Late
Tuesday afternoon Ben and Ally decided to make a quick trip to Tacoma General and
visit with Ally’s cousin who’d just had a baby girl. They promised they’d be
back sometime the next morning so they wouldn’t miss classes. That same evening
Ash packed a few personal items and readied himself for his monthly trip to
Canada. The following day would bring with it a full moon, so the Ray-pacs were
expecting him.
Ash
and I still were still working out the particulars of our plan; his current
priority was to gain information about the Ray-pac’s agenda. Fortunately, he’d
learned quite a lot. Kieran had been pushing Ash hard for results, so a couple
days before Ash told them he thought he had a lead on me but it might take a
couple weeks to be sure. The big news was that the Ray-pacs had somehow gotten
intel on the Guardians New Year’s celebration out in the islands. Kieran had
informed Ash that the Ray-pacs’ best chance of getting in and out of town, with
me in tow, and with the Guardians the none the wiser, would have to be on the
31st or the 1st. Ash was relieved with the information they’d divulged but was
unable to figure out where their source of information on Guardian business was
coming from.
Instinctively,
I knew my time to try and link was fast approaching. I’d been feeling more
fatigued and nauseated. Headaches were lasting longer and proving more
difficult to get rid of. Based on my physical signs and the information Ash had
gained from the Ray-pacs, we knew we’d have to initiate our own plan on
December 31
st.
The only glitch – I was scheduled to be out at the
Retreat for the big Guardian gathering. Ash and I were still hashing out the
details, but we did know that somehow I’d need to have a damn good excuse to
leave the party early – on my own. I needed to get out of there without my
friends knowing why, and I needed to do it before they launched their massive
wide search for the Ray-pacs, which was set for January 2
nd
.
Ash
was still trying to convince me that we should forgo our plans and let the
Guardians handle it, because their chances of success was practically guaranteed.
They had the numbers and the strength. Even though, logically I knew he was
right, emotionally, I couldn’t take any chances that even
one
of my
friends might not live through it. Besides that, I wanted to disappear before
they all found out I was a Dentelle – I couldn’t take the pity, the grief, or
the look on my friends’ faces, especially Jason’s.
Ash’s
next mission was to find out more information about the final meeting place
with the Ray-pacs. I already knew it would be in the snow-covered mountains
because of my premonition, but I didn’t know where. Once Ash supposedly tracked
me down, they were expecting him to kidnap me and deliver me to Kieran. Ash and
I finally wrapped up our little pow-wow session around eleven o’clock in the
evening. Knowing he’d be gone by the crack of dawn, so I gave him a quick hug,
wished him a safe journey, and went to bed.
I
awoke the next morning to the blaring beeps of my alarm clock. I must have
accidentally turned up the volume when I’d set it for a 7:00 a.m. wake-up call.
Smacking the snooze button, I cursed when it wouldn’t turn off. Ultimately, I
yanked the cord out of the wall and threw it on the floor. My clock had been
malfunctioning for the last few days. Looks like it had finally met its demise.
Grabbing my blankets, I pulled them up and snuggled back down inside.
Gazing
at the Bronco team poster on my wall, I grabbed my extra pillow and hucked it
at the poster. After starting the season 6-0, they’d lost four straight games.
Those losses always put me in a nasty mood. Luckily, I had Ava Rose’s orca
paintings tacked all over the bedroom, and they always left me smiling. Her
artistic ability was vastly improving, but more importantly, so were her
counts. For me, she was a ray of sunshine streaking through the clouds on these
dismal, winter days.
Suddenly,
I remembered today was a full moon – all
links
were broken, at least for
a little while. Despite my bitter mood, I hugged myself and smiled. One bright
note – I’d be seeing Jason at the Nelson’s house later in the afternoon. Maybe
the clouds around my world were lifting. After taking a shower, I danced around
my room to the Black-Eyed Peas. No one was home, so I didn’t care about being
crazy. The speakers were blazing with the group’s high energy hip-hop/rap.
While
in the bathroom applying make-up, I sang along with a Pitbull song. Just as I
grabbed the hairdryer I thought I heard a noise in the kitchen. Walking slowly
down the hallway, I pulled my robe a little tighter and peered around the
corner. I gasped when I saw Ash staring back at me. He was wearing a pair of
Abercrombie jeans and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Had
I not been so worried about why he was still in Bellingham, I might have noted
his provocative smile a little sooner.
“What
are you still doing here? Are you okay?” I asked with concern, weaving my way
through the flowers until I was standing beside him at the kitchen table.
Reaching
out with both hands, he cupped my face. “Lexi, I’m fine. In fact, I’m better
than fine,” he said in a low voice. A slow smile spread across his face as he
ran one hand through my wet hair. My heart sped up. “I needed to see you…but
what I really needed was to touch you. I mean, since I can never hold you in my
arms that is. That’s the worst feeling in the world, you know? So, I decided to
wait around until my link with Melanie broke.” He shifted his feet and said
eagerly, “And it has.”
“Oh,”
was the only word I could muster as warning bells rang in my head.
“For
once, I can hold you – without feeling the burn. I’ll have to leave soon so the
Ray-pacs don’t get suspicious, but I needed this time with you. For once, since
this all started, I feel so free,” he said, pulling me into an embrace and
holding me tight. “I want to be with you Lexi. I’ve been thinking about it for
weeks.”
Stunned
with all his declarations, I muttered, “Oh my. Umm…Ash, I don’t know what to
say.” My heart was pounding now and my skin burning. It had been so long since
someone had held me, and Ash’s arms wrapped around me felt awfully good. Warm
and protective. I thought back to Jessica and her human touch theories. She was
right. Physical contact was comforting, but I felt more than comfort right now.
Emotionally bound to Ash for so long now, I felt alive. Really alive. My skin
was sizzling; his touch was awakening a physical need I’d been suppressing for
way too long.
I knew
it was decision time.
As if
reading my thoughts Ash said in a soft voice next to my ear, “Lexi, you must be
aware of how I feel about you. I’m hoping you feel the same way.” He nuzzled
his face into my neck. “You smell wonderful.”
OMG,
so did he. And all kinds of heat, that had absolutely nothing to do with
Essence, was sweeping through me at lightning speed. My body reacted on its
own, shocking me. I pressed myself against him and draped my arms around his
neck. Resting my head against his chest, I pressed my lips against his skin.
Then I remembered he was still technically a Ray-pac. If we got too close,
could we affect each other in a negative way – one that neither of us could
predict but might mess us up enough we wouldn’t be able to carry out our plan?
He
must have felt my body tense, because he pulled back and gazed into my eyes
with a look of concern and confusion. I could tell he was waiting for me to say
something, but I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say without hurting his
feelings. Logic was telling me to seize the moment, melt into him and let him
kiss me. Who cares what might happen. I needed to be loved by someone, and Ash
could do that. I could see the passion smoldering behind his eyes, and it was
definitely coursing through my veins.
But my
emotions were more complex than I’d realized, because all at once they were
screaming that it wouldn’t be right, that I was still wanted Jason. Jason who
was always out of reach but always close enough to tempt me – play havoc with
my sanity. Jason who always left me dangling and wouldn’t reel me in. Tears
welled up in my eyes and knots formed in my stomach. I was damned if I did and
damned if I didn’t.
Pain
flickered across Ash’s face. Letting go of me, he took a step back. “Oh,” he
snapped. “You don’t want anything to do with me, because I’m a Ray-pac. I’m no
better than the rest of them.” He clenched his fists. “I hadn’t even thought
about the fact that I might disgust you. How repulsive I might really be to…to
you,” he stammered in anguish and drew his arms over his head, and his sleeves
pulled back revealing his leather wrist bands. Closing his eyes tightly, he
bent over like he’d been punched in the stomach.
My
heart wrenched; he looked so devastated. Unable to stand the sight of him all
torn up, I grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and pulled him up. Harshly, I
said, “No Ash! You’re wrong. That’s not it.” His eyes widened and he studied my
face like he was trying to determine if I was lying to him. “You could never
repulse me. I touch you every day when I share my Essence. Believe me when I
say I’m not disgusted by your touch. Nervous maybe, but not disgusted. You are
very important to me…I just, I was worried…”
Hope
flashed in his eyes, “What is it then? What’s holding you back?” I tapped my
fingers nervously against his shoulder blades. “Is there someone else?” he
asked, taking me by surprise.
“Um…I,”
I breathed sharply.
His
face fell, and I could tell he was on the verge of losing his composure. “If
ever you’re gonna be honest with me, this is the time.”
I
clasped my hands together and tapped them against my lips. “Okay, maybe…yes,” I
finally admitted shamefully. “But that’s only a part of it. I don’t understand
all my crazy feelings anyways. What really freaked me out is that I just…I
wondered if there’s a chance that something could go wrong if we…well, if we
were together. You know with me being an Amethyst and you being…sort of a Ray-pac–”
My voice trailed off, because I was frustrated and knew I wasn’t making a lot
of sense. My hands dropped to my sides, and I played nervously with the straps
on my robe. I looked at him – my expression that of a desperate plea, willing
him to understand.
“Damn,
this is a lot to take in.” He put his hands on my arms again. “You might be
right about Amethysts and Ray-pacs. We don’t know anything about that stuff,
but Lexi, I don’t care. What I do know is that we don’t have a lot of time
left, and…I want you.” His voice was needy and his green eyes, free of all gold
flakes, implored me.
I
opened my mouth but nothing came out. My emotions were spinning out of control,
and I didn’t know if I wanted him to slide off my robe and devour me here and
now, or if I wanted him to turn and walk away before I was in too deep to stop
myself.
He ran
a hand down my cheek. “About this other guy – I’ve never heard you talk about
someone else, and I know you haven’t been spending time with anyone, because
you’re always with me. He can’t be a big part of your life. So…”Bewildered, he
studied my face, and then his jaw dropped. “Do you have feelings for one of
your Guardian friends?” He stepped back and slapped a hand against his thigh.
His silver rings flashed in the light. “Is that why you’ve been so adamant
about this crazy plan of yours? Why you won’t consider letting the Guardians do
it?” Realization lifted his eyebrows. “There’s someone in particular you’re
trying to protect, isn’t there?”
The music
from my bedroom ended, and all I could hear was Ash’s deep breathing next to me
along with sporadic drip drops coming from the leaky faucet in the kitchen.
Finally, I said, “Yes.”
“Does
he feel the same way about you?” He regarded me with a steady gaze.
“I
don’t think so,” I muttered, biting my lip.
“Well,
he’s a fool then Lexi.” He pulled me into his arms again and slipped his
fingers through my wet hair. “You need to live for today, because at the rate
we’re going, there won’t be many tomorrows. If you want to carry out this
craziness against the Ray-pacs, I’m with you. But don’t you see,” he said
taking my face in his hands and leaning closer, “we need each other Lexi. As
friends we’re good together, but imagine how much better it could be if we were
really together. We are so right for each other. And we don’t have much time
left…”He blinked rapidly and parted his lips.
I knew
that he was going to kiss me. And I made my decision; I was going to let him.
My mouth opened slightly, and I trembled.
“Oh
Lexi, don’t be scared of us,” he whispered and leaned in until his nose touched
mine. I could feel the steamy warmth of his breath on my face – minty and cool.
His eyes shimmered with honesty and hunger, and my heart swelled. Gently,
almost tentatively he brushed his lips against mine. Surrendering to my own
desires and a yearning to be accepted, I closed my eyes and clung to him. His
arms were strong and sturdy, and he was warm. Pressing his soft lips against
mine, he parted my lips and invaded my mouth with his tongue. Tenderly, he
explored my mouth until our tongues connected, and then the kiss became hot and
sensual. It was hurried and filled with a need neither one of us could deny.
His hand passed down my cheek, along my neck, and slipped under my robe and
onto my shoulder. Heat swirled inside my body, and I slid my own hand under his
shirt, caressing his chest and exploring his lean, muscular build. He groaned
and intensified our kiss – his passion was almost more than I could handle…
Without
warning the front door jiggled and burst open. My face broke away from Ash, but
we stayed in each other’s arms as we turned to gaze at all the commotion. Ally
came rocketing into the living room with her overnight bag in hand. When our
eyes met, I instantly knew something wasn’t right. Her mouth formed into a
large “O,” and her head turned abruptly towards the front door. My eyes
followed her gaze just in time to see Ben walk in the house, but I gasped when
I spotted Jason sauntering in behind him. My body froze, and I forgot to
breathe.