I’m so sorry. When I went to get us beers, she followed me and offered to do anything I wanted. Threesome with us, with Finn, right there in the club if I wanted,” Suddenly his fingers were pushing at my blouse, burning my skin.
‘Just like I liked it, she said. Blake’s still fucking her and he saw her talking to me. That’s why he wanted to run his mouth to you this week. I told her in no uncertain terms to fuck off. That she was a mistake, a filthy, trashy mistake that was left where it belonged. In my past. I should have told you but you were having a good time and Finn told me to deal with it. I already have my number ready to be changed, Charli. I didn’t lie. I would never cheat on you. Never, I swear to god. You are all I want; all I can think about. Look at me. Tell me you get me.”
Peering up into his eyes, I wanted it all to fall into place and make sense. For it to feel like his truth was real and complete at last. I really wanted it to. Because all I wanted was to go back to the way this felt before Blake had run his mouth. Now I knew what Cage said was likely true; Blake’s ego was bruised and he was running his mouth, showing interest in me just as payback.
Didn’t change the truth that Cage had done things I couldn’t get right with. That he had lied to me, kept something from me that affected our relationship. If Ariel had gone so far as to come to his place, who’s to say Finn was always there to intercept? Who’s to say how many times she had visited the station. It was too much. The truth hurt more than he realized, and destroyed what I had felt before. It wasn’t the same. We weren’t the same.
“I am going back home. For however long it takes. When I get back.... I don’t know what I want now, Cage. Don’t chase me. I don’t want you to chase me now. I want you to let me go.” As I said this, he looked more and more pained and that felt good and I knew I was messed up. I needed to see his pain, to know this thing had ever mattered.
“Baby, no. Please, don’t do this. I fucking promised you and that matters to me,” He growled, his hands shoving at my blouse, leaving me in my bra, “you told me not to let you fuck this up. I won’t. I need you, and you need me to make you okay with this. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you.” My hips shimmied as his hands tore my skirt away, ripping the silk into shreds.
I didn’t talk; just let him get me naked. Then he was pressing close, naked and hot and so fucking perfect. Without warning, his hand wrapped around my throat again, he was inside me. I cried out, tears of pain and pleasure and loss sliding down my temples. He felt so good and I loved him so much but it wouldn’t be the same again.
Cage whispered at my ear, but I didn’t hear any of it. I threaded my hands into his thick hair and held tight, letting him fuck me hard. Needing it to feel again. I had been numb most the day, knowing this thing between us was ruined. I knew he didn’t mean it, knew he had no idea the lies would burn us to the ground. As I pressed close, sweaty and breathless, moans filling the space between us, I wished I had shared all my truths.
“I won’t let you go. You’re fucking mine.” Cage grunted as he thrust hard, almost savagely, into me again and again, making my thighs ache as he spread them wide.
The hand at my throat tightened and a thrill of danger raced through me. My clit throbbed in elicit response and I cried out his name. Pleading, begging for more torture. Cage watched my eyes as his fingers tugged and rubbed roughly at my nipples, giving me what I needed then. Still with that hand at my throat.
Then his fingers were spreading me, thumb pressing hard at my swollen clit, flicking and teasing. His cock drove deep and hard, hitting that spot that he owned over and over. My pussy throbbed as I chased release, tightening and quaking around him. My fingers raked at his skin, marking the path of his many tattoos. Hoping to scar him so he could never forget this.
When a burning climax crawled through me, the only sound our harsh breathing and the lewd sound of his hips slamming his cock into me, I screamed out. Tears burned my eyes as my vision went pin prick thin, seeing only the soft urgency in his beautiful honey hazel eyes. Cage’s fingers tightened at my throat and I came hard and violent, deaf to whatever his moving mouth was saying.
“Fuck, this is mine. Run all you want to, Sugar. I’ll always fucking chase you.” Was all I could make out before everything went dark, the pleasure and pain so intense I literally lost seconds of time.
When I came back, he was gentle, shuddering against me as the waves of his own orgasm settled. Kissing all over my face and gently stroking my pussy until I came again, leaving me curling into him, clutching at him with my limbs. Cage whispered nonsense at my ear, at my breasts, at my belly before his mouth was on me. I begged him to stop. Not because I wanted him to. Because I couldn’t take more.
Cage ignored me, suckling gently at my pussy like he needed to prove something to us both. When his fingers sunk deep inside me, pumping as his mouth bit and licked at my clit, I screamed once more. His name, words I wasn’t sure I knew the meaning of. I might have said a few four letter ones, maybe ones that sounded like love.
Then he snuggled me into his side, smoothing a heavy hand over my hair. He was talking still but I was lost to the aftershocks of what he had just done to me. If he had asked me later I couldn’t have said a single thing he said in those moments. I let him hold me.
In fact, I held him tighter than he held me. Kissed his mouth like it was the last time. Because I was sure it was. Kissed him until I couldn’t taste my tangy flavor on his mouth anymore. Just him and his need and what I had once confused for love. When we were breathing easy again, when I was absolutely certain he had passed out, I whispered into his throat.
“I love you, Cage Cooper.”
Then, somehow, I left.
The minute I woke up, I knew Charli was gone. Not because the house was quiet and her bags were gone, the truck not where I had parked it. Not because she had threatened it. Because I felt it. I knew she had intended to leave the entire time we talked.
Even while I fucked her desperately, hoping to convince her body to give in to me one last time. It was never about fucking with us, but it was a way I could show her how I felt when I couldn’t say it.
Tonight she needed the words and I had not said them. Because as I told her the truth about my past with Ariel and the disgusting shit I did before I knew she even existed, I knew it was too late. Once she had a reason to run, Charli had decided to take it, no matter what that reason was.
In the almost two months we had been together, I had come clean about everything. Except that Ariel had suddenly found me a catch once I had a woman she knew was better than her. The night Finn insisted we go to O’Malley’s I had wanted to cut his throat. Charli had been forcing us to spend time with both Finn and Gigi, because she knew I wanted to get right with it, for Gigi.
It wasn’t easy though. Because like I told her, I had seen him fuck a random girl like it was a sex show for a whole bar to watch. I had been a part of it, and since Charli I had been terrified of stepping foot back in that place. Not just because of the badge bunnies. Because them I could deal with. Because of the truth of how much I had done in that fucking place.
The minute I realized Blake had offered to work the mentor program, I knew something was up. Ariel had been texting and stopping by my condo, one of the reasons we rarely stayed there. Blake had been on a mission since the mess with Ariel. He thought he owed me payback for letting his girl suck my cock right in front of him. It was a dick move and I was disgusted I had allowed it. It had all been over Ariel.
What I told Charli, as always, was true; after she fucked me and Finn both within a matter of days, word went out to deny her anymore dick. The community we were a part of was close, so it was a non-issue.
Then Blake had fallen for her shit and let her lure him back to a bathroom; he thought his girl had agreed to a threesome. Until she walked in on him fucking Ariel raw. Less than an hour later she was on her knees in front of me, my cock down her throat.
To be honest I didn’t even know who she was, and hardly remember it. I sobered up when I realized Finn was right beside me, balls deep in another cop friend of ours’ lady. Former friend, after that. All hell broke loose and we had Ariel’s filthy pussy to thank for it, really. The bar exploded into a brawl and we almost got arrested. Pop saved the day but things were tense around O’Malley’s for awhile.
Ariel got absolutely no play after that; except for stupid Blake who decided she might be girlfriend material apparently. I knew that piece of shit was up to something when I saw him at the library. He hated kids and never offered to help once in his miserable life. Somehow he found out Ariel was basically stalking us; I assume it was when I went to his station to talk about a restraining order after that night at the pub.
That night had gone to shit fast once we saw Ariel. I knew Charli somehow figured out who she was because she became a different woman. Charli was sexy and let me do some inappropriate shit to her when we were out. That night was different. As if staking some kind of claim, which four beers in was hot as fuck, she climbed right onto my lap, Ariel just a table away and watching.
I loved her so fucking much. I just wanted Ariel to leave us alone. I was terrified of her pushing Charli too far. Instead, I did.
Right there like the piece of shit I thought I had left behind once I met her, I finger fucked her little pussy till she came all over me. Sucked her come from my fingers so Ariel could see. When my tongue slipped into Charli’s mouth, I thought maybe she’d get the hint.
“Enjoyed the show, stud,” Grabbing another round of beers, her persistence proved she did not in fact get the hint, “think she might be up for sharing? Your little librarian is hot as fuck. Wouldn’t mind tasting her cunt myself.” Regardless of how ridiculous she sounded, how desperate, I was angry in seconds.
“Not on your life. Stay away. From me, from my girl. From us both. I don’t want you. You won’t ever touch her, you hear me? That delicious pussy is all mine.” Blake had decided to pick that moment to show up; idiot thought I was trying to get into Ariel’s panties again.
Too late I realized what he was up to, I should never have let her work with him at all. It didn’t change the fact that I had lied to my girl. Which was why I was sitting here now, alone. I knew she hadn’t gone to the bodega. Or out for a drive. My girl was gone and I had to keep my fucking promise. To chase her no matter how far or fast she might run. Whether she wanted me to or not.
I couldn’t stand the idea that I had hurt her. Literally found myself retching over a wastebasket. I didn’t have the balls to give her the words she needed when she had needed them. Just because I was afraid if I said them, she might not care.
Didn’t matter if she cared or not; my truths wouldn’t change. I loved her and I should have told her. Charli would still run and I knew that, but I should have told her.
It was late, almost one in the morning and I hated that she was out on the road in the middle of the night, brokenhearted. Because of me. I had been watching her closely for days, feeling like this was coming. It was paranoia because of the shit with Ariel. I was waiting for the door to swing open and her to see it and bolt.
If I had told her from the beginning, all my truth, she might not have let me in at all. Now she had and I knew she loved me. Knew she loved this cottage, the library, and Sara and my family. I had ruined that by hurting her with lies. Lies that I let become something so big, I didn’t know if I chased her and caught her if the words would matter at all. I just had to make them count.
Two hours later I had argued with Byrne until he granted me time off. I had a bag packed, a map to her hometown and since I didn’t own a car, Finn’s beat up old blazer gassed and ready. We had words when I pounded on his door at almost 2:30 am, needing a friend and finding my sister in nothing but his CFD t shirt.
Gigi had to tear me off of him and make me focus on the problem at hand. One life altering issue at a time was all I could handle. I blamed him for taking us to the pub, blamed him for fucking that girl in front of the club and letting me be just as disgusting. I blamed him for telling me to handle the Ariel shit quietly, when I had wanted to go to my girl with it. Gigi lost her shit, turning on Finn and me both.
“You are both fucking disgusting! Why would you keep that shit from Charli? Don’t you know lying is her deal breaker? Jesus Christ, Cage! If you fuck this up you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.” I knew she was right and yet I threw that right back at her.
“Look at you. What the fuck are you thinking with this guy,” I thumbed a hand at Finn who threw his hands up, “did you not hear yourself? Yeah I did some stupid shit and I fucked up. Finn makes me look like a god damned saint. That isn’t the first and I doubt it was the last woman he did that way. Ask him about the times he’s shared his women with one of the guys. Ask him about how he all but asked me to share Charli with him. Finn begged us to go to O’Malley’s. That place must get him hot. I don’t want that for Charli and I certainly don’t want that for you, Red.” Finn stepped forward and reached out to Gigi when she looked stricken by my revelations; I felt like a dick for hurting her more but it was all true.
“Don’t you touch me,” Gigi was a force to be reckoned with when upset and it seemed Finn realized that, “you might have been a major factor in Charli getting hurt, you piece of shit. I knew about you; I knew the entire time you were that guy. I thought maybe.... doesn’t matter. Cage you need to go. Go get her and bring her home, god dammit. I know you love her but I love her too. We all do, and she fucking loves you and that cottage and this city. You bring her home!” I nodded and hugged her tight, taking the keys Finn was holding out.
“I’m not that guy now, Cage,” Finn muttered as we watched Gigi storm across the hall to my apartment and slam the door, “you might not believe me. I know you won’t. I am fucking crazy about your sister. Now isn’t the time for us to hash this shit out. Go get your woman, bring her home. For the record...I never for one second wanted to share Charli, even if I made remarks like a piece of shit. I knew right away that she was it for you. I’m sorry if I helped fuck it up; I thought telling her would make it worse. I thought Ariel would just go away. I never had any idea it would come to this, bro. I’m sorry.” It took a lot of control for me not to punch him square in his pretty face.
Really, I knew he meant what he said, even about being crazy about Gigi. I also knew he was right and it had been long overdue, my dealing with Ariel. Being as he was the one who told me to deal with it before Charli found out, I had to wonder why he hadn’t said this the night we went to O’Malley’s.
As I shoved my shit into his blazer, I thought back on that night and knew it was because of Gigi. The girls were excited and both looked stunning. Finn had been awestruck and it had almost started a fight, but Charli had reined me in.
Finn was just as scared of fucking shit up with Gigi, by letting her know about Ariel’s shit, that he kept his mouth shut even if he wanted to speak up. Finn said the truth had to come out, one way or another. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I also knew he was fucking my sister behind my back so I figured I could stay mad for a while.
As I headed out of the city, I had to wonder how long it had been going on. Fuck what a night full of betrayal. Even though I knew something had been going on for a while. I had wanted to pretend differently, and had been lost in Charli; I wanted the truth though. Later; I’d deal with their lies later.
Right now I had to find my girl and bring her home.
1
Between driving and sending texts I knew she would ignore, I went over everything I could say. All the right words she might need to hear. I had six hours to figure out how to fix this. How to make it right and bring her home. There were no other options. I needed her, and Charli needed me.
When I made a stop for a piss, some gas and plenty of caffeine, I wondered how far ahead of me she was. Wondered if she even took the same route. Maybe stopped at this same station. Then I considered she might not even be heading home. That filled me with searing panic. We had shared a lot in but in two months I hadn’t exactly learned everything about her.
This entire time I knew she’d held back parts of herself. Little parts that might seem insignificant if I didn’t want all of her. If I didn’t love her so fucking much that those little parts felt huge and important. I knew she had been hurt, had lost a lot of people in her life. It killed me that I had hurt her, even if it was while trying to protect her.
Charli was the strongest person I had ever known, next to my mom, and I knew she didn’t need that kind of protection. Really, I was protecting myself. Afraid the shameful parts of me that I held back would ruin how she saw me. Because the way Charli looked at me...it gave me life like nothing else before ever had. Not fucking randoms, not the job, not even my family.
Charli smoothed out all the rough, jagged parts of me that had always been seeking her. Much like I knew I filled up parts of her. The way I owned her both body and soul, how I knew what made her laugh or when to let her brood; my faith in her writing, in her work with the kids at the library. They were all parts of her that no one else had paid enough attention to before.
They were integral parts of Charli, the parts that made her work, that made her, her. I saw them and loved them all right away. Which was why she saw all the parts of me, even the bad parts and had loved me anyway. Lying to her about Ariel had been selfish because the truth hurt me more than Charli. Because Charli knew I was a different person once. A man I was so ashamed of I had not been able to share all of myself with her.
“You are so beautiful,” Charli had whispered one rainy Sunday while we laid in twisted sheets and messy pillows, “not just your handsome face or your body, though. You risk your life for others, because that’s what makes sense to you. You lived your life a certain way for a while even if it didn’t make sense. You embrace your mistakes, your flaws and that is why I’m so fucking crazy about you and you’re so goddamn beautiful. Mistakes, flaws, dirty past or not. You are a beautiful man, Cage Cooper.” It was one of the times I saw love in her stunning eyes, shining silver and bright up at me.
Fuck, I loved that woman. I couldn’t lose her. I knew it would be me fucking it up, but I never thought I’d let her run away. Not really. I thought the truth would come out the night after the pub. I could sense Charli realized something wasn’t right but we had a lot to drink and barely made it into the condo before I was inside her.
We fucked for hours, fast and hard then slow and lazy, my cock harder than it had ever been. I wanted to mark her perfect body as mine. I bit into her soft flesh, sucked marks at her tits and neck, her thighs. When her fingers raked down my back, her teeth at my chest, I knew she was doing the same. I came inside her until it was leaking onto my sheets, hoping to mark her as mine in the most primal way possible.
That next morning, she had been different. I had heard her talking with Maisie, her oldest brother Cash’s wife, about going home again. After the first time, when I had ignored the conversation like an idiot bird burying its’ head in the sand, I thought the subject had been dropped. I did not know why she wanted to go home suddenly; Charli seemed so happy here.