Lies Beneath the Surface (Buried Secrets #2) (26 page)

I suck in a long deep breath before asking bluntly, “Does he hit you?” My voice a small, but strong whisper. Savannah stares at me blankly, her lips a firm, flat line. Her eyes flash wildly with strife, fear and anger. “Are you going to answer me, Savannah or are you trying to consider which lie to feed me? I’ve seen enough of the marks, so please, spare me the insult and just be honest with the both of us.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Carly.”
Savannah says, her voice hitching in her throat is the dead giveaway that’s she lying through her teeth.

“Savannah, y
ou don’t have to live that way.”

“I appreciate the concern, Carly. Josh and I may not
have a fairytale marriage that you think yours and Colton’s relationship consist of, but we get along just fine.” Her voice is laced with sarcasm and resentment.

“
Savannah, how do you explain the bruises? How do you explain wincing every time someone extends their arms to hug you? How do you explain the complete edginess you display when another man gets inside of your space? Explain all of that to me, PLEASE!” I spit through my teeth, trying my damnedest to not draw attention to our table, but the heat crawling up my neck and around my face puts all of my emotions out there for the world to see.

“I’m clumsy.” She shrugs, rolling her eyes in annoyance.
“I don’t like hugs, I’m a nurse and a germophobe. And who the hell do I get edgy around?” She retorts, frustration staining her cheeks a bright cherry red.

“Clumsy? Damn
, you must think I’m stupid. Hugs? You’re the most huggable person I know. You used to annoy the shit outta me when we were kids giving me hugs each morning and every night!” I cross my arms relaxing them on the table before leaning closer to her. “Luke is worried about you, Savannah. You can lie to me all you want, but Luke Ashton sees right through you. Please, just be honest with me so I can help you.”

Her eyes grow as wide as saucers as all of the blood drains from her face. Her chin quivers and her chest begins to heave with an impending
anxiety attack. She bolts from the table leaving her purse behind, heading straight for the exit. Gathering our things I pay the check and head out the door in search of her. I don’t see her on the street, so I look for her car where I find her sitting on the pavement with her knees in her chest, pouring her soul out into her lap. I stop in front of her and extend my hand to help pull her up from the cool pavement.

“Come on, Sis. You don’t need to cry here. Let’s get in the Tahoe.” She looks up under mascara smeared lashes and takes my hand.
I lace my hand in hers and she leans her head on my shoulder as we walk to the vehicle. Climbing inside, I give her a few moments to calm her cries and pull her thoughts together. She takes a long hard breath as she looks up at me. The pain that floats in her eyes tugs at my heart and I know that if she can find the strength to tell her heartache, things will never be the same again.

Shame

shame noun
\ˈ
s
hā
m\

: a feeling of guilt, regret, or sadness that you have because you know you have done something wrong

Air
slips from my lungs and my heart grows tight. Fear washes over me and I can’t resist the urge to run. I bolt out of the restaurant in search of an escape from this nightmare. I try to hide the tears, but when I get to my car I realize my keys are still in the restaurant along with my purse and my inquisitively, nosey sister.

That’s when the walls break.

The breath that’s been wedged between my heart and my lungs finds its release along with my agonizing cry. I hug my arms around my legs and let the tears flow freely, not caring whether I look like a mentally, incapacitated lunatic. I smell Carly’s Japanese Cherry Blossom scent wafting through the spring air before I see or feel her presence. She helps me up off the cool pavement and somehow I end up in her Tahoe.

I release my tortured cries as the memories of
being abused filter through my mind. Anger, shame, disgust, sorrow and torment blanket over me and when the memory of being raped and beaten with his leather belt replays in my mind, I clasp my hands over my ears as a scream bellows through the vehicle. My eyes pierce open and my chest heaves anxiously. I look over to Carly who has her hand clasped over her mouth as tears trickle down her face.

“Why are you screaming, Carly?” I ask.

“Savannah, sweets.” Her eyes close softly and tears drip heavier down her cheek. “I didn’t scream, honey. That was you.” She whispers. She cries silently as she watches me.

I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat and steady my frantic breathing.
“I. FRICKIN’. HATE. HIM!” I yell to the top of my lungs, and with each word the sobs come harder.

My mask is removed.

The façade of a happy, blissful marriage for Josh and I is no longer preserved and it feels amazing to finally break the barriers of his control. I glare out the window, thankful for the dark tint sheltering me from the outside world as the never ending cries echo from my chest. I can’t even find the words to form a sentence to plead for help and just the thought of reaching out fills me with a heavy sense of shame. Shame for letting my marriage turn into the debacle it is now. Shame for the punching bag I’ve become. Shame, knowing there ain’t a damn thing I can do about it. I don’t know how long I sit like this, but I let the dark thoughts that consume my mind flutter freely, trying to make peace with impending doom.

The last seven
years of my life have been filled with torture, hatred and affliction. The man who made millions of promises broken will keep the one promise that will end my suffering. I should have found strength to leave him the first time he ever hit me, but I listened to his lies and believed it would never happen again. As the abuse matured, his hatred for me grew and I’ll never understand why. But the one promise Josh Moore will truly keep will be his plan for my demise if I ever turn my back on him.

Seeing the sweet, innocent faces of Brailee a
nd Braden flash through my mind. I know I could never leave them with this monster. For my children, I will endure whatever pain Josh feels I deserve, if only to protect them from the heartache and persecution I live with daily.

“Savannah, please talk to me.
I have to know how to save you.”

“You can’
t save the damned, Carly.” I smile weakly, before taking the compact from my purse to reapply my mask.

She grips my wrist in her hand, begging me to look her in the eyes. “Please let me help you. I’ll do anything I can, Savannah. You
r secrets are safe with me,” she wipes her face softly with a Kleenex. “If not for you, for the kids.”

I cup my hand over hers and smile weakly, “Sis, that’s why I can’t let
you help me. My babies need me more than I need your help.”

“Savannah, please! I’m begging you. Daddy raised us to be stronger than this! You have to fight back!”
Teetering on the brink of insanity, my heart thuds violently against my ribs. I resolve to telling Carly some things, only to protect my children if Josh does go mad and kills me.

“It started with a bad morning when the twins were just infants. He smacked me because I burned breakfast. Neith
er of us had been sleeping much being young parents to newborn twins. I thought he was just tired, and let the stress get the best of him. He swore he’d never hurt me again, and being the foolish soul that I am, I believed him.” I shrug. “He hit me a few times over the years, but with each backhanded slap, his hatred for me grew stronger. The abuse in the past pales in comparison to what I endure almost anytime the man is in my presence now. Time passes by me in a blur because I’m left unconscious for days. He feeds off of my cries, enjoys every second of my torment.”

Carly’s eyes s
tay closed tight as I speak, thick tears rolling down her cheeks as she sobs silently. “I’m sorry, Savannah. Why didn’t you ever tell someone?”

“Who was I gonna tell, Carly? I
have no friends, Momma is in Florida, Daddy is gone.”

“You could have come to me.” She snarls defensively.

“Sis, you’ve been home for nearly a year and you’re just now picking up the pieces of your own life. You were at my house the very day that Josh beat me into unconsciousness and you were oblivious to the abuse then.” My breathing rushes through my chest as the anxiety grips me tighter, but I have to tell her the truth. “You were blinded by your own impasse, Carly. If it weren’t for Luke, you’d still see through rose colored glasses. To be honest, I wish he’d kept his damn mouth shut. The look of pity you’re giving me right now just adds to the shame I carry.”

“Savannah, I’m so sorry!”

“Just please, if anything ever happens to me Carly,” my lip quivers as my voice cracks, “take care of my babies.”

“Savannah, you can’t go back there. Please, please just come home
with me.” She begs, but her plea falls on deaf ears.

“I can’t
, Carly. The only promise Josh Moore has ever made that I know he’ll keep is that he will kill me if I leave him. I can’t turn my back on Brailee and Braden like that. They are just kids and although he has never touched a hair on their head, who would he release his anger on if I weren’t there?”

She throws her arms over my
shoulders, hugging me tight as we cry together. “Carly, promise me my secret is safe with you.”

“I promise, Savannah.”
She mutters through the tears.

And just as quic
kly as the emotions consumed me I wash them away, covering my face with my mask, hiding away all the scars. I wish I had a savior to save me from my imprisonment, but death will save me soon enough I’m sure. I tell Carly I love her and head to my car to pick the kids up from school.

I take the kids
for ice cream before going home. Josh is out of town again, so I relax, breathing a little easier in his absence. I tread lightly on egg shells, always worried that the slightest misspoken word will set him off. Our only communication anymore is when he’s barking out orders at me or when his fist is pummeling the side of my face.

The only medium Josh and I have is the kids.
Brailee and Braden are little pieces of Josh and me, even though they are as different as night and day. Brailee has a bold Simon attitude ready to conquer the world, never giving in to defeat. Braden is quiet and shy, but has a fascination for coal mining just like his daddy does. Braden soaks up every opportunity to spend a day at the mines with Josh.

Josh works out of town a lot, thankfully
, but he takes Braden to the mines a couple times a month. When they finally come home at the end of the day with soot dusting their hair and coal smeared across their cheeks, Braden is rambling with excitement about all that he learned that day at the mines. From getting to sit in the seat with his daddy while he operates the enloader, to the destination each load of coal is heading to as they load it into train cars. It’s these small moments that you can see a glimpse of happiness and pride in Josh’s eyes, and I briefly recognize the man I fell in love with.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I told him I loved him. After telling him so many times and only receiving a cocky sneer in reply, I eventually stop
ped saying the three little words all together. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had been lying to myself all this time anyways. How can I love a man who hates me so fiercely?

Never…not once has he ever hit me in front of the kids. He’
s never so much as spanked them even. The only love Josh carries in his heart is for our children, but he often seems to forget that without the love we once shared, Brailee and Braden wouldn’t exist. I wish he could see that eventually, hurting me will only cause them pain and heartache.

After helping the kids with homework, I cook dinner and we fall
into our usual evening routine of board games, bath time and bed time stories. Since Josh is gone tonight I put the kids in bed with me, wanting to feel the happiness they fill me with just a little longer. Brailee and Braden take turns reading before I finish the story. When the sounds of light snoring fills the room I close the book, placing it on the nightstand. I brush Braden’s bangs out of his eyes and watch as their chests rise and fall in synchronization. These kids are my world and I can’t imagine not waking up each morning to their smiles and bubbling laughter filling my heart with joy.

Braden twitches in
his sleep and quickly reaches for me. I lace my hand in his and he rolls to his side nestling his head against my chest. Holding my sweet boy close, I watch my babies sleep peacefully and in this exact moment all is right in my world.

I drive back to Willia
mstown in a cloudy haze. After picking Heidi Jo up from school I stop by Gianni’s to pick up pizza for dinner then head home. I fix Heidi Jo a plate and sit with her while she eats and rambles on endlessly about her day. I nod, pretending to listen but not a word she speaks registers to my brain. Every thought is filled with Savannah and the fear fixed in her dimly lit hazel eyes. She appears so empty, almost lifeless and my heart breaks not knowing how to help her.

After
cleaning up her mess, I send Heidi Jo to Emma’s for the evening before pulling one of Colton’s old UK t-shirts on and crawling in the bed. He’s working late again and I need the comfort of his scent just to pull me through this night. Pulling the blanket up high on my neck, I melt into the mattress and sleep finds me quickly.

The peaceful
state of sleep quickly turns nightmarish as heavy sobs fill the silence. Visions of Savannah being beaten and battered, reaching out for help haunt me. I want to save her, but I don’t know how. I feel helpless. The nightmare progresses as Josh’s fist smashes across her cheek and tears gush down my cheeks in anguish for my sister. My shoulder is gripped tightly, jolting me from my sleep causing me to raise straight up out of bed in a panic. Colton hovers over me, black and covered in soot. Seeing the terror in my eyes, he sits on the side of the bed, scooping me up in his arms without hesitation. The sulfur scent that invades my senses causes my nose to curl up, but I need his comfort right now.

“Shh, it’s just a bad dream, darlin’. You’re safe.” He whispers but
I melt into him, clinging like he’s my lifeline as I cry my heart out. He holds me in a steel encased grip, comforting me silently. He brushes the back of his hand down my face, wiping the tears away. “Baby, you gotta calm down now. Ain’t good for the baby, you gettin’ so tore up like this.” But the cries come harder and faster.