Life Is Short But Wide (32 page)

She had already thought about another dream of hers. Traveling. She wanted to see Florence, Italy, as well as Greece and many other places she had discovered in her studies, and long-distance talks with Monee. Monee always called her Aunt Myine; she loved Myine.

Now that Myine knew Tante better, she knew her aunt was controlling and always thinking of herself, even before her daughter’s happiness: these were things Myine did not like about Tante, consequently she seldom thought about her, beyond asking about her health. And Tante wasn’t really interested in things happening in Wideland.

Besides, Myine was falling deeper in love with Herman. Their new, closer, daily contact with each other was a good thing for both of these lonely people.

As usual, Herman came up with another plan. “You never did get that sunbathing room you wanted, did you?”

“No, I didn’t. After I retired working I was just too tired. Too tired to do all that work, and presidents had changed, Reagan was in office, and nobody had any money. Nobody poor, or the middle-class, anyway.”

Herman shook his head. “I remember those years. But, you never looked tired.”

(Now, you have to remember, time has been passing all the time. They were getting older, like everyone else. They just took a long time to get to what they should ‘a got to a long time ago.)

“What do you mean, Herman? You know I’m tired; this is 1992, and I am fifty-three years old. Just living through all these crazy presidents, and their new staffs, and self-serving laws, would make anyone tired.”

Herman nodded, saying, “I’m sixty-three, but, I don’t feel like Methuselah. But still, I guess I’m tired, too. But, you; I’m not saying you look twenty or anything, but who wants to look twenty, the way twenty looks these days. You look healthy, glowing, and really good. Girl, you look sexy to me!”

Myine laughed lightly. “Herman! Stop!”

He reached for her hand, saying, “You do look sexy to me. Very sexy, Ms. Myine.”

His touch had given her what felt like a tiny electric shock running up her arm straight to her stomach; it made her snatch her hand away, unintentionally.

She smiled, quickly, so he would take her hand again, saying, “Oh, Herman, you have to tell that stuff to those young women you go out with.”

He started to say, “I don’t …” but decided she shouldn’t
know he saw no one but her. Instead, he said, “Let’s build that new room for you we talked about a long time ago. Right here in the garden by the house. We’ll build the room, then build a wall around the small space in the garden, for your privacy. You can plant a small tree, and some flowers in it. And I’ll build a platform to put a thin mattress on … and you can come outside and lay naked in the sun.”

Myine sat down next to him. “Oh, Herman, you know I would love that! And I can let Juliet use it sometimes.”

“Myine, Cloud will build Juliet her own.” He did not ever want Cloud making love to Juliet right under Myine’s nose. “They use all that land over by their house anyway. Your house is at the front gate, where everybody comes in. Yours, I’ll fix so only I can see it from the top of the shed.”

“Oh, Herman!” She hit him lightly on his shoulder, her body warming as her hand lingered there. “You don’t need to see this old tired body full of cellulite.”

“That’s flesh, too. Your flesh. I want to see everything you have.” He stood and leaned over her, saying, “Just make me happy, girl!”

Myine frowned, embarrassed at her own thoughts. Herman quickly said, as he sat back down, “Of course, if you don’t want me to … Your man wouldn’t like that, would he?” He was very still as he waited for her answer.

She stared off into space, then pretended to see a bird to change the subject. “Oh, look!”

Herman took his leave with a soured look on his face. “See you later, Lady.”

He thought she had ignored or rejected him.

Myine didn’t move, she sat at the table a moment longer.
She was thinking of her life: a life disappearing without ever being loved by a man.

You know, you can’t help how your mind is built. Being reticent, demure, just plain shy and bashful, can be a handicap-, just like it can work to the good for a person, sometimes. There is nothing a person can do about how their mind is made, now is there? I blive that’s why God said for us not to judge: We don’t usually know a thing for sure. We just like to think we do. Well, that’s a sin.

She thought, aloud, “Oh, Lord, I don’t want to just screw somebody. No, I’m too old to be talking about screwing. I don’t want to just fuck some man, any man. But I am a human woman. I want to be fulfilled. He doesn’t even have to make love to me; just hold me, be with me. And maybe, don’t leave.”

Now! You see that! They are getting too old to breathe, almost, and still, they are too timid, bashful, and embarrassed to just go on and live. I remember a song that asked, “Who Is Gonna Know a Million Years from Today?” I was just out-done when they didn’t get together by this time. Even I was married, twice, by that time.

Everybody in town, in church, knew what Herman was doing, but not Myine. Like a lump on a log! She could lose that man! But, still, I knew Herman loved her! And he was not dumb. I saw him move his life right on over to her house on her land! It was the long way around, but the ends had to meet… somewhere! I didn’t blive Herman was going to let go of that love thing.

When Herman moved his things into his new home above the shed, Myine wondered if she was a fool, being used. But when she really thought of Herman, she knew she was not a fool. He was extremely good to her.

During that day Myine went to visit Juliet. Juliet surprised her by greeting her with “Hello, happy woman!”

Wondering why, Myine said, “No, you’re the happy woman.”

“Well, aren’t you happy too?”

Myine slumped down in a chair. “No, not really. But, I’m glad you and Cloud are happy. Let me ask you something.”

“Go right ahead, anytime.”

“How did you know Cloud was the one man, the right man, for you?”

Juliet smiled a little private smile. “I was in love with him. And men weren’t exactly knocking at my door anyway. But, I didn’t need them. I had known Cloud a long time. I just loved him.”

“Yes, but you could have been wrong, Juliet.”

“I go by my Bible, Myine. Both your mother and my mother taught me about the Bible and life. Cloud was always honest. You judge a tree by the fruit it bears. He didn’t give me no pain, except little boy-girl, men-women pains. They’re natural. He was kind to me, always kind. Not only to me, but to Rose, my mama, his mama, and his aunts and cousins.

“He has love built right into him. He just loves; trees, birds, everything. He does not even hunt, and kill things. We mostly eat vegetables that we all grow, less I want a ham hock or something special with my beans. He is the same kind of man you have.”

“I don’t have a man, Juliet.”

Juliet laughed ironic laughter. “Oh, yes, you have a man, you just may not know it. Or you’re scared. Herman loves you. Real good.”

“How can he love me?”

“Chile, listen to me. You are a good woman. You are kind, and honest, and I know you are faithful, as a woman and as a friend. Your heart is in a place of love. You ain’t no blind fool, well … You might be a little blind if you can’t see how Herman loves you. He licks you all over, eats you up with his eyes. Maybe when you ain’t lookin, but I’ve seen him do it.”

Myine moaned in desperation. “Juliet, what can I do? I don’t want to lie naked beside some man in this world where youth and beauty are the most important things. I’m old, and my body is breaking down. I have aches and pains I don’t tell
anyone about. I can’t read without my glasses. I even have some false teeth that are worn out; I need new ones. My thighs are changing shapes, and my arms are getting a little flabby. I’m just not a good choice for any man!”

Juliet would not laugh at Myine because she knew how serious this could be to anybody, not only women. She placed her hand on Myine’s, and said, “Take all those things you just said you have that you think are so bad; add a flabby stomach, because I had a baby, and almost hanging titties after nursing that baby. And useless legs he has to stand me up on in one place; he has to even open them, most times, when we make love, and then you really got the worst case. And still, still Cloud loves me. And you can add to that, I am older than you.”

Myine looked at Juliet a long time.

Both were silent, thinking, wondering.

After another moment, or two, Myine sadly said, “Well, we’ll just be two old fools trying to be young, talking about love.”

Juliet shook her head as she said, “It does not make you a fool to want love. Love is natural, chile. It would be unnatural not to think of love.”

“Oh, Juliet, I ought to go join some senior citizen group and end all this misery in my heart.”

“Myine, what you need to do is take Herman and throw him in your bed, and make love to him. Or go get married to him, and get on with your life.”

“He hasn’t asked me.”

“You wait for too much; you are no kid. You talk like someone who hasn’t seen some life.”

“Juliet, it’s been many, many years, since I’ve even been with a man.”

“Then why don’t you just cross your legs, and give up on life?”

“Ohhhhhh, Juliet!”

“Then get out, Myine! Go on home. You don’t have no problem; you are the problem! Go on, go on over to your own house and cry.”

Myine slowly walked home through the woods. But, in about an hour she walked quickly back to Juliet’s house. Herman was gathering supplies and tools to start building Myine’s sunroom, and he saw her as she was going back to Juliet’s.

He motioned to Cloud, saying, “Myine’s going back to your house. Wonder what they talk so much about.”

Cloud laughed, answering, “Food and sex.”

Herman laughed half heartedly and kept gathering his supplies. He was eager to get started. He had his plans in his head, and down on paper. “I can get this done in two days, if you help me.”

Cloud answered, “If we work late, we can get it done in one day and a half. You got everything?”

“Yea, I’m ready.”

“You must have some private plans for that sunroom. You awful eager to get on it.”

Herman laughed lightly. “This room is coming with its own plans.”

As they were walking over to start the sunroom work, they saw Myine headed back to Juliet’s house. Herman said, “My lord. They’re either cooking a lot, or Juliet’s talking about you … and sex.”

Myine knocked lightly, and opened the door to Juliet’s house. “Hey, Ms. Lady. Juliet?”

“I’m still here; come on in. You forget something?”

“I just have to ask you something.”

“Well, let me put some more water on for tea.”

Myine sat down, smiling a little. “Let’s have a glass of that white wine you’re always offering me.”

“Oh, my, Myine! It’s early, but sometimes I like a glass early.”

As Juliet prepared the wine and glasses, Myine sat down in a leather lounge chair meant for Cloud, that he seldom used. He liked sitting or stretching out on the floor. The floors were clean, and comfortable to him.