Lie to Me (an OddRocket title) (12 page)

RD's marshmallow caught on fire. He blew it out and then ate it before leaning back in his seat to listen to me.

"Mom and Aunt Lucy had a big fight after my dad died." I looked at RD to see if he was going to interrupt me and ask me how or when, but he didn't. "Mom is a free spirit, you know. She had the restaurant and she grew her own vegetables and she was talking about feeding cows hormones and stuff that you hear about on the news all the time now, way before anyone else was."

"She sounds pretty smart." He smiled. "Another marshmallow?"

It's hard not to feel a little bit happy roasting marshmallows on the back of a sailboat. RD was so easy to talk to. He told me all about growing up in Florida, how he'd been a surfer and learned to sail. When he started at the University of Washington, he had a basketball scholarship, but then his dad died. "Luckily, he didn't live to see me totally fuck up everything."

"It's just a sport, isn't it?"

"I fucked up more than that."

RD reached beneath the bench and pulling out a cooler he took out a beer. "You want one?" I must have blanched. "Seriously, my bad. I keep forgetting how young you are, seriously.”

"It's no big deal," I said, wanting to be cool. I'd been drunk before. Well, only once. Priya and I got drunk at her house working up the nerve to crash a "clique" party. We'd both been so freaked out about how we felt that we ended up watching movies in her basement and never left the house. And we both puked. The next day, I felt like I'd eaten cotton and the smell of beer made me dry heave. It wasn't exactly what I'd call a total success.

But RD held the brown bottle in the air. Moisture glimmered off its sides. I remembered the warm feeling I'd had drinking the beer at Priya's house. Feeling a little numb sounded okay to me. "Actually, I'd love one," I said.

He looked hesitant. "This is a bad idea."

"I don't think I care right now."

"Fair enough." He uncapped the bottle and handed it to me. The glass felt wet and cold against my hand. I took a swig and tried not to cringe.

"Pretty good," I said, trying to pretend I knew something about it. Honestly, it tasted kind of bitter, but I made myself take big gulps.

RD looked over his shoulder. "If anyone walks by, you drop that, okay?"

"Got it." I took another swig. The bubbles hurt my throat when I swallowed too fast and I could feel the cool liquid hitting my stomach. I hadn't eaten much dinner and, already, I felt warm and tingly. This was going right to my head and I liked how free it made me feel. I felt brave. "I don't have anyone to talk to but you," I said.

"Still not talking to the best friend?"

"No," I took another swig. "I could call someone else, but I don't want to. I don't want to explain anything. I just can't do it."

"I'm sorry this is so hard on you, Cass," he said, his voice low. "I wish I could fix it. I can tell you that someday everything will be all right again. You've got a good head on your shoulders."

I finished my beer and set it on the deck.

"I'm not that good," I said, feeling reckless. "Can I have another beer?"

He hesitated.

"Please?"

He handed me one. "You didn't drive here."

"No, I walked."

"Okay," he said. "So what have you done that's been so bad? Besides drinking these two beers."

"Well." I looked at the sky overhead, stars sparkling faintly against the fading blue of the day. "I've... I've..." I could not think of a single rebellious thing. I could tell him I'd snuck out, but then he’d know I didn’t have permission to work on the boat. "I’ve done nothing. Absolutely nothing wrong ever. Never. Ever. Maybe I am good," I laughed. "Good and boring."

"Do not underestimate 'good.'"

"So what do you do?" I asked. "When you're not here."

"I'm a TA at the UW while I finish up my degree." He leaned back in his chair. "I’m majoring in Economics because that's what my father wanted me to do."

“You wanted to do something else?”

“Yeah, maybe art, something creative. The truth is I don’t even know.”

I flushed, thinking of the sketch he’d left in the restaurant. I kept the drawing folded up in my jewelry box. I took a swig of my beer. “You definitely need a do-over. So you can figure things out." I said, remembering our conversation sailing. My head felt like I was swimming; the rocking of the boat felt deeper and wider and I wanted to reach across the boat and touch RD. I knew I could be exactly what he needed.

"Yeah,” he smiled. “I still like that. I like hanging out with you, Cassie.”

"Me, too."

And we sat like that, with those words between us, and I wondered if I should tell him that Mom said I couldn't help him on the boat, that she needed me in the restaurant, but I couldn't. I was so afraid if he knew anything about the lies I told to be with him, he would send me home. This had to stay secret or it would end.

I took deep breaths and stared at my marshmallow above the burning coals. The edges puffed up turning it a soft gold. It was perfect. The most perfect marshmallow I’d ever seen. I ate it slowly letting the crisp sugary sweetness melt in my mouth.

"It's getting late,” RD said, standing. “I'll drive you home. You got breath mints?"

"No. Why?" I covered my mouth horrified I might have bad breath.

"Rookie," he said, pulling a tin out of his pocket and handing me a round white mint. "You gotta have mints to cover your tracks. Come on. I'm parked right in the lot. You'll be even later if you walk."

My head felt foggy from the beer and my mouth tasted sweet and felt sticky from the marshmallows. I felt hot inside as I climbed into RD’s car.

"Thank you for talking to me, RD," I said as we drove along the winding road toward home. "I want to do everything right with you."

"You what?"

"I mean on the boat. I want to do things right on the boat." I had to concentrate on my voice. My mouth didn't feel like it belonged to me. I think I was drunk. I couldn't believe the things I wanted him to do to me. I imagined him turning off the engine and pushing me back against the seat, his legs pressed up against mine, the weight of his body next to me. I wanted to feel his lips. Were they soft or firm? I wanted to know what it would feel like to have his tongue inside my mouth. Being with RD, I felt reckless and beautiful. Not broken and rejected, standing on the edge of a sadness so deep that I thought I might drown if I took one false step.

"This is close enough, I think," he said. He pulled over to the gravel side of the road where we’d parked before. "I'll walk you part way."

"Okay." I got out of the car and pointed down the path into the Forgotten Woods. "This way."

The air had chilled, but I felt like it helped clear my head. Or maybe it was just being next to RD, hearing his footsteps right behind mine. I'd snuck out. I'd made it home. RD was with me.

"All right. I guess this is 'good night,'" RD said. We stopped underneath a tall pine tree that a neighbor had decorated with sparkling white lights. I'd always imagined there was magic in these woods. Standing next to RD, I believed it was true.

Mom calls beer "fool's courage." And she's probably right because I took a step forward and hugged RD. I buried my face in his chest and felt his chin fall onto the top of my head. His arms wrapped around me and I felt him pull me tight and run his hands up and down my back.

"Cassandra," he said, saying my full name. "You're sweet. You know that?"

I pushed against him wanting to get closer. I felt this roaring rush of adrenaline move through my whole body and a shaking deep in my core. I had reached out and touched him. And look what I had done. He was touching me back. It was amazing. I felt powerful, like he really needed me. Only me.

"Cassandra, this isn't the kind of thing I can do." But, still, he held me tighter. "I'm not supposed to do this…"

"Do what?" I whispered and looked up at him.

RD leaned in closer and kissed me. Standing beneath those sparkling lights, I felt as though I'd stepped into a magic and forbidden world. I knew I wasn't supposed to kiss him back, making the feeling even more dangerous. RD kissed me hard, his tongue parting my lips and going deep inside my mouth. His hands dug into my back and he pushed my body up against the trunk of that sparkling tree. I could smell the green of the branches and feel his body against mine. His mouth felt so hot I wanted to disappear into the heat and escape the cool night air.

He took a breath and stepped away. He laughed, pulling a stray pine needle out of my hair. "Wow," he said.

"Wow."

"That is so not what we are supposed to do, but seriously, wow."

He leaned down and kissed me again, but gentler this time. Since the first day I'd seen him on the water sailing toward me, the feeling that he was searching for me had led me here. I believed all of it when his lips pressed against mine. If anyone had told me that this was wrong, that someone his age shouldn't say these things to a girl like me, I would have told them that they were mistaken. They had to be wrong because this was the only thing in my life that had ever felt right.

Suddenly, a light flashed brilliantly around us. I blinked, wondering why I was seeing spots and then it happened again.

"Oh, my God. That was a camera," I said. Someone had just taken our picture.

"
Who would be out in the woods taking pictures?" RD asked. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked into the shadows.

"Oh, you'd be surprised," I said, looking around for Addie. It was hard to see through the spots in my eyes. I knew that RD was wondering the same thing. Had we been caught? A twig broke as someone moved along the path in front of us. It's amazing how a shock like that makes your brain sober up. I felt totally alert. The groggy, warm feeling of before vanished.

"You better go back up the path that way," I whispered, pointing toward the road. "I'll head to the house."

"Good idea. Night.” He turned and strode up the path quickly disappearing into the dark.

After RD left, I stood in place, listening. "Addie?" I called. "Addie, it's not funny. What are you doing out here?" Good question coming from someone who was supposedly in her bed nursing a headache. "All right. I'm going home." Shit. How was I going to get back inside the house now? I hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Vampire!" someone screamed and jumped out of the trees in front of me.

"What?" I jumped backward, my heart racing.

"We've got a live one. Back up. I need back up." Addie stood in front of me wearing a cowboy hat and her lemon lime jacket. She had a camera around her neck and a big piece of wood in her right hand.

"Okay, this is really funny. You are hilarious," I said, walking toward her.

"The creature knows my name." She drew the word
creature
out as if relishing every syllable. "Vampire, I'm afraid we can't let you back into town." She jumped back and forth from one leg to the other right in the middle of the path like an ADD elf. "We've had enough of your kind causing trouble at the saloon."

"Oh, I get it. You were watching that vampire cowboy movie. So this is fun and all, but I know you aren't supposed to be out in the woods this late."

"Duh, and I know you aren't supposed to be out of the house, Ms. Sneak-Around," Addie said. "Play vampire cowboy with me or I'll tell Mom."

Addie had me sandwiched between the tree and the house. I stared at the camera around her neck. If she had taken a picture of me kissing RD, she didn't seem to know it. If I destroyed the film, any evidence of my kiss with RD would be gone. "Come on, Addie. Let’s go inside. I'll watch TV with you."

"Where do you go when you sneak out?"

"Nowhere." I took a chance. "What were you taking pictures of?"

"Dunno," she said. "It's hard to see anything out here in the dark."

A flashlight coming down the path distracted us both. "Cassandra! Addie!" It was Mom.

"Shit," I said. This was going to be hard to explain.

Mom walked right up to Addie. She had on her sweats and her hair back in a ponytail. Aunt Lucy followed a few steps behind. "I told you they would be in the woods," Mom said.

Aunt Lucy nodded like she was being shown the ropes, like how to take care of a dog or a cat when someone goes out of town. I wondered if she was taking notes.

"Addie, I want you to go back into the house. Get your jammies on and get into bed. I told you if you played Vampire or whatever it is, I didn't want you off the back lawn."

"It's Cowboy Vampire, Mom, and I had to go into the woods because there weren’t any vampires on the lawn."

"Now," Mom said, her voice tight and sharp. "Lucy, take her inside, please. Make sure she gets safely into bed." I stood there waiting for Mom to address me next.

"Come on, Addie," Aunt Lucy said.

Addie walked over and leaned toward me before she left. "Busted," she whispered.

It took everything in me not to respond, but that would only make things worse. Mom waited until Addie was off the path.

"I'm sorry," I said, hoping to get in a good word before she unleashed on me.

"I want you to listen to me carefully, because I am only going to say this once." Mom held her flashlight low so it lit the path in front of her. She spoke evenly and she sounded weary. "Never lie to me again. Under any circumstances, do you understand?"

"Yes, Mom. I'm really sorry, I..."

"I'm not done. I know you are worried and I know you don't like Aunt Lucy being here, but I am asking you, Cassandra, to be strong and to do what I need you to do. I cannot have you falling apart on me, do you understand?"

"Yes, Mom."

"If I catch you lying, if I find out you are not telling me the truth about where you are, who you are with… if you sneak out, if you ever pretend to be sick just so you can break my rules again, there will be consequences. I need to be able to trust you and if I can't trust you, I need you to be where I can watch you."

"Yes, Mom. I..."

"I'm still not done. My rules are Aunt Lucy's rules. While she is here, while we go through this, you will obey my sister." She let a breath out when she said "sister" as if saying the word made her remember a painful memory.