Libertine's Wife (39 page)

Julian sent word of the fire that
evening by runner. He stayed on at Vale House for that reason,
suspiciously vague of the extent of the damages. She wondered if
Lady Vale and the dowager were still in London. They must be, for
she couldn’t see him spending time with either lady.

Arianne felt tears in her eyes to know
her childhood home was possibly destroyed. His thoughtful gesture
might have been done without thinking, but she felt pleasure to
know she owned her family’s estate once more.

With nothing to do that evening, she
took out a sheaf of paper and sketched. She’d engaged in the hobby
for years. Her sketches were quite good. She redesigned her former
home, theorizing it might need to be rebuilt. Then she found
herself sketching Garret, fuming to know he was very much on her
mind.

Within the hour, she sketched the
framework for the new estate. She designed it to keep her mind off
Garret. She frowned, trying to concentrate as she drew; thinking of
the way his amazing eyes moved over her, removing any doubt in her
mind that he didn’t still desire her. She was plagued with longings
and cringed from their implications.

She might be a man’s mistress now, but
she very much wanted to be another man’s wife still. She left her
drawing on her writing desk and went to her bedchamber to open the
armoire, trying to decide what to wear for her upcoming reunion
with her children, disgusted to know she was trying to please their
father with her selection.

Arianne smiled as she withdrew a new
gown. The dramatic cut of the deep violet silk gown was a bit
provocative for an afternoon visit with her children. That night in
bed, she tried very hard to sleep. She closed her eyes and found
her dreams filled with Garret.

~ ~ ~

Arianne arrived at her former home
shortly after nine the next morning. She smiled at Mrs. Phelps
nervously when she arrived. The housekeeper was smiling back in her
same cheerful manner. The housekeeper never let on anything was
untoward in her absence from the manor as she led her up to the
nursery.

Arianne entered quietly. Both children
still slept. She crept to Stephen’s crib and smiled, tears in her
eyes to see him sleep. His beloved little face was flushed, his
chubby limbs exposed. She touched his soft, auburn hair and her
hand trembled, wanting to snatch him to her, but let him
sleep.

Arianne moved to Jaime’s small bed and
saw the toddler was unchanged except for the thumb he now sucked in
his sleep. She touched his soft blond hair and decided not to wake
either of them, overwhelmed to see them. She didn’t hear the door
open behind her.

Arianne covered her mouth as tears
filled her eyes, shaking as she slid into a rocking chair to sit
with them. She dreaded to leave them. She realized she wanted her
life back in those moments. Devastated to know it, she put her face
in her trembling hands.

She felt a hand upon her shoulder and
jumped. Her tearful gaze met Garret’s. She saw little mockery in
his face. He appeared relieved to see her.

How could she stay away? She hadn’t
seen her children in over three months. She longed for them as any
mother would.

Garret gestured to the door and she
followed, wiping at her eyes as she left the room, her legs shaking
slightly. He walked to the end of the hall and stared down at her
with little expression in his green eyes. “I’m glad you’ve come. I
didn’t think you would.” She stiffened at his words.

“
I sent you a note saying I
would be here first thing this morning.” She stared up at him with
haughty anger. “Did you think I could stay away?”

“
My staff doesn’t give me
your notes as a rule,” Garret explained with an amused shrug. “They
like to keep their employer in good spirits.”

Arianne scowled, realizing he probably
never got the message she nearly died. “Maybe they should start,
even if it ruins your day, my lord.”

Garret’s expression became sad as he
interpreted her meaning. “I didn’t know about what happened to you
until after you were gone, Arianne.” She tore her gaze from his,
unwilling to revisit how weak she’d been after he took her
children. “It’s no excuse, but had I known, I would have been there
for you.”

“
You needn’t worry over my
silly actions, Garret.” She wiped at her eyes. “I was merely
missing my children and overwrought.”

Garret reached out and snatched her
wrist suddenly, turning it over to see the healed pink scar there.
His eyes filled with anger as he gripped her wrist tighter. “Silly
you say? How dare you do this to yourself, Arianne? What in God’s
name were you thinking?”

Arianne glared up at him and tried to
pull her wrist away. He had no right to disparage her for her rash
actions. “I wasn’t thinking at all, Garret!” She yanked at her
wrist in a futile effort to remove his manacle grip on it. “I seem
to do that often with disastrous results! You of all should know
that!”

His expression was one of compassion.
She refused to allow herself to think of that dark time in her
life. The sobs caught in her throat. The painful realization she
could be dead now was forced upon her by his continued holding of
her wrist, refusing to let it go.

“
You have no reason to
punish yourself like this, Arianne. You made a mistake.” She
laughed at that, yanking her wrist free from his grasp
finally.

“
Yes, it would appear you
find it within your leniency to acknowledge that now, my lord,” she
said in a seething tone. “Forgive me if I didn’t want to bear with
it anymore. I’m sure such weakness must disgust you, as all my
former actions have in the past. What is one more reminder I’m all
that you think of me?”

Garret was calm during her rant. “I’m
not disgusted with you for what you did long ago to protect
yourself and the child, Arianne,” he told her quietly, “only with
what you do to yourself now.”

“
What are you talking
about?” Arianne glared up at him, rearing up in anger at his words.
“What have I done that so offends you? You have the morals of a
goat, my lord, and we both know it! You have no right to point out
my behavior at all! You have a legion of damned mistresses behind
you to prove it!”

Garret raised an eyebrow. “Your present
relationship with Vale certainly isn’t helping you, is it? Do you
do it to punish me or yourself now, Arianne?”

Arianne was furious he would drag
Julian into this. “He was there for me in all things, from the
beginning!” She backed away from him, eyes glittering with rage.
“Julian never turned me away when he heard something he didn’t
like! He never stopped loving me because I failed to make the right
decision! Unlike you! You pushed me away every time I faltered, and
never gave me a chance from the very day we married!”

“
You are right.” Some of her
anger went out to see him cross his arms across his chest to regard
her thoughtfully. “He was there for you and I wasn’t. You never
trusted me enough to give me that benefit. You feared me enough to
never confide in me. How many opportunities did you have to tell me
about Jaime?”

“
I knew what you would
do—what you would say,” Arianne said hoarsely and looked away,
biting her lip. “And I was right! You took them from me and pushed
me out of your life! You never came to me and asked me why I did
it.”

“
I already know why you did
it. You did it to protect the child and the man you loved,” he
replied and he stared at her. “You didn’t answer my other question,
Arianne.”

Arianne refused to look at him. She
would not apologize for turning to Julian for comfort these last
months. He wouldn’t get that from her after his abominable behavior
and cruel treatment. “You gave up the right to condemn me for
anything, my lord. You threw me out of your life and meant to
divorce me,” she countered tightly. “If my choices now so offend
you; I’m sorry for it. You turned your back on me.”

“
I was angry! What man
wouldn’t be?” Garret asked angrily. “That wasn’t what I referred to
at all. You avoid answering because you continue to make the wrong
choices, Arianne! You continue down that same path, telling
yourself you have no other alternatives! You have choices now and
continue to make the wrong ones!”

“
That’s
ridiculous!”

“
What do you hope to gain
out of being Vale’s mistress, Arianne?” Garret asked harshly as he
cornered her. “Does it make you feel good about yourself? Does it?
You and Vale are publically condemned now. Your reputation is
ruined. Does that please you? Is this to get back at me? I think we
both know you haven’t thought it all through at all.”

“
You have no right to say
anything about what I do anymore! You are no better, running about
with your bloody whores!” Arianne snarled in outrage, her chest
heaving in indignation.

“
I have every right to
question what you do now. I know what it will do to you in the end,
Arianne,” Garret told her more quietly, aware they were nearly
shouting in the hall outside their children’s room. “You continue
to punish yourself by living with Vale. What will you do when he
goes back to his wife? Do you pick up the knife again?”

“
Julian hasn’t expressed
much interest in that, Garret.” She refused to look at him, knowing
all he said was true.

“
Oh, he will, if he ever
gets around to meeting his wife. I have met the lady. He will go
back to her,” Garret predicted without gloating. “What then,
Arianne? Do you do away with yourself when he leaves you? Is that
how you would solve that problem?”

“
You have no right to speak
to me this way!”

“
I’d merely like to know how
you would solve that dilemma when it arises.” His eyes flared with
outrage. “I have that right. I am still your husband, even if you
choose to forget that fact.”

Arianne felt the fight go out of her at
his words. She could see he held no judgment, just saw her in the
same destructive patterns she set for herself long ago. Tears
filled her gaze to know he was right.

She had no future with Julian. She set
herself up to be hurt. She settled for it, waited for it, knowing
how it would turn out the minute Lady Vale returned to London.
“Whatever I do shouldn’t concern you, Garret.” Her eyes slid away
from his. “What happens to me isn’t your concern anymore. You’ve
renounced me, you recall?”

Garret reached out and grabbed her
chin, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t you dare look away from
me! I’m not looking down on you for the choice you made, Arianne! I
drove you to it. I give you another choice, today, right now! Come
home! Leave Vale before he leaves you! Do it now, before you don’t
think you can ever come home again!”

Arianne stared at him in shock. “You
don’t mean that. This is just some means to hurt me again. I have
destroyed everything. You couldn’t want me to come
home.”

“
I didn’t stutter, madam,
but I will repeat my offer again.” Garret stared down at her
intently. “Come home. End this ridiculous thing with Vale. Your
place is with your children and your husband. I’ve had enough of
this. I’ve sat by for months waiting for you to come to your
senses. I’ll wait no longer. Either you come home now, or that door
is closed forever. I refuse to be made a fool of anymore. I’m done
punishing you, and you punishing me. Just come home.”

Arianne felt tears slide past her eyes,
knowing this is what she wanted, longed for the moment she came
back to London. Every step back was to return to this man. A huge
weight seemed to lift from her shoulders to know he wouldn’t make
her grovel or beg.

“
You can just forget about
all of this and start anew?” she asked doubtfully. “Just pretend
all of this never happened?”

“
Hell no, I bloody well
can’t forget about all of this, Arianne! We’re not meant to forget
mistakes, just learn from them. You will remember every time you
look at these,” Garret said angrily and grabbed her wrist, turning
it over to reveal her scar. “I can forgive you, but you have to
learn to forgive yourself first.”

Arianne stared at him, unable to
believe his words.

“
I see I’ve rendered you
speechless for once.” Garret grinned, his attitude lightening the
mood considerably.

“
You are just full of
surprises, aren’t you?” She regarded him closely. “For how long, I
would know?”

“
What do you
mean?”

“
How long do I come home
before you find the means to send me away again?” Arianne asked
sharply, her eyes narrowing.

His gaze softened as he reached out and
touched her cheek. “I’ll keep you forever this time, if you’ll but
stay.”

Arianne knew it was what she wanted.
She just had to ask for it. He would deny her nothing. He gave her
the means to come home with no recriminations. Julian’s reaction
was the last thing she considered at that moment. She had to come
home. Garret wouldn’t wait any longer. She took a deep breath, her
heart beating frantically in her chest, feeling her hope restored
in his loving gaze.

“
You avoided saying how you
felt all along, Garret,” Arianne said quietly. “You say all this
and make me guess at your feelings still?”