Linna : Historical Romance (The Brocade Collection, Book 5) (21 page)

“Very well,” she said quietly, “I’ll play your question game.”

He took a deep breath and spoke with the exhalation. “I’m ready. Ask.”

“Why are you so big?”

“Big?”

“You’re healthy
. You’re well-fed. And...um. Well-toned.”

“Glad you noticed,” he replied and watched her lips tighten.

“Pirate ships don’t breed large, healthy specimens such as yourself, do they?”   

“Not normally.”

“They’re more on the line of Mister Fletcher and Simons. Right?”

“Scrawny, you mean?”

She nodded. “So, why are you?”

“Pirates have entertainment, lady
. I was some of it.”

“Entertainment?”

“That’s two questions, maybe more.”

He didn’t think a gently-bred woman would even know the swear words that came from between her lips at that, and he listened with eyebrows raised and his grin back in place.

“Are you finished?” he asked gently when she stopped for breath.

“Is that your question?” she answered.

“Unfair,” he answered.

“Of course it’s unfair
. It’s your game.”

“I’m never unfair, lady
. I pride myself on it. I fought and I always won, but it was fair.”

“You always won?”

“Always,” he answered.

“No one always wins.”

He shrugged. “Ask Simons then. Maybe he’s more trustworthy in your opinion.”

“You really fought?”

“Every chance I got. Got the best food that way. And the best women.”

“Women?”  Her voice sounded faint
. He had to lean closer to hear it.

“Women,” he answered with as much humor as he dared.

“Do you honestly expect me to believe there were women on a pirate ship?”

“Every ship puts in at ports, darling
. Every port has women. Every port has a champion that’s just waiting for a fight. I gave them one.”

“You looked for fights
? Why?”

“In the life I got sent to, the only way to survive is to be the strongest
. The best way to prove that is to fight. And then to win. The victor gets the best. Don’t they teach any of this stuff where you come from? Or just to the men?”

Her lips thinned further
. He watched them do it, and they still looked moist and honeyed, as if calling for his kisses. He had to look away.
Why the hell did I just think that
?

“So tell me
. What were they like?”

“Who?”

“The women!”

“Like every woman, I guess
. The right parts, in the right places. Some in better shape than others. Some younger. Some older. I don’t know. They were women. They blend together.”

“Did you have a lot of them?”

“Jealous?”

Her eyes widened
, and she looked at him unblinkingly. “I’m trying to understand you. I don’t know much about the...uh, the...well, uh...that part of life, but I think you’re experienced at it. Very. That hushed my suspicions. No pirate could be so expert at...it.”

“It?” he questioned, the smile hovering at his lips again as he watched her blush
. It clashed a bit with the purple surrounding her eye, but that didn’t detract from her. Quite the opposite. He wanted to bend over and kiss the tight look away.
Fool!

“You know...
it
,” she answered, putting such inflection on the word he nearly laughed aloud.

“Oh...that
. Of course I’m fairly expert. I had as many women as I wanted because they liked me. And I had first choice. It wasn’t up for discussion.”

“Why?”

“The liking, the discussion, or why I had first choice?”

She sighed
. “Any. All.”

“They liked me, because I’m...
pretty
.”

She looked at him then, catching him off guard
, and he had to look aside. He couldn’t hold her gaze as he mentally flexed. He’d put the anger and hatred he’d felt into the one word.
Anger and hatred
?
I don’t even know what those feel like
.

“Yes,” she said, more to herself than to him
. “You are that. You’re very pretty. Very. Why the other?”

He cleared his throat
. “I get first choice because I have a reputation, remember?”

“As...what
, pray tell.”

“I fight
. I never lose. Remember?”

“Fight
? How? With what?”

“Hand-to-hand
. Feet. Knives. Whatever else was handy.”

“Knives?” she asked the word in a horrified tone.

“You aren’t going to swoon again, are you?”  He leaned forward, and watched as the center of her eyes shrank back to normal. “You all right now?”

“Don’t come near me!” she replied.

“Fair enough. That was our original bargain anyway. Are you finished interrogating then?”

“I wasn’t interrogating
. I don’t even know how.”

“
Oh. Lady. Please. You’re an expert at it. You just flutter those eyelashes and pin a man with those golden-brown orbs of yours, and he’ll tell you anything just to keep you looking.”

He watched her blush again.

“Don’t you ever say anything like that to me again. Do you understand?”

“Whoa
. Cold, aren’t we?”

“Cold
? I haven’t shown you cold.”  She didn’t sound soft or wounded anymore. She was on her feet, as well.

He frowned
. “I just poured out my life history. And here you are treating me like last night’s overblown whore? Oh, what am I saying? That’s what I was, wasn’t I?”

“Get out!” 

“This is my room.”

“Out!”

“I’m barely out of my sickbed.”

“I said get out!”  Her voice was rising, and for some reason Cord didn’t want that.

“All right. Give me time to don pants, or do you want the entire ship to wonder what I’d need to be naked for? What am I saying? One look at you and they’ll know and envy me.”  He was on his feet now, too.

“Not another word
. Not one. Do you hear me, Cordean Larket?”

“I hear you fine.”

“Then grab your pants, shove on a shirt, and put that scarf-thing on your head. Do it quickly and then get out of my sight! You sicken me! I never want to see you again! Never! Get out!”

She was at screech-level now
. Cord scrunched a shoulder as if that made it a bearable sound. She wasn’t waiting however. She was screaming and throwing his clothing at him. He had his breeches and a shirt on before stomping to the door. He didn’t actually have anything fastened, nor did he have anything on his feet, but he worked the door strap loose with the boots under his arms.

“Get out!”

“I’m going,” he replied.

“And stay out
! Can’t you hear me?” 

She was screaming and huffing for breath and still looked absolutely incredible
. Cord cocked his head toward her and bowed mockingly. “I think the entire ship can hear you, love,” he answered,  then dodged the entire pot of porridge she threw at him.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Linna watched the dawn breaking without a whit of emotion
. She didn’t have any left. She’d spent every last tear, every last moan, and every last bit of anger in the past hours, and she was absolutely drained because of it. Worse, sleep was still eluding her.

She suspected it had something to do with Simons
’ care of her. He’d come into the room after Cord had left yesterday, cheerfully going on and on about how wondrous the day had turned out to be. She nearly tossed the rest of the food at him.

She knew what his good humor was about
, and he knew she did. It was behind every one of the surprising bits of song he broke out into and the way he whistled as he picked up the room, taking Cord’s sweat-soaked linens from the floor and the remnants of their breakfast away with him. She told herself she didn’t care. She stayed in the corner directly beside the wash stand and did her best to ignore him. It only worked because he’d been quick and efficient.

She knew that much, to her own dismay.

He’d brought her a bucket of warmed rain-water sometime yesterday, too. She hadn’t requested it. She wondered who had. She hadn’t been able to stop her weeping at the time, and that had simply made him happier.

Linna didn’t care
. She only hoped if she kept telling herself that, it would come true. She told herself that the little Frenchman was welcome to his disgusting obsession. He was welcome to whatever attention
Monsieur
Larket gave, and all of it.

All.

She only wished her heart was listening. Cord said it took years to learn how to stifle emotion. Well she didn’t have years. She had to learn in the hours before he came back, and her endless tears weren’t helping.

Nor was the fact that Simons kept witnessing them.

He hadn’t said anything. He didn’t have to. Linna hadn’t heard the door opening, and hadn’t even known he was there until she heard him whistling the same tune-filled bars he’d made her listen to already. When she wiped at her face to look up, he was gone, but he’d left a pail, two thick towels, and a bar of soap.

Linna had taken as much time as she could on her ministrations, after securing the door, but it hadn’t taken long enough, nor was it keeping her from her incessant thoughts
. Nothing was. By mid-afternoon she’d tired of berating herself for a fool, tired of her inability to function normally, and tired of using every bit of energy to stop her self-pitying tears. She didn’t know she had the capacity to weep like she did. It was a far to be heartless and cold.

Linna lifted her head from the cot, squinting her eyes against the perfect sunlit morning
. She didn’t want it to be perfect. She wanted it to be dismal and gray and gloomy since that was how loving that man made her feel. Exactly. Gloomy and depressed and dejected. The day should reflect it. Of course, God wasn’t listening. Cord had warned her.

“You ill?”

As if she’d conjured him, he was there, standing at the foot of her bed and looking at her with gray-green eyes that were absolutely devoid of anything. Linna touched her glance on them, then looked away.

“Go away,” she mumbled to the wall.

“You haven’t the right to order that. I only allowed it yesterday because you were in shock. I know shock. Suffered it. I understand it.”

The planks blurred with more tears and Linna watched it helplessly
. She should have known this would happen, too.

“Please?” she whispered.

“I won’t have you losing my baby just because you hate me and will it so.”

“I
—.” 

How can he think such a thing of me
? She wondered it, but knew the answer. Because he thought she hated him. Of course he would think that included his child, too.

“Simons tells me you aren’t eating.”

“He lies,” she answered, still in the same whisper.

“You are eating then?”

“Yes,” she replied.

“And you’re not ill?”

“No.”

“That’s a relief
. We’ll arrive tonight. We’ll won’t dock until dawn. The island has wicked shoals. Takes a bit of work to safely get a ship through them without grounding it. I wouldn’t like to have a sickly female on my hands.”

Linna
sniffed noisily, despite her every effort not to.

“You crying?”

“I never cry,” she replied, holding one of her towels to her face and letting the cool dampness filter onto her flushed skin. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to use it like that, and it still felt soothing.

“Yeah
. Right. Try again.”

He was using the same mocking words, but his voice was gentle
. That, more than anything, stiffened her spine and helped dry her eyes. Linna wiped at her cheeks and turned back around.

“See?” she said, forcing him to look at her eyes instead of where he was looking
. She wasn’t wearing much, although she hadn’t started out that way. She’d donned her heaviest cambric nightgown last night in the event he came back and tried to sleep at her side. She hadn’t slept though, and it had been too hot and her clean silken chemise had seemed like enough. It chaffed her that the bed thing was chest-level to him, allowing him a very good look up the entire length of her, but that couldn’t be helped. She was already in a defenseless posture. Adjusting her position wouldn’t help.

“You sleep well?” he asked in a level tone.

“Did you?” she countered.

“Deck
s aren’t the easiest place to bed down…but they work.”

She didn’t answer
that. If he bed down on the deck, it wasn’t anything to her. She didn’t care if he slept or with whom.
God, please make that true
! She begged it in her thoughts.

“What do you want?” she asked as he started unbuttoning his shirt, as if it were perfectly normal, and she hadn’t screamed at him to get out and never come back.

“If I tell you, will you give it to me?”

Linna gasped
. He had the shirt undone, peeled off, and tossed to the floor before she could think of an answer. He had to know how effective his body was at making it feel like her limbs were so much water and her tongue useful only for sucking on....

She groaned and caught his look
.

“Your eye has gone down
. That’s a good thing. For me. Simons has already put it out that we fight, and we fight hard.”

“He...what?”

“Put out his version of the truth. Who am I to argue it? The evidence is hard to contradict.”

“What...is that supposed...to mean?” 
For God’s sake put
some clothing on
! She pleaded silently.

“Evidence
. You. Your eye.”

“My eye?” she asked
. Simons hadn’t so much as glanced at her, and when he had, she’d been pasting herself to the wall.

“You’re sporting a black eye
, and I’m marked all the way from my ear to my shoulder blade.” 

He tipped his head and treated her to sight of where she’d mauled him with her lips
. Linna felt herself reddening. 

“Don’t say another word
. Not one,” she replied.

He shrugged, moving as many muscles on his chest as he could
, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Then he dropped his attention to his trouser buttons.

“What are...you doing?”

“Not what it looks like. Trust me. I’m not fond of rejection. I’m not willing to risk a repeat. Not just yet, anyway,” he finished.

“Then what are you doing?”

“Anything I want. This is my room, remember?”

Linna set her lips to keep anything from coming out
. He was peeling his pants down, lifting each leg to shove them off, and her heart was thumping right into her throat at the sight.
If only he were ugly, or had some deformation, or long scars, or...or anything
!

“You ready for breakfast?” he asked, although he didn’t look up as he said it.

“We don’t do well at breakfast,” she replied.

He looked up and smiled, bringing the little crease in his forehead into existence
. It was caressed by the errant lock of hair that always seemed to accompany it, too. Linna felt like rewarding herself for actually keeping her mouth from gaping open.

“I’ll have Simons deliver yours
. I already ate.”

“Then why did you come in here and bother me?”

The crease deepened as he raised his brows. “Bother? You? That would be the day.”

“My thoughts exactly,” she replied.

He sighed. His chest rose and fell with it. “You happen to be in possession of my lone wardrobe, lady. No one else wears my size. I worked in these clothes. I sweated in them. I got sprayed with saltwater in them. I slept in them. I need a change.”

“You need some manners,” she replied stiffly.

“That, too,” he agreed, and reached to pull his closet open.

Linna watched as he looked over the shirts before selecting one
. It shouldn’t have taken the amount of time that it did. He only had two left hanging.

“So...did you
? Sleep well, that is?” he asked the shirts. She watched as he selected one and donned it with a rough gesture.

“No,” she replied
. “I didn’t sleep well. I didn’t sleep at all.”

He had his shirt wide open and hanging from his shoulders and not another stitch on
. He stopped the motion of dressing at her words and stared at her. Linna met his look without one bit of her unsteady pulse showing and wondered where her sanity had just gone to. You didn’t admit weakness to one such as him!    

“Does that mean something?”

“What?” she asked.

“That little bit of sharing
. You saying something?”

“No,” she answered.

“Should I infer something then?”

“Yes,” she answered and could have bitten her own tongue off for admitting it.

“What?”

She gave him her most blank look
.
That I don’t want to feel like this! That I don’t want to ache with longing to touch everywhere on your body and I don’t want to desire your touch on me. I don’t want to care who you are or what you did! I don’t want to feel this...agony, this torment, this desire. It’s wicked, and debasing, and against everything I hold most sacred. And I don’t want to love you! Especially that!

“Well?” he asked, licking his lips.

“Larket! Crow’s nest duties!”

“Damn
! And blast! And damn again!” 

Cord knew the spell was broken as well as she did
. His curses filled the air with it as he fumbled with pants and buttons and boot lacings. Linna didn’t watch. She’d fallen back onto the bed the moment the knock came, held to both sides of her aching head, and thanked the interruption for preventing any of her thoughts from leaving her lips.

“This isn’t settled,” Cord muttered, as he finished tying the scarf-thing
. It made long strands of hair curl out at his neck and wasn’t doing a thing to divert attention from him. Quite the opposite. In fact it narrowed his face and gave him a rakish appearance. “It’s far from settled. Keep that in mind when you pace about in my cabin. I’ll return, and we’ll settle it.”

“Just leave me alone, Cord
. Please?”

“Leave you alone
? Ask me for something you want.”

“I do want it.”

“Kiss me and tell me that. Make me believe it.”

“K-kiss...you?” she stammered.

“Afraid?”

He was leaning over her lower limbs and pursing his lips so sweetly, Linna had to close her eyes on the sight
. When she opened them, he hadn’t moved. Not a hair. He must be mistaken about how he felt when she rejected him, too. Why else would he lay himself bare to it again? Leaning toward her, with his eyes closed and actually expecting her to mold her lips to his?

She moved onto her hands and knees and felt the bed creak
. She knew he heard it as well, for a smile hovered on those lips as he waited. She would dearly enjoy sitting back, waiting for him to open his eyes, so she could laugh right in his face. That would serve him right. It would slap him with everything he might be thinking.

Linna wasn’t going to actually kiss him
.

She didn’t dare
.

She was going to tease and torment him
– and then reject him. That’s what she intended to do. She bent forward, coming as close as she dared without actually touching the skin of his lips, and wondered why she tortured herself with the lack. She reached out with her tongue and slid it along his upper lip, tasting salt, feeling the rough rub of skin where whiskers should be, and making her arms shudder in almost the same motion his body started exhibiting.