Liberation (84 page)

Which reminds me of a remark of Don's which made me laugh a lot—and which could have been said by no one else I know. He had been to see the very bad film
Fanny
(with Leslie Caron and Horst Buchholz). When he got back he told me: “I sat through it out of sheer morbidity.”

Am now reading the fourth volume of Byron's letters. I really cannot say why I keep on at them. I hardly remember anything I have read—any phrase or any fact—but I somehow like to breathe in his ambiance. Particularly while I am shitting.

Jim Gates tells me that a copy of
The Advocate
with Bill Scobie's piece about me talking at Long Beach
¹⁹
has fallen into the hands of the nuns and that Abhaya, in particular, was terribly shocked. What she so much deplored was that I had talked about Swami and Vedanta. And one of the reasons she deplored it was that she was afraid all the queers would now start coming to the temple! As if they hadn't started thirty years ago! I felt very self-righteous about all of this and quite prepared to defend my position—in the temple itself, if necessary. But Abhaya, when we actually met her next, on Swami's birthday, couldn't have been friendlier. What hypocrites they are, even the better ones.

Jim is still looking after Rudolf Sieber, but now he shares the work with another ex-monk, Clark(?)
²⁰
and only does three days at a time. This gives him a lot more opportunity to go to The Rusty Nail and make new contacts. He still seems very happy about this and not in the least repentant. He looks much more cheerful and healthier and is free with hugs of affection, but he has grown a straggly moustache which doesn't suit him.

At the end of last year, I wrote about my great happiness with Don and my consistently poor standard of meditation. Both of these have continued throughout 1975. I ought to be more concerned about the meditation, I suppose; and yet I do keep at it and I ask Mother every day for more devotion and at least some sense of her presence. I do feel, I think, quite sincerely that she is my “refuge.” And I suppose this is good, since it is balanced by the quite other sort of “refuge” I find in Don. What I am trying to say is that it is doubtless easier to feel that God is the only refuge when you don't have any human being to love and be loved by. But I do. And yet I can still say that even our relationship is within the refuge of Mother. More and more I see that it would be unthinkable to have such a relationship unless the other partner in it shared this belief.

Day-to-Day Diary, January 1–July 31, 1976

[
Isherwood spent the first part of 1976 finishing
Christopher and His Kind
, and he gave up writing in his diary for seven months. Printed below are the entries from his day-to-day pocket diaries for this period.
]

 

 

January 1.
154.
¹
We went to parties at Billy Al Bengston's and Tony and Jean Santoro's. Ted Pebworth and Claude Summers came to see us. (Claude had just read a paper on
A Single Man
at the MLA convention in San Francisco.) Don and I ate at home.

 

January 2.
153¼. Started revising
Wanderings
. We saw Swami. We had supper with Jess, Glade, and Ted Bachardy at El Coyote. We went with Ted to see Kubrick's
Lolita
and part of Kazan's
Splendor in the Grass.

 

January 3.
151¾. Worked on revision of
Wanderings
. Ran on San Vicente. We ate at home.

 

January 4.
154. Drove with Dharma Das and Urbashi to Santa Barbara. I read Swamiji's “Practical Vedanta—1”
²
at the temple and we drove back. We had supper with Jo Lathwood—Roger Rosenberg and Marylee Gowland were there.

 

January 5.
155. Revised
Wanderings
. Ran on San Vicente. Tom Shadduck and his friend Eric Moore pruned trees with power saw. The people opposite (de Cuir) sent for the police. Tom and Eric had drinks with us later. We ate at home.

 

January 6.
152 ¼. Revised
Wanderings
. We had Tony Richardson and Francis Fry
³
to dinner; Don cooked. Tom Shadduck worked on pruning. Saw John Kniest of Pelican Records about doing an album for them, of readings from my books.

 

January 7.
154. Don painted Rick Sandford. Tom Shadduck worked on pruning. I saw Dr. Wolff about the inflammation on my leg. To gym. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had supper with Vincent and Coral Price. Roddy McDowall and Paul Anderson were there.

 

January 8.
152¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don painted Ralph Williams. Christian Gollub
⁴
came to see me. Don and I saw John Huston's
The Man Who Would Be King
. We had supper at Pancho's Family Café.

 

January 9.
152¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. Stephen Miles came to see me. Don had supper with his parents. I ate at home.

 

January 10.
151½. Tom Shadduck and Eric Moore worked on pruning. Talked to Mrs. O'Hilderbrand[t] about removing bush. To lunch given by Olivier. (Maggie Smith, Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman, Coral Brown[e], Roddy McDowall, etc.) Then we had drinks with David and Beth Schneiderman and met Oliver Stallybrass.
⁵
We ate at home.

 

January 11.
Worked on
Wanderings
. We ate at home.

 

January 12.
152¼. To Dr. Allen for cholesterol test. To gym. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don's car being repaired. We had supper with Chris Wood and Paul Sorel at the Bellevue.

 

January 13.
152. Jogged on San Vicente. Worked on
Wanderings
. Taped readings for Pelican Records. We ate at Casa Mia.

 

January 14.
153. Worked on
Wanderings
. Stathis Orphanos came by, worked on my bibliography, drove me to Vedanta Place. Don and I saw Swami. I ate at monastery, read in temple with Chetanananda. Don picked me up. We went to Little Club, heard Paul Anderson sing.

 

January 15.
Warm. 153¼. Leak in V.W. gas tank, took it to Pico Auto House. Worked on
Wanderings
. Picked up V.W. With Don and Ted Bachardy to see
Lucky Lady
(Liza Minnelli, Robby Benson) and part of Ingmar Bergman's film of
The Magic Flute.

 

January 16.
151¼. Warm. Natalie Leavitt cleaned house. Tom Shadduck worked on pruning. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don had supper with his folks. Ate at home. Started sore throat.

 

January 17.
151¾. Very warm. Throat sore. Worked on
Wanderings
. Natalie Leavitt cooked and we had Michael and Pat York, Hope Lange, and Ralph Williams.

 

January 18.
153½. Throat better. Don drove me to Santa Barbara. I read “[The] Methods and Purpose of Religion” by Vivekananda at the temple. We had lunch with Brad Fuller
⁶
and Jack at their house. Jaime Green, Margaret Mallory. Drove home in fog. Ann McCoy came by with Klaus [Kertess]
⁷
. We had supper with Tony Richardson and Bob Newman at Patrone's.

 

January 19.
152¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. We saw Hitchcock's
Frenzy
and part of John Schlesinger's
Midnight Cowboy.

 

January 20.
152¼. Roger Rosenberg came to talk to us about our Hilldale property. Don drew and painted Mark Andrews. Worked on
Wanderings
. Jogged on San Vincente. We ate at home.

 

January 21.
152¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had supper with Jo Lathwood at Casa Mia, then saw
The Hindenburg
(George C. Scott, William Atherton). Don drew and painted Ian Whitcomb. Lee and Grace Prosser came to see me with their daughter Mandy.

 

January 22.
151¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. Jogged on San Vicente. We ate at Pancho's Family Café then saw
The Duchess of Malfi
at the Mark Taper Forum (with Eileen Atkins).

 

January 23.
151¼. We went to Vedanta Place for Swamiji's breakfast puja at 7:00 a.m. and then had breakfast there. We picked up Michael York on our way back. Don drew him. Don went to see Joe Chaikin's production of
Electra
. I worked on
Wanderings
. Natalie Leavitt cooked and we had Tony Richardson (who leaves for New York tomorrow) and Bob Newman to supper.

 

January 24.
Worked on
Wanderings
. Jogged on San Vicente. We ate at home.

 

January 25.
152. Long phone call from Glenway Wescott. Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to a goodbye party for Roland and Janet Flamini, given by Phyllis Nugent,
⁸
and then had supper with Hal, Peter and Michael Buckley at Hal's house. Don drew and painted Don Cribb.

 

January 26.
152. Finished revising chapter 13 of
Wanderings
. Jogged on San Vicente. Don drew George Raya.
⁹
Natalie cooked and we had Stephen and Jean Garrett and Roland and Janet Flamini to supper.

 

January 27.
152¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. We saw
The Story of Adele H.
(François Truffaut). We ate at home.

 

January 28.
152¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. We met Mark Andrews on Hilldale and talked about our property and what to do with it. To Vedanta Place, saw Swami, had supper at the monastery, read with Chetanananda. Don drew Bill Bopp and fixed supper for him. I saw Bill when I got home.

 

January 29.
151¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don out with his parents. I ate at home.

 

January 30.
151¾. To see Dr. Thomas Sternberg about my skin. Jogged on San Vicente. Worked on
Wanderings
. Natalie Leavitt cleaned house. We ate at home.

 

January 31.
Worked on
Wanderings
. We ate at home. To gym.

 

February 1.
Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to a party given by Paul Millard and Rob Matteson for Estelle Winwood's ninetieth birthday.
¹⁰
We had supper with Nick Wilder at Au Petit Joint. Fell and hurt my back.

 

February 2.
153. Worked on
Wanderings
. Mrs. Leavitt cooked and we had John and [Ch]ristel Boorman, Peter and Clytie Alexander, Rospo and Barbara Pallenberg
¹¹
to supper. We went to the vespers for the Brahmananda puja. Saw Swami afterwards.

 

February 3.
154½. Worked on
Wanderings
. Arthritis in back. Ate at home. Don out to openings.

 

February 4.
153¼. Rain. Worked on
Wanderings
. Back bad. Supper at Le Petit Moulin with Billy Al Bengston, Penny Little, Robin and Jessie French. Then with Penny to see Jan Michael Vincent in
White Line Fever.

 

February 5.
153½. Rain. Worked on
Wanderings
. Natalie Leavitt cooked and we had Joan Houseman, Renate Druks, Perry and Karen King, Jack Larson and Jim Bridges to supper.

 

February 6.
153½. Rain. Saw Dr. Sternberg. Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to the gym. We had supper with Avilda Moses—Sam Francis,
¹²
Ann McCoy, Lynda Benglis
¹³
and Douglas Bergeron were there.

 

February 7.
154. Rain. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don saw Alex Garcia.
¹⁴
Then Ken Handler
¹⁵
came with David Hillbrand and Cindy Fusco
¹⁶
to show his photographs. Talked on the phone to David Hockney just arrived in L.A. Don and I had supper at the Dar Maghreb with David Goodstein, Christopher Stone,
¹⁷
John Moya, Seymour Black.
¹⁸

 

February 8.
152¼. Rain. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had lunch with David Hockney, Gregory Evans, Nick Wilder at the Bellevue. We went to Tom Wudl's opening at the Mizuno Gallery. We had supper with Newt Dieter
¹⁹
and Tom Morton
²⁰
—Joel Wachs,
²¹
and Paul Revere, Mark Rockland, David Dear. We saw Wayland Flowers with his puppets
²²
at Studio One with Rick Sandford.

 

February 9.
154. Rain. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had supper at George Cukor's—Maggie Smith, Lauren Bacall, David Lean and Sandy,
²³
Beverl[e]y Cross.
²⁴

 

February 10.
153. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had Philippa Foot
²⁵
to tea, after Don had drawn her. Natalie Leavitt cooked and we had David Hockney and Don Cribb to dinner.

 

February 11.
154. Worked on
Wanderings
. With David Hockney we went to the Forum in Inglewood to see David Bowie. Met him and Angie Bowie after performance.

 

February 12.
Finished chapter 14 in revision of
Wanderings
. Don painted Bob Dootson.
²⁶
Jeff Bailey and Jim Hansen came to see us. We went to see Paul Anderson in Pinter's
The Homecoming.

 

February 13.
151½. Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to gym. We had supper with John and Christel Boorman at the house they have rented—141 North Bristol. Natalie Leavitt cleaned house.

 

February 14.
153¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to gym. We saw Truffaut's
Two English Girls
and
The Soft Skin
. We ate at home.

 

February 15.
153½. Stu Brandt drove me to the Santa Barbara temple, where I read [Vivekananda's] “Hints on Practical Spirituality.” Worked on
Wanderings
. We went to John Schlesinger's birthday party—Roddy McDowall, Paul Anderson, Elton John, Charlotte Rampling, Warren Beatty, David Hockney, Henry Geldzahler.

 

February 16.
153¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had a birthday dinner at the Century City Clifton's Cafeteria for Glade Bachardy. Ted and Jess were also there. Then Don and I saw Lelouch's
Happy New Year Caper
and
And Now My Love
.

 

February 17.
152¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don drew Renate Druks. Jogged on San Vicente. Took tape of my reading from my books to Pelican Records. We ate at home.

 

February 18.
153½. Worked on
Wanderings
. Don drew Werner Pochath.
²⁷
Jogged on San Vicente. We had supper with Jo Lathwood and all went to see a rehearsal of
The Belle of Amherst
( Julie Harris).

 

February 19.
152¼. Worked on
Wanderings
. We were photographed by Mary Ellen Mark.
²⁸
Don drew Jean Santoro. We had supper with Billy Al Bengston and Penny Little. We watched
James Dean
(Stephen McHattie) on T.V. Strong wind in the night.

 

February 20.
153¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. Saw Dr. Thomas Sternberg. Went to gym. Don drew and painted Rick Sandford. Saw
Jim, the World's Greatest
. We ate at home.

 

February 21.
152¾. Worked on
Wanderings
. We had supper with David Hockney, Gregory Evans, Henry Geldzahler, Don Cribb.

 

February 22.
151½. Worked on
Wanderings
. To UCLA library to do research for
Wanderings
. Don out to see films. We had supper around midnight.