Authors: Kristen James
“I left for school in Texas not too long after that fire,
and I met him that fall. He held his umbrella over me in the rain. I thought it
was romantic. We went out on a date and kept seeing each other. He was so
doting while we dated. He asked if I needed anything, introduced me to a lot of
people. He was finishing his residency and wanted to get married. It seemed
like a fairy tale come true.”
Jason tightened his arms around her. “So what happened?”
That she could answer. The why’s were what she couldn’t
figure out. “He spent more and more time at work and going out after we got
married. Then I got pregnant. It wasn’t part of his plan.” She shuddered
despite the warmth under the blanket and the feel of Jason against her. It’d
been so hard to think about this before, impossible to talk about it, but she
felt safe in Jason’s embrace.
“I was pretty shaken up after that fire. I thought I needed
to live life to the fullest. I had some big plans. That’s partly why I went
away to school, to get out in the world.” She added, “I’ve dreamed about that
since then. I see your face and me staring at you like an idiot.”
He laughed deeply and took her face in one hand. Instead of
speaking, he leaned closer and met her lips. At the unanticipated sensation,
Savanna purred an
hmm
against his mouth.
“Does that mean you like kissing me?” His low voice washed
over her in the cool darkness.
“Hm-hmm.” The wind brought the smell of dry, sweet hay from
the fields surrounding Eugene in the cooling night air. It felt magical and
surreal, a perfect moment where time stops.
He pulled her lips against his. Then, “I like that noise you
make.”
“What noise?”
“This one.” He kissed her again, and a minute later she
found out what he was talking about.
A few minutes of that and her body was screaming at her for
more. Jason could sense it too, but she felt him holding back.
“Jason?”
He seemed too frustrated to talk at that point.
Instead of pushing it, she settled in against him and waited
for her aching body to come back under control. A few quiet minutes later, she
rose and straightened her clothing. “I’m headed to bed . . . goodnight.”
He reached a hand out in a wave. “Sweet dreams, Savanna.”
She tried to see into his eyes in the dark, to guess at what
could be going on in his head, but his face and his motives were both lost in
the dark.
So she went to bed, mentally kicking herself for blowing a
chance to tell him about the custody papers. Her physical needs had derailed
that one. She also needed to make some decisions. What if she had to share her
daughter; how would they do that? Would Aubrey have to fly back and forth
between Eugene and Austin? Her mom and Cassie were both so sure that Eric
wouldn’t be able to simply skip back in her life like he hadn’t abandoned her,
but he was Aubrey’s biological father.
Ironically, after lingering a year in Austin, hoping to mend
her broken marriage, she now wished she never had to see Eric again.
Someone knocked on her door the next morning, and Savanna
went to peek through the window. Jason stood outside with flowers.
Her thin nightgown was pink and lacy, but she didn’t want to
make him wait while she changed. She cracked the front door and motioned him
in. Wearing jean shorts and a brown T-shirt, he held out the large bouquet of
several different flowers.
Her throat tightened. Maybe he’d been holding back on
principle, to be a gentleman.
After kissing her cheek, his eyes dropped down to her
nightgown. The impulse came and went to somehow hide from his look, but a vixen
awoke in her and wanted to tease him until he couldn’t think straight. His gaze
roamed slowly all over her before he cleared his throat. “Oh, no. I got you out
of bed.”
Now she let herself smile a little. “No, I just haven’t
gotten around to a shower yet.”
He handed her the flowers and said, “I don’t know what you
like, so I ordered a bunch of different ones.”
“They’re beautiful.” She had to smell them, of course, all
the while smiling because his eyes stayed on her nightgown.
“It turns out flowers have meaning. The yellow roses are for
friendship.”
Dread churned up at that, but he was smiling as he
continued.
“The lilies represent the spark you’ve put in my life. Baby’s
breath is for the patterns in our lives that interweave, and the red roses are
for what we have.”
What we have?
She pushed her gaping mouth closed and swallowed to stop her
tears. Turning, she went in the kitchen, unable to face him. She wouldn’t have
guessed a man would think about love before getting intimate. Jason was no
ordinary man, in many ways. In many good ways. She admired him but also wanted
to break that reserve.
She fiddled with the flowers for a minute while she
collected herself. Then she called, “Thank you.”
She arranged them in a vase, touching each and thinking
about what he said. Hearing him walk into the kitchen, she wiped her eyes and
was able to smile when she looked at him.
Her voice wasn’t all the way there, so she whispered, “This
is really sweet.”
“I wanted to tell you thank you for all your help,” he said,
stepping behind her so he could wrap his arms around her. His chest felt so
solid and strong when she leaned back against him. “It took me hours to come up
with all that, so I hope you like it.”
“Very much.” With a happy sigh, she relaxed against his
chest, resting her arms on his that were still around her. She smelled his
Stetson cologne mixed with the rich, floral scents.
He went straight for the sweet spot, laying his lips over
the sensitive area under her ear. As she laughed, she couldn’t help but wiggle
against him. Her laughing faded into quiet awareness when she felt the evidence
of his excitement behind her. Ache and longing spiked up through her.
“I think I should explain something,” he said in a low,
quiet voice by her ear.
“Hmm?”
“I’ve been holding back . . . because I don’t want us to
give too much too soon.”
She’d already given her heart.
Whoa. Her own thought started her.
And did he think
she
would hurt
him
? His heart
thudded against her back. She bet hers was beating hard as well.
“Are you okay with that? With not rushing things?”
She nodded thoughtfully, weighing what it meant.
“I want to treat you as special as you are.”
Completed melted inside and blank on what to say, Savanna
nodded again. He squeezed her tighter and they gently rocked.
After a quiet minute passed, he asked her, “Come sit down
with me.”
“Are you feeling all right?” She knew he wanted to talk
more, but she wasn’t sure she could handle it. Maybe she could sidestep it this
time around.
“Yeah, I’m recovering. I sure feel better than I did a week
ago.” He pulled her close on the couch. There was a pause, like he was choosing
his words. “I’ll be fine this weekend if you want to get out of here and go do
something.”
She didn’t like these signs. First, he admitted he wasn’t
ready to be intimate, and now he wanted her to leave him alone.
She tried to hide her nervousness while saying, “To tell the
truth, I think I want to sit at home for a change.” She wasn’t sure she could
handle not seeing him over the weekend. “I was hoping you’d lounge around with
me.”
“That would make any guy’s day,” he said and planted a kiss
on her cheek. “I’m in.”
She held her breath for a minute, debating, and then asked,
“Would you rather have time by yourself? Is that what you’re after?” Man, she
couldn’t leave it alone.
“Oh, no, babe. I just don’t want to be selfish and take all
your time.”
She rolled her head to smile up at him. “Okay, just
checking.” She detected a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. This thing between
them had different ground rules than the usual boy meets girl, and maybe he
wasn’t steady on his feet either. She ignored the rejection she felt and tried
to enjoy her time with him.
They stuck to their plan, watching TV, ordering in, playing
with Aubrey, and then making out during Aubrey’s two naps that day. During lunch,
Savanna accidentally dripped ketchup on her thigh. Without thinking about it,
she reached to wipe it with a napkin when Jason gently caught her wrist. Before
she could react, he leaned over and
sucked
the ketchup off her bare
skin. Not just any skin, either, but her thigh. His eyes were burning with
desire when he glanced up at her. She almost thought if her daughter weren’t
there, he’d pull her onto the table and rip her clothes off. Okay, maybe that
was a fantasy that she replayed several times, in several different ways. By
evening, her body ached all the way through for him, but he was a gentleman.
She didn’t want a gentleman, though, and she didn’t want him
to leave that night. She showed him by hanging onto him as they kissed goodbye.
“I should go back to my own place.” His voice was quiet. She
tried not to pout when she met his eyes. He added, “I have to leave if I’m
going to behave myself.”
“All right.” With their earlier conversation in her mind,
she squeezed him once more and let go. He walked back, watching her, and gave a
smile and wave before stepping out the door.
Bright light flooded in through the windows in the morning,
waking Savanna and letting her know the clouds were gone. Man, she wanted to
wake up with Jason. While she rolled around, trying to sleep for half the
night, it occurred to her that he was scared of them, of the whole family and
responsibility thing. That had to be it. She couldn’t fault him for taking
things slowly.
She was feeding Aubrey breakfast when Jason came over.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
Her “Good morning
”
turned into a murmur against his
lips. Aubrey finished eating and left to go play, so they sat close together at
the table.
“I want to show you something, if you’ll come on a drive
with me.”
Aubrey peeked into the room to ask, “Car, Gase?”
“Yeah, want to go for a ride?” he asked. She stepped into
the room, and Savanna saw that Aubrey had already pulled her jacket down.
“That’s a go.” They grabbed their jackets and headed out.
Even though he could probably drive with just his right leg, Jason hadn’t
replaced his jeep yet. Savanna secretly hoped he got another jeep but didn’t
want to bring up the accident or anything related.
She drove and followed his directions. As they drove through
a residential area, she asked, “Are we going to a friend’s house?” She had no
clue what he had in mind, and he seemed to like it that way.
He grinned. “You’ll see. Turn right here.”
The street had two nice houses on their left, and it ended
in a cul-de-sac with a field behind it, and the river was beyond that. She
looked at him as she turned the car around at the end.
“Want to pull over here?” he asked.
“Okay. So what are we looking at?” She turned the car off
when he unbuckled. “The river?” she asked. The field had a giant willow tree on
the end by the houses, making it a private space.
Jason got out and she followed, unbuckling her daughter who
was eyeing all that empty playing room. The breeze whistled softly through the
grass, making Savanna want to lie down and stare at the sky and watch clouds go
by.
He spoke at last. “This is my dream house.”
She glanced at the houses while he watched her, but then she
realized he meant the field behind him. “Oh.”
“I want to build here. Isn’t it perfect?”
She had to agree. It had the space, the view, and the
location at the end of the road. “It’s absolutely beautiful.”
There were questions in her mind, but she kept them there.
He went ahead and answered them without her asking.
“I bought this a month before Mike died. So I haven’t gone
ahead with my plans…”
She was sure he would when he was ready. They walked to the
edge of the field and watched the river roll by with his arm around her back.
Aubrey might have picked up on the mood since she actually stood still to look
at the scenery with them.
Savanna liked the peaceful river music and smell. It meant
something that he’d shared this place, his dream, with her, but she told her
thumping heart to knock it off. She didn’t want to think about the
possibilities.
It was the perfect moment to say,
I have something I need
to share with you too,
and tell him about her nightmare going on with Eric.
Except Jason had shared something wonderful and special while her news was
depressing and scary.
“You should go see Cassie today,” he said then. She looked
at him and saw the pleading in his eyes. It reminded her about the night she
sat in that rocking chair in Cassie’s empty nursery and vowed she’d do her part
to fix all this. It was time she did.
“Holy cow,” Cassie said when she opened her front door for
Savanna an hour later.
“What?”
“What’s all the color on your face for?” They walked to Savanna’s
car as they talked.
“Too much makeup?”
“No.” Cassie’s slow answer and suspicious look made Savanna
feel guilty. She’d tell Cassie all about Jason if she could, if Cassie would
want to hear about it.
She could tell Cassie knew anyway. They dropped it right
there and then, but Cassie snuck several more sideways looks while she drove.
Please don’t ask, not straight out
. Things were
heating up with Jason, though slowly, and Savanna would be lying if she told
Cassie there wasn’t anything there. She wouldn’t say Jason was playing games,
but he did have a lot to deal with. The flowers were a good sign, but then he
pushed her to spend time with Cassie.