License to Thrill
Authors: Dan Gutman
Thanks to all the folks who helped me write this series: Laura Arnold, Mona Banton of the National Jousting Association, Jim Beard, Gail Bell, Brooke Bessesen, Peter and Jason Blau, Jane Sturdivant Britt, Steve Busti, Trish Carlberg, Diana Carr, Lisa Chapman, Edward Cheslek, Linda Clover, Joyce Allen-Crawford, Robert W. Dye, Christine Feller, Dennis Geoffroy, Esther Goldenberg, Google Maps, Sam and Emma Gutman, Ralph Hammelbacher, Jody Hotchkiss, Karen and Katie Jergensen, Robert Jones, Anne Kalkowski, Sarah Kaufman, Dave Kelly, Mary Kittrell, Alan and Samantha Kors, the Lucas family, Diandra Mae, Jennifer and Jabin Mallory, Sue Marchbanks, Elyse Marshall, Zack Medlin, P. J. Meriwether, Marcus and Jonathan Murdoch, Carrie O'Banion, Mike O'Connell, Dianne Odegard, Andrew and Lynne Paden, Jim Paillot, Andrea Reid, Shelley Riskin, Roadside America, Lara Robertson, Sarah Saladini, Kelly Salgado, John Shaffer of Luray Caverns, Angela Smith, Lucy and Jerry Trotta, Fred Valentini, Jon Van Hoozer Jr., and Jeremy Wolf.
Special thanks to my wife, Nina, who helped with all the art; my agent, Liza Voges; and Barbara Lalicki, Andrew Harwell, Rosemary Brosnan, and all the folks at HarperCollins. You make me look like a genius.
“Even the worst people in the world are capable of changing, you know.”
âNobody said this. But somebody should have.
To the Reader . . .
All the places mentioned in this book are real.
You can visit them. You
should
visit them!
Well, maybe not the moon.
2
   And Now for Something Completely Different
3
   I'll Believe It When I See It
6
   English as a Second Language
17
The Perfect Place for Trouble
YOU'RE UP TO SPEED
T
here were eight items on Coke McDonald's to-do list at the end of July. But getting thrown into a volcano was not one of them.
GET A NEW IPOD was on the list.
STOP BITING MY NAILS was on the list.
BUY SCHOOL SUPPLIES was on the list.
FINISH SUMMER READING was on the list.
But nothing about getting thrown into a volcano.
And yet, strangely enough, getting thrown into a volcano was the
one
thing that Coke McDonald was actually going To Do at the end of July.
Dear reader, right here in the first chapter I could tell you how Coke McDonald is going to get thrown into a volcano. Then you would be able to get on with your life, go play a video game, watch some YouTube videos of cats playing piano, or whatever it is you do to get your jollies. But that would spoil the fun for you, and I certainly don't want to do that. Part of the joy of reading a book is letting the story unfold before your eyes. And to do that, you really need to read the first four books in the Genius Files series:
Mission Unstoppable
,
Never Say Genius
,
You Only Die Twice
, and
From Texas with Love
.
(By the way, these books are conveniently available in hardcover, paperback, ebook, and audiobook versions from your favorite bookseller. Or, if you're intent on depriving me of the piddling royalties I would earn if you actually
bought
the book, you can get it for
free
at your local library. You can't beat
that
deal.)
In any case, go ahead and read those four books. The rest of us will wait here while you catch up.
(insert whistling noises here)
Wait. What? You say you already
read
the first four Genius Files books? You say you remember that a pair of twins from California named Coke and Pepsi McDonald were recruited to be part of a secret government program called The Genius Files in which
the smartest kids in the country would be called upon to solve the world's problems? You say you remember that the mastermind of The Genius Files programâthe eccentric Dr. Herman Warsawâdecided to kill off the program and all the kids in it?
You say you already know that Dr. Warsaw, his deranged henchwoman Mrs. Higgins, Archie Clone, Evil Elvis, Doominator, and a pair of nincompoop flunkies wearing bowler hats have been chasing Coke and Pep across the United States all summer?
You say you remember that the twins jumped off a cliff, got locked in their burning school, were pushed into a sand pit and left to die, zapped with electric shocks, lowered into boiling oil in a giant french fry
machine, run down by a remote-controlled car, kidnapped on a roller coaster, dipped in soft-serve ice cream while tied up in a Mister Softee truck, swarmed by a million flying bats, pushed into a spinning clothes dryer, poisoned through their bowling shoes, and had a cow dropped on their head?
(Deep breath)
You say you remember that Coke and Pep's clueless parents had no idea what was going on the whole time, thinking they were simply taking a wholesome family vacation? You say you remember some of the oddball tourist destinations the family visited along the way, such as . . .
(Deep breath)
. . . the Largest Ball of Twine in the World (Cawker City, Kansas), the Duct Tape Capital of the World (Avon, Ohio), the Largest Frying Pan in the World (Rose Hill, North Carolina), the National Bowling Hall of Fame (Arlington, Texas), the factory where Snickers are made (Waco, Texas), and museums devoted to Spam, Pez dispensers, hot dog buns, yo-yos, and my personal favorite, the Toilet Seat Art Museum (near San Antonio)?
You say you remember the shocking, blow-your-doors-off, didn't-see-that-coming climactic ending to
The Genius Files: From Texas with Love
, when Coke
and Pep were playing ping-pong outside a motel in Roswell, New Mexico, and an alien spaceship landed and lifted the twins off the ground in a beam of bright light? You remember all that?
(Deep breath)
Oh.
Well, in that case, you're fully up to speed.
Splendid! Now we can plunge right ahead into the next installment of our story without having to go through all the boring rehash of what happened up to this point. That saves me a lot of time and effort.
Don't you hate when authors spend the whole first chapter of a book describing what happened in the
last
book of the series? I know I do.
Now all you need to do is sit back, munch on some cheesy chips or whatever unhealthy, fat-filled treat you favor, and enjoy
The Genius Files: License to Thrill
.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
P
ep felt her body rising slowly off the ground. Some mysterious, invisible force was gently lifting her up, as if she were filled with helium. She gripped her brother's hand tightly, so tightly that she was crushing his fingers together. But he didn't even notice the pain.
The twins had their eyes shut tightly, but the bluish glare from two powerful beams of light managed to penetrate their eyelids. The temperature had suddenly dropped twenty degrees. But Coke and Pep didn't feel it. The wind whipped at their clothes. A
humming sound was coming from above, and the air seemed to vibrate around them. There was an odor they had never experienced before. Metallic, maybe. Impossible to describe. Powerful.
It was too much stimulation at one time. They couldn't move. They couldn't get away. They didn't
want
to get away. It was frightening, of course. But also magical. Intriguing.
“What's happening?” Pep whispered in wonder, fighting the temptation to open her eyes. She was afraid of being blinded by the light, or perhaps she was just afraid of seeing something she didn't want to see.
“I don't know,” Coke replied. “But it's . . .
amazing
!”
Curiosity had gotten the better of him, as it often did, and Coke forced his eyes open. He involuntarily opened his mouth too as he hovered fifteen feet off the ground. He let out a little gasp.
This can't be happening
, he thought.
Months earlier, at the lunch table in school, he and his friends had had a heated discussion about which superpower they would choose if they could pick just one. One boy said he would love to have super vision so he could see through walls, and clothes. Another said he would choose super strength so he could beat up anybody in the world. Coke knew which
superpower he would chooseâthe power to
fly
.
“We're
flying
,” he marveled to his sister. “This is what it must feel like to be a bird.”
“Where does the power come from?” Pep asked.
“Who cares?” he replied. “It's
beautiful
.”
She finally opened her eyes too, and her retinas were clobbered by blasts of light coming at her from every direction. Yet she and Coke seemed to be enclosed within a narrow cylinder of air, as if they were going up a glass elevator shaft with no elevator inside it.
“ROY G BIV,” Coke said, looking all around.