Light the Lamp (4 page)

Or maybe he just wasn’t the right person to talk to, and Noelle
was
.

“
What happened?” She slid the pads of her fingers over the sensitive skin on the inside of my wrist. “Only if you want to talk about it,” she rushed to add.

I didn’t want to talk about it, except with her. She made me want to tell her every detail of my life, all my hopes and fears. Or almost all of them. I had to get a grip. I could tell her some things, but now was not the time for a tell-all exposé. There was a thing or two I just couldn’t tell anyone.

“
There was an early ice storm in New York, and I was on a road trip with the team in California. Liv had a flat tire on the highway after a night with some of the other players’ wives, and so many people were calling for roadside assistance that night because of the weather that they said it would be at least four hours before they could get to her. She decided to get out and change the tire herself, and a drunk driver lost control of his eighteen-wheeler. He hit a patch of ice, and then he hit her. She was dead before they got her to the hospital.”
And our unborn baby died with her.
Not that I could talk about that part, not even with Noelle who was so easy to talk to.

I’d never talked to anyone about that. The psychiatrist had constantly tried to get me to open up about it, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t go there. I doubted I’d ever be able to.

“
And that’s why you couldn’t let me stay with my car tonight.” It was a statement, not a question.

I looked up and met Noelle’s gaze. I could happily get lost in her eyes and never want to find my way out. They were filled with such a wealth of compassion and sincerity it nearly robbed my breath.

“
Yes,” I somehow said around the sudden thickness of my tongue. “I couldn’t bear the thought of something like that happening again, whether it was my wife or not.”

She nodded. “You loved her very deeply.”

“
More than you could ever know.”

“
You saved me. What an amazing way to honor her memory,” Noelle said. “I didn’t know Liv, but I’m sure she would be so proud of you.”

She had always been proud of me, regardless of the fact that she hadn’t wanted to leave Sweden. Liv had been the only girl I’d ever dated. We’d started going out when we were just fifteen, and she’d been my biggest champion through all the ups and downs of my career. But how had I repaid her? By nagging and badgering her to come to New York with me until she’d finally given in, even though it had been the last thing in the world she’d wanted to do.

If she hadn’t been pregnant, she might not have even agreed then. I forced down the massive lump trying to rise up through my throat.

Noelle had finished her hot chocolate, and I’d taken enough of her time. She’d said there was no one she needed to call, but that didn’t mean I should keep her out all night so I could cry on her shoulder over my dead wife. Her hand brushed over the outside of her purse, and I wondered what was in it…or maybe more importantly, what was not.

I cleared my throat. “Are you ready to go? I should probably take you home.”

An odd look passed over her face, but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “You don’t have to do that. I can get home myself.”

“
In what car?” I asked, raising a brow. “Do you have someone you can call to come get you? Because it’s really not a problem for me to take you. Especially after you let me spill my guts.”

“
No, I’ll call someone. Or I can take the Max. It’s easy enough to get where I’m going that way. Really, you’ve done enough, Liam. Thank you for everything.”

Something about this whole thing was starting to feel really off. I’d been so caught up in my own misery that I’d completely lost the plot with everything surrounding Noelle, and she was the one who’d just watched her car explode on the highway. Tonight was
her
traumatic event. Mine had happened a very long time ago.

“
Is someone going to be pissed that your car is ruined?” I asked. “A husband or boyfriend? Your parents?” Maybe I should stick around to be sure she had someone to argue her case.

“
It’s nothing like that,” she hedged.

“
Then what is it?”

For a minute, she just sat there worrying her lower lip with her teeth and giving these little shakes of her head, as if she was arguing with herself.

“
It can’t be that bad,” I said, hoping I was right.

“
I…” She closed her eyes for just a moment and then popped them open again to stare at me. “Okay. You can take me to the Salvation Army shelter. I think it’s on Second Avenue.”

“
Shelter? As in
homeless
shelter?” I should have kept my voice down, because half the people in the coffee shop turned their heads to stare at us.

It didn’t seem to faze Noelle, though. She blinked a couple of times, but she still had a damned smile on her face. “Yes, it’s a homeless shelter for women. They might not have a bed tonight, but I suppose I’d better find out, and sooner rather than later or they’ll all be full.”

“
You were living in your car, weren’t you? Tell me you weren’t living in your car.” It was gone, along with everything in it. She’d just lost
everything
, and yet she was smiling and laughing and listening to me lay my troubles on her shoulders as though she didn’t have a worry in the world. My problems were nothing compared to hers. Right then, I felt like the biggest asshole in the world.

She scrunched up her eyes, and her shoulders lifted into a shrug, that smile never leaving her lips. “I was. But now I can go live at the shelter for a while. Or maybe I can sleep on a park bench. That won’t be too bad if it’s not raining. It’ll be all right.”

Fuck me.

 

“
I’m not taking
you to a shelter,” Liam said. His voice had turned all gruff and scratchy, and he sounded angry.

I didn’t deal well with angry people. I’d never really understood anger. It was so much easier to just forgive and move on with your life instead of keeping so much hurt all bottled up inside like that. Besides, being angry at someone else never did anything to hurt them; it only hurt you, and then you suffered even more than you already had been from whatever caused you to get angry in the first place.

“
You don’t have to take me,” I said, hoping that would help to calm him down. I didn’t think he was angry at me, per se, but still. “Like I said, I can take the Max.”

“
No, you don’t understand.” Liam downed the last of his coffee, which had to be cool by now. He stood up and took both of our empty cups to the garbage and then came back, holding out his hand for me to take like he’d done when we got here. “I can’t let you stay in a shelter. I just watched your whole life go up in flames, and then I poured all my troubles on you as though you don’t have enough of your own. I just…I just can’t, Noelle. Let me take you back to my place, and I can help you figure out what to do.”

At least he was starting to sound a little calmer, but I still wasn’t sure what to do with him. “You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to find me a place to stay or help me figure out what to do or anything else. You saved my life. If either of us owes the other, it’s me.”

“
The only thing you can do for me is let me help you.” He stretched his hand out farther, his palm up and waiting for me to put mine inside it. “Please. I can’t just stand aside and do nothing. You said Liv would be proud of me, but she wouldn’t if I walked away from you right now. She would be more disappointed than I could handle.”

He seemed so earnest, like he had when he’d first run to me and tried to convince me to leave my car and go with him to safety, and so I found myself putting my hand in his again. “Okay,” I said slowly, “but you have to promise you’re not going to turn into some creepy serial killer guy.” I let him tug me to my feet and lead me out to his car.

That garnered a laugh from him. “I promise. No serial killing. But I can’t make any promises about my roommate. I’ve only known him for a couple of weeks.” He opened the passenger door and waited for me to situate my dress before closing it behind me.

I hadn’t thought about the possibility of a roommate, but I wasn’t really worried about that. With the way Liam had been treating me since even
before
we’d met, I had no doubt that he would do everything he could to protect me from harm. Worrying never solved anything, anyway.

He got behind the wheel and backed out of the parking spot. When he put the car into drive, he smiled at me, a look that was filled with relief. “Babs is probably the most harmless guy you’ll ever come across. He’s taking the teenaged daughter of one of our teammates to her prom tonight, so he’s not at home for you to meet him right now. But you don’t have anything to worry about with him.”

“
I’m not worried,” I reassured him.

Liam chuckled. “You’re too trusting for your own good. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you are right now, because you’re alive and you’re going to have somewhere safe and warm to sleep tonight. But it scares me how easily you trust.”

“
I trust until I have a reason not to trust. It’s easier that way.”

Liam pulled to a stop at a red light and looked at me, shaking his head. “You amaze me. And you make me want to protect you so you never stop being so free with your trust.”

All the life that had melted out of me and dripped from my toes earlier seemed to rush back into me, spreading through my limbs and screaming toward my belly until it was a pit of warm, tingly goodness. “That’s nice,” I said as that delicious heat raced up my neck and cheeks.

This time, it felt like he was seeing me and not his wife’s ghost.

The light turned green, and he drove through the intersection while I debated whether he was flirting with me again—and if I wanted him to.

I was leaning toward yes.

 

“
Are you hungry
?” I asked as I dug through the boxes of clothes the Islanders had overnighted to me after I’d been traded. We’d been on the road at the trade deadline, so RJ—Riley Jezek—and I had flown to Portland with just the suitcases we’d packed for that trip. Sometime this summer, I’d have to go back to Long Island and empty out my house and put it on the market.

“
A little, yeah,” Noelle said in that sing-song voice she had.

I finally found a clean T-shirt that wasn’t gross from being worn during too many workouts. I pulled it out to go along with the pair of boxers I’d already selected, and then I turned around to face her. “These are going to be too big for you, but they’ll do for now. We can wash the clothes you’ve got on, and tomorrow I can take you shopping to get some things after practice.”

With a nod, she reached over to take the clothes from me. Her fingers brushed mine in the exchange, and an electrical jolt surged through me.

I pulled my hand away as soon as she had a good grasp on the clothes. She held them close to her purse, her other hand always running along the outside of it. This flirtation, this attraction I felt toward Noelle, it was all wrong.

I headed into my bathroom and flipped on the lights, taking towels out of the cabinet to busy myself. “Clean towels. There’s shampoo and soap and all in the shower. Just let me know if you need anything, and I’ll put together something for you to eat.”

When I turned around to head back out of the bathroom, I nearly bumped into her. She must have followed me in there. I put my hands out to grab hold of her arms and steady her, but she just smiled up at me.

God, but I was starting to love her smile. It was so natural and innocent and so fucking perfect. I shifted, keeping her steady while I maneuvered us until she was in the bathroom and I was out of it. Then I let go as quickly as I could.

“
I’ll just… I have to…” I had to fucking get myself together.