Lighting the Flames (22 page)

“
What the
…
?
”

“
You
walk around the block at the end of shiva. At the end of a year,
you end mourning. At two years, you fly across the ravine. So it is
written.
”

“
What rabbi said that?
”

“
Rabbi Seatzenpantz.
”

“
Really.
”

“
Yeah. He, uh, flies by the seat of his pants. Pretty
popular guy, really.
”

She looked at the platform, and then at Jeremy, her
hands on her hips.

“
You
made that up.
”

He looked at her,
lowering his chin.
“
Obviously. But you
’
re going to go
zipping.
”
Then he stopped.
“
If you want to, that
is.
”

She looked up at the
cables, which had been reinforced years before to accommodate
disabled campers who needed to zip in tandem with a counselor. She
hadn
’
t been on the zip line in years, though Jeremy, when he
worked at camp, flew across the ravine every day, usually with a
camper tethered to his harness.

The warmth that remained inside her from their kiss,
from the way he looked at her, spread farther and deeper into her
heart, and suddenly, there was almost nothing she wanted more than
to fly through freezing air across the ravine on a wire wearing a
harness over four layers of clothing.

There was one thing she wanted more.

“
Only if you go with me.
”

His grin might as well
have been the summer sun.
“
I
wouldn
’
t miss it. After you, my lady.
”

She pulled her gloves off, pulled on a helmet,
grabbed the harness and clip he offered her, and waited until he
had attached both himself and her to the safety lines above them
before she put her gloves back on.

“
Belay on?
”
She smiled as she reached for the pole, waiting
for him to roar his usual reply. Jeremy liked to remind the ropes
course staff that safety resided in attention and in communication.
Loud communication. Loud communication that people could hear in
the next state.

But this time, his
roar didn
’
t bounce off the bare trees or startle any
birds.

“
On
belay,
”
he said softly. She looked over her shoulder. He looked so
proud of her, so happy to help her climb, that for a moment, she
couldn
’
t move.

“
Ready to climb,
”
she said, following the
rules.

“
Climb on,
”
he replied, and she reached for the first rung,
then the second, and the next until moments later she pulled
herself onto the platform and grabbed the zip line above her head.
The ground looked even farther away than it did in the summer, the
monochromatic white and gray disorienting her for a minute. She
grabbed the metal bracket above her head and held
on.

“
Coming up to join me?
”
She leaned over and watched Jeremy
climb the pole so quickly, he might as well have had
wings.

“
Damn, you
’
re fast.
”

“
Are
you insulting my manhood again?
”

“
Me?
Oh, never.
”
He reached up to take the zip line and disconnected her
from the safety line that he no longer held.

Then he clipped their harnesses together, looking
into the small space between them, focusing intently on the straps
and the carabiners, making sure that nothing was twisted, that they
were tethered together safely. He tugged on her harness, but not so
hard that she lost her balance. She put her hand on his arm
nonetheless.

He looked at her, concern and question on his face,
his worry over her safety evident in every part of his expression.
But when he saw her smile, his face changed, filling with challenge
and joy.

“
You
know that the two of us together won
’
t go as quickly. We
won
’
t fly very fast.
”

“
I
know.
”
He stood behind her and wrapped one arm around her waist as
he clipped them both to the zip line.

“
Ready?
”

“
Ready when you are,
”
she replied. When he jumped, he kept
his arm around her. They flew through the air, falling for a brief
moment until the zip line caught them and threw them across the
ravine, the snow and trees a white blur around
them.

Genevieve
didn
’
t see any of it. She felt the wind and heard the soft
whisper of snow sliding off tree branches beneath the rush of air
as they flew. She felt his arms around her, and tasted the biting
cold as she breathed in.

The only thing she saw
was Jeremy
’
s smile, the one that belonged to her alone, when she
tipped her head back to say something, and the words flew out of
her mind. He didn
’
t seem to notice they were moving. He watched her
face, and when she laughed, he smiled.

She
didn
’
t know what would happen when winter camp was over, or what
would happen that night. Or the next day.

But for that moment,
flying through the cold faster than the wind, it
didn
’
t matter too much. The world rushed by them as they flew,
but in the space between them she had warmth, and light, and a
moment of peace.

Chapter Seven

Saturday, December
20, 2014
—
28 Kislev 5775

Despite the thrill of
their flight across the ravine, an emotional hangover stayed with
Genevieve the rest of the afternoon. It was quiet, and there
wasn
’
t much for them to do until dinner, when the team
entertainment competition would take place. When
they
’
d hiked back into camp, Jeremy had gone to the kitchen to
make sure the cake-decorating supplies were ready, and Gen had gone
the other way toward the art shack to spend time on her secret
project. It was open, with lanyard and bead supplies left out for
anyone who wanted to use them. The artists in charge of each
team
’
s sign were putting the finishing touches on their
respective plaques, and she
’
d stayed to help them
before they left to go wash up for dinner.

After the arts and crafts shack was cleaned up, all
the supplies put away, and the team signs left to dry in the cold
air on the porch, Genevieve made the trek up to the cabin to change
her clothes for dinner and Havdalah, the service that marked the
end of the Sabbath. A path had been cleared to the front door, so
she followed that instead of going around to the back.

Jeremy was already inside. She threw her coat on the
chair inside the door and collapsed on the couch next to him. The
fireplace across from them filled the room with heat and light, and
after she pulled off her boots, it nearly set her socks on
fire.

“
Is
every log from the wood pile in there right now?
”

“
No,
but close to it.
”
His voice was flat and low, like he was angry about
something.

“
What
’
s wrong?
”

“
Heat in here isn
’
t working too
great.
”

“
As
in?
”

“
It
’
s not working in the bedrooms at all.
”

“
And
the space heaters?
”

“
They
’
re not really strong enough. It
’
s pretty freaking
cold back there.
”

“
Ooh, boy.
”
Gen closed her eyes. She pictured each building
in camp, trying to figure out where there might be extra
beds.
“
Where are we going to sleep?
”

“
Scott is bunking with his brother
’
s family in their
cabin.
”

“
And
what about us?
”

“
I
’
m sleeping here.
”

“
Here? But your room will be freezing.
”

“
No,
here
, here. Like, in
front of the fire.
”

“
Are
you going to get up every hour and add more wood?
”

“
Yup, if I have to.
”
Gen looked at him, baffled. His arms
were folded behind his head, and his eyes were closed, his feet
propped up on two milk crates, pointed at the fire. The plastic
crates were probably melting with the heat.

“
Jeremy
—”

He turned his head to
look at her.
“
You don
’
t have to stay here
—
I know you can bunk
with one of the families. There are extra beds. But
I
…
I
don
’
t want to do that. I have to get up really early, for one
thing, and
…”
He shrugged.
“
It
’
s easier if I stay
here.
”

He turned back to the fire, watching the flames.

“
I
’
ll stay, too,
”
she said softly. Her voice was calm,
but her heart was riding white-water rapids through her
chest.

He glanced at her,
then looked back at the fire.
“
You
sure?
”

She nodded, folding
her legs under her and leaning her head against the back of the
couch, looking at the fireplace.
“
You have a sleeping
bag?
”

“
Yeah. Got one already.
”

“
Does it smell like a spliff?
”

“
No,
unfortunately.
”

“
That
’
s too bad.
”

“
I
did get extra mattresses for us, though. That
’
ll keep us slightly
warmer.
”

“
Don
’
t you sleep mostly naked?
”

“
No.
Why, you want me to pitch you a tent?
”
He looked at her
with a smile that was either flirtation or
uncertainty.

“
Not
for sleeping in, no, but thanks.
”
She laughed briefly, then shut her
eyes. Suddenly she was so tired, a terrible, familiar weariness
like what she remembered from the weeks after the accident. It was
partly her own physical exhaustion and partly the deep pool of
tiredness that came with grief. Emotional hangovers were almost as
bad as alcoholic ones. She didn
’
t feel anything at
the moment, no strong emotions that threatened to crash over her.
But she was filled with the echoes of how she
’
d felt earlier, the
remnants of sadness that had spun inside her, and the heat that had
filled every part of her when he
’
d kissed her in the
woods, leaving the sadness clinging like cobwebs to the corners of
a room.

She was tired,
confused, and a bit of a mess emotionally. She
didn
’
t want to pretend that mess wasn
’
t there by hiding it
in a cabin full of people she knew, who
’
d known her since she
was a kid. She wanted to stay here, even if it meant dealing with
all those exhausting emotions instead of suppressing them for
another night. At least she knew Jeremy would understand
them
—
likely better than she did.