Letters and Papers From Prison (28 page)

I’m now waiting with great excitement for your first report from out there, Eberhard. I have the feeling that to a certain degree you also see things with my eyes, just as I see things here with yours. We thus experience our different fates for each other in a kind of vicarious way. What you write from out there I will believe without hesitation, as perhaps happens in your case with my letters from here; and above all that will be the case when we can
talk
with each other again.

The news of the Nettuno landing has just come.
¹²⁴
I wonder whether you are anywhere thereabouts. When things like this happen, I see that composure isn’t part of my nature, but that I have to acquire it at the cost of repeated effort. In fact, natural composure is probably in most cases nothing but a euphemism for indifference and indolence, and to that extent it’s not very estimable. I read in Lessing recently: ‘I am too proud to consider myself unlucky. Just clench your teeth and let your skiff sail where the wind and waves take it. Enough that I do not intend to upset it myself.’ Is this pride and teeth-clenching to be completely forbidden and alien to the Christian, and replaced, shall we say, by a soft composure that gives way prematurely? Is there not also a kind of composure which proudly clenches its teeth, but is quite different from a dull, stolid, rigid, lifeless, mechanical submitting-to-something-I-can’t-help? I think we honour God more if we
gratefully accept the life that he gives us with all its blessings, loving it and drinking it to the full, and also grieving deeply and sincerely when we have impaired or wasted any of the good things of life (some people denounce such an attitude, and think it is bourgeois, weak, and sensitive), than if we are insensitive to life’s blessings and may therefore also be insensitive to pain. Job’s words, ‘The Lord gave etc….’ include rather than exclude this, as can be seen clearly enough from his teeth-clenching speeches which were vindicated by God (42.7ff.) in face of the false, premature, pious submission of his friends. Excuse me, Renate, for getting into theology again. It’s one of those fragments of conversation which are unavoidable in letters between Eberhard and me. Above all I should and would have told you how glad I was to hear from you directly and also in such detail. That was a real event. How grateful I am to the train guard who lit up the Munich leave train contrary to usual custom…It would be good if you had a couple of photos of me with you;
¹²⁵
they could eventually be used instead of visiting cards with my many acquaintances, as I can’t write to all of them. Did you really make the acquaintance of Prof. Reinhold Niebuhr on that car journey with the Hennes?
¹²⁶
Like Dr Leiper and Prof. Paul Lehmann, he is a good friend of mine. N. and Paul L. are also very good German speakers; that’s always a help. You can always go to Cedergren’s; you were their guest.
¹²⁷
He now has an important post in the Red Cross. Incidentally, you can give them all special greetings from Martin.
¹²⁸
I will also see that you get my letters to my parents.

I very much agree with what you say in this connection about friendship which, in contrast to marriage and kinship, has no generally recognized rights, and therefore depends entirely on its own inherent quality. It is by no means easy to classify friendship sociologically. Perhaps it is to be regarded as a sub-heading of culture and education, brotherhood being a sub-heading of church, and comradeship a sub-heading of work and politics. Marriage, work, state, and church all have their definite, divine mandate; but what about culture and education? I don’t think they can just be classified under work, however tempting that might be in many ways.

They belong, not to the sphere of obedience, but to the broad area of freedom, which surrounds all three spheres of the divine mandates. The man who is ignorant of this area of freedom may be a good father, citizen, and worker, indeed even a Christian; but I doubt whether he is a complete man and therefore a Christian in the widest sense of the term. Our ‘Protestant’ (not Lutheran) Prussian world has been so dominated by the four mandates that the sphere of freedom has receded into the background. I wonder whether it is possible (it almost seems so today) to regain the idea of the church as providing an understanding of the area of freedom (art, education, friendship, play), so that Kierkegaard’s ‘aesthetic existence’ would not be banished from the church’s sphere, but would be re-established within it? I really think that is so, and it would mean that we should recover a link with the Middle Ages. Who is there, for instance, in our times, who can devote himself with an easy mind to music, friendship, games, or happiness? Surely not the ‘ethical’ man, but only the Christian. Just because friendship belongs to this sphere of freedom (‘of the Christian man’?!), it must be confidently defended against all the disapproving frowns of ‘ethical’ existences, though without claiming for it the
necessitas
of a divine decree, but only the
necessitas
of
freedom.
I believe that within the sphere of this freedom friendship is by far the rarest and most priceless treasure, for where else does it survive in this world of ours, dominated as it is by the
three other
mandates? It cannot be compared with the treasures of the mandates, for in relation to them it is
sui generis;
it belongs to them as the cornflower belongs to the cornfield.

As to what you said about ‘Christ’s anguish’: it comes out only in
the prayer
(as it does in the Psalms). (I have never been clear why the evangelists report this prayer, which no one can have heard. The suggestion that Jesus revealed it to the disciples during the forty days is an evasion of the difficulty. Have you any comment?)

Your reference to Socrates in connection with the theme of culture and death may be very valuable; I must think about it. The only thing I am really clear about in the whole problem is that a ‘culture’ that breaks down in the face of danger is no culture.
Culture must be able to face danger and death -
impavidum feriunt ruinae:
‘the ruins will strike a fearless man’ (Horace) - even if it; cannot ‘conquer’ them; what does ‘conquer’ mean? By finding; forgiveness in judgment, and joy in terror? But we must discuss this further.

Now for the name of the child you’re expecting. If it’s a girl, wouldn’t Sabine be very nice? You both have a good relationship to her and I think that the name itself is very attractive, rather old-fashioned, but perhaps that’s its charm. I don’t think that Amalie is too bad; I’ve also always liked the name Angelica, which I always involuntarily associate with Fra Angelico. And what do you think of Adelheid? It’s comic that they’re all names with a long ā. They’re probably more resonant than others (or might I be influenced very personally in some way in my subconscious by Māriā?). Now I’ll keep quiet about boys’names…

Well, that’s all for today. In countless thoughts and with good wishes I’m always with you and send my greetings.                                                                                                            Your Dietrich

Have you paid a visit to the ‘Propaganda’ in Rome? What have you seen? Reminiscences of 1936 are very alive again, but you would know much more from that time than I. If you see the Laocoon again, just notice whether you don’t think that the father’s head may have been the model for later representations of Christ. Last time I saw this classical man of sorrows it impressed me deeply and kept me thinking for a long time. How wonderful it would be if we could be there together. You needn’t worry about me. All goes well and there are a couple of really
very
nice people here, whom you must get to know some time later. If only we had got there already…

I’ve had to take a new line with the companion of my daily walks. Although he has done his best to ingratiate himself with me, he let fall a remark about the Gert
¹²⁹
problem, etc., lately that has made me more offhanded and cool to him than I have ever been to anyone before; I’ve also arranged for him to be deprived promptly of all little comforts. Now he feels obliged to go round whimpering for a time, but it leaves me - I am surprised myself, but in
terested too – absolutely cold. He really is a pitiful figure, but certainly not ‘poor Lazarus’.

I think that it’s very nice that we are both godparents to Dieter Z.
¹³⁰
Lokies’ opinion was very important to me, and comforting. I would like it
very
much if I could get to see you again, Renate…

By the way, as far as I know, my parents were only separated once in their life, for a short time when father had to do a tour of inspection in the west during the World War! What times and marriages they were! And what different forms
of good
marriages there are! You won’t be able to read
Witiko
now, with its thousand pages, but later you must read it together. Maria was also entranced by it.

I would very much like to know how and on what basis you get on with the other men. I would love to know some time if you have conversations with your comrades. Will you write about it some time? I’m getting on all right, working and waiting. Nothing has happened to shake my optimism, and I hope it’s the same with you. Good-bye; may we soon meet again happily!

Dietrich

I’m already trying to work out some way of our getting together. I think that that would be very good whatever happens. Have you any possibilities? I sometimes think that if you were here, things would be very different with me. I hear only theories, nothing concrete happens. Is that ‘bourgeois’? Did you feel the same thing in September? Briefly, we will do it better later on.

What will happen to Rome? The thought that it might be destroyed is a nightmare. What a good thing we saw it in peacetime! I hope I shall hear from you
soon!

From his father

[Charlottenburg] 25 January 1944

Dear Dietrich,

If this birthday greeting is to reach you on time, I have to write it early. I hope that Maria or we shall be able to talk to you on the
day…After the previous course of your case we can hardly assume that freedom will come to you as a birthday present, but we’re convinced that it cannot be delayed much longer. It’s almost a year now! We’re grateful that you’ve borne it well so far, have retained your courage and a delight in working, and have kept well. I have no doubt that these wicked months have enriched your inner experience. To have gone through all that imprisonment means personally, for months, is something very different from having some acquaintance with it from outside and by conversation with prisoners, which has been the case with me in my observations. But that would be enough…

One hardly dares any longer to imagine life without the pressure that bears down on one. But that is something to do with old age, when one gradually begins to lose optimism and elasticity; in addition, there is the unproductive unrest in which one spends all the time outside regular daily work making sure of protection against night attacks. This gradually makes people tired and, I believe, would easily lead to an indolent resignation if one were not refreshed by looking at children and grandchildren. That is something for which we old ones are grateful to you young ones. I hope we shall see each other soon. Meanwhile, accept my best wishes for your birthday. May it bring you something nice, despite the unpleasant circumstances.

Affectionately, your Father

From his mother

[Charlottenburg] 27 January 1944

My dear Dietrich,

The fourth of February is approaching, and I’m thinking of how times have changed. I recall many happy children’s birthdays with cakes, whipped cream, Punch and Judy shows and masquerades. It also reminds me that I’m getting old – remembering earliest days is probably a sign of that…

You press us so much to move away, but there is a great deal to
tell against that. You are not the only reason, so to speak, why we want to stay here. Christel is very cut up,
¹³¹
and one can surely still be some help to her; and father still has a very great deal to do with patients, despite his considerable age. Doctors and patients know what sort of a person he is, and I think that that keeps him younger than if he were sitting somewhere quietly. We’re out of town
¹³²
at night for most of the time, so you needn’t worry about us. We would like you to tell us whether there is anything that you would like out of the house for your birthday. Think about what you would like to have. Perhaps Minna Herzlieb’s little cupboard, that Goethe gave her? I must stop. God bless you and be with you in the coming year.

Your Mother

From Renate Bethge

Sakrow, 28 January 1944

Dear Uncle Dietrich,

I want to send you warmest congratulations and all good wishes for your birthday. We really have to expect that the next year of your life will be better than the last. You yourself write that you’re an optimist. We are too, of course; otherwise, how could one go on living? Thank you for the greeting which you sent us by the grandparents; I was very pleased about it and sent it on to Eberhard. I very much hope I shall get permission to visit; I’ve applied together with Hans-Walter, and we expect an answer any day. Hans-Walter, though, only has leave until the 2nd. In addition, the post office was bombed out last night, so there was no delivery. I hope that it wasn’t there.

I’ve had no news of Eberhard for more than a week now…Of course one doesn’t know what’s happened to him since the landing at Nettuno. Before that, however, he wrote quite contentedly about his billet; he was in a lonely country house with fifteen men including an officer. He had the feeling that there was a very nice atmosphere. He was to have a driving test the next Monday and thought that he would then have an appointment in this direction, perhaps with some more work as a clerk. If every
thing has worked out like that, one could be quite content, but one can’t really expect it, and the fact that there has been no post for so long is not encouraging. We’re all very pleased that things are going well with you and that you can go on doing a good deal of work; but now the case really ought to come to a conclusion at last. Besides, you must be out to baptize our child. Who will see it first, you or Eberhard?…It’s not very good that the parents still keep staying in the city; the alerts disturb mother. But father wants to stay in the house whatever happens, because he thinks that if necessary he could help to put fires out. And of course mother doesn’t want to leave him all alone.