Authors: Preeti Shenoy
Most days I would be studying way past 2.00.A.M. I was so excited at the prospect of studying and learning even more things than I already knew that I just could not sleep. By 5.00.A.M, the next morning, I was up again, back to my jogging track. As I jogged I would recall everything I read the previous night and everything I had made notes about. My notes began increasing rapidly and I filed them neatly. Sometimes in the margins I drew pictures that would help me remember what I had read. I made acronyms which would help me in recalling almost all the points that explained a particular concept. Perhaps it was a way of exorcising Abhi's memories or perhaps it was my enthusiasm to excel which made me work so hard, I don't know. Whatever it was, it seemed to be propelling me forward and pushing me to work harder and harder.
After I got back from my jog, I would rush to college. My parents were happy to see me working so much. If they knew what was to come later they would have probably stopped me. But they did not and they felt very proud of their ‘star-child’.
My stamina began to improve dramatically. I could jog great distances without going out of breath. I was no longer satisfied with slow jogging. I started practising sprints. One morning I wanted to see how fast I could run. I wanted to measure the distance and I had no measuring tape. My watch had a stop-watch function and I timed myself. When I finished I was astonished to see that I could run 100 metres in about 13.8 seconds. I was certain that it was close to the national record. This discovery gave me such a thrill that I just could not keep quiet about it. When I came home I told my parents about it.
My mother said “I think you should stop this jogging of yours. Look at you. You have become so thin. You look like someone who escaped from a concentration camp.”
I was irritated with my mother but I chose to keep quiet. Afterwards, I looked at myself in a full length mirror. My mother did have a point. I was shocked to see how thin I had become. But I consoled myself saying one could never be too thin or too rich.
Later, when I met my friends I could not contain my discovery about my running speed. I told Joseph, Chaya and Jigna about it.
“Hail! Here is India's next P . T . Usha,” said Joseph and the others sniggered.
“Come on guys. Time me. I will prove it,” I said.
A lot of people had gathered to watch the challenge. I was certain I could do it. Joseph had measured the 100 metre distance in the open quadrangle of the Institute and set the starting and finishing marks.
Jigna was at the start. She said “Ready, steady and go” and I sprinted.
I completed it in 13.8 seconds.
“
Arre. Yeh sach mein P.T. Usha nikli boss!”
Joseph exclaimed.
I walked up to Joseph and said in a quiet voice, “Don' t ever fucking doubt what I say in future? Got it?” There was an edge in my voice which was alien to me. I had no idea why I was seething and aggressive. It was as though I wanted to strike him. I could suddenly see the concern and slight fear in his eyes. Everybody was quiet. It seemed very funny and I started laughing uncontrollably. There was silence for a fraction of a second and then all of them joined in the laughter and the moment passed off as a joke. But I sensed something in me close to snapping at that point in time. But as was my usual way, I brushed it aside.
I.T or information technology was one of the subjects in the course. We had an exam coming up soon. I studied like a maniac. I had made extensive notes again in colour. When the results came out a week later, I had topped the class. I had scored a ninety eight out of hundred. The person who came second was Uday and he had scored only seventy six. The Faculty who taught the course was very impressed with me. But I was far from happy. I kept looking at the paper and kept getting angry that I had lost two marks. It was as if I was possessed by a spirit of perfection.
“I like your attitude. Very well done,” said Sushil Mehra, the faculty for the course. He was very young and everybody called him Sushil.
“But Sushil, I was expecting a centum,” I said, the disappointment showing in my voice.
“Next time, Ankita,” he smiled.
There was to be no next time. This was the zenith, the pinnacle. There would be more mountains to climb but of a different kind. But to climb those I had to descend first.
But before I descended I would stun everybody including myself. The chain of events that happened at the first Inter collegiate event in my new course was the backdrop to it.
That was to come later. For now I was content and secure basking in the glory of my academic success and my daily running.
11
Dancing in the dark
T
he cultural festival was exactly like the numerous ones I had attended in my previous college but it was not competitive at all. It was more for fun and entertainment. Ye t it had a lot of corporate sponsors. I was told that it gave the seniors a good working experience to organise such events.
When we entered the venue, I was dazzled by the flamboyant way it was done up. The glitter, glamour and the stylish way the compere was addressing everyone, the huge speakers and the shiny ball in the centre suspended from the ceiling which reflected disco lights, the dance floor, the stage, the corporate banners that blended in seamlessly and smoothly, were all well integrated.
Chaya, Jigna, Uday and Joseph too were impressed. We were a little late and it had already begun. The compere was now announcing the next contest which was popularly called JAM or ‘Just a minute’.
“You must take part in this,” Joseph said.
The Compere was calling for entries and before I could protest to Joseph, he caught my hand and raised it high, calling out my name. She immediately announced it on the mike and I had no option but to go up on stage.
Standing on that stage with the spotlight focussed on me I felt a strange sense of exhilaration. A million thoughts were swarming in my mind like a pack of bees whose beehive has been disturbed. I struggled to rein them in. They were floating across in hordes and my mind struggled to keep up the pace. I tried to slow down my thinking, tried to desperately make sense of what I was feeling but the more I tried the more aware I became that I couldn't. A sense of ecstatic feeling was washing over me in waves.
I was aware of the compere now pushing a bowl towards me which held bits of paper that had the topic for JAM written on them. I took out one and opened it. It read “Clint Eastwood's drinking preference Good Vodka, Bad Martini and Ugly Rum.” I had ten seconds to compose my thoughts and then I would have to speak on the topic without a pause, a stammer, a stutter or a grammatical error. The theme sound track from the motion picture ‘Good, Bad and Ugly’ started playing and suddenly every note in the music that was playing in the background became so poignant, so clear and so very intense.
As the music faded I started speaking about how Ms. Martini, Ms. Vodka and Ms. Rum were actually three ladies who had a crush on Eastwood and how their styles of sipping alcohol affected their relationship with Eastwood. I spoke effortlessly and my speech was full of sexual innuendos and I had the audience roaring with laughter. I felt supremely charged up with my own cleverness and stunned myself by speaking so clearly and so engagingly that the compere forgot to ring the bell at the end of one minute. I continued for a full three minutes, before she realised and then interrupted me and announced my amazing performance. By now the audience was screaming “More! More! Let her continue. We want to hear more.” I grabbed the mike from the compere and continued for two more minutes. I was feeling invincible, irresistible, charming and at the top of the world. When I stepped off the stage, with thunderous applause resounding in my ears, Joseph came and hugged me and carried me in the air and I squealed in delight as I told him to put me down. Chaya, Jigna and Uday crowded around me and looked at me with awe.
“Oh my God! You are really too good
yaar
. We had no idea you were that good!” said Jigna.
The music now changed to dance music and alcohol and starters were being served. The rest of the evening was purely party time and people had already begun dancing. I suddenly wanted to dance. I was never one to be this enthusiastic and usually preferred to be a bystander, but I seemed to have transformed entirely that night. It was as if a different person had completely taken over me.
“Come on, let us dance,” I told Joseph who was surprised as I pulled him towards the dance floor and we began dancing. It was as if I had drunk a lot but the truth was I had not touched a drop of alcohol. I was dancing with wild abandon and gyrating wildly. The music playing was a Samba number and it perfectly matched my upbeat, frenzied mood. I realised I was feeling flirtatious and I danced close to Joseph for a long time. I could see he was thoroughly enjoying it and at one point he had his hands snaked around my waist. I felt seductive, attractive and experienced a sense of profound joy. Each rhythm and beat, each note, each sound of music became crystal clear to me and I could suddenly feel the piercing beauty of each individual note. My body seemed to have got a super charge and the ones around me seemed to feel my magnetism too.
We finally stopped after a long time. Then Joseph asked me if I wanted to go up to the terrace. He said the view was marvellous.
I agreed immediately without much thought. I could see Chaya dancing at the other end of the dance floor. Jigna was enjoying a drink and talking to a guy I did not recognise. I gestured to her that I was going upstairs. She nodded absent-mindedly.
Joseph and I made our way upstairs, through a narrow set of stairs. As we went up, the cool night breeze hit my face. There seemed to be a million stars in the sky. We could hear the music from downstairs very clearly.
I looked around the terrace and found that many people were sitting around. Some couples were making out. Some stood at the edge of the parapet, looking around at the millions of twinkling lights that looked as magnificent as the stars in the sky. The city stretched out for miles around, spread out like a magic carpet, it's ugly underbelly, crowded buildings, streets, sprawling slums and millions of people cloaked by the magic darkness of the night studded with glowing city lights , unaware of the happenings on top of this single building that was a part of its thousands.
I looked to the side and could see Uday and a group of guys. Uday was sitting, leaning his back against a water tank like structure, made of concrete. He seemed to be unnaturally still and that was when I noticed a syringe planted in his elbow and he was slowly pushing the plunger in. I looked at Joseph and saw that he had noticed it too.
“Do you want to try?” he asked.
A strange sense of absolute assuredness combined with a manic wild abandon was engulfing me now. It was nothing like I had ever felt before.
“No, but I want to dance.”
“Shall we go back to the dance floor?” asked Joseph. He had his hands around my waist, from the back now, like he was my boyfriend and funnily I did not care. In fact I liked it that he was being protective towards me.
“No, I want to dance now,” I said and before he could say anything, I had reached over to the parapet, climbed on top of it and started balancing precariously over the edge.
I saw the shock and fear in Joseph's eyes. It made me laugh and it compelled me to shock him more. I was oblivious of the danger. I was immune to the fact that death was certain if I fell backwards, a drop of more than 10 floors. I was enjoying it immensely and feeling indomitably powerful.
“Anks—what the hell are you doing? GET DOWN RIGHT NOW,” Joseph screamed.
Several people turned to look. It goaded me on even more.
“It would be marvellous to jump, won't it?” I laughed again, now a little uncontrollably.
“Anks—that is quite enough, Please come down now. Please. I beg you” said Joseph and I could hear the fear and desperation his voice.
“What has she been taking? Which idiot let her have it? ” asked a guy whom I had never seen before.
Suddenly I felt a bolt of anger shooting up inside me. How dare this imbecile even imply I was drugged? I had not even taken a drop of alcohol. I felt violence surging inside me like a wave and suddenly
I wanted to hit him. I jumped off the parapet towards him.
“Who the fuck, are you?” I shouted at him as I advanced towards him. He took a step backwards, clearly taken aback and it enraged me further. I went towards him and grabbed his collar.
“Do you fucking know? Have you fucking seen me doing drugs or drinking?” I was shaking him now and he did not know what to do. Expletives were flowing from my mouth like water, something that wasn't what I did normally. It was as though I had no control over what I was saying anymore. I could see alarm rising in him and again I was finding that funny. I wanted to laugh, but by then Joseph had grabbed me from behind.
“That is enough. Come, let us go downstairs,” he said. It seemed as if he was frightened even to say anything to me.
I turned around and saw Uday watching the whole thing impassively. Jigna and Chaya too were on the terrace now. I had no idea when they had come up but judging by the looks on their faces, it was evident they had witnessed a lot of the drama that had just unfolded. I could see concern in their faces now.
“It is okay, I am fine” I assured Chaya though I had no idea what had just happened and why I had behaved like that.
“Umm, tell the truth. We re you drinking? Or have you taken something? Did Uday give you a fix?” asked Joseph.
“No, I haven't. Haven't I been with you whole evening? Come on guys. I thought at least all of you know me,” I said, a little offended.
“It seems like I really don't know you Ankita. You're full of surprises today. Anyway, you managed to scare me stiff,” said Joseph and he was looking at me strangely now, as though seeing me for the first time.
“Sorry, it was just a bit of harmless fun. I guess I went a little overboard,” I said half contritely now, sensing that they were really concerned.
We took the train back to Chaya's home. Joseph and another guy from our class saw us off at the station. Joseph asked if he should accompany us. Chaya assured him that we would be fine.