Authors: David James
I am not afraid of
endings
.
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he said. “I feel like I should listen to this voice in my head, give in. I want to be someone more than this, but I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I don’t think I ever have.”
“Sometimes you don’t have a choice between what’s right or wrong,” I said. “Sometimes that choice is made for you, and if it’s not, you do what is best for the most people. Protect those weaker than you. I don’t know, Calum, maybe you need to listen to what the Elder Council, especially Gae, has to say before you decide what you should do. It might help to hear another person’s thoughts after they’ve heard yours.”
He frowned. “I thought you said I should fight for what I want and not just sit around waiting?”
“You can’t win if you don’t know what you’re fighting for,” I said. “If I were you, I’d figure that out fast. Listen to the Council and maybe in an hour you’ll know what’s right and wrong.”
“What if I don’t want to win? What if I just want to survive?”
I almost laughed. “This is a different kind of fight, Calum. In this world you do everything you can to win, because if you lose, you die.”
“You’re fighting for your sisters?” he asked.
I said, “Until I find them and know they’re safe.”
“They’re the only ones you want? Is there anyone else you’re fighting for?”
A water worker ran her hand over the waterfall in front of us, causing a ripple to run the circle in lines of shadow and light. Then, stronger than before, the water poured down in waves of blue so dark it looked green.
“Kate?” Calum turned to look at me and, when I found his eyes again, he asked, “What are you thinking?”
Adam.
“Shut up, Calum. We need to go. Follow me. You don’t want to know what will happen if you’re late to your trial.”
I turned and ran and didn’t look back.
-Calum-
The hour was dead-
gone as if it never had been-
and I wondered if I would soon follow.
Beyond the largest waterfall, the world bent and broke in two; nothing but the pounding sound of the falls behind us, and a double door before. Nothing else but me and Kate, two souls facing a door with two sides.
We stood side by side, the space between us feeling heavy as though it were not as vast as it should have been. As though we were more than this. This close, I could almost feel her breathing, almost feel the angry rift between us break.
Almost.
I stepped closer.
Kate, her voice steady and low, said, “It’s been said that everyone sees something different when they look upon the Doors of Judgment. Different, but always the same. Always the one thing that defines them the most. The Doors show us the one thing that tips the scales and defines who we were, are, and will be.”
I felt further away.
Carved in the stone of the cave wall, the Doors were the only smooth things in a world of jagged madness. There were no lines to distinguish them from the cave, except for swirls and patterns of intricately carved designs that faded like rays of light into the stone; a shape just barely there.
“They say magic runs deep and wild in the lines carved in the Doors,” Kate said. “They were carved by the first enchanter, Myrddin Lailoken. He was a seer, a prophet, and the one who saw the
Legend of the Dreamer
. It is said that Myrddin traveled to this mountain from Britain around 500 AD in search of his lost sister, Gwendydd, but instead of finding her he found an evil witch who trapped him in the forest for decades. He went mad, lost his mind completely, and eventually fell in love with the witch.”
“You’re telling me he loved this witch even though she basically kidnapped him against his will? That’s crazy,” I said. “But I guess it doesn’t matter who you love, just that you do.”
Kate only shook her head back and forth before she continued, “On the day they were supposed to be married, Myrddin went to the highest peak of this mountain to ask for a blessing from the gods he believed in. Instead, a single bolt of lightning blasted down from the sky and struck him with a vision, the
Legend of the Dreamer
. Instantly, he evolved into something more. The lightning marked him as a prophetic enchanter and gave him control over all five elements.”
“Is that how the Order was started?”
“That’s what we believe. After seeing the prophecy, Myrddin killed the witch and traveled back to Britain where he gave four of his closest companions a different power over an element, keeping spirit for himself. Together, in hopes of warding off evil and keeping the prophecy protected, they formed the Order. Each of them then traveled to a different part of the world to recruit members and give them a part of the power Myrddin bestowed upon them. Over time the Order grew to have thousands of members worldwide.”
“So, how do the Doors of Judgment come into play?”
“After creating the Order, Myrddin spent years trying to find his sister. She was his twin and the only person alive that shared his blood. He searched the world but never found Gwendydd. So he came back to this forest where it all began. He went back to the peak where he first was shown the prophecy and waited for lightning to strike with an answer once more. It’s said that Myrddin waited for ten years, until he was nothing more than a ghost of his spirit. After waiting for so long, he knew his time was coming to an end, so he crawled to this cave to die. With his last bit of power, he used his spirit energy to carve these doors so that all who stood before them would see the truth within themselves; they would be judged by the spirit of the enchanter who started it all. When the doors were finished, Myrddin went to Lake Iris, swam to the center, and let the last of his spirit dissipate into the water as he died. Even today, some Warriors believe that the lake has healing powers, and it’s how we get initiated as Warriors. We are blessed with the water of Myrddin as part of the final test before we receive our
levitis
and become full Warriors.”
“Did he ever find his sister?” I asked.
Kate shook her head. “No. He didn’t.” She blinked and swallowed. “He died before he found his sister.”
I said, “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she snapped.
I turned away. “Nothing.”
Focusing on the Doors, I let my eyes wander until they were all I could see. Until they were everything, the only light in the darkness. The carved lines twisted and turned as if alive, weaving around an inlaid circle broken in four. Light seemed to be ebbing in and out of the carving, as though the angel tears had gotten trapped inside.
“It’s a dream catcher,” I realized.
“Kind of,” Kate agreed. “It’s the symbol of the Order that, according to our history, was based on Myrddin’s idea that dreams were the gods showing us our fate. He believed we all had the ability to be prophets if we focused enough on what our dreams were saying.” She turned to me. “What do you see?”
I closed my eyes before anything took hold.
No. I won’t look
.
“I don’t see anything.”
“Open your eyes and try,” she snarled. “You have to otherwise we can’t go in, and that really wouldn’t be the best move for you, Calum.”
No.
I fought it.
No.
I didn’t want to see my fate, didn’t want to see my death.
No.
Didn’t want to see how I would become my father.
And then, Kate’s voice was so close I felt like she was whispering in my ear when she said, “Open your eyes, Calum. See where you stand and what you should fight for. See who you really are.”
Like a million tiny wolves, chills bit into my spine and fought to stay there, grinding up my back until teeth sank into my skull. I felt the Doors pulling at me from all sides, willing me to open my eyes, wanting me to see. Even in the darkness of my mind I could see its light like a beacon calling me forward.
She breathed, “Take a chance, otherwise you’ll never know the truth.”
I opened my eyes and, as the sound of Kate’s voice washed over me, was lost to a dream. Magic consumed me, and I was lost to this:
The depths of Hell ate me alive, and fire licked at me like the hands of people trying to escape...
And then there was a twist in my mind-
sharp and loud and I was
falling so fast too fast falling
down
down
down
too much too soon my voice screaming I yelled I hurt so bad I hurt I cried tears and pain pain pain
falling fast
down
down
down
until
nothing and quiet and calm and nothing
until the fire faded to nothing, and all I saw was darkness. Then, as it faded from black to blue to white light, I felt a burning in my heart that told me I was alive.
Above me nothing moved, nothing pulsed with life. The night sky was an inky blue-black, poked through with tiny stars. It was a different world, the sky, as though time was standing still and I was the only thing moving.
Where am I?
I fell to my knees. Clasping my hands together, I squeezed them while every fiber of my being ached for something more than this.
I thought,
I want to know who I really am.
Please.
Show me who I am.
I unbound my hands and put both over my birthmark.
I wished,
Show me who I’m not.
My head tilted up. Above the stars were blinking down as if telling me to wait, the wishing star would be coming soon.
And then the world exploded.
It started with the wishing star, a faint dot of white light flying through the sky toward me; a small movement in the dark abyss of night. Every second the falling star gained speed, every moment it flew closer and closer until it lit up the world and, as I closed my eyes, crashed into me in a collision of bright, blinding light that stopped my heart.
No breath.
No air.
No life.
All was dead and gone from light, until-
I breathed.
I was alive.
I opened my eyes and began to see.
I stood outside of time, in the dark field near the cave leading to Lake Iris.
I was
me
-
but I didn’t feel like myself.
There was a difference; I felt it flow through my veins and beat in my heart. My body was lighter, as though lightning had cut and burned my skin away and replaced it with a hundred tiny clouds. My mind though, was as heavy as a storm; I could feel it crack in a tempest of emotions as tears rained down my face.
Anger.
Sadness.
I tried with verve to look at myself, twisting this way and that to see what was different, but all I could see was white, warm light saturating me from every direction until it was all I was.
Fear.
Happiness
.
I was light and, just as the tears dried and became nothing more than saline lines down my face, I felt as though I could fly.
Love.
And then the voice from my dreams: “Free us, Caeles. Give in and become who you were always meant to be. This was it. This was your moment.
Remember!
Look around you. Free us.”
The light burst to a swell around me once more and then closed against me so it was a shell, armor. I blinked and saw the same sky but a different field stretched out before, riddled with tiny hills and trees and so much blood.
As the field became alive in shades of dripping blood, a scene shifted in smoke and shadow and exploded around me: A Hunter’s moon shone down on soldiers dressed in gray and red, shining an eerie glow on their battle armor. I felt the pull of the full moon, like always. Felt the familiar fire deep inside me raging, wanting to burn, and I gripped my hands against the heat. Rain fell from the sky in crimson sheets, each drop a needle against my skin. Water like blood.
The battle erupted in chaos.
There was no order.
There was nowhere safe.
“You know what this is, don’t you? You’ve always known what this is,” the voice said over the battle cries, over death and pain and agony.
And I realized I
did
.
For some reason I knew everything.
The Orieno were in red, the Order in gray: Monster against Warrior.
This was a battle fought a thousand times before-
a thousand times after-
forever, until someone stopped it.
Monster against monster.
“You must end this war,” the voice said. “We can help, but it starts and ends with you. It always has and always will.”
“What do I need to do?” I asked. My voice warbled as though I was underwater, and I could almost feel it bounce off the orb of light around me.
“Look, for now. See this war for what it really is. See what you must become and what you can do, even now. See who we are.”
I looked-
and saw death.
Everyone was covered in blood so dark it was black with the same kind of death. Stab after stab brought down another victim in red or gray, until the field was a graveyard of bodies and there was no room to walk without stepping on the dead and fallen.