Like One of the Family (12 page)

Jane sat very still. Yes, she supposed she was. She had not thought she would be put to the test so soon. Jane shuddered and, realising Detta was still waiting for her answer, slowly nodded.

‘Yes, having taken all things into consideration.'

Detta reached for the telephone. ‘Okay, Jane,' she said firmly. ‘I'm fully in agreement. In view of her shaky mental condition and the risks involved, the girl should not be put through the ordeal. The sooner she's seen to the better.'

When Detta put the telephone down it was all arranged that Claire would be admitted to a privately run clinic next day, ostensibly to have a D and C carried out. She would be kept overnight and allowed home on Thursday.

As soon as she reached home Jane rang Annette and told her that Claire was booked in for her check-up next day.

‘They may want to do certain tests so she must be fasting,' Jane said. ‘If you like I can bring her there myself, but it will be early. Eddie is driving up from Waterford first thing to be at his consulting rooms before nine and I'm aiming to be back with the children by midday.'

‘I understand,' Annette said bewildered, not understanding at all. At least, not about all the rush where Claire was concerned. ‘I'll have her ready. And thanks for everything.'

Jane put down the phone and went to have her tea. She felt tired and was aware that she had just taken a huge decision on Claire's behalf. But now that it was done, she felt it had been the right one. In the circumstances it would have been too callous to allow her to continue with her pregnancy. As Detta so rightly said girls at this age were still only children themselves and must be protected.

Next day Claire followed Jane over the gleaming parquet floor, overnight bag in hand. She waited while Jane spoke to a woman at the reception desk and tried not to feel lonely when the woman beckoned her down a corridor and showed her into a room.

‘Take off your things, love,' she said, ‘and slip this on.' Claire recognised the theatre gown from the time she had been in hospital having her appendix removed. She gazed at it uneasily.

Jane put her head round the door. ‘Don't worry,' she said, seeing Claire's troubled expression. ‘There's absolutely nothing to be alarmed about.' She came in, smiling encouragingly. ‘I'll wait with you until you've undressed.'

Claire's back felt chilly. She slipped down deeper in the bed and gradually began to warm up. A dark-haired nurse came in with a hot water bottle and slipped it under the covers. That helped quite a bit. When Jane had kissed her and gone away, Claire lay looking at the light beyond the window. If felt strange to be in bed so early in the day. Various people, nurses and, she supposed, a doctor came in to sit on the bed and take blood from her arm and ask her to give them a specimen of urine. All of them seemed to think she was older than she was and that she was suffering from painful periods. Not that her periods were ever pleasant but Claire wouldn't exactly have described them as painful. She still wasn't quite sure what she was doing there.

‘You won't know yourself afterwards,' the nurse who took blood from her said. ‘You'll be glad to have it over with, pet.' She stroked Claire's hair back from her forehead and said how pretty she was. ‘A right little blondie!' she smiled. Claire felt a sudden pang, remembering the first time Eddie had called her that. They were all so kind to her that she felt like crying. Lately she was becoming so weepy. She had only to read something sad and the tears began flowing at once. Even as she thought this her eyes filled up. She reached under the pillow for a tissue.

‘Ah now,' the dark-haired nurse said, coming in the door again. ‘You're a bit lonely I expect. I have something here that will relax you.' She handed Claire a tablet and told her to take a sip of water to wash it down. In a few minutes Claire began to feel drowsy.

‘What still awake?' It was the same nurse bending over her. ‘You'll be going down to the theatre in a minute.'

Theatre? Claire's head felt muzzy. She knew there was something she should remember but it eluded her.

She lay flat, gazing dopily at the moving ceiling. They she realised that she was moving. She was rolling along, vaguely aware of a murmured conversation going on over her head. Someone was helping her off the trolley on to a high bed. She felt them doing something to her arm. More voices seemed to be telling her that she and Sheena had got first prize for best performance, script and theatrical production. So that's what she had been trying to remember! But as soon as she'd grasped it, there was a slight pricking sensation and the thought was blotted out.

‘Wake up now, Claire...' She was at the bottom of a deep dark tunnel, and a voice far away at the top was calling down to her. ‘That's it, pet... open your eyes.' She was back in her room, wearing her own nightie, and they had taken out her appendix. Again. Her hand moved sluggishly, in search of the wadded bandage on her stomach, slid smoothly over the healed scar, and dropped lower to encounter the pads between her legs. So her period had come at last. She fell into a doze.

Next day Claire got dressed and sat on the bed expecting Annette to collect her. The door opened and the smiling dark-haired nurse popped in her head.

‘Claire dear,' she said. ‘here's Dr McArdle come to bring you home.' Claire was surprised. She had understood that Jane would not be returning until Saturday. Then Eddie stood in the doorway, smiling his beautiful sad smile.

‘Well Claire, and how are you feeling?' He came and put his hands over hers. ‘I was sorry to hear you weren't well.' He sounded infinitely kind. Concerned.

Claire struggled not to cry. She could feel it creeping up and taking over her. She felt her throat painfully constrict. Suddenly she could keep it back no longer. She began to sob.

‘Oh now, now, pet...' the nurse came forward to put an arm about her. She rocked Claire comfortingly against her shoulder. ‘There now!' she said, delicately picking the strands of hair out of Claire's trembling mouth, and looking apologetically over her head at Eddie.

Claire slept and woke and slept again, as though she were starved for sleep. Dehydrated too. Whenever Claire reached out for the glass of water Annette left beside the bed, it had miraculously filled up again.

Every few hours she struggled down to the bathroom. The tide between her legs flowed heavier than ever. She had never seen so much blood. She had cramping pains in her thighs and stomach and felt bewildered why this period should be so much heavier than any that had gone before. Maybe it was because it was so much longer since her last one. She wondered if it had any connection with what they had done to her when she was asleep. She felt frightened. If only she could talk to Jane, she thought, but Jane wasn't due back from Waterford for another two days. Weakly, Claire adjusted her clothing and slowly returned along the landing. Once she was back in bed she fell asleep at once.

She awoke a few hours later. It was growing dark outside, the light fading beyond the undrawn curtains. She drank and slept again. The next time she awoke the house was very quiet, and the glass was empty. Claire lay there for a time, feeling it was almost beyond her to get up until thirst forced her out of bed in search of water. She filled her glass at the cold tap in the bathroom and drank deeply. To her relief the bleeding had eased. She carried the brimming glass back to her room.

As she passed her mother's room she glanced in. The bedside lamp still burned. Annette must have fallen asleep with it on. Claire took a step into the room to turn off the light, moved as much by a desire to have contact with her mother as anything else.

The bed was empty.

She went to the top of the stairs and was about to go down when she heard voices. And the clink of glasses, the drone of conversation. Every so often it was punctuated by her mother's high excitable laugh and Eddie's deep answering chuckle. Claire felt dizzy. unreal. Her knees began to shake and for a moment everything went black. When her head cleared she turned and stumbled back to bed.

Within a few days of her arrival home Claire felt well enough to get up and go about again, though she still felt tired and inclined to tears. The half-waking dream she'd had of Eddie's laughter mingling with her mother's, she brushed aside, refusing to dwell on it.

Until it happened again, only this time the sounds she heard came from Annette's bedroom.

In Dualeen Jane took her children to the hotel for their tea and announced her intention of eating out for the rest of the week. She was feeling too worn out after the emotional events of the past few to stay in and cook. The children were delighted at the prospect and noisily planned what they would eat.

‘Daddy starved us when you were away,' Sheena said. ‘I must have lost pounds.'

‘That's right,' Terry agreed. ‘And he made us go to bed at seven. Seven!' he repeated in disgust. ‘Like Babe Ruthie here,' he added mockingly, which brought forth a storm of protest from his little sister.

‘I'm not a baby. Baby yourself, Terry.' She pummelled him with her fists and he laughed and rolled playfully with her on the grass

Hugh did not join in the bickering but Jane was too busy with her own thoughts to notice how quiet and withdrawn he was. Before leaving town she had changed her mind and rung Eddie to tell him about Claire. If anything should go wrong in her absence, she wanted Eddie to be aware of the situation. He was an excellent doctor and she trusted in his judgement implicitly. She was relieved when he not only grasped the situation but even suggested picking up Claire himself from the clinic next day. Jane had put down the phone satisfied. But on the long drive to the country the enormity of what she had done began to break on her. Jane was no longer sure she should have acted so quickly. With time to reflect she was painfully coming to the realisation that she had acted on a wave of outraged feeling. Even if she had taken time to suss it all out it still didn't alter the fact that the decision was not legally or morally hers to take. Ever since she had been engaged in a kind of mental dialogue as she attempted to justify her actions and make peace with her conscience. She was still uneasily tussling with the latter as she entered the hotel that evening.

Jane followed the waiter to the table he indicated and absently waved her children to their seats. But I only acted out of humanitarian feelings as a doctor and a friend, she took up her defence once more. Someone had to help Claire. ‘Yes,' the relentless voice retorted in her head. ‘There's no argument about that but it wasn't
only
up to you.' Jane sighed, weary of pursuing this avenue of thought, and picked up the menu.

‘Mum, I'm starving,' Terry complained. ‘Can I have steak?' It was the dearest item on the menu and he was delighted when she nodded, hardly aware of his request.

No, she couldn't regret that it was done, Jane's thoughts ran on. Only for originally keeping the whole thing from Eddie. And Annette, who had every right to be informed of the situation. Jane realised now that she had been afraid Annette might stop her and reasoned that for all she knew Annette might have been fully aware of the situation, yet turning a blind eye. Statistics suggested that in many cases of child abuse the mother already knew the score. If this were the Shannon's case it would have been cruel to subject Claire to any more pain or mishandling. So Jane argued with herself as she toyed with her steak, feeling depressed, her appetite suddenly gone.

‘Aren't you going to finish it?' Sheena asked, and was delighted when Jane allowed her remove it to her own plate. They were all acting as though they had not been fed in days. Ruthie too was eating heartily, and even stealing chips from her plate.

Jane ordered a brandy and sat sipping it gloomily. Pull yourself together, she advised herself grimly. You only did what had to be done. Someone had to take responsibility and you were the one most qualified. Still, she couldn't help feeling guilty.

Sheena came over to see Claire the minute she got back from Waterford and Claire's heart rose at the sight of her, and stayed up. It was the beginning of feeling better.

‘Daddy is buying another dog for Hugh,' Sheena told her. They were in Claire's bedroom, sitting on the window seat. ‘The funny thing is, Hugh isn't a bit pleased and keeps saying he doesn't want it.'

Claire was not surprised, knowing how much Hugh had loved Hero. ‘When is he getting it?' she asked.

‘Don't know. Before he goes back to school, I suppose.' Sheena lost interest in her brother and excitedly raised the bag she was carrying. ‘Claire! Shut your eyes and don't look till I tell you.'

Claire obediently closed her eyes.

‘Now!' Sheena sounded exultant. She was holding up a pair of shiny black patent leather shoes, with tiny taffeta bows on the pointy toes. ‘Mummy bought them for me as a present for looking after Daddy and the others while she was away. Aren't they fab?'

Claire nodded. She loved them but was scared to death of them. Translated, they meant dancing and boys. Unknown territory. Sheena slipped them on and wavered up and down the room. ‘I can't wear them until my birthday, Mummy says, but that's light years away.'

Another two months actually.

‘I'll die if I can't show them off before then.' Sheena sighed dramatically. Claire grimaced in sympathy. She was beginning to feel a dragging tiredness. She leaned against the wall.

‘Oh, I nearly forgot,' Sheena said, delving deep again, ‘I brought you a present.' She pulled out a fluffy little pink bear with a striped bow and presented it to Claire with a flourish.

‘Thanks!' Claire propped it in the window, feeling touched and pleased.

‘It was Ruthie's idea actually,' Sheena admitted. ‘She said let's bring home a cuddly bear for Claire-bear.'

Claire laughed. Trust Ruthie not to forget her. When Sheena went home she sat him into the beer mug Christopher had brought her back from his school trip to the Rhineland. She got undressed and climbed into bed. It was a relief to be lying down again. She closed her eyes and thought about Hugh and his new dog.