Lights to My Siren (21 page)

“Do I have to cheer for James?” I yelled over the din.

Shiloh looked at me horrified that I wouldn’t automatically do so, making me laugh. “Of course you do, you big dope!”

James’ fight went about as I expected. He won. I never had any doubt. Even when the large man with the flat face entered the ring.

He seriously looked like he’d been in way too many fights; but the man could fight, and made James work for it.

Shiloh screamed throughout the entire thing, jumping up and down on top of the bleacher seat like she was in high school cheering for her quarterback boyfriend.

Trance, on the other hand, stayed seated and watched the fight with a dispassionate eye. I’d seen more emotion out of the man when he was taking a drag of his cigarette in the truck on the way to the warehouse.

“We’ve got about fifteen minutes until the next fight. I need to pee. Do you want to go with me?” Shiloh asked as she stood.

“Sure.” I shrugged as I, too, went to stand.

Trance beat me to it though, helping me up with both hands on my elbows.

“Thanks.” I said as I brushed invisible wrinkles out of Sebastian’s sweatshirt that I was still wearing.

“Glad to see you dressed up for this.” Shiloh teased as I looped her arm around mine and led us to the bathroom.

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped my mouth. “I wasn’t intending to come to some fight night. In fact, I don’t think your brother meant for me to come, either. I was just there when he was going, and he couldn’t really go and leave me, could he?”

I didn’t mean to sound bitter, but I couldn’t help it. Sebastian and I had spoken earlier that afternoon, and not once had the subject of a fight come up. We’d spoken about what we’d be doing later that evening after we got off, where Johnny would be, and what our plans were for tomorrow morning. Hence, why I’d decided to come up to see him; it’d never occurred to me that he wouldn’t be there.

Maybe I just didn’t know him that well. Maybe he wasn’t as serious as I was. Maybe I was over thinking things.

And it wasn’t like I could ask Shiloh anything either. Not with the silent, but so very much there, Trance stalking along behind us.

“Here. We’ll use my brother’s bathroom, in his office. It’s cleaner.” Shiloh said, pulling me carefully into a side door near the end of the hallway.

“What do you mean your brother’s bathroom?” I asked.

Shiloh had entered through a door that was barely noticeable; but the inside was anything but.

It was painted navy blue. There were no windows, but the walls were lined with biker paraphernalia. Pictures. Old motorcycle handle bars. A tire. A helmet. A few framed quotes. The floor was painted gray, and in the middle of that floor was a massive desk covered in papers.

Behind that desk sat Sebastian.

With a woman sitting on his lap wrapping his hands in tape.

Sensing the emotional turmoil pouring off me, Shiloh pointed towards a door. “Bathroom’s that way.”

I went. Without saying a word to Sebastian.

After doing my business on autopilot, I sat on the closed toilet lid for well over five minutes trying to decide what to do. I wasn’t sure of much, but there was one thing I was sure of, and that was that I couldn’t handle the double life.

I’d caught on to too many things lately that bothered the ever-loving shit out of me. Why did he send me to a seat when he could’ve taken me to his office and let my sit with him on his big motherfucking couch? Why did he have some chick wrapping his hands when I could’ve done that with twice the efficiency, and triple the competence?

What exactly had the two of us shared other than sex? Did we talk about hopes and dreams, or our future? No. We didn’t. Sebastian didn’t know that I wanted four kids. He didn’t know that I wanted to go back to school to get my Master’s degree. Didn’t know that I wanted to live in a two-story house with an in ground pool in the backyard since I was a young girl.

Hell, he didn’t even know that I was so broke I could barely afford the gas to get to his house on a weekly basis. I’d been scraping by ever since I’d purchased my house. I had a ton of student loan debt on top of having bills that came with owning my own home.

Well, I could at least fix that part, couldn’t I? As of right now, I wouldn’t be driving to his house at all. Wouldn’t need to. Because I was done. Now I just had to figure a way to get out of this god-forsaken place and get back home.

“Shiva, you’re up in five, you ready?” A voice called into the room beyond me.

I breathed a sigh of relief. There, I could leave as soon as he did.

“Yeah, I’ll be right out.” His deep voice rumbled.

I heard it really well, which meant he was close to the bathroom door. Luckily, I’d locked it, because I just couldn’t face him right now.

“Baylee, you all right? You need anything?” Sebastian called through the door.

I snorted. “No, I’m peachy.”

My response must’ve been muffled from the door, because he didn’t pick up on the extreme sarcasm I’d infused into that comment.

“Okay, well I’m going to head out. Shiloh went to the locker room to see James. Do you remember how to get back to your seat?” He asked me.

“Yes.” I clipped.

“Okay.”

He left after that, and I gave it another five minutes before I left the locked bathroom.

To my relief, the office was empty when I made my way out.

The papers that had recently been on his desk were gone, leaving only the gleaming top of the massive wooden desk in its wake.

Had he put them up because I was in here alone?

What did it even matter if he did?

That’s right, it didn’t. If he’d wanted me to know, he would’ve told me a long time ago, wouldn’t he?

The door opened across the room from her, and Tillie sauntered in, the skirt she’d been wearing before replaced by some spandex number that left even less to the imagination. It’d seemed impossible to me before, but now I knew it was, in fact, possible to be wearing less, with more on.

“Sebastian sent me in here to show you to your seat.” she sneered.

I smiled, sadly. He hadn’t wanted my in here by herself.

“Actually, can you take me to Shiloh?” I asked sweetly.

After giving me the once over, she turned and huffed her way out the door.

I was about to follow her when the black hat that Sebastian always wore caught my eye, hanging on a peg right next to the door frame.

On a whim, I pulled it off and stuffed it up the back of my sweatshirt, thankful that the garment hung loosely on me or I’d never have been able to pull it off.

I had to hurry to catch up to Tillie’s bounding strides, and was nearly panting in exertion as I finally came to a stop at a room that was labeled ‘locker room.’

“They’re in here.” She said, indicating the marked door before stomping away.

Instead of entering, I knocked, and only had to wait two or so minutes for a very disheveled Shiloh to open the door.

“Hey,” she said breathlessly.

I smiled. Well, tried to, but I didn’t think I was very successful.

“I need a ride to my car. Can you take me back to Sebastian’s place? Something came up.” I lied.

Shiloh stood up straighter and nodded, pulling the door open all the way and stepping to one side. “Sure, I didn’t drive, but James’ll let me take you in his truck.”

James was leaning against a padded bench with his arms crossed over his naked chest.

He was wearing a sweaty pair of gray cotton shorts, and sweat was dripping down his body in rivulets.

I really wasn’t in the right mind because the sight of the man leaning in front of me did absolutely nothing for me. Not even a twinge.

“Is that all right, J?” Shiloh asked James.

At his nod, she walked over to a bag in the corner of the room and pulled out a key ring with no less than thirty keys on it.

I avoided eye contact with the very perceptive James, and moved slowly out the door so I didn’t have to answer the man’s questions that lingered in his eyes.

“You sure you’re okay?” Shiloh asked as she joined me.

I nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Alright, well James parked in the back where the club parks. This way is easier.” she said, indicating a different direction than the one I was taking.

I turned and started heading in the direction Shiloh had indicated.

It was a much shorter way to go.

Well, figures. Sebastian had dropped me off at the front door. She’d thought originally it was because he didn’t want me to walk far. But the back way, where Shiloh was leading me, was much shorter.

Shiloh led me past a long line of bikes, Sebastian’s truck, and then even more trucks until she stopped at James’ truck and hit the locks.

The lights flashed as the doors unlocked, and I climbed painfully into the truck, thankful that there was a step that came down when the doors opened and a handle for me to hold on to.

“I’m sorry! I should’ve helped you. Do you need me to help with the seatbelt?” She asked in concern.

“No, I got it. Thank you.” I said.

The ride to Sebastian’s house was quick and silent, Shiloh sensing that I was not in the mood for chitchat

I thanked her quietly as I slid from the truck, only jarring myself slightly when my feet met the uneven ground beneath me.

Just as I was about to close the door, Shiloh stopped me with a statement. “He’s a good man, don’t give up on him.”

I slammed the door a little harder than I’d meant to, annoyed that I’d been so transparent.

Sebastian would know shortly that I was mad at him, but I didn’t care. I was beyond caring at this point.

Shiloh left once the lights of my car flipped on, pulling out of the driveway in a spray of gravel and dirt.

Starting my car and rolling down my windows to feel the cool night air on my face, I pulled out of my parking spot, thankful that I’d gotten out without Sebastian stopping me.

It wasn’t until I was back on the interstate that it dawned on me that he might follow me home.

Knowing that I couldn’t handle seeing him right now, I turned around and headed back to Shreveport. I’d stay in a hotel for the night. Hell, maybe I’d even gamble my last twenty dollars on the craps table.

‘Cause that was where my life was right now. In the crapper.

Chapter 16

It’s better to lose a lover than to love a loser, asshole, bastard, lying, son of a cock whore.

-Life lesson

Sebastian

“What do you mean she’s not here? How’d she leave? Where’d she go?” I snarled at my men. The men that I’d assigned to watch her tonight, and help her anyway she needed it.

Stupid fucking prospects.

“Sir, she was with your sister. We didn’t think you’d want us to interfere.” Tunnel, the newest prospect, hedged.

“Well you thought fucking wrong. Where exactly is my sister?” I snarled.

The two men pointed in the direction of the bar, and I turned and stomped away without another word to the two useless human beings.

“Where is she?” I asked as soon as I made it to within hearing distance.

I was tired, aggravated, and needy. I wanted my woman in my arms, and I wanted her there now.

Shiloh turned from the conversation she was having with their father and scowled at me. “Not that it’s any of your business, brother, but you fucking gutted her today. Why the hell didn’t she know you had an office? And why the hell did you not tell me that she didn’t know? I would’ve never brought her back there if I had known. You made me look like a shit. Why’d you have Mandy in your lap, anyway? That was just fucking stupid.”

I was confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You know, Mandy, the one that did your tape for your hands? Yeah, when Baylee saw that, her eyes told everyone that was looking at her how devastated she was. Why are you even talking to me?” She snarled.

“Jesus Christ, Shiloh! It was the Warehouse’s trainer! What did you want me to do? I don’t know how to do tape!” I snarled right back.

“Yeah, well she didn’t have to sit on your fucking lap!” She screeched.

I threw my hands up in annoyance. She wasn’t sitting on my lap...was she?

James, who’d been sitting quietly beside Shiloh, watching the family drama play out, turned and held up his hand for silence. “How about we go take a walk.” He suggested.

Knowing I wouldn’t get anywhere with the craziness that is my sister, I agreed and walked with James down to my office.

The office felt very empty all of a sudden, like something important was missing and I knew exactly what it was. Baylee.

“I’m not going to tell you how to run your life, but I think you need to make a decision about letting Baylee in, or letting her go. You have two parts of yourself that you try to keep separate, and it’s not going to work for much longer. If you let her in to only half of your life, you’re going to lose her.” James said right before walking out.

I walked to my desk and sat down heavily.

My sweaty back stuck uncomfortably against the leather of my office chair, and I stared at my wall, wondering what the hell to do.

I wouldn’t be telling her anything about the club without a few promises from her end first. My life was with my club, and it always would be. To let her in that part of my life, she’d have to be a permanent fixture. She’d have to want to be there, and to this day, she hadn’t made the effort.

The more I sat here and thought about it, the more upset I became. Did she not want to know that part of my life? Hell, he’d share with her in a heartbeat; but club life wasn’t for everyone.

With her father and brother being in law enforcement, she had a better idea than most civilians did when it came to what a motorcycle club was. She had to know they weren’t all angels.

Then I noticed my hat was gone.

Knowing what I had to do, I picked up my phone and made a call that could very well change my life.

***

I ran my fingers over the fine stitching, looked up at Porter’s old lady and smiled. “You did good, pretty girl. It’s stunning. I really appreciate you staying up this late and getting it done for me.” I thanked her.

Minnie blushed at the compliment before wrapping the work she’d done in tissue paper, and then placing it into a box. Her fingers worked nimbly as she tied a bow on it, and then used her scissors to do some fancy shit with the bow, making it twirl around and in on itself.