Let Me Love You (Love #4) (17 page)

I look up to the ceiling, rest my eyes for a second and then continue.

It happened so fast, one minute I’m fine and now, I can’t breathe.

I can’t speak and even if I could, I’m not so sure there would have been words.

I can’t see past the darkness inside me.

And I can’t move. There’s a weighted, heavy and suffocating silence that takes over my body.

My body is pinned against the bed, arms being held above my head. I try to move but my body is numb. I can’t feel my limbs.

“Don’t fight me baby.” Are the first words I hear when I finally come around. I try to turn my head away from the voice but it doesn’t move. My body is fighting me.

I don’t understand what is happening to me. Why I can’t I move?

I feel warm, sweaty hands sliding up my sides, and my shirt is being removed. I can’t feel anything, it’s all numb.

This is wrong, all wrong.

“I’m going to make you feel so good.” He says in a seductive voice that makes me want to throw up, the smell of his breath is making me nauseous.

This can’t be happening. I have to do something.

“Play nice and I’ll make this real good for you.”

His words are like acid rain, wrong voice, wrong touch.

Kevin reaches down and unbuttons my jeans and then my zipper. I take the deepest breath I can, squeeze my eyes shut and pray that I’m able to scream and fight him off.

My mouth opens but nothing comes out. Off in the distance I can hear my name being called. Something inside me comes alive and I finally find my voice.

“Cooper!” I scream, but my voice feels like it’s just above a whisper, captured by his hand.

“Fuck!” The guy says before slapping me across the face. “Shut the fuck up!”

It stings but doesn’t stop me from begging him to stop. It won’t stop me from fighting him. “Don’t do this, please.” I beg, crying and pleading, begging for someone to come in.

I start crying and whatever is covering my eyes becomes wet with my tears. I try moving my arms again but I still can’t get them to move.

Heavy footsteps bring me back to reality; helping me see despite not being able to move.

“Jaylinn,” Cooper calls for me again.

“Cooper,” I cry out, hoping he can hear me and stop this.

“Shut the fuck up!” Kevin says through gritted teeth, his hand over my mouth. “Don’t you say another fucking word!”

Suddenly the weight that was on my body is gone and in the next second so are my pants and panties. I hear the sound of his belt clanking and then the sound of a zipper and the crinkle of plastic.

I start crying uncontrollably when his hand slips from my mouth. “Please don’t do this. Please.”

I hear a bang in the distances followed by my name again. “Jaylinn!”

Cooper’s getting close.

Please hurry.

Kevin slaps a hand over my mouth again. “What did I say? Shut the fuck up.” He hisses.

I hear another bang of a door being slammed shut a little closer again this time and then Cooper roaring, “Where the fuck is she?” I can tell by his voice that when he does find me, he’s not going to be happy.

The weight from Kevin returns, his sweaty, sticky skin against mine. I tried to squeeze my legs together but it was no use. Kevin is too caught up to realize that Cooper isn’t far. I just need to fend him off just a little longer. “Don’t make a fucking sound and I’ll take it easy on you.” I feel his body start to shake against me as he thrust his hips against mine. He’s so close to entering me. I will all my inner strength to move away.

The door knob rattles and it sounds like he kicks the door. “Jaylinn!” Cooper yells.

“Cooper?” I manage to call out through the tears. I’m not sure if it’s loud enough for him to actually hear. My heart is pounding.

Why did I have to be so stupid? Why didn’t I just listen to Cooper and stay at home?

The sound of wood cracking fills the room, followed by charging footsteps. Kevin’s weight disappears.

“What the fuck?” Cooper bellows.

I hear the sound of skin to skin contact over and over and over again. The sounds stop after what feels like forever. My body was shaking profusely and I’m freezing, my bones like ice.

“Jay,” Cooper says, out of breath. He slowly pulls the blind fold off my eyes. “Shit.” He grits his teeth, working his jaw back and forth. “The fucking bastard couldn’t do it without blindfolding you. What a stupid asshole.”

The tears come faster now. Cooper reaches behind my head and as gently as he can pulls my shirt over my head. I felt my body flinch away from his as he lifts one of my arms to put it in through the sleeve since I still can’t feel anything. My stomach rolls and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

“Did he…” Cooper trails off, his eyes wild and destroyed. “I’ll fuckin’ kill him, Jay. Did he?”

“No,” I cry out, my voice frantic but seeming confused. “You came just…in time.”

“Holy fuck,” Cooper stands up from the bed and moves out of my view.

I can hear groaning coming from the other side of the room. I hear the slap of skin followed by another and then the groaning stops.

Cooper reappears within my sight. “I have to get you out of here.” He’s breathing hard through his nose, nostrils flaring with each labored breath. “Can you move?”

I try to take a few deep breaths and try to get my crying under control. It’s no use, I feel like it will never stop, not now, not ever. “No,” I say with a cracking voice, shaking words that feel forced. “Everything is so heavy and numb, Cooper.”

“God damn it!” Cooper slams his fist into the wall by the bed. He’s quiet for a minute. He has a hand leaning against the wall and he’s looking down towards the floor. “I have to get you dressed Jay to get you out of here.”

“Okay.” I whisper.

Cooper grabs me under the arms and turns me so my legs are dangling over the bed. He puts one foot through the leg of my pants, followed by the other, until he reaches my knees. Cooper stands, “I’m going to lean you to the side so I can get your pants on the rest of the way.”

I nod, it’s the only thing I can do.

He very carefully shifts me to the right and then to the left a few times until my pants are in place. He buttons and zips them while I lay there helplessly.

The groaning starts again and Cooper’s body tenses.

“Alright, let’s get the fuck out of here.” Cooper puts his hands under my knees and arms and picks me up. I can feel the beat of his heart against my ear, the adrenaline pumping double time. “I want you to close your eyes so people think you passed out, alright?”

I give another nod, another silent agreement, and close my eyes, controlling my breathing the best I can through the hiccups of my crying.

On our way out of the room I see the asshole that tried to rape me lying on the floor in a bloody mess. He almost took a part of my life, a part that I was keeping until the right time came, until Cooper was ready. I’ll never forget that face or the sound of his voice. It will forever haunt me for the rest of my life. Forever a monster under my bed.

Mom is now sitting beside me on the couch crying silently, her eyes are full of pain and hurt. I reach over to the coffee table and pull a few tissues out of the box and hand them to her. I’m not surprised that I need a few for myself because the tears are on the verge of falling, yet again.

“Baby, I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Mom cries, barely able to look at me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Jaylinn? We could have gone to the police or something.”

I shake my head, “No, Mom. I was too afraid, I just wanted to forget anything ever happened.”

My hands start to shake; I tuck them back under the blankets and continue.

Cooper took me back to his house after I begged him not to take me to the hospital. I didn’t want anyone to know what had happened to me. I make Cooper swear right then, through tears and heartache that this night, what happened, that he will never tell a soul.

And he tells me he won’t.

By the time we pull up to his house, some of the numbness has faded. I wish that it hadn’t though because my body feels like it’s been through a fight or two, an ache I know won’t subside for a while. As we sit in the driveway, I’m able to turn my head and look over at Cooper.

He turns the car off and looks over at me. “How are you doing?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath to keep down the bile that’s rising. It’s been everything I can do not to throw up. “I’m okay.”

When I make eye contact with Cooper, he shakes his head, “No you’re not. Your face is as white as a ghost and you’re shaking. You’re clearly not okay.” He looks over across the street. I look down to my hands that are in my lap and they are indeed shaking. “You were almost raped, Jay.”

Cooper climbs out of the car and walks around. He opens the door for me and picks me up the same way he did back at the party and takes us inside and into his bedroom. Thankfully Mason isn’t home so I don’t have to worry about him finding out what happened. I n
ever
want him to know what happened tonight. I’m ashamed I was so stupid and didn’t listen to Cooper’s warnings.

Cooper sits me up against his headboard. I try to lift my arms and this time I’m actually able to move them, albeit not very fast because they still feel weighed down. I push back some of the hair that sticks to the side of my tear-soaked face.

Cooper sits on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, contemplating, deciding and obsessing. “I knew I should have never brought you to that party.”

I knew he was going to do this. He’s blaming himself. He does this, it’s in his nature and I knew it would be.

“Cooper, this isn’t your fault.” I sniffle as the tears start again. Just when I feel like they might be controlled, they start up again with more force. Will it be like this forever? Will I get past this?

“Yeah, it is.” Cooper snaps, disgusted that I would say that. “If I didn’t bring you then we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” He keeps his head down and pulls at his hair with his hands. “I fucking knew better. I knew and yet I let you and where did that get you? Goddamn it!”

“Cooper, I was drugged.” I cry out, trying to make him see that this wasn’t on him, give him an out. “That is no way you’re fault.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He mumbles, his eyes are on the floor and his words hit me, like a line drive straight to my heart.

The dam breaks and the tears come freely as the night replays as I close my eyes. I was almost raped tonight. What would have happened if Cooper hadn’t rescued me when he did?

I shiver, I’d be ruined, hell, I feel like I am anyway with the weight of the night crashing down on me.

Oh God, I can’t breathe. I start to panic and feel like I’ll never be the same, never recover.

Will that asshole tell his friends? What if someone saw what happened and it spreads around campus? No, no, no.

“Breathe, Jay.” Cooper says with a gentle voice beside me, knowing where my mind was.

I close my eyes and start to count to ten. My heartbeat slows a bit and the tears ease up. I feel that asshole on my skin and it makes it crawl. I scratch at my arms, then my stomach and legs.

“I need a fucking shower.” I say aloud. I want the memory washed away, gone forever.

I attempt to try and get up. My legs aren’t strong enough yet to hold me up as I fall back on the bed. Cooper is there in an instant but I put a hand up to stop him, scared to have him that close.

“Don’t touch me.” I scream and then slap my hand over my mouth, not meaning to say that aloud to him. I know he means well but I just can’t handle it. I’m not sure I can handle anything.

The thought of having anyone touching me right now makes me want to rip them apart.

Cooper backs up and holds his hands up in surrender.

I try to get up again and this time I’m able to pull myself from the bed. I stand there for a second to get my balance before taking the few steps to Cooper’s bathroom. I shut the door and I’m just about to lock it when Cooper calls my name.

“Jay.”

I open the door slightly and Cooper holds out some clothes. Grabbing them, I quickly shut the door and lock it. I walk over to Mason’s connecting bathroom door and lock that as well. I place the clean clothes on the bathroom sink and then turn the water on in the shower as hot as it will go.

I remove my shirt, bra and then I pull down my pants. My panties are missing; they were left back in that asshole’s room. I kick my jeans away and step into the shower. The scolding hot water runs down over my body. I pick up some body wash and pour some into my hands and start to clean my body. I spot a scrub brush on the ledge of the tub. I pour some
body wash on that and bring it to my left arm and scrub as hard as I can. I feel like I can’t get clean enough. When my arm is bright red I proceed to the other arm and then the rest of my body.
Finally, once my skin starts to burn, I drop the brush and lean against the wall and slide down until I’m sitting. I bring my knees up and hug them and let the tears fall again. I sit in the shower until the water turns cold and I’m shaking yet again. I reach over to turn the water off
then grab a towel off the hook. I dry myself and dress in
an old number five baseball t-shirt of Cooper’s and a pair of his boxer shorts. I reach up and wipe the mirror with the towel so I can see my reflection.