Life Or Something Like It (33 page)

For Cat, it was as if someone had paraded her naked in public; every word and phrase was about her – about her and Finn and the intimate, special moments they had shared. Her happy mood was washed away as feelings of anger and betrayal swept through her body. She glared over at Finn but he was lost in the music, his eyes closed as he told a story about the woman he loved. Cat was shaking now. She noticed Terry wave and wink at her from behind the bar and the way the other pub-goers were swaying in time to the music. She felt as if everyone knew her business, as if Cat Nightingale and her secrets were being laid bare for all to see. She couldn’t listen to another chord. She snatched up her bag and rushed out of the door, running back to the life where she felt safe, where feelings could be tucked away and love was off the agenda.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The Chiltern Firehouse was the hippest eatery in London. When it opened the year before, the critics had gushed and the coolest celebrities had flocked. It was nigh-on impossible to get a table unless you knew the right people. Jesse Hemingway knew all the right people, even the top-hatted doorman who greeted him and Cat as they were welcomed through the door and ushered past various dining celebrities to a cosy table for two.

‘Thank you, Nigel.’ Jesse smiled, pressing a note into the man’s hand.

‘Pleasure, Mr Hemingway,’ replied the man, tapping the brim of his hat. ‘Enjoy your evening. Madam,’ he added, nodding at Cat.

Jesse ordered champagne and when it was poured he held up his glass to her. ‘To Cat Nightingale being back where she should be.’

Cat smiled and clinked her glass against his. She looked around the room. It was sumptuously elegant – the height of sophistication, a place where celebrities could be themselves away from the pressures of stardom. She spotted a Hollywood starlet surrounded by her entourage; the girl was staring off into the distance and looked lonely somehow. Cat transferred her attention to another table where a well-known celebrity couple were sitting in silence, both staring down at their phones, no doubt tweeting about how good the seared cuttlefish was. She found herself wondering what Ellie would make of all this. She probably would have charged up to the pop star, flung her arms around her neck and asked why she was so sad, or told the couple to put down their phones and talk to each other.

‘Happy?’ asked Jesse.

Cat gave him her best PR smile. ‘Absolutely. It’s gorgeous.’ It was gorgeous too. The food was sublime. Sweet red shrimp and Welsh lamb that melted in the mouth all washed down with the best wine. They chatted about work to begin with but every now and then Cat caught Jesse staring at her. As soon as she looked at him, he would smile and take a sip of wine or return to his food.

After they had finished their main courses, he turned to her. ‘So, you haven’t told me. How nightmarish was it playing happy families with your brother’s kids?’

Cat smiled. ‘Actually it turned out to be pretty fun in the end.’

Jesse gave an incredulous laugh. ‘Oh heavens, don’t tell me you’re going to make me open up a crèche on site.’

‘Would that be such a bad thing?’

‘You’re kidding, right?’

Cat shrugged. ‘I don’t think we make it very easy for working parents sometimes.’

Jesse waved a hand in front of her face. ‘Er hello? Are you sure this is the real Cat Nightingale?’

‘I’ve just had the opportunity to see things from the other side of the fence. That’s all. I happen to like being an auntie.’

Jesse giggled. ‘Auntie Cat. That could be your new nickname.’

Cat frowned. She knew Jesse didn’t take life seriously but she’d always thought he took her seriously. ‘It’s good to see beyond yourself from time to time.’

Jesse adopted a mock-serious face. ‘You’re right. And I’m sorry. So where did you go?’

‘To Suffolk on holiday. It was a real old-fashioned beach holiday. It was – well, it was lovely.’

‘Lovely? Are you sure? Being shacked up with two small kids in chilly old Blighty. Brrr. Rather you than me.’

Cat knew Jesse wasn’t interested in children - she knew that he preferred five-star resorts and first-class travel, frankly who didn’t, but he was also her friend and she felt a growing irritation as he dismissed her with casual indifference. ‘It made me see life differently,’ she muttered.

‘I bet it did. Changing nappies and endless tantrums are always going to give you a different perspective,’ he grinned.

Cat could have told him that Ellie and Charlie were six and ten and that therefore nappies were now surplus to requirements but she knew it was pointless. He wasn’t interested and if she was honest, Cat had to concede that she’d felt the same two months ago. ‘So, how are you? How’s Alex? Did you sort things out?’ she asked.

Jesse turned to her, his gaze intense and unflinching. ‘Actually, that’s part of the reason I’ve asked you here tonight.’

‘Oh yes?’

He took another sip of his wine. ‘Dutch courage.’ He grinned and Cat realised that he was nervous. He reached forward and took her hand. She stared at him in astonishment. ‘The thing is,’ he began, ‘I’ve been doing some serious thinking since you went away.’

‘Jesse – ’

‘Cat, please. I need to tell you this. It’s important.’ She nodded for him to continue. He took a deep breath. ‘Alex and I are finished.’

Cat was stunned. ‘I’m so sorry, Jesse. What happened?’

He shrugged. ‘We want different things. It was probably a mistake from the start but you know how it is.’

‘It must be a bind having a supermodel fall for you,’ teased Cat.

Jesse didn’t laugh. ‘It’s been a nightmare, Cat – the accusations, the scream-fests and then the silence. Actually the silence was the worst. All because she wanted a baby.’

‘It’s a big thing for a woman, Jesse – the biggest decision you ever make.’

‘I thought you were on my side,’ he said, only half-joking.

‘I am,’ said Cat, squeezing his hand. ‘Sorry. You were saying?’

His face relaxed. ‘It’s made me realise what I need and what’s important and that often the thing you need most is right in front of you.’ Cat experienced a tingling sensation as he stared into her eyes. ‘It’s you, Cat. It’s always been you and I’ve been an idiot not to see it.’

Cat opened her mouth to speak and realised that she didn’t know what to say. She had longed for this moment ever since she met Jesse. It had become hidden over the years as a secret yearning but it had always been there, tucked away. This was the moment, the moment she was supposed to fall into the hero’s arms, swoon and say something like,
What took you so long?,
let him sweep her off her feet and take her away from all this. She looked into his eyes, his beautiful green eyes; everything about him was so familiar. It would be the easiest thing in the world to give in to this. They could become the new PR power couple, taking the company to new heights, achieving everything they’d ever dreamed of.

So no-one was more surprised than Cat when she heard herself reply, ‘I don’t know what to say.’

Of course, Jesse couldn’t read her mind. He had no idea about what Cat had been through, about Finn or how her view of life had shifted. He was also a little drunk. He squeezed her hands and looked deeply into her eyes. ‘I know it’s a lot to take in. It was a shock to me but it makes sense, doesn’t it? We’re such a great team and I’ve always loved you.’

‘As a friend.’

‘Yes, but it’s not just that. We’ve always flirted and then there was that moment at uni.’

‘Jesse, that was seventeen years ago.’

He stared at her intently. ‘Tell me that you don’t feel the same. Tell me that there isn’t something between us – a spark, a chemistry. Whatever you want to call it. There’s something, isn’t there?’

Cat sighed. It was time to be honest. She fixed him with her gaze. ‘I have loved you from the moment I met you.’

Jesse smiled and reached out a hand to stroke her cheek as if that was the affirmation he needed. ‘I’m sorry it took me so long to catch up.’ He nodded at the waiter to bring the bill. They left the restaurant and jumped into a waiting cab. As they sped back through the night towards her house, he put his hand on her knee. Cat turned her face towards him and Jesse leant down to kiss her.

‘Jesse, don’t,’ said Cat pushing him away gently.

‘But I thought – ’

‘You’re still married and I have rules about that.’

Jesse looked surprised. ‘But we’re living separate lives; it’s all over. You do believe me, don’t you?’

There was something about the way he said this that made her think of the recent times he’d let her down. ‘We’ve waited seventeen years. Can’t we take this a bit at a time?’

Cat detected a hint of irritation as he sat back with a sigh. ‘Of course, Kit Kat. Whatever you want.’

She took hold of his hand and squeezed it. ‘I want to have the best chance possible at getting things right, okay?’

He gazed at her and became the old Jesse again – her Jesse. He kissed her hand. ‘Your wish is my command, oh beautiful one.’

Her heart skipped a little at his use of the word ‘beautiful’. She felt as if she had been waiting her whole life for this moment, pretending that they were friends when she secretly longed for so much more, fooling herself and everyone else that it was nothing. Jesse glanced at her and winked, squeezing her hand more tightly. She smiled. This should be the perfect ending, Cat’s chance to have everything she wanted. So she wasn’t quite sure why she was holding back. Surely one kiss wouldn’t hurt? Cat didn’t doubt that Jesse and Alex were separated and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to give in to the moment. She told herself that it was all so sudden, that she needed time to get used to the idea, but she knew this was only half the story.

They pulled up in front of her house and her heart sank as she spotted Finn’s car parked outside. It was a situation that Ellie might have described as ‘awkward’.

‘I’m guessing that a coffee is out of the question,’ said Jesse oblivious to Finn’s presence.

‘All in good time,’ said Cat, reaching over to kiss him on the cheek. He turned his face quickly, his lips meeting hers for a moment. She pulled away, casting a nervous glance back towards Finn but his face wasn’t visible in the darkness.

‘Sorry,’ said Jesse. ‘I couldn’t resist.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ replied Cat, stepping out of the cab and feeling flustered. She waited until the taxi had pulled off before approaching Finn’s car. He climbed out of the driver’s seat and walked round to where she stood on the pavement. She couldn’t read the expression on his face but she noticed that he didn’t try to kiss her.

‘How long have you been here?’ she asked.

‘Long enough,’ he replied. ‘I’m guessing that was Jesse.’

‘Look, Finn, it’s not what you think.’

‘Oh you mean seeing you kiss another man isn’t what it looks like?’ Cat didn’t know how to answer. ‘What’s going on, Cat? You leave the pub without a word, don’t answer my calls and texts, and then I come here and find you with him.’

Cat closed her eyes. Her head was spinning with Jesse’s revelation and Finn’s anger. This wasn’t how she wanted things to be. ‘Please, come into the house and I’ll try to explain,’ she said, staring into his eyes. He hesitated. She thought he was going to turn and leave but he sighed and followed her through the door into the lounge. Cat sat down on the sofa and looked up at him. Finn remained standing, his arms folded, waiting for her to speak.

She sighed. ‘I left the pub the other night because I was angry that you’d written a song about us.’

‘What?’ said Finn in disbelief.

‘It was so personal. I felt as if everyone knew our business. It’s private.’

Finn shook his head. ‘Are you for real? I wrote that song because I love you and I want to sing it from the rooftops. That’s how it works.’

‘Not in my world,’ said Cat.

Finn stared at her. ‘I don’t believe you. What do you want, Cat? What do you actually want?’ It was a simple question for which Cat had no straightforward answer. Finn’s gaze was intent as he tried and failed to read her thoughts. ‘Did I dream what happened over the summer? Because it felt pretty real to me.’

‘Yes of course it happened but Melissa’s back and the kids don’t need me any more.’

‘Of course they need you. What about everything that happened with Charlie? You managed to get through to him. How can you just abandon him now?’

Cat was indignant. ‘For your information I haven’t abandoned him. We message each other all the time.’

‘Wow. That must be a great comfort to him.’

Cat could feel the anger rising up inside her. ‘What is your problem? I was always going to go back to my job one day and here I am.’

‘Yeah, here you are. Back playing at real life with your spoilt celebrities.’

‘You don’t know anything about it,’ snapped Cat. She’d forgotten how infuriating he could be.

Finn gave a derisory laugh. ‘I know none of it’s real – the breast implants, the Botox injections, here-today, gone-tomorrow celebs. It’s all fake.’

‘It’s my life. It’s part of who I am.’

‘Is it? Is it really?’

She turned on him, her eyes blazing with fury. ‘Look, I know it’s hard for you to understand but I am proud of what I’ve done with my life and everything I’ve achieved. I know there are fakers out there and some aspects of what I do may seem ridiculous to you but it’s about more than that to me.’

Finn fixed her with a scathing look. ‘What is it about then?’

‘It’s about helping people make the best of their lives. Everyone struggles. Everyone in the whole world. Even the billionaires in their huge mansions with more money than they could ever need.’

‘Ahh, diddums.’

‘You see, this is why it won’t work between us. You judge everything. You’ve always got a clever remark or a pithy observation.’

‘Oh come on, Cat, you’ve got to admit that the plight of some rich bastard is hardly as important as that of a single mum.’

‘No, of course not! Look I’m not an idiot. I know my world seems shallow to you and part of it is but I also know that every person has a heart and every person has feelings. I don’t judge or dictate – I help people make the best of themselves.’