Authors: Michelle Slee
“Yes and Matt too,” said Jim quietly.
“In the other life he’s forgotten this life now,” said Christine, “Like me. But he’s having dreams of his wife and son, and has a feeling that something is wrong, as if he is forgetting something important.”
“I’m not surprised,” said Jim, taking a sip of his coffee. The two realities can’t carry on like this. Neither of you can share your consciousness over two realities. Don’t forget normally an electron is fixed in place once it’s observed. You two are observing two realities and for some reason they are refusing to fix. But this state of flux can’t continue forever. One reality will lock eventually.”
“What do you mean lock?” asked Damien.
“I mean that the pull of one universe will eventually exert its strength over the other, and then the rip will close and Christine and Matt's consciousness will remain fixed in whichever universe was stronger.”
Christine thought about this. That could mean she became locked in that other world, Damien lost to her forever, but Teresa and Matt permanently in her life. She didn’t know what to feel about that. She looked at Damien. He was staring at her. She hoped her face didn’t betray her thoughts. He would feel so hurt if he knew that she could even entertain the thought of living in the world, any world, without him.
“Anyway we’d better get started,” said Mark, suddenly, “We can leave the rest of this metaphysical discussion for later once we understand more about what’s going on when Christine jumps.”
He came over and knelt beside her. He unplugged the device from her ear and asked her to remove the device from her chest. She did so and handed it over to him. There was a small circular hole in each device. From his bag Mark withdrew a lead with two plugs at one end and a USB connection at the other. He inserted the plugs into both devices. He then took out what looked to be a laptop from the black bag.
“Is that the reader?” she asked.
“Yes,” he replied, “It’s something they developed in the hospital just over a year ago but it’s not been properly used, not to its full potential anyway. They’ve used it to study brain waves and heart rate during exercise, rest, REM sleep, that sort of thing, but nothing like what we’re doing today.”
He
plugged the USB end into the reader and started tapping various keys. The screen flickered on, there was a green glow and then a sequence of graphs. He lent forward, looking for something. Jim was also looking intently at the screen. Christine looked at Damien. She wondered if her face looked as scared as his did.
“Okay I see it, I see it!” said Mark suddenly, excited. He pointed out something on the screen to Jim, who lent forward even more.
“What do you see?” asked Christine, not really sure if she wanted to know.
“Tell me Chris,” said Jim, while Mark continued to look at the screen, “What time did you shift last night?”
She thought about it. They had come in from the hospital, she had sat in front of the fire, Damien had brought in the hot chocolate…. “It must have been about 7.30,” she said finally. Both Jim and Mark looked at each other and then back at the screen.
“What is it, tell me?” she asked, getting frustrated now. Damien came over to her, knelt beside her and held her hand. He gave it a squeeze and she squeezed back.
“Okay Christine, I’ll tell you,” said Mark, “But you must remain calm.”
“Please just tell me Mark,” she said, “You’re scaring me now.”
“Look at this bit of the screen,” he said, pointing to a line graph. There were various peaks and dips on the graph. They seemed to follow a pattern – the peak spanning about a centimetre, then a short dip, and then another peak.
“That’s a graphical representation of your brain waves and heart rate combined. It’s a normal pattern that I’ve seen countless times. It covers the period of time after you were first fitted with the devices and left the hospital.”
She looked at it again. Yes even to her untrained eye it looked normal, the regular pattern seeming to indicate all was well, her body was functioning as it should.
“But look here,” said Jim, leaning over Mark, seeming unable to contain himself.
He pointed to another part of the chart. She looked, then leaned in closer to see more clearly. That didn’t make sense. She turned to Damien, needing his reassurance that what she was seeing wasn’t actually there, or rather that she was misunderstanding what she was seeing, but he wasn’t looking at her, he was staring at the screen himself, white faced.
In the area of the chart to which Jim was pointing there were no lines at all, there was nothing there.
“What does that mean?” she asked quietly, but she already knew the answer.
Both Mark and Jim looked at her, but it was Jim who eventually spoke.
“I think it means that after you jump from here you don’t really exist here, you only really exist in the other universe. Where your consciousness goes you go and what’s left is…is…”
“Is what?” she asked.
“It’s an empty shell,” cut in Damien. He stood up and walked to the window. He looked devastated.
She sat there, stunned. She didn’t know what to say. How could she live in this life and yet show no sign of body activity on the chart? Yet she knew that if she’d been wired up in the other life the chart lines at that point would have sparked back to life. If she was physically disappearing from this life every time she shifted it would make more sense, in some way it would be easier to stomach. Yet when her consciousness was in one world the other life was still being lived - but by an empty vessel. The living dead. Teresa, she thought suddenly. How could she be a mother to Teresa when this was happening? Part of her had previously had some reassurance that when she wasn’t there herself another
part of her remained and gave Teresa everything she needed, all the love and care her whole self could give her. But the idea of Teresa being mothered by someone who was barely there, who didn’t even register on a chart, who walked and talked but had no soul, no life force – how could this be?
“I don’t think it’s always been like this Christine,” said Jim, as if reading her thoughts. “While the universes were fully separate you’d have truly and fully existed in both. But since they’ve started to bleed into each other … well - things have changed.”
“This can’t continue can it Jim?” she said, “This split existence in two universes can’t carry on.”
“No,” he said quietly, “As I said before one will win out over the other.”
“And what will happen then - in the universe that doesn’t win?”
He didn’t answer, he just looked away.
“Tell me, what will happen?”
Reluctantly he spoke. “I think the weaker universe might collapse in on itself. Once the reality is fixed I don’t think the weaker one can just carry on. It will become too unstable. It will disappear.”
She was silent. She didn’t know what to say.
Suddenly Mark spoke.
“I’ve just remembered something. I’ve seen a chart like this before.”
“When?” asked Jim.
“It was about a year ago, when we first started using the reader. We were trialling a new drug on a man who was suffering from night terrors. We put the same devices on him that we put on Christine. The next day we run the tests and again the lines disappeared at one point. We couldn’t believe it.”
“What did it mean?” asked Christine.
“We didn’t know at the time. But now I think
the drug worked too well. It must have shifted his consciousness. He slept well that night and had no nightmares, but he couldn’t remember anything the next day.”
“So you think you shifted his consciousness to another dimension with that drug,” said Jim, “That’s what you’re thinking isn’t it?”
“Yes, I think we induced a shift.”
“Induced a shift?” said Christine, “You mentioned that yesterday. Is that possible?”
“Up until today I’d have said no,” said Jim before Mark could reply, “But I’m now beginning to believe it just might be possible.”
“Can you get that drug?” she asked Mark, urgently.
“Christine, what are you saying?” said Damien.
“Damien, don’t you see, if we can induce a shift maybe I can control it.”
“Christine, I don’t know if that will ever be possible,” said Jim slowly, “We have to be careful not to run ahead of ourselves here.”
“But it might work,” said Mark excitedly. “And if Christine was able to do it from the other universe too can you imagine what we’d get to know about both universes, what we could discover.”
“This isn’t just about discovering new things Mark,” said Jim sharply, “There are real lives involved here.”
“Mark, you didn’t answer me, can you get hold of that drug?” asked Christine.
“Yes I can. We still use it, just not in the doses we gave that patient.”
“Okay, then you need to go and get me some, right away.”
He got up to leave. Jim stood up too and put a restraining hand on Mark’s arm. “Mark, do you know what you are doing?”
Mark looked at him. “The drug is safe Jim. I am not putting Christine at risk. I think it can help.”
Jim looked at him levelly. “Are you sure that’s why you’re doing it?”
Mark didn’t answer him. “I’ll be back in
an hour,” he said to Christine.
“Just one more thing Mark, before you go,” she said. “When you first saw the charts of that other patient did you try it on him again?”
He looked sheepish. “Well yes we did.”
“But weren’t you worried about the chart?”
“No, we knew we could counter its effects.”
“How could you do that?”
“It was another drug, a stimulant. We found that it brought his readings back to normal almost right away and he would wake up. There was no risk.”
“Can you get hold of that as well?” she asked.
“Yes it’s common enough. But why…?”
“I’ll explain later,” she said.
He looked at her a second and then realisation seemed to dawn on his face. But all he said was, “I’ll see you all in an hour.” And then he left.
“Why do you want to jump to that other universe Christine?” asked Damien after he’d gone. “It isn’t just about control is it? Tell me the truth.”
She couldn’t lie to him anymore. “I need to see her Damien, I can’t stand the thought that when I’m here I’m not being a proper mother to her there. I can’t do that to her.”
“So what’s your plan then Christine, go and stay there, are you leaving me?”
“No,” she exclaimed, getting up and walking over to him. She stood before him. “I love you Damien, you know that. But if I can go there deliberately maybe I’ll remember more about this life and everything we’ve discovered and maybe I can figure something out.”
Damien looked sad. “I’ll support you in everything Christine, you know that, but this…this is too much.”
He walked out of the living room. After a second she heard the front door open then close. He had gone. She stood there silently for a moment before turning back to Jim. He looked awkward.
“I need your help,” she said to him.
“Not before I ask you something,” said Jim, “I need to ask you not to do this. I have a bad feeling about it.”
“I have to do this Jim, and when I tell you what I think might happen I think you’ll understand why. But you have to promise not to try to stop me.”
He looked at her a moment and then sighed. “Okay, I promise I won’t try to stop you, but God forbid if anything goes wrong. I’ll never forgive myself.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
She put on another pot of coffee. They were both going to need one after what she was about to tell him. She thought about Damien storming off. Where had he gone? She considered ringing his mobile and then decided against it. If he needed some time to himself then fair enough. He would get in touch or come back when he was good and ready. And given what she needed to do it might be easier if he wasn’t here when she did it. She didn’t know if she’d have the strength to go through with it if he was here.
She carried the mugs of coffee into the living room and handed one to Jim. She sat beside him on the sofa and took a sip before beginning to speak.
“This drug, if it can induce a shift it will be the first time I’ve ever succeeded in shifting on purpose.”
“I know,” he said. “It will be the first time anything like this has ever happened.”
“If I can control the shifting I can go to the other universe at will. And if I go there I can get the other drug, the other antidote…”
“And do what Christine?” he asked, but she could see on his face that he already knew what she was going to say.
“I can stop myself jumping back,” she said simply. “I can force that universe to be the strongest.”
“But why would you do that? What about Damien?” he asked.
She looked away. Then she spoke. “I don’t know what else to do. Teresa, my daughter, she deserves better than what she has right now. Maybe I’ll figure something else out when I’m there, but these drugs, they seem the only option.
“They’re not the only option,” said a voice. It was Damien. She looked up. He was standing in the doorway and there was another figure behind him. A figure she recognised but had never expected to see here in this house, and never expected to see with Damien.
Damien stood out of the way and let Matt enter the room. She stood up, feeling awkward.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I’m here to help,” he said, “Damien has explained everything.”
She looked at Damien. “You went to get Matt?”
He came up to her and put his arms around her. “I told you I’d help.”
She looked at Matt but he was looking to the side, his face tense and colour rising.
“How can you help?” she asked him.
He seemed to have to force himself to look at her and Damien standing together. “It won’t be you that jumps and takes the antidote,” he said eventually, “It will be me. You’ll just take the antidote here.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, but before he could answer Jim had jumped excitedly to his feet.