Letters to Leonardo (16 page)

“You’re my son. You matter more.”

What if she changes her mind? What if she decides to leave me again? What if I get used to her being in my life again? “I don’t know, Mum. Why do you want to do this now?”

“I think I’m stronger. And I’m not going to risk losing you again. I’ll be all right, you know.” She holds up the tablets. “As long as I keep taking these.”

I don’t know if any of this is a good idea, but Dad said she was okay when she was on her medication.

“Come on, Matty.” Mum grabs my arm. “Let me make it up to you.”

“I guess it would be cool to catch up on weekends and things.”

“I’ve got a better idea. Wait here.” She runs out the front door.

I send the robot down the hall after her. I look through the bag of toys she gave me – all the stuff I would have loved when I was little.

Mum comes back carrying two suitcases. “I’m going to stay for a while. You’ll get to know me a lot quicker that way.”

I just about choke. Dad will have a fit. Can I say no? Do you say things like that to your own mother? “What about Dad?” I say.

Mum seems to have already thought of an answer. She says quickly, “If he knows you really want me here, I don’t think he’ll throw me out.”

I don’t even know if I’m ready to have her here. I don’t even know her – not really. “I’ll have to ask him first.”

“Of course. Why don’t you call him now?”

I don’t know what to do.

Dave won’t like it. But she’s my mother, I owe her this chance, don’t I? But what if she goes weird on me like she did up at her house? What if she
is
crazy? The whole idea scares the life out of me.

I need to buy myself time to think. Dad vs Mum. This is a mega step. “I can’t do this over the phone, Mum. This is something I have to tell Dad in person.”

“You do what you need to do, Matty. I’ll be here waiting when you get back. You know I love you,” she says.

I grab my bike from the back verandah and head off. I’m completely distracted and nearly ride straight into a lamppost, only a girl about my age yells just in time, “Watch out.”

Once I get to Dad’s office, I ride around the block a couple of times before I go inside, still trying to get things straight in my head.

Finally, I decide what I’m going to do.

I lean the bike up against the front of Dad’s work and walk in. I need to get to know Mum better. She is my mother.

Dad’s between clients. He looks up from his paperwork and smiles at me. “Hi, buddy,” he says. “Don’t see you round here too often.”

I sit across from him. I have a sick feeling in my stomach – the sort you get when you feel like you shouldn’t be asking for what you’re about to ask for.

“I was wondering if you’d mind if we had someone living with us for a while.” I shift in my seat.

Dad laughs. “Troy been kicked out of home, has he? I always knew it would happen eventually.”

I take a deep breath. “Actually, it’s Mum,” I say as casually as I can – even though I feel my face burning. “She’s at the house. Wants to stay for a while and get to know me better.”

Dad goes instantly purple and swallows as if he’s trying to control what’s going to come out of his mouth. He doesn’t say anything.

“So, what do you think, Dad?” I ask tentatively.

“I think she’s manipulative and selfish, and I’m not having that woman in my house.”

His reaction is worse than I expected, but it comes as no surprise, not after what he’s said before about her. I have to make him understand. I have to take this chance. “But Dad, she’s my mother.”

Dad’s eyes dart back and forth. His fingers tap the desk. I’ve never seen him look so scared. “Oh, Matt. Look what she did to you – to all of us.”

“Please, Dad. She’s going back on her medication. She promised.”

“But for how long?”

I try to sound confident. “She seems pretty serious about it.”

“She always is,” says Dad, bitterly. “But it doesn’t last. Before long she’ll be thinking she doesn’t need it any more. Then she’ll be stuffing us around again. Look what she did to you when you were five, dumped you in a shopping centre – anything could have happened to you. There’s a reason the court wouldn’t allow unsupervised visits. She can’t be trusted.”

“But I’m not a little kid. She can’t hurt me now.”

Dad snorts. “Huh!”

I don’t blame him for being angry, but Mum doesn’t seem like that person any more. She seems to be in control. I have to give her a chance. I try to stay calm – to convince Dad that this is a well-thought-out decision, that I know what I’m doing, and everything will be all right. “Maybe she’s changed. Please, Dad? For me?”

“Forget it, Matt. It’s not going to happen. It’s
for you
that we’re not having her in the house.”

Why is he being so unfair? “Fine, tell her yourself then. She’s at the house. She’s got her stuff there already.”

Dad stands up. “I will tell her. I’ll tell her exactly what I think of her and her scheming.”

I can’t face Mum – can’t face her disappointment or mine. I run out, jump on my bike and race it at full speed round and around the block till the perspiration and tears make it hard for me to see. I’m surprised at how fiercely I want her to stay. What if she goes back to Hillton and I never see her again?

When I get back later, Dad has his nose buried in a new book, and there’s no sign of Mum.

“I hope you’re happy.” I stomp off to my room. I’m so wild I punch the wall. I wait for Dad to come thumping in and tell me off.

But he doesn’t say a word.

Dad tries to make it up to me by letting me pick takeaway for tea. As if that changes anything? I barely speak to him while we chew on pizza. I picture Mum’s face when Dad told her she couldn’t stay. It makes the crust stick in my throat.

After tea I go to the water tank with Troy. He’s got new cans and wants to paint, but I’m not feeling inspired. “I’m so sick of Dad,” I tell Troy. “He doesn’t listen, doesn’t care what I think.”

Troy flicks his ear with a blade of grass. “It’s typical. Parents want us to act grown up, but they still treat us like kids.”

“I’ve just about had it with my odd family. Don’t know how much more I can take.”

Troy throws a piece of grass at me. “Come to my house for the weekend. Take a break.”

“Ta, think I will.”

“As long as you don’t mind Angie and her noisy friends.”

“At least they’re normal.”

Troy laughs. “Well, sort of.”

Dad’s sitting at the kitchen table when we get back – the empty pizza box in front of him. He has his “we need to talk” look on his face.

“Catch you later.” Troy hurries out the front door.

I pretend I don’t realise Dad wants to talk. I take the pizza box out to the garbage bin, then sneak in the back door and go to my room.

Dear Leonardo
,

They’re both tearing me apart. It’s like my skin is paper thin and my insides are being ripped in two. Why does Dad hate Mum so much?

I could be your Baroncelli, the guy they hanged for murdering Lorenzo the Magnificent’s brother
.

I’m hanging there, waiting for someone to let me down, stop the pain. But I don’t reckon they’re going to. Don’t reckon either of them will ever give the other a fair go
.

Why can’t all this just go away?

Why can’t my life go back to what it was when I thought Mum was dead?

Matt

I’m packing my stuff for the weekend at Troy’s when there’s a knock at the door. “Just a minute.” I zip my pack and run down the hall.

Mum isn’t back at Hillton. She’s standing on my front doorstep.

“Hi, Matty. How are you?”

I don’t know what to say. “Mum, you can’t stay here.”

I’m relieved that she’s still around, but I can’t shake that feeling I got when I saw her through the window and she wouldn’t let me into her house. It’s like she’s two people – the one with the uncombed hair and sad eyes, and the woman with the big smile and bright eyes standing in front of me.

“I know. I’ve rented the house next door.”

My stomach tightens. I feel sick. “What does Dad think?”

“He’s not happy.”

“I’m amazed he even rented the place to you.”

“He didn’t. I went directly to the owners.”

I hang my head. “Sorry I couldn’t talk him into letting you stay with us.”

“Don’t worry, Matt. I’ll have more room to paint if I have a whole house to myself.”

I thought she wasn’t going to be painting because she’s on her medication. I don’t say anything.

I text Troy to tell him the good news and that I can’t make it for the weekend after all. I also ask him if he thinks she lied about taking her meds.

Troy texts back:

She never sed she woodnt paint just that da pills make it hard
.

He’s right. Having Mum living next door means I can get to know her without Dad interfering for a change. He can’t stop me spending time with her, can he?

It’s nearly two weeks since Mum moved in next door. Every night I peer through her kitchen window and try to guess what she’s cooking for tea. Tonight the window is open and I smell burnt toast.

After tea she waters the plants and hums to herself. She sounds happy.

Dad walks through the door and sees me watching her. “Won’t last.” He flings his briefcase onto the floor.

“You’re just grumpy because she did something you didn’t want her to.” Dad rolls his eyes.

Yesterday when we went to check out the local art gallery, Mum told me that the real reason things didn’t work out between them was that Dad wanted to control her all the time.

Dear Leonardo
,

Now that Mum has moved in, I feel like I’m stalking her – my own mother. Even when I’m not watching her, I’m wondering what she’s doing
.

Is she thinking of me too?

Is she glad we found each other?

How do I stop her leaving again?

Matt