Lingering Echoes (16 page)

Dad ruffled my head. “Oh, Allie, don’t you worry. The boys are rounding up the tents and filling the packs. Besides, you’re doing a fabulous job preparing the tinfoil dinners.”

T
he front door swung open. Nick and Aaron merged through the entrance with boisterous laughter. Nick socked Aaron in the arm.

“Bags
are packed and ready to go,” Nick said, dodging Aaron’s retaliating punch. He threw a bear hug around Aaron’s arms, pinning them at his side. Maneuvering them into the living room, Aaron slammed Nick onto the couch, landing on top of him. Nick hollered in pain before rolling off the couch and crashing Aaron into the ground.

“Hey, hey, watch the coffee table!” Clara warned. “Can you girls finish up in here? I still need to finish getting ready.” She washed her hands and went to her bedroom, shaking her head once more at the brawl.

Brooke turned to me. “I don’t understand boys. Why are they always wrestling like that?”

I shrugged. “Don’t look at
me
. I didn’t grow up with brothers either.” I watched them with envy, wishing I could feel that lighthearted. I had still avoided Aaron thus far, not eager for more lectures. He seemed to be doing likewise, as he had not cornered me about Damien, or even spoken much to me about anything since then.

Today
Dad insisted we go hiking and camp out under the stars. In the past, I would have jumped all over the idea. My family and I shared some of my favorite memories out there, burning s’mores, telling ghost stories, and playing tricks on one another in the dark.

But this time
, I had other matters on my mind and had tried to get out of it. I worried that Damien might stop by. What if I wasn’t here? Would he think I didn’t care? Or maybe Damien didn’t care about me as much as I thought he did.

The tormenting cycle in my head continued to spin in ti
reless circles, accomplishing nothing. Either way, there was no evading our “family event,” as Dad put it. I wondered if Dad still hoped Nick and I would build any sort of friendship through all this.

I ducked as a carrot flew at my face. “Hey!”

Nick laughed from across the room, munching on a carrot stick. “What are you all zoned out about?”

I returned my attention to folding our evening meal in
sheets of aluminum, feeling Nick’s eyes boring into me.

Not today. I wouldn’t allow him to goad me into another argument.

“You can’t stop thinking about him, can you?”

I continued to ignore him, though I managed to smash a couple patties more than was necessary. I made a mental note to label that one for him.

“Lay off, Nick,” I heard Aaron murmur. “Come on, we need to find a flashlight and the first-aid kit.” I met Aaron’s eyes. He seemed to understand what had been occupying my previous thoughts. He pressed his lips together into a hard, thin line and turned away, pulling Nick with him towards the bedrooms.

“Just forget about Nick,” Brooke whispered, misinterpreting the cause of my gl
oom. “I don’t know what his problem is, but he’s not worth your time or energy.”

“Yeah.
I know.” She helped me throw the dinners into a backpack, followed by snacks and drinks.

“Ok, gang, I think we’re all set,”
Dad called from the doorway. “Let’s get moving!”

I muffled a sigh, throwing the pack onto my back, and followed everyone out the door.

“Nobody told me...we were climbing...Everest.” Brooke collapsed on a fallen log, her pale face flushed and splotchy. “Go on without me. I just need...to catch my breath.”

Aaron handed Nick his pack, pausing to pull out a water bottle. “Here, it’s your turn to carry this. I’ll
help Brooke.” He hopped down the steep trail, careful not to bowl us over.

Nick acce
pted the pack, mocking Brooke’s defeated form. “Yeah, sure. Good luck with that. See you at the top, man.”

I continued to walk behind Nick,
Dad and Clara but, after a minute, I stopped to watch Aaron attend to Brooke, noting the gentle way he helped her to her feet. She smiled with gratitude, looking very small and fragile next to his towering height. He spoke softly to her and I watched her laugh as she sipped the water, and then nodded her head. He turned his back to her, leaning over while she hopped onto his back. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she swung her legs around his waist. I looked away before they caught me watching them, and trudged up the hill on my own.

At last, the trail leveled out, exposing a flat area of land.
I dropped my pack by the fire pit, looking down from the mountain we stood on. The breathtaking view never ceased to amaze me. It overlooked the entire lake and the rows of cabins throughout the lodge, bordered by tall pine trees wafting their distinctive scent through the wind. I could just make out where the river should be, far off in the distance.

Clara and Brooke murmured
in awe of the view. Dad put his arm around Clara.

“
All right, James, you were right,” she said to him, nuzzling into his side. “It was worth it.”

Brooke hopped off Aaron’s back. She nodded, her cheeks still
pink, but her mouth open in wonderment. “I had thought about turning around, but now I’m glad I stuck it out.”

Nick laughed from where he was squatting by the
fire pit, poking a stick at the old coals. “Stuck it out, huh? Yeah, if I could have been carried up the hardest part of the climb, I wouldn’t complain either—especially by
this
guy.” He reached out and squeezed Aaron’s bicep, who reacted by pushing Nick over into the dirt.

Dad
pulled away from Clara. “Nick, how ‘bout you and I get a nice, big fire going. The lighter fluid is in here somewhere. We’re going to need some dry wood,” he instructed all of us. “We should be able to eat by sundown if we hurry.”

“I’ll help unpack the food,” Brooke offered, walking beside Clara. I watched everyone move in
different directions, each set with a task to complete. I had something else in mind.

The falling sun reminded me
of one more view I wanted to see. Just a hundred feet behind our campsite was another hill. I hurried to the base of it, eyeing the sharp incline. I had forgotten how steep it became near the top.

Even so, desire won over laziness. I dug into the
crumbling dirt with my sneakers, leaning forward to stabilize my balance. The last five feet were almost all vertical. I grabbed hold of protruding roots and thick brush to help pull me upwards. By the time I reached the top, I was puffing against the elevation.

Despite my weariness, I smiled in satisfaction. The hill opened westward, offering a clear view of the glowing sun
set. The sky melted into a pink blur, the ball of orange radiating just above the distant mountains.

A shuffling sound of falling dirt and pebbles made me spin around. I took a step backwards, eyeing the far side of the mound I had ascended. A soft grumbling accompanied the tumbling soil.
I gasped when Aaron’s head popped up. He crawled up over the edge and grinned at my surprise.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, unable to refrain from glowering at him. This was
my
space, my time.

“What?” he breathed, s
crambling to his feet and dusting off his clothes. He leaned on his thighs, his chest heaving. “You think you’re the only one that can enjoy the sunset?”

“Well, I—
no...” I folded my arms across my chest. “How did you know I was up here?”

Aaron shrugged, commenting offha
ndedly, “Ok, so I followed you. You’ve been to this campsite before. I knew you must know something good around here to disappear like that.”

“I was getting firewood.”

He eyed my dirty, empty hands. “Really? All the way up here?”

I turned my back on him.
Never being very good at lying, I settled for the truth. “I just needed some time alone.”

I could feel Aaron’s indecision
dangling in the air. I listened, waiting to hear his retracting footsteps.

Silence.

“Do you want me to go?” his voice asked from behind me.

I stood there with wavering uncertainty,
biting my lower lip. The calm wind was shifting to a cool breeze. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. “Do whatever you want. You always do anyway. And apparently, you’re the only one that can do that,” I added with a sullen tone. I dropped onto the ground, curling my knees to my chest. Hugging them, I returned my attention to the dimming sky, appreciating the lit backdrop in the distance.

It was another minute before Aaron sat down beside me, resting his forearms on his knees. We didn’t look at each other, but I could feel warm heat emanating from his body, his arms almost touching mine. Neither of us said anything as we watched the sun falling from the sky, preparing to sleep behind the mountain.

My peripheral caught Aaron watching me, his face angled in my direction. Uncomfortable, I swallowed, my eyes wandering anywhere but his.

“So what’s the deal?” he suddenly asked.

I jumped at the unexpected sound of his voice, noticing his slight irritation. I feigned incomprehension. “What do you mean?” I couldn’t maintain his gaze, so I watched my fingers intertwine with each other instead.

Aaron disapproved of my contrived
efforts to be clueless. “You know what I mean. What’s going on with you?” He watched my face for a reaction, reading my thoughts. “I know you’re mad at me, and I can only assume it’s for trying to protect you.”

He
put his hands up as I gave him a stern look, and he added, “Because apparently you don’t need me to do that. I get that. I just wonder...Allie, explain something to me. Why are you so drawn to someone like him?”

I juggled with my thoughts, struggling to put my feelings into words. My eyebrows pull
ed together in concentration. “‘Someone like him?’ Aaron, all you see from Damien are pieces of paper condemning him for mistakes from his past. There’s a whole other side to him, a portion that I can’t explain. I feel connected to him somehow. And that’s rare for me.” My fingertips found each other again, playing with the cuticle of my nails, my thoughts uncertain as how to continue.

Aaron waited
with patience, prodding me on with his quiet attentiveness. My jumbled mind struggled to articulate my thoughts.

“
I was thirteen when my parents split. My dad wasn’t around and my mom was preoccupied with pulling double duty as a working mom. Over the next few years, all my friends were dating each other, and I was baffled as to how or why. I didn’t know a thing about how to maintain a relationship. I still don’t. How could I, when the most important examples in my life offered me nothing but promises of a broken heart and instability?”

I shook my head, reliving the confusion in my mind. I had never divulged my reasoning out loud before. I spoke quietly, continuing to unravel.

“I guess I’ve just developed the mentality that, if two married people with a family can’t make it work, there was no point in trying to make anything out of high school relationships. What’s the purpose in putting your heart into something that’s going to end anyway?”

The bottled emotions felt
like a shaken soda can inside me. I fought for control—afraid that any minute now, they were going to erupt all at once. Aaron took my hand, which I hadn’t realized was trembling. He held it with both his hands, calming my nerves. His warmth seeped into my chilled skin. Our eyes connected for a long moment as he absorbed my emotions.

“Sounds
awfully pessimistic,” he commented.

I withdrew
my hand from his. I could feel Aaron’s eyes on my face again, trying so desperately to read my thoughts. I could feel him breathing deeply beside me.

“It’s realistic, t
hat’s what it is,” I corrected, reeling in my emotions.

“So are you saying y
ou’ve never been in a successful relationship before?”

“Depends on your definition of successful, I suppose. Sure, I’ve had a couple
“boyfriends,” if you want to call it that—each of whom declared their love for me after a month or something ridiculous like that. Naturally, I broke up with them because anyone who thinks you can fall in love that fast is absurd.”

Aaron raised his eyebrows at me and laughed softly. “Is that really what you think?”

“Well, yeah. Why wouldn’t I? Love is so overused these days. It doesn’t even mean anything anymore.” I gave a critical shake of my head.

“I know what’s going on,” Aaron commented.

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“You sabotage yourself.”

I looked back at Aaron in surprise and tilted my head back. With a slight edge to my voice, I asked, “What did you say?”

“You sabotage yourself,” he repeated. “No wonder you’ve never been in a serious relationship. You destroy it before it even stands a chance.”

My angry hazel eyes glinted at him, but I was unable to find the words to defend myself. He continued without waver.

“You’re afraid. You don’t let anyone get close to you because you’re afraid of getting hurt.” He stared back at me, confident with his conclusion.

I opened my mouth to argue but, as much as I wanted to fight his argument, I felt the truthfulness of his words.
As long as no one loved me, no one would reject me
. I would not suffer the broken heart and loss that I witnessed with my mother—the muffled sobs seeping from her bedroom at night, audible through the walls and locked door. The pain and sorrow etching lines in her face and bags under her eyes, and the strained, cheery disposition she put on for her daughters, though we could see right through her.

Just like
Aaron could see right through me.

“Must get lonely once in a while.”

His words weighed down my heart. And then I remembered the question that began this conversation, discovering the answer. “You understand, then, why I hold onto Damien.”

Aaron’s expression transformed from surprise to frustration, realizing his words had
backfired. I continued before he could interrupt me.

“You asked me earlier what I see in him. At
first, it was his mystery that was so intriguing. I was frustrated not knowing anything about him, but also excited to figure him out. Still, I’ve always wanted to trust him, to depend on him. And despite all my questions about who he is...there’s a bond there. I don’t know how or why, but I’ve never experienced that with anyone before. I know it sounds ridiculous, and it’s hard to explain, but—do you know what I mean?”

Aaron watched
me, running his blue eyes slowly along my face. I held my breath, waiting for his reaction, feeling an air of uncertainty between us. He turned away, hiding his face from my vision. “Yeah. I know what you mean.”

I had no more words to say. I was afraid to venture any further into this discussion or touch on the emotions it aroused. And so, we sat in silence.

Darkness folded around us, all except for the west sky before us. The sky was a watercolor wash of pinks and deep hues of orange, bleeding together. The sun blazed gingery red, its light painting the mountains into a darkened silhouette. The moon glowed awake with each passing minute, iridescent as it replaced the sun.

Standing up, Aaron
offered me a hand. “Well, we better get back. Dinner is probably ready, no thanks to us.” I joined him on my feet, my hand clasped in his.

“We’ll make it up to them. How about we cook breakfast together?”

Aaron nodded. “Sure. We can do that.”