Authors: Natasha Knight
She
didn't hesitate, but did as he said.
"Good girl," he said,
buckling his belt.
"
I’m
hungry
. Have
dinner with me.
"
"
I need a shower,
"
she answered
even though it wasn't really a question
.
"
I’ll wait.
"
He helped her to her feet and
sat on the couch
while she washed and dressed.
He noted the fact that she didn’t try to hide her body as she moved around the room applying makeup
, choosing a dress, strapping her sandals in place
.
"
Ready,
"
s
he said, turning to him.
She wore a pale taupe colored silk dress that hung over her naked breasts and small hips down
to just above her knees. Three-
inch sandals in the same color
, earrings and a necklace finished the look. Her hair, still somewhat damp, was held
in a clip
at the
back of her head
and he imagined she struggled with the unruly mass as
long
tendrils already fell
around her shoulders
.
"
Luciana's holding a table for us
.
"
"
How did you know I’d say yes?
"
she asked.
He grinned,
"
I had a feeling.
"
"
Julian
,
"
she hesitated when they got to the door.
"
What happened just now…
"
"
Was fantastic. I enjoyed it thoroughly and I think you did too,
"
he finished for her, gesturing for her to go ahead of him.
She looked like she was going to say something but changed her mind and preceded him out the door.
They walked in silence to the main building and to their waiting table.
Chapter Two
Luciana set the bottle of wine on their table on the patio
of the restaurant
. The night was clear, just as
Gabrielle
always remembered the
m
to be, with some lights in the distance but dark enough that the sky glowed with stars. There were two other tables with couples
quietly
eat
ing their
meals but they were far enough away
that all were offered privacy
.
Julian
picked up his glass
and sipped. "I saw you earlier," he said.
"Earlier?" she asked, tasting the wine.
"On your way to the swimming pool. You watched them, the couple there."
She turned to discover that the couple she'd seen earlier in the day sat at one of the tables. Her face flaming red, she returned her gaze to his.
"I'm not judging you. I only wanted you to know that I saw."
"Why were you watching me?"
"Because you interest me. Because I find you beautiful. Because I want to know your pain."
"
I don't know anything about you," she said, trying to make sense of what was happening between them. "What we did earlier, I've never done…those things… with a stranger."
"
I don't think we'll be strangers long. Tell me, w
hy are you here alone,
Gabrielle
? What brings someone like you to a place like this alone?"
She searched around her, taking another sip of wine.
He remained studying her, his eyes not unkind. She wanted to tell him the truth, to let him see her
. Would he want to have anything to do with her once he learned her secr
et
? Or was pushing him away just another
way of punishing herself?
"
I used to come here with my husband,
"
she said, taking a large sip of wine as he digested this information. Whatever he felt, he hid it
well as he remained watching
, waiting for her to continue.
"
He died two years ago and this is the first time I’ve returned here.
"
"
I’m sorry for your loss,
"
he said.
She nodded, acknowledging his comment.
"
I don’t know that it’s…fair…for me to be here with another man in my bed.
"
"
Fair?
"
he asked just as Luciana served their starter: a plate of various meats with olives and
crusty bread.
"
Fair, right,
"
she nodded when he offered her some of the meat but hunger wasn’t what she was feeling at the moment.
"
I lost my wife some years back,
"
he said, his attention on serving her.
"
I’m sorry,
"
she rushed to say, berating herself for her
self-centeredness.
"
How old was she?
"
He couldn’t more than forty, forty-two she guessed.
"
Early
thirties
.
"
He set his fork down. "Don't feel sorry, she chose to die."
"
Do you mean
…
suicide?"
He nodded
once
, his eyes darkening if that was possible.
"
Do you have children?
"
she asked.
"
A daughter. She’s ten now and spending some time with her grandmother.
"
"
Oh
.
It must be very difficult
.
"
"
She was very young, thankfully. She's the reason I survived.
Do you have children?
"
She knew he couldn't want to talk about this and she was fine to leave it.
"
No, we were waiting, wanting things to be just right. They never are though, are they?
"
she aske
d, regret casting shadows behind
her eyes.
It was quiet for a few moments
and when she continued to look down at her plate, he lifted her chin so that she had to look into his eyes
.
"
The pain won't let you go until you face it.
"
He let the words weigh into her consciousness
. He was
right;
she knew that. The only way out was through
.
"
Have you faced yours,
Gabrielle
?
Or does it still hold you in its grip?
"
She only stared at him, eyes wide.
He knew the answer to that question
or they wouldn't be having this conversation
.
Her heartbeat quickened and a cold sweat covered her
body.
"
It was my fault,
"
she whispered.
"
What was his name?
"
"
William
,
"
something tight twisted around her heart.
"
How did he die?
"
he asked, taking one of her shaking hands in his.
"
A car accident. We’d been at a party, it wa
s toward the end of the evening, there weren’t so many people left
and we’d all had a little bit to drink. The host was an old friend of mine, an old lover actually.
"
She tried to gauge his reaction but his face remained impassive.
"
William
walked in on us. It was stupid, it was nothing, just two drunk adults acting like children. We were just kissing, nothing else. It just happened, out of nowhere.
"
She took her hand from
his and wiped at her tears.
"
Go on,
"
he said, not reaching to comfort or touch her, just listening to her confession.
She gathered her strength, composing herself. She needed to do this. She’d been keeping it inside her for so long.
"
He was so angry, I’d never seen him like that.
"
S
he sipped her wine.
"
I ran after him, trying to explain
, trying to talk to him, but he wouldn’t have it. He
shrugged m
e off, shoved me
when I trie
d to take the car keys away. He
drove off so fast.
"
She’d known what would happen, had known that was the last time she’d see
William
alive
. Something inside her told her that
even
before the c
all came
. It was th
e sam
e voice that reminded her of her guilt
almost daily.
"
He ran a light, go
t hit on the driver’s side hard
.
I didn't even get to see him one last time to say how sorry I was.
"
Quiet tears streamed down her face.
"
So you see,
Julian
,
"
she gulped down the res
t of her wine.
"
When everyone was
telling me how sorry they were, what a loss it w
as, I knew all along that I was responsible
.
That it was
m
y fault
he died
.
"
It was silent for some time before Julian spoke.
"Our second child was stillborn," he said. "Helen blamed herself and I didn't see the guilt she was carrying until it was too late. We were both suffering and we had our daughter to take care of."
Julian
put a hand on her knee and squeezed.
"Guilt left unpunished will devour you from the inside out
."
She nodded. She knew that well.
"
Do you need to be punished
,
Gabrielle
?
"
he said so quietly she was sure she’d misunderstood.
"
What?
"
she asked, swallowing hot tears.
"
Do you need me
to punish you?
"
he asked.
"
I don’t understand,
"
she said, confused.
"
Nothing to understand. Eat your dinner now, we’ll talk later when we have more privacy,
"
he said as Luciana placed their plates in front of them and quickly left.
"
Tell me about your daughter,
"
she said, forcing a
bite of ravioli into her mouth, trying to put the strange conversation out of her mind.
"
What's her name?
"
"
Brigitte,
"
his face lit up when he said her name.
"
She’s cha
rming, clever and a carbon copy
of her mother in so many ways.
"
He reached for his wallet and brought out a picture.
"
This is just a
few weeks ago,
"
he explained.
"
S
he was in a play so she’s in period costume.
"
"
An actress,
"
Gabrielle
said, the conversation lifting her spirits.
"
Definitely. I’m quite proud of her.
We're very close,
although she battles like her mother used to!
"
They both giggled and she noticed that he kept his eyes on her the entire time he spoke. I
t was as if he were gauging her reactions, trying to figure her out
. They finished their meal and as he helped her stand, he said,
"
I meant what I said earlier, I won't judge you."
Their eyes locked for a long time.
"
What did you mean about punishing me?
"
a voice that sounded very much like her own asked.