Life in Fusion (16 page)

110 Ethan Day

up in order to have the experiences I did was worth it.”

“Only a handful of people get to experience the things you

did.”

Wade nodded, pressing his lips into my hand, kissing the

palm. “But once it’s gone and all over, and all you’re left with

are the memories—you do feel more acutely what it is you gave

up to be the best in the world. And some give that up and never

get the rewards and accolades I did because they never reach the

podium. I was lucky.”

I scooted across the bed in order to be closer to him, tossing a

leg over his. The change in him was noticeable, and I hated seeing

that sadness come over him.

“It is weird how certain relationships are better now, like

with my aunt and uncle…Jackie, who used to resent me for

monopolizing so much of our father’s time. I think she truly

hated me for a while, after he got sick. But she wound up being

the one who took care of him most of the time. The whole town

really rallied around us, but Jackie sat with him constantly. I’m

not sure she’d have been able to forgive me had he passed away,

and she hadn’t had that time with him.”

“It’s difficult to imagine that, you guys seem so close now,”

I said.

“The screwiest part of it all—those very relationships which

I now treasure, hurt the most because they remind me what it is

I’ve missed out on.”

I smiled, thinking about my parents and even Uncle Barry and

his lover, Steve, whose relationship always managed to torture

me in a weird, but blissful way. I’d always wanted the kind of

relationship they had, but I think the difference between Wade

and myself was that he went looking for it, while I assumed

it would simply fall into my lap at some point. I was strolling

though my life with a sort of blind faith. Wade, on the other

hand, behaved as if I were a miracle. His once in a lifetime that

he’d long since given up on ever finding. Even I had to admit to

myself that what I felt with him—no,
for
him—was more than

Life in fusion
111

I’d ever imagined.

“The way Aunt Del and Uncle Pete smile at one another

or laugh at some hidden joke only the two of them seem to

understand.” Wade stared up at the ceiling. “Or Jackie’s husband,

Shep, who is very much like me in some respects, though he

managed to have it all—the gold medals, plus the friends and

relationships to go along with it. The way he treats her when he

thinks no one is watching…with such tenderness.”

“Like a knife in the gut.”

Wade turned to me, smiling. “Can be, yes.”

“When you meet my parents tomorrow night…they’re very

handsy with one another, like two teenagers in heat, and they’ve

been together forever.”

“I’m excited to meet them.”

“Christ, I’m not!” I took in a deep breath. “I’m terrified you’ll

run screaming and I’ll never see you again.”

“Everyone thinks their own parents are horrible.”

“Oh, you sweet, trusting man.” I sighed and rolled onto my

back. “We often discuss things—in a very embarrassing, no filter

needed way.”

“So it’s a learned behavior then.”

I shook my head and smacked him in the side with the back

of my hand as punishment for his attempt at snark.

“I’m not saying that they’re horrible people, they’re quite

nice—once you claw your way past the absurdity…I should stop

there. Part of me knows I should prepare you in some way while

the other parts fear you’d refuse to go if I did.”

Wade sighed and took my hand in his. “Just be glad you

have them, no matter how absurd you think they are. The same

goes for Gabe, Boone. Don’t ride him too hard. Eventually he’ll

remember that he loves you and wants you to be happy. You

wouldn’t have been friends for so long otherwise.”

I smiled, rolling onto my other side and wriggling my back

112 Ethan Day

into his body so he’d spoon with me. I felt bad for bitching about

my parents, forgetting for a moment that he no longer had his.

“You really are Captain America, you know?”

Wade squeezed me tight against his body. “You think so,

huh?”

“Totally selfish at times but still—”

“You’re actually picturing me in tights aren’t you?” Wade

asked, cutting me off.

“Sir, yes sir, Captain.” I laughed as he tickled me. I was happy

he couldn’t see my face at that moment since I was slightly

embarrassed. “Hey pal, don’t think you know me.”

“I would never assume to, though I do think I know you

better than you’d like me to.” Wade tugged on my arm, signaling

he wanted me on my back, so I obliged. “I will not however,”

Wade leaned in, giving me a soft kiss, “pretend to understand

you.”

“That’s good, because I’m all mysterious and stuff. An

unsolvable puzzle…whose pieces are always moving and

shifting…like our rapidly melting polar ice caps.”

I could tell Wade was amused by my rambling, and apparently

turned on since he was now grinding his crotch into my hip.

“A riddle for the ages—like the origins of the Sphinx or the

popularity of reality television.”

He was nodding as if to placate me while he slowly unbuttoned

my shirt, gently folding the fabric back, exposing more skin as he

worked his way down.

“A hard nut to crack,” Wade said, his gaze plastered to my

torso now that he’d finished peeling open my shirt, exposing my

upper body.

“Exactly,” I added, feeling the air hit my bare skin, causing my

nipples to harden and my pulse to quicken. “I’m a… an enigma.”

My chest was heaving, watching his hand float just above the

surface of my abs. “Like Lady Gaga or that actor from Last of

the Mohicans and My Left Foot.”

Life in fusion
113

“Daniel Day Lewis?” Wade asked.

I took in a sharp breath when his hand made contact, pressing

into the ridges of my stomach. “Ya-huh,” I said, my voice

quivering.

I shut my eyes and his hot, wet mouth began to suck on the

crook of my neck, just above the shoulder.

“A puh…puzzler or a bewildering, um—” I stopped, losing

my train of thought. Wade licked and nibbled his way up my

neck while his fingers toyed with the button on my jeans. “Per…

per…a perplexity.” My entire body ran amuck when Wade started

to suck on my ear lobe, causing chills to wreak havoc from his

warm breath that tickled my ear.

“Sure wish I could get you to open up,” Wade whispered into

my ear in a deep husky voice as the button of my jeans popped

open.

I was now near hysteria, feeling my zipper slowly being pulled

down. Wade’s fingers brushing over my erection had every muscle

in my stomach constricting.

“I guess I could make an exception.” I tried to swallow. “And

open myself up for you.”

Wade smiled, briefly brushing his lips over mine. “You meant

to me, right?”

My back arched, lifting off the bed. His hand slipped under

the elastic waistband of my briefs and began to slowly massage

my cock.

“Holy shit.” My eyes rolled back into my head as the pad of

his thumb circled the head of my dick, smearing the precum.

“Anything you want, honey.”

“I
love
hearing you say those words,” Wade said just before

covering my mouth with his, silencing my moans. My body began

to shake uncontrollably from the sensation overload.

As much as I hated my own weakness, having thrown in the

towel so easily, I couldn’t fault the man, considering he used the

most deliciously, bliss-inducing torture techniques for bending

114 Ethan Day

me to his will.

Self respect and rock hard determination are totally overrated anyway
.

Wade climbed on top of me, grinding his own erection into

mine. He continued to assault my mouth with his tongue and my

hands made their way across the soft skin of his hard, muscled

back.

I’ll trade ‘em both in for my rock hard boyfriend.

q q q

Wade rolled off me, and we each tried catching our breath.

I’d just been blissed, all freshly fucked with my legs splayed open.

My entire body continued to tingle as I reached over the side of

the bed and yanked four or five tissues out of the box on the

nightstand. I sneered, doing my best to wipe myself off, annoyed

by the tiny pieces getting stuck to my skin. My abs tensed when

I rubbed the tissue over the head of my still sensitive cock. I

wadded up the tissue before placing it on the nightstand, then

turned to Wade, frowning at what I saw.

“Dude, you really need to stop throwing those just anywhere.”

I said.

Wade looked down at the condom he’d just tossed onto the

wood floor next to the bed. “What are you, some kind of germa-

phobe?”

I started to laugh. “It’s just gross, pig-boy. I stepped on the

one you used the first night we…you know.”

“You’ll kiss me after I rim you.” Wade sat up a little so he

could stare me down. “But a used condom on the floor you have

a problem with?”

“Yeah…so?” I sneered at him. “I
have
to kiss you after you

rim me, because you do it very well. It would be rude of me to

not reward such good behavior. Sheesh—you act like I was raised

with no manners at all.”

Wade gazed at me as if he was going to laugh, yet still seemed

half afraid at the same time. “Speaking of child rearing…when

you said your parents have no filter, you didn’t mean in a, advising

Life in fusion
115

you on the do’s and don’ts of rimming kind way, right?”

“Well yeah,” I said, pulling him down so I could give him a

peck on the lips. While my parents, in fact,
hadn’t
ever broached

the subject of rimming, it was quite possibly one of the few

topics they’d not de-sanctified.

He continued to scrutinize my demeanor. “No, they didn’t!”

I burst out laughing as he playfully shoved me.

“I’m actually honing my ability to determine when you’re

bull-shitting me.” Wade settled back down, lifting an arm so I

could snuggle up against him.

“Don’t think you know me, buddy.”

“Mmm hmm,” Wade said. “Keep on talking smack if it makes

you feel better.”

I tossed my leg over and between his, draping my arm over

his hugeness. He pulled me to him and I began to run my free

hand over his chest, loving the way his body felt against mine.

I began chewing on my lip, thinking about the condom on the

floor once again.

“Are we weird for
not
doing it without a condom—I mean,

what do you think that means?”

Wade brushed the hair back off my forehead. “That we’ve

been conditioned to use them for so long it feels funny to not.”

“You think?” I asked. “It doesn’t say anything about us—a

lack of trust or anything awful like that?”

“Is that what you think?” Wade asked.

I could tell he’d lifted his head off the pillow, attempting to

examine my facial expressions.

I shrugged. “Well…I don’t know…maybe?”

There was a long pause and he finally laid his head back down

after I neglected to make eye contact. What he’d said made sense.

Safe sex had been emblazoned upon my brain from the moment

I’d first uttered the words,
I’m gay
. Condoms had played a huge

role throughout my entire adult life. The premeditated nature of

116 Ethan Day

it felt anti gay…going rogue. It may have been silly, considering

only a few weeks back Wade and I had nearly done it without, but

it was easier to imagine, somehow, in the spur of the moment.

Wade sighed. “Perhaps we’re just placing too much pressure

on ourselves. We should stop forcing things and let them happen

organically.”

I sat up now, and glared at him in disbelief.

Wade started laughing. “Okay, fine…you’re right, I’ll

rephrase…I need to stop forcing things.”

I was still chewing on my lip.

Wade brushed the tips of his fingers over them as if to stop

me. “I suppose, the important thing is we did it. We got tested

and we’re both good to go. So the next time we find ourselves

carried away, we can move forward if we want to without having

that fear niggling in the back of our minds.”

I grinned at him like I’d just won a prize. “Very well said, baby.

You spin good.”

He shook his head at me, then ruffled my hair as the

playfulness returned to his face momentarily. He gazed up at the

ceiling and I followed his line of sight, wondering what was so

interesting up there.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I fingered the wrinkle that had

formed from years of dimple wear and tear, and he forced a

smile.

“I really want to fix this thing with Gabe,” Wade said,

genuinely disturbed.

“I thought he’d be over it by now.” I felt myself pouting, then

forced myself to stop, as the punk ass bitch didn’t deserve my