Authors: Tiffany L. Warren
~8~
Sydney
One day until my birthday trip.
One day until spending a fun-filled weekend with Dionne and Camille. Woo-freaking-hoo! I don’t sound excited about it, because I’m not. I haven’t been able to think about anything except my lack of male companionship ever since Lucas brought it up the other day.
Since I don't have anything else to do, or any patients to check on, I'll go into one of the on-call rooms and read. It's hard for me to just sit and do nothing, but I've been reading this Lolita Files novel on my Kindle for the past three months.
If I can’t have a man, at least I can have literature.
I stop in the locker room first to grab my Kindle out of my purse. Ming Nah is sitting on the floor in front of the lockers, crying her eyes out. This is awkward.
We're not enemies, but we're definitely not friends either.
“
Ming Nah, is everything all right? Is there something I can do?”
She shakes her head.
“Um...does that mean that everything is not all right? Or that there's nothing I can do?”
She nods. Is this charades or something? I need her to use her words.
“I-I was pregnant.”
I lift my eyebrows in shock. She was pregnant? With Lucas's baby? And the dirty dog broke up with her. He hasn't changed at all.
“You
were
pregnant?”
She nods.
“I had an abortion.”
Oh...ouch. The Lucas I knew in college would've broken up behind that. He might not go to church all that often, but he's still a church boy.
“Are you okay?” I ask. I want to ask if she's told Lucas, but I don't know her that well, and it might sound...well...a little nosy.
“
No. I'm not okay. I wanted the baby, but I...I wasn't sure...who the father was.”
Now this is really uncomfortable, and too much information for me. I shift my weight from one leg to the other, while trying to think of something to say.
“Um...is there anyone I can get for you? Should I find Lucas?”
“
No, no, no! Not Lucas,” she bawls. “He hates me. Plus, I heard the nurses saying that he asked you out on a date. I hope you two are ha-a-a-appy!”
“
I said no. I’m not dating Lucas.”
Ming Nah's face brightens.
“Really? You two aren't dating?”
“
No!”
She stands to her feet and wipes the snot and tears from her face with her scrubs.
“Well, then, maybe there's still a chance.”
“
Maybe.” I give her a non-committal shrug. I don't know what else to say.
I watch as she tries to fluff her pin straight hair in the mirror. She looks a mess, but she seems satisfied with her reflection.
“Do you think I should go and find Lucas? Talk to him?” she asks.
“
Um...I think you should...do whatever makes the most sense to you.”
“
You're right! I will!”
She marches out of the locker room like a woman on a mission. Did I just encourage her? I grab my Kindle from my locker, although, I'm sure there's an interesting show going on somewhere in the hospital right now - the
“conversation” between Ming Nah and Lucas.
As I attempt to leave, Lucas bursts through the door. I'm really having all the luck today, aren't I?
“Is Ming Nah in here?” Lucas asks.
“
No, you just missed her. I think she's looking for you, though.”
He sits down on the wooden bench in between the lockers.
“Good. Then that means she's already looked here. I'm not trying to talk to her.”
“
Why? Because she cheated on you?” I know I should've resisted the urge to say this, but I couldn't.
“
You like that, don't you, Syd? Go ahead and rub it in.”
I shrug.
“Not rubbing anything in. I'm just saying...”
“
You're right. I don't want to talk to her, because she's a cheater.”
I nod.
“Yep. I can definitely relate to that sentiment.”
“
I didn't love her, though. You loved me.”
Both of my hands fly to my hips.
The nerve of him!
“
What makes you think I'm talking about you? I could be talking about another one of my boyfriends.”
“
Really? Are you? I heard, from a very reliable source, that you haven't really dated since we broke up.”
I press my lips into a grim-looking, straight line.
“Which one of my sisters was it? Dionne or Camille?”
“
Dionne hates my guts...”
“
Camille! I knew it.”
No one has wanted me to bury the hatchet with Lucas more than Camille. She just wants to plan a wedding!
“So is it true? Have you not been with another man since we were together? Have you been saving yourself for my return?”
“
You wish! I have been saving myself for my
husband
! And you are definitely not him. I refuse to marry a man who can't keep his junk in his pants.”
“
Junk?” Lucas bursts into hysterical laughter.
“
Oh, you're laughing at me?”
“I remember how you always had kiddie names for body parts. Pocketbook, junk, coota-cata...”
“
I'm surprised you still remember that.”
“
I remember lots of things about you. Like how your lips quiver at the beginning of a kiss and then how greedy they become once you get turned on. I remember that you can't control yourself when I stroke the back of your knee.”
He's off the bench now, and walking toward me. I'm backing away. With each step he takes in my direction, I take one in retreat.
I swallow. Hard. I like to think that I’m immune to Lucas’s charm, but I’m not one hundred percent sure.
“
I recall how flushed your cheeks get when you're satisfied, and how you'd always want a snack afterwards.”
The wall has stopped my escape, and now Lucas towers over me. His heavy breathing and smoldering eyes take me back to a place I'm never trying to revisit.
“Is the sex all you remember about our relationship?” I ask in a quiet voice.
“
No, but that's all I'm thinking about right now.”
Lucas takes my face in his hands and devours my mouth with a passionate kiss. At first, I try to resist, but my body responds without my consent. I feel my hand pull him closer at the small of his back, a move that always drove him wild.
“Let's play hooky. Let's go back to my place,” Lucas says breathlessly when we finally separate.
I shake my head.
“I'm not sleeping with you Lucas.”
“
Then don't. Let's...just watch movies and celebrate your birthday. I'll buy you a cake and we can chill. Maybe we'll even kiss some more.”
I untangle myself from his arms.
“No. Lucas this is a mistake. Just forget it happened.”
“
I can't forget we happened, and neither can you, Sydney. You know the reason Ming Nah cheated on me?”
I shake my head.
“She says I'm emotionally unavailable, and that I won't give her my heart.”
“
I'm supposed to care about your messed up relationship?”
“
It's because I never stopped loving you, Sydney. Come home with me.”
“
My flight to New Orleans leaves in the morning.”
He smiles.
“I'll have you home at a respectable hour, doctor.”
With the kiss still simmering on my lips, I reply,
“Okay, but don't think this means we're getting back together.”
“
I know there’s absolutely no chance of that.”
So why is he grinning
like he believes he’s already won?
~9~
Camille
I pace frantically in front of our gate. Our direct flight from Atlanta to New Orleans will be leaving soon, and Sydney isn't here. It is bad enough I had to beg Bryan to let me go for the weekend.
“
Where is she? She's going to miss our flight!”
Dionne gives me a blank stare and shrugs.
“I haven't talked to her.”
Then my phone buzzes, and I pull it out my purse. It's a text message from Sydney.
I read it aloud. “Something came up, enjoy New Orleans! Love Syd.”
Dionne narrows her eyes.
“She's
not
coming?”
“
No! What could be more exciting than sharing her birthday in New Orleans with her sisters?”
Dionne grins, and then laughs.
“Umph, umph, umph...somebody's sinning!”
“
I don't think so. Sydney has too much sense for that.”
Dionne stands and slings her special edition pink suede Louis Vuitton bag over her shoulder.
“Well, if Sydney's not going, I'm not going. I've got some...things...I need to accomplish here in Atlanta.”
“
But Dionne! I'm looking forward to this!”
“
Well then go! There's nothing wrong with going to New Orleans by yourself. As a matter of fact, I'm going to call ahead and order you some spa services.” She kisses my cheek and walks toward the security gate.
Go alone? I've never traveled alone before...but now that I think about it, it would be nice to enjoy all of the blackjack, bingo and slots without Sydney and Dionne's sisterly judgment.
Well...since I am going to New Orleans by my lonesome...what happens there will most definitely stay there. No one will know, except me and my God. And since he's been in a blessing mood, I stand open and ready to receive.
Lord, open the windows of heaven! Pour out a blessing I don't have room enough to receive...
~
10~
Sydney
“
How are your eggs?” Lucas asks, as if it's the most natural question in the world.
Why am I here eating eggs with him? We should not be sharing breakfast, lunch, dinner, or any snacks in between. How did I let this happen? How did Lucas creep back into my heart over a movie and a sinfully delicious red velvet cake?
Speaking of sin, I did not sleep with him, but he almost took me there. Too many glasses of Moscato, too many memories and voila, we're lip locked and I'm asleep in his arms and missing my flight to New Orleans.
“
They're fine,” I reply as I swallow another mouthful. My stomach is a ball of nerves, so I don't really want to eat, but he got up and fixed breakfast.
“
I tried to make them the way you like. Mostly done with some soft parts and melted cheese.”
“
Yep. They're just right.”
The other thing that's making this so weird is his memory. He keeps remembering everything that I love. My favorite wine, cake, movies...we watched
Love and Basketball, Brown Sugar
and
Love Jones.
It's almost like we never broke up.
But we did break up, and it was an ugly affair. The memory of it all still makes my stomach lurch.
It was late and I had been out with my study group, cramming for my anatomy final. The library was about a ten minute walk from my dorm, but I ran the entire way back, because I couldn't wait to get to my room and call Lucas before I went to bed. My roommate, and soror, Fatima, hated our late night chats, but I didn't care. She was just jealous that I had a man, and that she, in all her tiny stomach and bubble booty glory did not.
I was on the track team in high school, so the run was a breeze. I was barely winded when I got to my dorm, but what I was about to see would take my breath away
. I opened the door with Lucas on my mind, and then I saw him. Naked from the waist down, and taking Fatima from behind! I stood there in shock, unable to scream, cry, and holler. They didn't even realize I was there for a good twenty seconds. That may seem like a short time, but it felt like an eternity.
Finally, I did scream. I let out a wail that could wake the dead. It did wake half of our floor in the dorm. Girls came running like there was a fire. Lucas heard me screaming...looked over his shoulder, stared at me...and kept going. He kept moving behind Fatima until she pushed him off.
Everyone saw him flee from our dorm in his underwear. Everyone knew how he'd desecrated our relationship.
I place my fork down on my plate. Suddenly, I can't eat another bite. In fact, the atmosphere in the room is stifling with him releasing his cheating carbon dioxide with each exhale.
“Have you decided what you’re going to wear to my mother’s birthday party? It’s not formal or anything like that, but I’m going to be a little dressy. If you want we can go somewhere fun afterward. How does dancing sound?”
“
I can’t…”
I stand up from Lucas's breakfast table and march through the patio doors. I'm ready to go home. Shouldn't have missed my flight dealing with him. I could be at the casino or eating some gumbo at a dank hole-in-the-wall joint.
Instead, I'm here, sharing halfway decent scrambled eggs with the only man who's ever broken my heart.
Lucas follows me inside. He watches in silence as I collect my shoes, purse, and socks.
“What's the matter, Sydney? What are you thinking about?”
I glare at him.
“You don't get to ask me what's going on in my head.”
“
But, we're having a good time and then suddenly, you're tripping.”
“
I'm thinking about you and Fatima. Remember her? You sure are good at remembering everything else.”
Lucas runs his hands over his curly hair, tightens his lips and sends a burst of air through his nostrils. He doesn't get to be annoyed at me or my memories.
“How many times do I have to apologize for that, Sydney?”
“
How about once? You never did. You didn’t even give me the courtesy of being surprised when I caught you.”
“
I’ve spent the past eight years trying to apologize to you Sydney, but you won’t let me.”
“
Probably because there’s nothing that you can say that will fix what you did, Lucas. “
Lucas takes both my hands and leads me to the couch. I don’t want to sit down, I want to storm out in a rage.
“You’re right. There is nothing I can do to fix what I did. No one should have to go through the kind of pain I put you through.”
I feel the tears pool in my eyes before they spill down my face. Why can’t I be stronger? I don’t want him to see me crying.
He continues, “I made a horrible mistake. I could blame it on being young and stupid, I could try to blame Fatima for pushing up on me, but the truth is I was selfish and greedy. I wanted you
and
her. I was wrong. All I ever needed was you. And I still need you.”
“
It’s all about you isn’t it? Always about what you need.”
“
No! That’s not true, Syd. I’m so sorry for how I hurt you. I’m a different man now. I want to make you the happiest woman on the planet.”
“
You don’t know how to make me happy.”
“
But I want to learn, Sydney. We’ve spent the last eight years paying for my stupid mistake. Let’s not waste any more time.”
I snatch my hands away from him and stand.
“You’ve got it wrong Lucas. You’ve spent the last eight years paying for your mistake. I’m absolutely fine, and I don’t need to revisit the past. I enjoyed the evening, but this is where it ends.”
Lucas lets out a long sigh.
“I wish you’d take more time to think it over.”
I’ve taken plenty of time to think about this. Eight years to be exact. Lucas is right about one thing, though. It’s time for me to move on and find my own Mr. Right.