Letters to a Sister (11 page)

I have just been at the French Red Cross (25, Belgrave Square, s.w.i) and have probably got a job as an ambulance driver, to go fairly soon if it comes off. No private cars can now get over. This would be driving ambulances for the French army at the front—interesting, quite, and I hope it comes off.... I would rather, actually, drive an ambulance
than work among refugees, as I have had more experience of it. I must now improve my mechanical knowledge, so as to be able to cope with all repairs if necessary. I will let you know any more I hear. I shall store my car again. If I
should
(improbably) get bumped off in the mêlée, I leave it to you. But that is most unlikely, I dare say I should be more likely to perish here. I shall slightly regret having to leave London if we are to be invaded, as who knows what will happen to people, or to my flat? I must have some one to look after it and keep my books & things from the Germans. Perhaps I had better lend it to some one who will take care of it and keep Mrs Browne on….

Much love….

E.R.M.

I'm so glad you like the book.
⁴⁵

Flat
7,
8, Luxborough St, W.1
21 June, [1940]

Dearest Jeanie,

King-Hall writes in much more chastened mood than usual, though angry at having been so misled all this time. I am afraid he is only too often misled, like the rest of us. But his proposals for the future seem good—though I don't like his estimate of a 5-years war. News still goes on of great dissensions in France. Reynaud is said by one paper to be under arrest, but this may not be true. Anyhow, old Pétain and his gang are said to be the worst possible leaders for the situation, being right-wing, clericalist, and slightly pro-Fascist, so more inclined to come to terms with Hitler than the bulk of the nation would be. The most heart-rending stories one hears, I think, are of the Gestapo let loose in Paris and elsewhere to arrest those refugees and internees who
have fled from them before. I am afraid there is great bitterness against us in France, for not having sent them more troops and armaments in all these months. What
were
we thinking of, going on slacking as we did? We have let them down terribly—they us too, of course, by not fighting better and always letting the enemy through to get behind us, but that was much less bad than our long apathy and indifference and slackness. They say Churchill's union proposal
⁴⁶
was rejected by the French Cabinet by 13 votes to 10, and not mentioned on the French wireless or press at all. They thought we were after their colonies, it seems. What tragedies alliances lead to!…

The Cambridgeshire town in which those houses were wrecked on Tuesday night was Cambridge, by the way. I hope to have details of it from Dorothea
⁴⁷
sometime soon. I am dining with the Ogilvies to-night, and shall hope to make a few suggestions about programmes.
⁴⁸
They are very nice people, both of them.

Very much love, it was
so
nice seeing you.

E.R.M.

Collins says my book is going well, in spite of the War. I expect it scores from so few novels coming out just now; so has fewer competitors.

Thursday [25 June, 1940]
⁴⁹

... What a
good
idea about Canada—I do hope you will go.
⁵⁰
Will could meet you at the place of landing, I suppose there wouldn't be time for you to go to Alberta. I know they want nurses to take the children.

What
a nuisance if Romford visits are really stopped…. I suppose they are afraid of spies. It
is
a bore if it goes on. In fact, I think you had better move to another district if possible, as we mustn't be parted for the duration—may be 20 years. But I'll do my best, with my identity card and a lot of urgent business to transact.

Did you have warbles last night?
⁵¹
We did—and woken up again later by the All Clear, so feel very jaded to-day. I haven't yet heard where the bombs fell or what they did, except that a bull was killed, a good riddance. They are now bombing the South-West too. Harold Nicolson says the Gov: are much afraid of public morale being shaken by bombing, so that they clamour for capitulation. I met him and Mr Ogilvie and H. G. Wells at dinner last night. Poor Mr O. is told he
must
be lower brow in talks for the simple, and higher brow for the educated, etc., and has a very rough time altogether. I told H.N. how good his talks were; he has been rather hurt by the attack in the House of Commons.
⁵²
I am improving my bandaging to-day, also stretcher-bearing, but this isn't good for my back just now, and I hope to leave it to others in real life.

Love till to-morrow.

E.R.M.

[After 29 June, 1940]

Dearest Jeanie,

I am sending
Picture Post,
which came out late this week. Tom Wintringham is going on in it about Arming the People.
⁵³
It is thought to be a great way of keeping us determined not to surrender—that, and promising us a better England. And we really
should
do something more about rubbing it in day & night what an awful England it would be under the Nazis. I hear that it is very common to hear people say it would be as good as it is now, so why not let them come quietly instead of bombing us first? If that spirit grows, we are done. It was very strong in France, apparently. There was an interesting article in
The Star
last night about the state of affairs which had led up to the French collapse—I do hope we shall avoid it. A mixture of Right Wing, very anti-left & slightly (therefore) pro-Nazi politicians, more afraid of social revolution than of Hitler; of Communism; and of sheer defeatist apathy. The great thing here is to embattle everyone's
mind.
There is a terrible lot of bitterness and anger in the B.E.F. By the way, I've not yet seen the Savings Committee (I hope to to-day) but
all
intelligent people tell me it would be absurd to sell investments now—it is simply annihilating money (about half one's capital) which otherwise would be used for useful purposes, when things improve. Better than that, hand one's investments over bodily to the State. The National Savings Committee are asking not for investments but for loose money
not
invested.
⁵⁴
I will let you know when I have talked to the N.S.C.

Very much love….

E.R.M.

Friday [19 July, 1940]

Dearest Jeanie,

Here is King-Hall. You will notice (I hope) that you are becoming quite alone among right-minded people in your views on the alien question.
⁵⁵
…

To-night I have to read aloud for 4 minutes at 11.55 at the B.B.C., in the ‘And so to bed' series. They get a different person each night (well known, or moderately so) to read anything they like. I shall read two poems of a somnolent nature, which I shall recommend for saying to oneself after the light is out, to send oneself to sleep. You won't hear me, you will be, I hope, long ago asleep.

What
is
all this fuss about not repeating things ‘Haw Haw'
⁵⁶
is supposed to have said?
⁵⁷
I thought the man last night very tiresome and silly about it. I can't see what harm it can possibly do, to believe that Germany hears things quickly about us. I wish they would explain. They seem to me to get fixed ideas about things, and not really know any reason against them.

I am waiting eagerly for the peace-kite,
⁵⁸
aren't you. If it seems a good one, who knows but that we may encourage it?

Much love.

E.R.M.

24 July, 1940

Dearest Jeanie,

Many
very
happy returns of to-morrow. (How many will any of us have?) I shall be coming at about 4 or 4.30 for a short time, so can also give my good wishes in person. It has been a very fortunate year for me, I haven't seen so much of you for a long time, and it seems almost too good to last. These almost weekly chats are a tremendous pleasure in my life.

I do hope you will get through the next week without breaking down, and that August will be a proper holiday for all of us…. How
thankful
I am that you aren't going to spend it with sea-sick evacuees on the ocean!… Did you like Halifax?
⁵⁹
I thought him v. poor, he sounded so tired and spiritless. It reads better than it sounded, he read it so badly. Some one said afterwards that he feels self-conscious about talking about religion. If so, he shouldn't do it, but should leave it to the Bishops. I think too he should have replied to Hitler much more circumstantially, it would look better before the wor'd.

I'm so glad we have got the Government down about the Silence Column and Rumour-mongers, and that the sentences will be remitted or revised.
⁶⁰
It really does make one feel we have a democracy. The Aliens too are going to be revised.

They have started the idea at my Ambulance [Station] of putting down a list of people who would be willing to be telephoned for to come at once during raids. I found I was on it, so had to agree, though not altogether in favour of it. The Commandant had decided that I wouldn't mind, I don't
know on what grounds, and I didn't like to undeceive her. But as it takes me about ½ hour to get there (counting getting the car out of the garage) I think the raid might be over before I was there.

What do you think of the new budget? Very much love for the year. It will be, as Aunt Frances
⁶¹
always said, a very
strange
year, whatever else it proves. It will anyhow be nice to meet to-morrow.

Your very loving twin,
⁶²

E.R.M.

[Postmark: Petersfield, Hants]
⁶³
Friday [23 August, 1940]

… I wish you were here, to help pick blackberries. I found a splendid blackberry patch, and Margaret and I went there, tricycling and bicycling yesterday and picked 2 lbs for jam; which Ethel
⁶⁴
is making to-day, in time for me [to] take away my pot on Monday…. The jam smells lovely this morning….

De Gaulle was v.g. last night.
⁶⁵
So was a French speaker explaining to French R.C.'s that R.C.'s needn't be pro-surrender, and explaining away the Vatican utterances. Baudouin
⁶⁶
says this morning that what Churchill calls humiliating apathy and submission is really Christian meditation which accompanies re-generation. This re-generation idea that the R.C. French are trying to spread is dreadful, as it seems to mean submission, and withdrawal from political
thought, and concentrating on agriculture and breeding children. We are having a lull here for the last few days. Our windows shook at the Calais guns last night—we didn't know what it was. Was Deal hit, and was Dover? They don't say….

I liked De Gaulle's contemptuous comments on the new French ministers:
‘Le Ministre de la Guerre
—quelle
guerre?'
No wonder they have condemned him to death….

Much love.

E.R.M.

Wood End, Liss, Hants.
Friday [6 September, 1940]

Dearest Jeanie,

It is
so
lovely here, I wish you were here. Incredibly perfect hot weather. I hope to walk all afternoon & evening over hills and woods. Rather a bomby night, but nothing quite near, I think. You probably had much noisier ones. The night before last, I watched the battle over East London, from Pad-dington Street—most beautiful, with the search-lights, and parachute flares, and the fiery balls from our guns which are said to be tracer bullets, and the sky lit up with gun-flashes, like sheet-Hghtning, and a wonderful background of stars. The guns were faint, I think about Stratford. I'm so sorry you had such a noisy night, Nancy
⁶⁷
said it was awful. Do you use wax ear-balls? I think this is important. One can't sleep through bombs, but it does deaden them. Ours last night woke me, and I couldn't sleep again till about 6.0, but otherwise [they] weren't disturbing like guns, and didn't go on long. I'm sure it can't be good for either of you, it makes one headachey & tired. Was any damage done in Romford again?

Civilian raid deaths in August 1,075—about 35 a day—not too bad….

Sunday is National Prayer-Day. What will the Church pray for, or about? I hope they won't be too smug and crusadey, but no doubt they will.

I am finding
Behind God's Back
⁶⁸
interesting, especially about the relations in South Africa between British and Boers. How irritating they must both be to each other!

Very much love. Tell Nancy to be ‘grim and gay' about the raids, as Churchill says. I suppose gay when oneself and friends aren't hit, grim when they are. I feel rather grim than gay when kept awake at night and finding the Post Office etc. shut by day. I hope the warning system will be revised, it wastes a lot of time now.

E.R.M.

On Wednesday next I am going to a Lunch to hear Harold Nicolson speak on ‘The present prospect', so may be rather later than last time coming to you.

Sunday [probably 8 September, 1940]

Dearest Jeanie,

... I was lucky to get home by the train I did, as I hear that the Waterloo services were damaged and suspended by bombs quite soon after, and I might have sat in a train for hours. I hear little by little of the various bomb-damages in London—Hoxton again was badly hit, so were streets in Kensington and round Paddington. What a mercy Aunt Mary
⁶⁹
is away! Her house is in the thick of it, and she would have gone raving mad…

I see we mustn't say much about raids in letters to Canada, or where they did damage—this is a pity, we must make a
code with Will. However, he will hear about last night on the wireless and in the papers. I hear some letters have been returned by the Censor for saying too much. How lucky there is no censorship of English letters to England. Someone from Hoxton told me the dead were lying in the streets there among the ruins like on a battlefield. And thousands everywhere homeless. What a horrible business it all is.